Ray Rays Pledge - Child Vehicular Heatstroke

[TwinKristi]

It's wanting others to share the responsibility. But a child is ultimately the parents responsibility. A daycare should not be a part of family life or responsible for any part of family life at any time the child is not in care.

The last thing I want is a grief-stricken mother screaming "This is all your fault...why didn't you call me" at me.

If you sign something like this......it's exactly what will happen. It's SO painful for a parent to admit that THEY caused the death of their child. It's much easier to shift the blame and ease the guilt if it is at all possible. This makes it possible.

I started a post and never finished it but this is what I was going to say. Mentally, they just can't function thinking THEY are responsible for the worst thing that could ever happen to a parent. It's a self-defense mechanism. It's not correct or right, but it's just what many people's instincts are. Find blame anywhere but yourself. It's sad...

[NightOwl]

I can't see how a daycare could be sued if a PARENT leaves the child in the car and walks away.

I also can't see how the daycare would be held responsible if they called both parents and got no reply, especially if they left a voicemail or text.

In regards to the current story out of Georgia......I would not want to be the teacher that didn't call. I'm sure that center hasn't had any new enrollments. I'm not saying at all the daycare was responsible....the guilt must be unbearable.

My cpr trainer once told me that the #1 reason people who are trained in cpr don't attempt it in a life threatening situation is because they are afraid of being sued. Does fear of litigation really trump morality now?

I also would call for that ^^^ reason. Not because I was required to, or because I wanted to protect myself legally, but because I couldn't live with myself if I didn't call and something happened to one of my babies.
I've done cpr once and didn't think twice. I jumped straight in there and got it done. No, he did not live. But I was able to keep him going long enough for the first responders to get there and get his heart going again. Lawsuit be damned, nothing would have stopped me from trying to save that baby.

[Blackcat31]

I also would call for that ^^^ reason. Not because I was required to, or because I wanted to protect myself legally, but because I couldn't live with myself if I didn't call and something happened to one of my babies.

My daycare children are not MY babies.

Anther poster asked me (earlier in this thread) if I could live with myself if something happened to a child and I didn't call and I responded no.

I refuse to live my life feeling guilty for choices other people make.

Also enduring personal tragedy teaches you really fast what to accept responsibility for and what not to.

"Should have, could have, would have" will eat you up inside faster than anything and I simply REFUSE to accept that kind of responsibility.

This world is full of tragedy and senseless accidents but I certainly will not borrow heartache that does not belong to me.

I've done cpr once and didn't think twice. I jumped straight in there and got it done. No, he did not live. But I was able to keep him going long enough for the first responders to get there and get his heart going again. Lawsuit be damned, nothing would have stopped me from trying to save that baby.

When the child is present IN your care, the rules change big time.

[NightOwl]

I call them "my babies", even the school age kids, as an affectionate term. The parents are also "my parents". I've done this for years. And I'm really glad for you that you can refuse to take any responsibility, which is the right thing. You would NOT be responsible, not even a little bit. But yes, the "could've, should've, would've" would eat me up without a doubt. So instead of refusing the responsibility (I wish I could, but I just can't), I send the text.

[SilverSabre25]

I also text a quick "Is [kid] coming today?" when I start feeling annoyed that they aren't here yet. 4/5 times they pull up within minutes after I send that text. The 5th time parent forgot to tell me they aren't coming.

But I do it for *MY* reasons, which are mainly "how much breakfast do I have to cook and can we leave on our walk?"

[MOM OF 4]

So, I read somewhere that someone wanted to implement technology such as a seat sensor, or wearable bracelet to ensure parents do not forget their children. In theory, I know that the deaths of children touches hearts, however, can you imagine the company making this item and as with ANY man-made device, a failure happens, a child dies and guess who gets sued???

I don't think people should have to babysit adults.

Yes, I called as much as I could, but sometimes, I'd be busy with the kids in my physical custody! So I couldn't do it right away. I won't be held liable for a parent's neglectful actions.

Next thing you know, we'll ALL (DCP or not) be liable for EVERYTHING that parents do wrong.

What's next?
I go to the park with my kiddos, someone else's child falls off a swing and breaks their arm. The parent says "Well, I'm suing because SHE was right there and didn't catch the kid, this could have been prevent if SHE had caught him since she was right there!?"

No.

[Blackcat31]

I call them "my babies", even the school age kids, as an affectionate term. The parents are also "my parents". I've done this for years. And I'm really glad for you that you can refuse to take any responsibility, which is the right thing. You would NOT be responsible, not even a little bit. But yes, the "could've, should've, would've" would eat me up without a doubt. So instead of refusing the responsibility (I wish I could, but I just can't), I send the text.

