Just Received a Text From DCM

[daycarediva]

Upset that I took a toy away from dcg.

Age 4.

She jammed a counting cookie inside the toy toaster. It got stuck (we did toaster surgery with two butter knives and it broke the cookie!), I removed the cookie and told her that if she did it again, she couldn't play with the toaster. She did it again, this time so bad it BROKE THE TOASTER.

SERIOUSLY DCM!!!!!

text: Dcg is "so very upset" that she couldn't play with it anymore. I don't think that was an appropriate response. Maybe a time out next time?

I responded:

The other kids are "so very upset" that they couldn't play with it either, since the toy is now broken. I did warn dcg the first time she did it. I find logical consequences work better than sitting out.

I'm getting snarky!

we shall see.

[nannyde]

The good news is that she is upset. That means she GETS that she did something wrong.

That works far better than a time out. Whatever gets her to very upset is the way to go.

[Meeko]

Good for you! Sounds like both girl AND mother need to learn life has consequences Let her know that if she breaks anything else, they will be paying for it to be replaced.

[nannyde]

Diva did you see the thread I started in your name?

[MissAnn]

Upset that I took a toy away from dcg.

Age 4.

She jammed a counting cookie inside the toy toaster. It got stuck (we did toaster surgery with two butter knives and it broke the cookie!), I removed the cookie and told her that if she did it again, she couldn't play with the toaster. She did it again, this time so bad it BROKE THE TOASTER.

SERIOUSLY DCM!!!!!

text: Dcg is "so very upset" that she couldn't play with it anymore. I don't think that was an appropriate response. Maybe a time out next time?

I responded:

The other kids are "so very upset" that they couldn't play with it either, since the toy is now broken. I did warn dcg the first time she did it. I find logical consequences work better than sitting out.

I'm getting snarky!

we shall see.

Please keep us updated! I love for this type of storyline!!!!!

[daycarediva]

Diva did you see the thread I started in your name?

No, where? I'm honored!

Mom's response: "She gets time-outs at home and that is what works best for us."

I responded: "Time outs aren't effective for her here. Since she is upset, I assume it's because she felt bad that NOBODY can play because the toy was broken. Hopefully she understands and plays gentler with toys now. That would get expensive for you."


Mom RARELY disciplines this child. A time out would have to be done after repeated warnings, bribing, and threats.

[TheGoodLife]

It's called "natural consequences", DCM, and it is more meaningful than sitting out.

I say as my own 4 year old is sitting in a TO!

[hope]

Has this mom debated your care before? This is one very pushy dcm. Please keep us updated. I only wish I could be as strong as you. Good for standing your ground!

[preschoolteacher]

So controlling of Dcm. I get ticked reading her texts! She needs a teenage nanny to boss around...

as a mom, I'd rather have a provider use natural consequences over TO any day. And a 4 year old really can handle it.

[CraftyMom]

I'd be irritated that she is telling you how to discipline in your own daycare!

[CraftyMom]

I might have said "good, I'm glad she's upset. My technique is working. Now she knows doesn't she?"

[midaycare]

I might have said "good, I'm glad she's upset. My technique is working. Now she knows doesn't she?"

Although OP is handling this very well!

[nannyde]

I might have said "good, I'm glad she's upset. My technique is working. Now she knows doesn't she?"

My technique is working! happyface::

[Unregistered]

It's called "natural consequences", DCM, and it is more meaningful than sitting out.

I say as my own 4 year old is sitting in a TO!

A place for everything, I mean everyone. And everyone in his place ::

[daycarediva]

She sent back a and said she would talk to dcd. So what if you talk to dcd?

I am sending her this quote from my discipline policy. I follow it to the letter. She signed agreeing to it.

6. Children will be offered choices in a non-threatening and non-punitive way to assist them in meeting expectations or to reinforce limits.

7. I will clarify the inevitable or unavoidable outcome of the behavior to the child.

8. If the child is unable to resolve a problem or take responsibility for their actions, they will be re-directed to another activity, or in special circumstances, be limited in the use of a piece of equipment.

9. If all else fails, the child will be removed from the situation in a way that ensures that the 'time out' is a positive learning experience:

and then I am thinking about adding this: ?

Dcm, I followed my guidance policy precisely. I use time out only as a last resort and focus on natural/logical consequences. As we discussed previously, we both believe time outs are overused and I do what I can to prevent incidents from escalating to the point that a child is unable to control herself and has to be removed from the situation. Dcg was asked not to put anything but the toast into the toaster, and within a few minutes shoved a cookie into it hard enough to break the toaster. Even if I had been willing, the toaster was not in usable condition. ***** was given the opportunity to apologize for breaking it, was forgiven, and we moved on with clean up. Yes she was upset and I do think she learned to be more gentle from this incident.