Can't Work With Special Needs Kids

[Unregistered]

I am a member, but logged out for privacy because of the nature of this topic.

I feel bad about this, and I have tried numerous times to work with them, but I just don't have the patience for special needs kids or children who are slow minded. I keep trying to make myself work with them. But I just don't have the patience for them. I feel like I am wasting my time trying to teach them. It takes months for them to learn something that a typical child can learn in a week. I have to repeat myself 10 times with a simple command, such as, 'sit in the chair.' and they still don't comprehend me or willingly do what I tell them to. Meanwhile, the 'typical' children have sat down minutes ago and are getting impatient waiting for the special needs kid. I just feel bad that I don't have the patience for them.

Then I tell myself that I shouldn't feel bad and that I shouldn't keep trying to force myself to work with them. There are different types of teachers such as special needs teachers, preschool teachers, elementary school teachers, middle school teachers, high school teachers, and college professors. I don't think college professors would have the patience to work with kindergartners, so why don't I think it's okay for me not to work with special needs kids? In the childcare world, there are teachers who only work with infants and could not handle working with the school agers. There are 4 year old teachers who could not handle working with the infants.

So, why do I, a home daycare provider think I am supposed to be able to work with all ages including special needs kids? And why do I feel like a horrible person because I can't handle working with special needs kids?

I love working with ages 3-5 who are more along the gifted and talented level. I get a kick out of teaching them and seeing them get excited when they learn a new concept. I put a lot of time and energy into my daycare and my kids to provide a really good preschool educational program. I feel proud of myself, my company, and my daycare children when I am working with a more able-minded group. But if you put one special needs child in the group, I lose all sense of purpose because that one child slows the entire program down and I wind up frustrated all day, every day. Then I feel like a horrible person.

I guess I'm trying to get your opinion about the paragraph I wrote regarding the different types of teachers and if you agree that it's okay to not be able to work with every age and type of child or if you think that something's wrong with me for not having patience with slower-minded children. Does that make me heart-less, a horrible person, etc. Or is it just that I, like a college professor who knows they couldn't work with kindergartners, have simply learned what type of children I can work with?

[Mom o Col]

I think you hit the nail on the head: each of us, not just child care providers, are made to help in our own way and according to our abilities. It's ok that you'd rather teach and care for a certain kind of child. It's a positive thing in my opinion that you realize that about yourself. Similarly, I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't want to care for infants or school age kids any longer. When I do I find I'm less patient with the group as a whole because I'm not enjoying my work. In this case I'm not doing anyone including myself as much good as I know I could and should be. What I'm saying is infants, school agers, gifted, special needs, rich, poor, every kid deserves a provider who at the very least sees his or her potential and wants to bring it out in them. I feel I can best do that in young children. You feel you can best do that in gifted children. The kids with special needs are as full of potential as any other child. If that is not your niche that's ok. Thank God there are people who love to see those kids eyes light up when they learn. If that is not you then by doing what is right for you by not caring for them opens more potential for them to find that teacher or provider who will help them shine as much as they should.

[Heidi]

Hey, you are who you are. That's ok!:hug: Knowing your strengths and "shortcomings" and accepting that is ok!

It would be worse, IMO, to take on kiddos you just don't have the capacity for and then maybe lose patience or treat them badly. Not that you would, but sometimes people just can't say "not a good fit" and then have problems.

[NightOwl]

You recognize the limits on your patience and what pushes your buttons.

Imho, full inclusion is not always the best thing. As the mom of two gifted children, I saw the effects of full inclusion on them and these effects were mostly negative. But God forbid I speak up, then I'm a horrible person who doesn't like disabled children. That's the farthest from the truth since I never, EVER rule out a new enrollment based on ability. I take them on an individual basis after deciding if i can meet their needs and if they will fit well into my program.

So no, you are not a horrible person. You know which age group you like best and mesh with best. I don't feel the same way about disabled or slow to learn children, but I respect the way you feel and how you choose the children you enroll.

[Sunchimes]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way. My child of choice would be a 2-4 yo smart girl. I have always been a teacher, started at the high school level, and keeps dropping. ;-) I loved teaching the little one who just headed off to pre-k. It was a joy seeing her learn and made my job worthwhile.

Then, her baby brother turned out to have some issues, and this was my introduction to special needs. I didn't choose to do it, I just couldn't term him-I loved him. I'd had him since he was 6 weeks old. If I'd been asked if I wanted to do it, I probably would have said, 'Not really". But, I wasn't asked and so I jumped into the ring and started learning about special needs. And, at 60 years old, I found what I was meant to do. Now, I am a special needs daycare-all of my kids are in the ECI program.

Sometimes, for any of the reasons you mentioned, I wish for a room of smart, typical kids. Sometimes, I look longingly at themes and coloring pages and folder games on sequencing. But then, my ASD child will, out of the blue, sit down in the floor and play with a toy appropriately, for the first time ever!!! Or the child with motor issues jumps and both feet clear the floor!! I may not see them "get excited when they learn a new concept", because they don't know how stupendous it was, but I know. And their parents know.

