Would You Call This... Flirting?

[Blackcat31]

I would be blunt-
Excuse me, your in my personal space bubble.

I agree about being blunt but the words I would use include "your wife" and "is she aware?"

[Meeko]

Many, many years ago...when I was young and reasonably attractive ::...I had a DCD get a bit too flirty with me when my husband was deployed with the Air Force.

I just made a point of making it clear how much I adored my husband and that he was the only one for me. I put up a wedding photo in the hallway and when DCD made a comment about my husband being a lucky man...I made sure to say that I was the lucky one and that he made me very happy.

I made sure to talk about Daddy with my boys in front of DCD. How much we missed him...what a great husband and dad he was etc.

DCD got the point and backed right off.

[Childminder]

I have experienced the close talker or face talker as I call them, there are just people like that, a former pastor at our church was. He just was trying to show his attentiveness when conversing. I kept stepping back and had to watch I wasn't backing up to a wall.

My husband will shave before our grand-daughters come over because they don't like to kiss papa's picky face. Maybe he just doesn't want to greet his children with scratchy whiskers?

I call everyone Hun or Sweetie or Sugar, true I'm not a male and I wouldn't probably do it if I felt it made someone uncomfortable, at least I hope not. He might be a social moron and just not realize.

All of that being said, if he is giving off vibes or making you uncomfortable you need to confront the situation. Perhaps you can just come right and ask: "Are you this flirty with everyone or should I tell my husband or your wife you're being too friendly?"

[CedarCreek]

If he's getting too close I would just take a step back...a large one. I've had a DCD do that and after seeing the obvious step back, he got the point.

As for the "honey" term. I would jokingly say, " Hey now, DCD! DH is the only one that gets to use that term of endearment!"

[KiddieCahoots]

I can't stand awkwardness or confrontation so I usually go with asking "what do you mean?" Over and over again. I make it clear that I understand what they said but can't understand why they would say it. For example:
Dcd: I went home to shave before I came here.
Me: what do you mean?
Dcd: I shaved before coming here.
Me: I understand and can see that you shaved but what do you mean?
It gets my point across. Stop with the innuendo and just say what you mean. Then I can tell them where to go with it. Lol!

........
When you turn the tables on him with the question to please explain, it'll put the uncomfortable feelings right back in his lap.

[Logged out for privacy-OP]

Wow, thanks ladies, that's been very helpful. I will definitely update if anything else weird happens. He's only picked up once since I posted, and it happened to be the day hubby got off work early and was with me and all the kids at the table playing when he showed up. DH gave him the firm hand intro and kids got shoes on and it was pretty quick outta here. Like I said, it could be absolutely nothing, but I sure did like having DH here to, you know... "claim" his spot , kwim? That like, hey... here's my hubby, yeah, I love him - he's here for me and we are happy...

I really should have said something when he told me that he got off work early and went home to shave. But I was too confused at the moment as to why on earth he would do that, let alone tell me, that I ended up not really saying anything at all. I think I just said, "Oh, haha." or something dumb and non-interested.

I too try to be a "close-talker" but I obviously don't do it with everyone, and certainly not DCD's! Mostly my mom and sisters, hubby, and people I'm having very-important-conversations with.

Perhaps you can just come right and ask: "Are you this flirty with everyone or should I tell my husband or your wife you're being too friendly?"

I know right! But that's just it, I can't even really say he's flirting because his weirdness is very suble. At least I think so. So far...

If he doesn't get it....say something to his wife.

Ask her if he calls all women "Hun" (that would seriously annoy me) or if he shaves for everyone......his wife knowing should make him uncomfortable.

I'm sure she'd be a little surprised . Unless he's been bad before and that's why they changed daycares... :: I would very much like to know if my DH was shaving before he went to see another woman... Ouch. DCM might also be very much aware of his antics and might explain to me that he actually is just really friendly and means no harm. But still, not trying to be the foolish one bringing it up when it's nothing. I'd also not say anything at all to mom unless he does something else that just makes my decision for me.

