Sensitive Issue

[MotherNature]

BINGO. I was suspecting sensory issues. That's what sparked my earlier suggestion of something like a chewy ring or silky fabric to redirect to her. She's stimming. Has she been evaluated for these sensory issues?

My 3.5 yr old loves to be naked and constantly touches himself. He has a tactile hyposensitivity, so he craves & needs a lot of touch. We are teaching him not in front of others,but he has his days. We're working on it..

[Unregistered]

BINGO. I was suspecting sensory issues. That's what sparked my earlier suggestion of something like a chewy ring or silky fabric to redirect to her. She's stimming. Has she been evaluated for these sensory issues?

She has been. She qualifies for services, but parents declined them. They do not want anything that makes her appear to be "abnormal." They are very sensitive about that.

[MotherNature]

She has been. She qualifies for services, but parents declined them. They do not want anything that makes her appear to be "abnormal." They are very sensitive about that.

ARGGGGHHHH! They are doing her a major disservice. I'd term then. They're not willing to get her the OT she NEEDS, but are totally willing for you to lose clients due to the sensory issues that are not getting treated. TERM! parents are clueless and I feel bad for the dcg. I know what I go through with my son. It's hell some days. For them not to seek help b/c they're ashamed of some diagnosis is incredibly horrible. Shame on them.

[craftymissbeth]

I'll just say straight away that masturbation IS totally normal...

BUT...


masturbation to the point of needing to be seen by a doctor because they've hurt themselves by doing it so much is not normal.

not being able to stop even after being told no repeatedly is not normal.

having no concept of this being something we do privately is not normal. And it's odd that even after mom supposedly teaches her that it's private and not to be done in front of others she still doesn't understand.

If you want to compare this to biting or hitting... I've read so often here that children this age KNOW BETTER... so why doesn't this child KNOW BETTER?!

If you want to say that this situation doesn't necessarily mean she's abused... that's not a daycare providers responsibility to sort out. That's what CPS is for and that's why OP should call them. If a 4 year olds way of self soothing is to repeatedly masturbate, naked, in front of others then the adults in their life have the responsibility of getting them help. CPS is an awesome source of help in situations when it's unclear.

Idk, I guess I'd hate myself if I never called and she really did need that help

(Please don't flame me. I can't bring myself to type the reason why, but I wish the adults in my life had done something to get help when questionable situations like this arose.)

[TaylorTots]

Thank you, nannyde. I completely agree with you. I have nothing much to add as you said it VERY well in many ways. Current sociological and psychological trends DO support that this is NOT normal behavior. I have recent degrees in both disciplines. I have seen it plenty of times and I have talked to parents, put children on suspension, termed, arranged screenings for possible sensory issues, arranged said treatment as well, and in some cases even called CPS and/or transferred a child to a special needs class from my prek room.

It. is. not. ok.

[Indoorvoice]

The only thing I will say about the backwards jammie thing is to be careful with that and know what the laws say in your area. It can be considered restraint. Someone was fired at a group home I worked at for doing that to a child who was smearing poop at night. Yes, you think you are protecting the child, but there is a very fine line.

[sugar buzz]

Idk, I guess I'd hate myself if I never called and she really did need that help

(Please don't flame me. I can't bring myself to type the reason why, but I wish the adults in my life had done something to get help when questionable situations like this arose.)[/QUOTE]

Your children are so lucky to have you as their advocate. :hug:

[Lucy]

Putting her in some kind of special clothing to block her is analogous to putting a dunce cap on her.

Oh, and I'm not talking about tight-fitting jeans, or anything that kids wear every day. That sounds like a good solution to me.

[nannyde]

This is a discussion we have a few times of year and it always brings the furry out in me. Not because whether or not masturbation is normal in kids per se but just the simple minded dismissal of neatly every flippin things kids do now has to be either normal or a product of some special need.

I HATE THAT SO MUCH

I lurk on parenting boards and I swear it's gotten to the point where a poster can say something insane like their 15 month old is up till four in the morning and head butts, bites, kicks, claws his mother when she is trying to lay on a mattress with him amd the only thing that will give her a moment of peace is if she breastfeeds him during the attack and even then he HAS to pinch and twist her other nipple while he feeds or he unlatches and starts attacking het again.... and you know the response?

That's normal. My son did that too when he was that age. Ugh!

I'm sick of normal. I'm over it. It's a mindless answer to everything now.


Seriously does anyone think naked public masturbation of a four year old is normal? It's RIDICULOUS.

[nannyde]

Putting her in some kind of special clothing to block her is analogous to putting a dunce cap on her.

No it isn't but that could be solved. Throw a simple t-shirt and pants over it. You would have to help the potty breaks but you would have to anyway.

She needs a BLOCK. SOMETHING that stands in between her bare hands and her privates that is beyond words and works every single time she has the escalation and desire to pleasure herself.

SOMETHING she can not physically get around that does not restrict ANY other physical movement.

It's a brilliant and low cost solution to stop the skin to skin. It will not stop humping but it will stop her skin to skin.

One phone call to the child protective unit telling them this child has this behavior and it can not and will not be tolerated, this is the block, take it or leave it. If they say her lil fee fees will be hurt then she leaves that day.

No more chances to expose herself to this providers little son. No more energy in trying to get her to do right by words. Until words work then she either has zero skin to skin access or she stays home where she can masturbate herself raw privately.

[nannyde]

Putting her in some kind of special clothing to block her is analogous to putting a dunce cap on her.

Oh, and I'm not talking about tight-fitting jeans, or anything that kids wear every day. That sounds like a good solution to me.

Nope. She will work around those in a few days. It will slow it down because she needs time to learn to get past them quickly before the provider stops her... but she will get past them.

[nannyde]

Thank you, nannyde. I completely agree with you. I have nothing much to add as you said it VERY well in many ways. Current sociological and psychological trends DO support that this is NOT normal behavior. I have recent degrees in both disciplines. I have seen it plenty of times and have talked to parents, put children on suspension, termed, arranged screenings for possible sensory issues, arranged said treatment as well, and in some cases even called CPS and/or transferred a child to a special needs class from my prek room.

It. is. not. ok.

The thing is... we have inate common sense. Common sense says this pleasure is for adults. This child has her whole life to work herself up to this level of pleasuring herself. She needs a BREAK. What happened in the beginning that was wrong was saying it is normal and do it in private. Tell her NO we don't do that. You can say NO knowing eventually she will explore in private. She doesn't need the act blessed and time and place handed to her. Just a stop it.

[Lucy]

...... I can't .......

[Meeko]

I'm with Nannyde 100% on this one.

This is NOT normal behavior and needs to be stopped. The child isn't even trying to stop, so it's up to an adult to force the matter.

And besides the actual masturbation......she needs to understand that an adult said NO.....to whatever she may be doing. That means NO. I would never let a 4 year old tell me no or ignore me. What does that teach the child or any of the other DCK's?

The other kids ARE going to say something to their parents. The OP is going to get a parent who questions their kid and gets the idea that this is a group activity at daycare...encouraged by the provider and she is looking at her life changing forever.

If the OP waits any longer, she is going to find herself in DEEP ka-ka. I would bet anything, than if the authorities question the parents, they are going to get nervous and point at the provider. SHE encourages it. SHE tells the kid it's normal and to go ahead and do it in front of the other kids.

So best it comes FROM the provider and not an angry parent who's child has witnessed this.

[nannyde]

...... I can't .......

Sure you can. Come up with a solution that guarantees this providers three year old son isn't going to see this four year old naked with her legs apart and her hands on her privates.

You are a twenty year vet. You CAN. Guaranteed solution