Sorry...I didn't mean that to come out wrong. I guess I say "my" too alot in reference to MY daycare kids and MY daycare parents..

I was just making a point of assigning ownership to this since it IS a sticking point in this subject.

[NightOwl]

Sorry...I didn't mean that to come out wrong. I guess I say "my" too alot in reference to MY daycare kids and MY daycare parents..

I was just making a point of assigning ownership to this since it IS a sticking point in this subject.

[nanglgrl]

If you think that something like this can never happen to you or you think that these parents should be prosecuted I urge you to read this entire article.
Of course there are the few cases where neglect was involved but the majority of these accidents happen to loved, well taken care if children. I've never forgotten one of my children in the car but I have thought I had my child with me and freaked out when I went to get them from an empty car seat, I've went to run an errand before and completely forgot the items I needed to complete the errand back at home, I've driven to places that I travel to regularly and have been unable to remember the actual trip and I've went into a room only to forget why. Most if not all of us have had something similiar happen. You can say that forgetting a baby doesn't compare to forgetting why you went into a room, forgetting documents at home or forgetting how you arrived at a destination and that it's the complete opposite of thinking you have your child with you when you don't but that's just not how the brain works. This problem isn't getting better because so many people think it could never happen to them. Next time you hear someone say that maybe you could correct them and say it could happen to you and then maybe you will potentially save a child. http://m.washingtonpost.com/lifestyl...a52_story.html

[Blackcat31]

If you think that something like this can never happen to you or you think that these parents should be prosecuted I urge you to read this entire article.
Of course there are the few cases where neglect was involved but the majority of these accidents happen to loved, well taken care if children. I've never forgotten one of my children in the car but I have thought I had my child with me and freaked out when I went to get them from an empty car seat, I've went to run an errand before and completely forgot the items I needed to complete the errand back at home, I've driven to places that I travel to regularly and have been unable to remember the actual trip and I've went into a room only to forget why. Most if not all of us have had something similiar happen. You can say that forgetting a baby doesn't compare to forgetting why you went into a room, forgetting documents at home or forgetting how you arrived at a destination and that it's the complete opposite of thinking you have your child with you when you don't but that's just not how the brain works. This problem isn't getting better because so many people think it could never happen to them. Next time you hear someone say that maybe you could correct them and say it could happen to you and then maybe you will potentially save a child. http://m.washingtonpost.com/lifestyl...a52_story.html

No one is debating that parents can't have momentary lapses in memory or judgment.

However, INVOLUNTARY accidents are still accidents and forgetting your child in a situation that causes death SHOULD be a crime. No matter which way you slice it.

I know that comes across as mean or cold hearted or whatever you want to call it to some but child hot car deaths were virtually unheard of before the many distractions that society so willingly accepts as a valid excuse for this type of thing.

I do agree that parents are distracted and can do many of the things you listed as examples but at WHAT point do we (as a society) make this sort of thing a punishable crime so that it is taken MORE seriously and not allowed to happen any more.

Families denying their child medical care due to religious reasons (which used to be a protected right) are being prosecuted every day in the deaths of their children so why shouldn't parents living such a hectic life that they forget their child not be prosecuted too?

These children are relying soley on their parent to love and protect them from the dangers of the world and although the parent that is guilty of this lives in their own emotional prison due to their actions, it is still a horrible crime committed against a minor child who had zero control over the situation.

I find it sad that we as parents and caregivers find more empathy and acceptance for the parent's actions than we do anger at the senseless death of a child who had their whole life ahead of them.

[nanglgrl]

I respect your opinion but disagree. These accidents were unheard up before we started putting children in the back seat in rear facing car seats. Devices have been invented that are cheap and work but can't be developed because studies have shown they won't sell. They won't sell because people don't think it can happen to them and prosecuting parents who are already living their worst nightmare isn't going to change that because when people read about these parents who are prosecuted they say "I can't believe they did that, I would never forget my child" and the cycle continues. A lot of parents have been prosecuted and most have been found not guilty by a jury. Prosecuting parents won't change anything because of the majority thinking as you do. The only thing that can really be changed and prevent these deaths is automatic alarms in car seats, cars or an app, a support system if people who call to make sure the child is where it should be. It would need to be be mandated though because this could never happen to a good parent.

