I Feel Like My Family Is Walking All Over Me

[spud912]

I was excited to go into labor with my 2nd child for this very reason. I thought the hospital stay would be a vacation from the cooking and cleaning and laundry. Two whole days of not having to services everyone else's needs.

I thought I was the only one who gets all giddy when it comes to hospital stays! They say you can have 1 or 2 days post-childbirth and I always try to get the max allowed. 3 meals brought to my bedside daily . All I have to worry about is going pee every now and then and feeding my child from my chest. I can't wait for my "vacation" next month !!!

[MarinaVanessa]

Omg I just figured out the multi quote

The hiding things is hilarious! I'm definitely doing the paying for everything that isn't put up...there will be a ton of baseball card binders in my possession today!

I used to collect my kids things and put them in a box when they didn't get put away and they would lose the ability to play with them for a while. Then I started to throw/give stuff away, this has curbed it.

As for my husband ... yes, I'd hide his stuff too. Actually a few times I literally threw his stuff in our crowded garage. One shoe over here, one shoe over there. THAT was the only thing that stopped it.

Don't worry, we're going through counseling now ::

[Tdhmom]

I used to collect my kids things and put them in a box when they didn't get put away and they would lose the ability to play with them for a while. Then I started to throw/give stuff away, this has curbed it.

As for my husband ... yes, I'd hide his stuff too. Actually a few times I literally threw his stuff in our crowded garage. One shoe over here, one shoe over there. THAT was the only thing that stopped it.

Don't worry, we're going through counseling now ::

Oh my gosh this killed me!!! ::::::

[debbiedoeszip]

This is me. I've started doing this. If something gets left out then I ask my kids to pick it up. If they don't then I throw it out. Two days ago they refused to clean their room. I threw out two full trash bags of crap.

But The only way to get them to do it, is to stop doing it for them. Period.

I have two adults in the house. Last night I made dinner. Then I had two kids who needed to stay late, so I took them out for a swim. I got home after 7pm.The table wasn't wiped and the leftovers weren't even put away. Dishes? of course not. The entire kitchen was a frigging pigsty. WTF? And since it is in view of daycare morning drop offs I had to clean it all up.

I used to do something similar. I'd warn DS that he had 10 minutes to pick his stuff up or else. Nothing beats the sound of a garbage bag snapping open to get the little ones scurrying around picking their crap up LOL.

[Bookworm]

I house trained my DH years ago using the same technique I used with my DD: "You left it laying around and I thought you didn't want it so I threw it away". I didn't really throw it away but it did find it's way to the Twilight Zone for a few weeks.

[Tdhmom]

I house trained my DH years ago using the same technique I used with my DD: "You left it laying around and I thought you didn't want it so I threw it away". I didn't really throw it away but it did find it's way to the Twilight Zone for a few weeks.

I'll start with just hiding the cereal...that's his go to at night and then leaves the bowls for me the next morning :confused: it would seriously take LESS effort to put it in the sink when you're done as it took to actually make the damn bowl of cereal in the first place!

[Mister Sir Husband]

Please forgive me... But they won't pick up after themselves, and you let them have a slumber party in the living room? I consider things like sleeping in the living room a privilege that has to be earned. (actually anything they want to do that can be classified as even remotely fun is earned.). It works well too when they want a ride somewhere or to go out to eat.. "I don't have time to take you as I'm busy doing your laundry"

[Butter Biskets]

I totally get what you're saying! Everyday I clean up after dck's, cook dinner, clean up after dinner, do a load of laundry, then still have to wake up 30 min earlier to reclean my kitchen because the kids left crap all over the bar. Oh and the God forsaken crumbs! They are the bane of my existence. Hubby keeps saying that he will help out more, but all that equates to is vacuuming on the weekend.

[AmyKidsCo]

You live in my house too? ::

I have a Clutter Jail for my younger boys' stuff. They have 24 hours to get it out for free, otherwise they need to do 2 chores per item to redeem them. The problem is that I haven't had the heart to throw out things that never get redeemed.

Something that works with the teens is not being able to take them somewhere or get a gas card or whatever until their chores are done. It's amazing how quickly a 15 yr old can do his chores when a trip to Noah's Ark is on the line.

[wabbittrouble]

My friend has a white board and he writes on it things like: #1 50 item pickup, middle floor first. Then #2 toilets, recycling, garbage, table, steps, vacuum, sinks, mirrors. #3 30 minute cleaning and/or organizing room. #4 Put away your clothes. and in big letters he puts on it "You are all great kids! We appreciate your participation in this family!" with a heart. at the bottom he puts: #5 Media unlocked.

The way I see it: NO television, NO video games, NO phones, NO nothing until these things are done. This way, there are no arguments.

The husband must be trained another way (33 years so far for me). They respond to different, shall we say, motivation.... If you are "too tired" from cleaning up their mess, they get the hint (or the outright statement that if they don't clean up after themselves you are too tired for sex).

[KiddieCahoots]

the button right next to the quote one...click that on each one you want to do and then hit post comment

Thank You!