Honestly, I've shed a lot of tears in the 1 1/2 years I've been working with special needs kids, but most of them have been happy tears when I see positive results for something I taught them.

There may come a day when I won't be a special needs provider. When I have an opening, I take the child who needs me. I thought my last space would be taken by a typical child because I couldn't find a special needs to take the spot. But suddenly, out of the blue, here she came. When the oldest goes off to PPCD in a few months, I'll hope for a special child. They may or may not have needs, but I know they will be special either way.

There is room in the teaching profession for all of us. I think you covered it quite well. I can't think of anything I would add to your post.

[Controlled Chaos]

Don't be too hard on yourself. As others have said, knowing your strengths and your limits is important.

I had a moment today where I got way too frustrated with a slow little boy. I didn't express my frustrations outwardly but my mind was spinning. I felt angry he wouldn't sit in the chair. He is 3 and the 2s were already waiting patiently with the 4s. I had to take some time to think through my reaction this afternoon. For me, I realized I was more angry that I think the reason he is slow is he is essentially malnourished as he eats NO foods with nutritional value and mom isn't working on it. He is not underweight but only eats cracker/bread like things. I am going to make a contract with mom that I won't term if she gets me a drs note with a plan for proceeding with dkb's eating and behavior issues (which again I think stem from having no fuel for his poor developing brain). Sorry for the tangent...my point is figure out what your limit is and then take steps to change your situation if you can't deal. I have decided my limit is I can't care for a high needs child with no parental support. I just don't have it in me right now. My heart breaks for this little boy, but I can't help him without mom's and dr's support.:hug:

[NightOwl]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way. My child of choice would be a 2-4 yo smart girl. I have always been a teacher, started at the high school level, and keeps dropping. ;-) I loved teaching the little one who just headed off to pre-k. It was a joy seeing her learn and made my job worthwhile.

Then, her baby brother turned out to have some issues, and this was my introduction to special needs. I didn't choose to do it, I just couldn't term him-I loved him. I'd had him since he was 6 weeks old. If I'd been asked if I wanted to do it, I probably would have said, 'Not really". But, I wasn't asked and so I jumped into the ring and started learning about special needs. And, at 60 years old, I found what I was meant to do. Now, I am a special needs daycare-all of my kids are in the ECI program.

Sometimes, for any of the reasons you mentioned, I wish for a room of smart, typical kids. Sometimes, I look longingly at themes and coloring pages and folder games on sequencing. But then, my ASD child will, out of the blue, sit down in the floor and play with a toy appropriately, for the first time ever!!! Or the child with motor issues jumps and both feet clear the floor!! I may not see them "get excited when they learn a new concept", because they don't know how stupendous it was, but I know. And their parents know.

Honestly, I've shed a lot of tears in the 1 1/2 years I've been working with special needs kids, but most of them have been happy tears when I see positive results for something I taught them.

There may come a day when I won't be a special needs provider. When I have an opening, I take the child who needs me. I thought my last space would be taken by a typical child because I couldn't find a special needs to take the spot. But suddenly, out of the blue, here she came. When the oldest goes off to PPCD in a few months, I'll hope for a special child. They may or may not have needs, but I know they will be special either way.

There is room in the teaching profession for all of us. I think you covered it quite well. I can't think of anything I would add to your post.

Beautifully said.

[itlw8]

I agree you should probably not be working with them but I do have a HUGE problem with you referring to children as slow minded. Even special needs children wrong the child may have some special needs but is a child first.

You are right some people do not have patience to work with any except the brightest. But the joy is no less when the child they thought may never crawl learns to walk. Or the day he spent all day trying to teach you the sign for Daddy. Who was slow minded ?? I think it was me that day. Do children that are not perfect slow my group down ?? no the others are great about teaching by example. Some times it is OUR program that is the problem not the child. Expecting preschoolers to do worksheets, sit in a chair and listen to the adult teach. All preschoolers learn better by doing not being told.

I am sorry if I offended you but really by signing out you knew it would bother some. Calling a child slow minded is as offensive as it gets.

[sugar buzz]

I agree you should probably not be working with them but I do have a HUGE problem with you referring to children as slow minded. Even special needs children wrong the child may have some special needs but is a child first.

You are right some people do not have patience to work with any except the brightest. But the joy is no less when the child they thought may never crawl learns to walk. Or the day he spent all day trying to teach you the sign for Daddy. Who was slow minded ?? I think it was me that day. Do children that are not perfect slow my group down ?? no the others are great about teaching by example. Some times it is OUR program that is the problem not the child. Expecting preschoolers to do worksheets, sit in a chair and listen to the adult teach. All preschoolers learn better by doing not being told.

I am sorry if I offended you but really by signing out you knew it would bother some. Calling a child slow minded is as offensive as it gets.