[NightOwl]

If you think that something like this can never happen to you or you think that these parents should be prosecuted I urge you to read this entire article.
Of course there are the few cases where neglect was involved but the majority of these accidents happen to loved, well taken care if children. I've never forgotten one of my children in the car but I have thought I had my child with me and freaked out when I went to get them from an empty car seat, I've went to run an errand before and completely forgot the items I needed to complete the errand back at home, I've driven to places that I travel to regularly and have been unable to remember the actual trip and I've went into a room only to forget why. Most if not all of us have had something similiar happen. You can say that forgetting a baby doesn't compare to forgetting why you went into a room, forgetting documents at home or forgetting how you arrived at a destination and that it's the complete opposite of thinking you have your child with you when you don't but that's just not how the brain works. This problem isn't getting better because so many people think it could never happen to them. Next time you hear someone say that maybe you could correct them and say it could happen to you and then maybe you will potentially save a child. http://m.washingtonpost.com/lifestyl...a52_story.html

Wow.... This is just heart wrenching to read.

[Josiegirl]

Nanglgrl, that article is heart-breaking. And I believe most of us have that mindset it could or would NEVER happen to us, which is why so many of us feel adamantly it's a crime. I, personally, just cannot bring myself to call it that. I still believe it's a tragic sad devastating mistake. But I'm also talking about the cases where the person honestly forgot. I'm not talking about the ones who leave their child in the vehicle, to run into the store for an hour, or visit the local bar and leave the kids in the car. That happened here, in the middle of winter, and could have resulted in a horrible ending. Somebody called the cops, who rescued the kids(there were 2) and tracked down the dad having 'a couple drinks'.

I still liken it to the example of the loving dad who accidentally shot his son while hunting. I've always wondered how someone could just shoot at anything, if they were careful, watchful, obeying all the safety rules of hunting. It was stupid, senseless, the guy went to court, it was found to be a complete accident. But the dad will forever be locked in his own jail, tortured every day far worse than any lock-up system could do. He didn't start out his day looking to kill somebody, especially his own son.

Neither did any of these parents mentioned in the article. Punishment for what they did? They've got their own I believe. It's something the majority of us thankfully will never understand because we've 'never been there' and don't ever see it happening to us.

From reading the article, evidently NASA had created something that would work but no one was interested? Why can't they make it mandatory in all new cars and have it installed in used cars? Give people an insurance discount for having it installed? Offer rebates of some kind? Do *something* to make it more attractive, especially to all those who say 'it could never happen to me'.

[Josiegirl]

Jokalima,
I just want to say thank you for posting this topic. I think it's a good discussion to have, to share our opinions, to open people's eyes. I have to admit I started off thinking I would never be one of 'those' parents that it could happen to. But then....all it would take is one giant stupid senseless tragic mistake. And it might have been my child. Or a child of someone I know.

No, it isn't our responsibility to ensure the safety of our dcks outside of our homes or centers. I remember calling one of my dcms this past winter; she has to travel an hour to get here and it was a terribly snowy crappy day out. She was supposed to be here at 8:00 so I called when she hadn't gotten here by 9:30, to see if she was still coming. She was waiting to get pulled out of a snowbank, thankfully not far from home. What does a 2 minute call take out of our day?

[nannyde]

Jokalima,
I just want to say thank you for posting this topic. I think it's a good discussion to have, to share our opinions, to open people's eyes. I have to admit I started off thinking I would never be one of 'those' parents that it could happen to. But then....all it would take is one giant stupid senseless tragic mistake. And it might have been my child. Or a child of someone I know.

No, it isn't our responsibility to ensure the safety of our dcks outside of our homes or centers. I remember calling one of my dcms this past winter; she has to travel an hour to get here and it was a terribly snowy crappy day out. She was supposed to be here at 8:00 so I called when she hadn't gotten here by 9:30, to see if she was still coming. She was waiting to get pulled out of a snowbank, thankfully not far from home. What does a 2 minute call take out of our day?

It's not a two minute call. It's paying attention to times and then starting the process. It's deciding what to do if they don't answer. It's remembering when they told you three weeks ago they had a dentist appointment. It's waking up a mom who is sleeping in after being up all night with a puking kid with a high fever and listening to her go off on you that you just woke up the kid.

It's centers with hundreds of kids trying to figure out who is scheduled, who is missing, who called in, what staff took attendance and did she get their names right....

It's the lawsuit from the insurer's who pay hundreds of thousands in medical care for the brain damaged kids that were pulled out right before death and survived. It's paying a huge insurance bill after the first insurance company has to fork over millions to one provider who said she would but didn't and the kid died.