[NightOwl]

This pisses me off to no end and I hope I don't offend anyone. But your (general your) husband isn't supposed to "help you out". It's his home too! He sets an example for the children too! He is equally responsible for your home! You shouldn't have to ask him to "help". That implies that it is your responsibility but you're asking for assistance with it.
The way your husband leaves messes for you to clean up in the morning BEFORE you put in a 10 to 12 hour day, is deplorable and so very disrespectful. He does not appreciate you. He does not respect your work and the fact that you need a clean, presentable home early each morning. My EX husband was exactly like this and that's exactly why he's my EX! I thought I was marrying man, a partner, not an overgrown child.
Anyway, I digress. In the mornings, go gather whatever things they left the previous night. Cereal bowls, open hamburger bun bags, the ketchup and mustard, whatever. Take those things to the bedroom of the offender and put them on his nightstand. And leave them. Don't touch them. If they are put on the bar or anywhere besides where they belong, take them straight back to their nightstands. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Why did you put these things on my nightstand? Well you leave them wherever you want to, why can't I??

After a few weeks of your rebellion, maybe they will begin to understand what they have been taking for granted.
My biggest complaint if i were in your shoes (I was at one time) is that your husband is showing your son how a woman should be treated. He's showing him that he is a prince who should be waited on and not expected to do any household chores. If you don't want your son to end up with an unhappy wife in the future and end up being divorced because of his total lack of respect for her, then you have to get a handle on your husband FIRST.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh, that wasn't my intention. I just really hate to see women being taken advantage of by lazy men who then indirectly teach their children to carry on his lazy, disrespectful ways with their own marriages. It's a vicious cycle.

[KiddieCahoots]

This pisses me off to no end and I hope I don't offend anyone. But your (general your) husband isn't supposed to "help you out". It's his home too! He sets an example for the children too! He is equally responsible for your home! You shouldn't have to ask him to "help". That implies that it is your responsibility but you're asking for assistance with it.
The way your husband leaves messes for you to clean up in the morning BEFORE you put in a 10 to 12 hour day, is deplorable and so very disrespectful. He does not appreciate you. He does not respect your work and the fact that you need a clean, presentable home early each morning. My EX husband was exactly like this and that's exactly why he's my EX! I thought I was marrying man, a partner, not an overgrown child.
Anyway, I digress. In the mornings, go gather whatever things they left the previous night. Cereal bowls, open hamburger bun bags, the ketchup and mustard, whatever. Take those things to the bedroom of the offender and put them on his nightstand. And leave them. Don't touch them. If they are put on the bar or anywhere besides where they belong, take them straight back to their nightstands. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Why did you put these things on my nightstand? Well you leave them wherever you want to, why can't I??

After a few weeks of your rebellion, maybe they will begin to understand what they have been taking for granted.
My biggest complaint if i were in your shoes (I was at one time) is that your husband is showing your son how a woman should be treated. He's showing him that he is a prince who should be waited on and not expected to do any household chores. If you don't want your son to end up with an unhappy wife in the future and end up being divorced because of his total lack of respect for her, then you have to get a handle on your husband FIRST.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh, that wasn't my intention. I just really hate to see women being taken advantage of by lazy men who then indirectly teach their children to carry on his lazy, disrespectful ways with their own marriages. It's a vicious cycle.

....
Well put!

Like the saying goes......behind every good president, is a wonderful woman!

Not to say we're not wonderful woman if our husbands are acting lazy, but that we are wonderful woman to be able to make change.

[Tdhmom]

This pisses me off to no end and I hope I don't offend anyone. But your (general your) husband isn't supposed to "help you out". It's his home too! He sets an example for the children too! He is equally responsible for your home! You shouldn't have to ask him to "help". That implies that it is your responsibility but you're asking for assistance with it.
The way your husband leaves messes for you to clean up in the morning BEFORE you put in a 10 to 12 hour day, is deplorable and so very disrespectful. He does not appreciate you. He does not respect your work and the fact that you need a clean, presentable home early each morning. My EX husband was exactly like this and that's exactly why he's my EX! I thought I was marrying man, a partner, not an overgrown child.
Anyway, I digress. In the mornings, go gather whatever things they left the previous night. Cereal bowls, open hamburger bun bags, the ketchup and mustard, whatever. Take those things to the bedroom of the offender and put them on his nightstand. And leave them. Don't touch them. If they are put on the bar or anywhere besides where they belong, take them straight back to their nightstands. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Why did you put these things on my nightstand? Well you leave them wherever you want to, why can't I??

After a few weeks of your rebellion, maybe they will begin to understand what they have been taking for granted.
My biggest complaint if i were in your shoes (I was at one time) is that your husband is showing your son how a woman should be treated. He's showing him that he is a prince who should be waited on and not expected to do any household chores. If you don't want your son to end up with an unhappy wife in the future and end up being divorced because of his total lack of respect for her, then you have to get a handle on your husband FIRST.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh, that wasn't my intention. I just really hate to see women being taken advantage of by lazy men who then indirectly teach their children to carry on his lazy, disrespectful ways with their own marriages. It's a vicious cycle.

This is why they are all doing it he didn't used to be this bad, I guess I have somewhat enabled him by doing it all for him.
I did the chore chart on the white board so they all know what I expect by the end of the day. Or they don't get to watch tv in the evening. We'll see how this goes thank you all for the advice!

[NightOwl]

Stick to your guns! No chores? No TV. They'll be doing chores in no time. But your husband needs to be in on this also.