I don't think that there's anything wrong at all with knowing and setting your limitations and strengths. My issue was with the word, "slow-minded," too. Not all children with special needs are learning disabled. Many disorders have normal to above average IQ's. (Albert Einstein had special needs and was labeled "dumb.") High ability and giftedness is actually a form of special needs, also. The children who are learning disabled have enough on their plate, without being termed, offensively and generalized. (I don't mean to sound preachy--this is near and dear to my heart. My younger brother has a learning disability and speech impediment and ended up graduating with honors.)

[Blackcat31]

I agree you should probably not be working with them but I do have a HUGE problem with you referring to children as slow minded. Even special needs children wrong the child may have some special needs but is a child first.

You are right some people do not have patience to work with any except the brightest. But the joy is no less when the child they thought may never crawl learns to walk. Or the day he spent all day trying to teach you the sign for Daddy. Who was slow minded ?? I think it was me that day. Do children that are not perfect slow my group down ?? no the others are great about teaching by example. Some times it is OUR program that is the problem not the child. Expecting preschoolers to do worksheets, sit in a chair and listen to the adult teach. All preschoolers learn better by doing not being told.

I am sorry if I offended you but really by signing out you knew it would bother some. Calling a child slow minded is as offensive as it gets.

I don't think that there's anything wrong at all with knowing and setting your limitations and strengths. My issue was with the word, "slow-minded," too. Not all children with special needs are learning disabled. Many disorders have normal to above average IQ's. (Albert Einstein had special needs and was labeled "dumb.") High ability and giftedness is actually a form of special needs, also. The children who are learning disabled have enough on their plate, without being termed, offensively and generalized. (I don't mean to sound preachy--this is near and dear to my heart. My younger brother has a learning disability and speech impediment and ended up graduating with honors.)

Often times those who aren't familiar with or comfortable with special needs, are also not familiar with or aware of the proper terms. Or what terms and words are offensive.

I know I struggled with this when I first started out as I had no education as far as special needs and had no familiarity with anything to do with different.

I didn't feel she used the term in a hurtful manner but more so as not having a better word/phrase/description to use. kwim?

If there is an issue or some may be offended by the words OP used, perhaps it would be beneficial or useful then to suggest an alternate word.

[Kabob]

As others said, there is nothing wrong with knowing your limits.

A friend's mother runs a foster home that only takes in children with special needs. She does this primarily because she got frustrated with the children that didn't have special needs as they usually had too much "family drama" for her liking. So, it can go both ways.

It is a sensitive topic because no one wants their child to be excluded for something they can't control but life is not fair and it also isn't fair to force someone to take their child, with or without special needs, if that child isn't going to fit in with that provider's program. How often on here have we complained about a parent telling us to rub a child's back to go to sleep when other providers say this request is perfectly reasonable? It is what it is and what works for one provider may not work for another.

[sugar buzz]

Often times those who aren't familiar with or comfortable with special needs, are also not familiar with or aware of the proper terms. Or what terms and words are offensive.

I know I struggled with this when I first started out as I had no education as far as special needs and had no familiarity with anything to do with different.

I didn't feel she used the term in a hurtful manner but more so as not having a better word/phrase/description to use. kwim?

If there is an issue or some may be offended by the words OP used, perhaps it would be beneficial or useful then to suggest an alternate word.

I didn't feel that she was being hurtful either. I was trying to be gentle and non-judgemental. I apologize to the OP, if it didn't come across that way. I used the term "learning disabled" in my post to show an alternative--I apologize if it wasn't clear. Whether intended or not, those terms are very hurtful.

[NeedaVaca]

I feel like this is discrimination and I'm not sure exactly how you would go about running a daycare and refusing to care for children with special needs. I do understand what you are trying to say but comparing special needs children and using examples of teachers preferring different age groups (Kindergarten, High School, College, etc) are really different things IMO Each one of those teachers has to include students with special needs.

I also feel like all children learn differently, special needs completely aside. I have a certain number of DCK's and there always seems to be one that can't recognize ABC's or numbers when all the other kids can, they eventually catch up but that sounds like a child you wouldn't want in your care either because they aren't learning fast enough and keeping up with the others in your group.

[Blackcat31]

I didn't feel that she was being hurtful either. I was trying to be gentle and non-judgemental. I apologize to the OP, if it didn't come across that way. I used the term "learning disabled" in my post to show an alternative--I apologize if it wasn't clear. Whether intended or not, those terms are very hurtful.

Thank you for this!

I too, was trying to respectful and not offend but I also know that there were many times early on in my career that I did not know proper or correct terminology and sometimes, even asking people get offended so I just thought I'd mention that.

Again, thank you for taking the time to post again!

[sugar buzz]

Thank you for this!

I too, was trying to respectful and not offend but I also know that there were many times early on in my career that I did not know proper or correct terminology and sometimes, even asking people get offended so I just thought I'd mention that.

Again, thank you for taking the time to post again!

It's so darn hard to convey tone in a text. I sound really sweet on the phone.::