...and anything other than an embarrassed apology from a clueless guy would make me term.

THIS!

[Logged out for privacy-OP]

Also sad that I couldn't find any threads on this weird subject before I posted. That's why I logged out, no threads made me even more embarrassed

[nannyde]

Have your husband talk to him. Tell him that he comes in peace but please call my wife by her first name and always remember she is married to a man that loves her with all his heart.

[Unregistered]

When this happened to me, I also used the word subtle to describe it and also wondered if it was " just me".
It progressed and was no longer subtle. I tried to "joke " him out of it. It only got worse and worse.

Looking back I wish I had dealt with it right away. Either have a meeting with both parents, or terminate them, or even tell him straight up that if he did not stop the harassment I would be calling the police.

He is not flattering you. He is not joking with you. He is harassing you because you are being "nice " and he thinks he can get away with it.

Do not let this go on or it will progress, and by that time he will have you all conditioned to think that touching you is " just an accident" , or a one-time mistake.

I have been there and done that.

[Sunchimes]

The people who said not to be embarrassed are right. Say something. If you are misjudging and it is simply bad manners, it might be a bit embarrassing, but you will be doing him (and womankind) a favor by making him aware of how it appears to others.

I've never had it happen with a daycare dad, but that's because I have 2 grandkids the same age as my dcds. There are some advantages to getting old. ::

I'm not making light of it. I had it happen far too often in my previous job (I was still old but the men were older too.) These were men involved in law enforcement, and many of them had a certain arrogance about them. I was never worried about anything happening-there were always dozens of people around. To me, it felt like a form of bullying. It's a creepy feeling, I agree.

[Unregistered]

I babysat in a family's home. The dad was there a lot and I kept getting a weird vibe from him as well. I mentioned it to my husband several times and he felt I was being overly sensitive, that surely the man didn't mean it the way I was taking it. Things like commenting anytime I changed my hair or noticing if I had on a nicer outfit one day. Commenting to me that he'd work multiple jobs if his wife would stay home and care for their children the way I did. Sitting in the playroom and talking to me for long periods of time to "be with his kids." Then why am I here? Finally I felt uncomfortable enough I gave my notice and started my own daycare in my home. Literally a week later mom informed me she discovered him having an affair with a young girl. It totally creeped me out, but I learned to go with my gut. If you are uncomfortable, say something. You're probably right.

[Unregistered]

By young girl I meant a 19 or 20 year old.

[KiddieCahoots]

Swear I read something before that said some men look at the caregiver of their children in a romantic way.

Johnny Damon of the Red Sox left his wife for the nanny of their twins.

Then again....Johnny Damon is also one of the biggest traitors of Boston, !

[daycare]

Swear I read something before that said some men look at the caregiver of their children in a romantic way.

Johnny Damon of the Red Sox left his wife for the nanny of their twins.

Then again....Johnny Damon is also one of the biggest traitors of Boston, !

hahahahah I hate Johnny Damon... I hate red sox.......... I love love love baseball...

[daycare]

Maybe you are reading too much into it?

I am a VERY friendly person. I call everyone love, adults included. When I started this business years ago I had a wife pull me aside and TELL me that I am not to address her or or husband by these names. I was very upset and offended, but now looking back, I understand that it was not professional and thought that it came across innocent. I can see now what they must have thought......I feel silly.

I am still very much like this. but people really got to know me first before realizing that this is just who I am. I am not a touchy person, my words don't match my actions. But with words I could kill you and smoother you with kindness in a loving way.

My sometimes hates it when I call his friends love or tell them they look lovely. BUT this is who I am and unless someone told me I was offending them, I would not know, I don't mean to hurt or offend anyone.

If you honestly feel that this man is stepping over boundaries then you need to tell him so. Other wise, you are the one that needs to just ignore it and place yourself in a place that does not allow the awkward closeness.

I don't think that I would say anything, I would just not allow for the awkward space to happen anymore.