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I have a 3 year old that I have asked about before. She refuses to speak to me and its getting worse and I don't know what to do. Friday while everyone was eating one of the younger kids (1.5) took some of her drink while I was getting everyone food. Instead of telling me so I could handle it, she started crying and throwing a fit and it lasted until nap. I moved her away from the group and went on with our day. Well now its Monday morning, and while I was making breakfast I look up to her crying and kicking my cat because she doesn't like my cat. Instead of saying something to me about it (which I try to make sure the cat is away from her) she is freaking out and kicking her. So once again she is off to the side. What can I do? To be honest here, I am only making $280.00 a week because Im low on numbers. I have her and her sister. If I term her because of this, then I loose 180.00 a week and only make 100 a week. I have been trying to replace them but I am having a hard time. This is also the girl of the mom I have the most problems with. So do you ladies have any suggestions, as to how to make this work until I replace them, or is there nothing I can do until I term. Because at this point I am so frustrated that Im ready to just close and I don't want to feel like that just because of one little girl.
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Bless your heart.... The only advice I can give is to double your efforts to replace them. I wouldn't worry about filling up before terming, just replace the income you would lose from terming them and be done. I'm really wondering if this little girl has some serious "need to see a shrink" type problems. -
have you asked mom how she handles things at home? that might give you a baseline for what she is expecting. Also sounds like she might be over tired.
I might go so far as to crouch down to her level, look her in the eyes, and say frankly "if you are acting this way it means you need a nap. Are you going to calm down or move to your [wherever she naps]. I'm going to give you until 3 to choose....1......2......3 okay it seems like you can't choose so I will choose for you. Naptime! Do you want to walk or shall I carry you? Looks like you are choosing to be carried. Let's go. you can get up when you are rested and feeling better."
I do sometimes with the kids that are milking the upset look them in the eye and calmly say, "That's enough."Hee hee! Look, I have a signature!Comment
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It is hard to handle a child who doesnt communicate with you. Is it that she cant communicate or just refuses to? My ds is that way. He is 6yrs old now and will throw huge trantrums over the silliest things and refuse to talk to me. He will have all out screaming fits. I just place him on his bed and let him scream because there is no sense in trying to talk to him as it just makes him scream louder. I have to wait out the trantrum out before trying to talk calmly to him and you may have to do the same with this child. Sounds like this child will need a lot of redirection and keeping a constant eye on them. Try keeping the child involved in activities that keep their hands busy. Good luck until you can replace them.Comment
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Yes I have addressed it with her many times. I have had her for 6 months and its always been this way. Every time I bring it up I am told that She only does it with me. Her mom is 22 and dad is 25. They pretty much treat her like a princess that can do no wrong. They don't even pay the same attention to there 7 month old the way they do to the 3 year old. The mom is no help at all
. I have tried the nap time thing but the one time I did it it was 9 am and then by the time nap time was here she was wide awake and kept everyone else up. I just don't understand why she won't talk to me. Once she cried all day and as soon as mom got here she started puking on my floor and told mom she didn't feel good all day and mom got mad at me for not calling her. Well she never told me! I mean its that bad.
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Oh my goodness. I had this exact kid. I couldn't term either because she is my friend's child. I talked with her mom about it and it turns out that they were anticipating her every want and need at home so she had no need to communicate. I asked them to start encouraging her to use her words even if they knew what she wanted and that I would do the same. Sometimes everyone would be excused from the table for 30 minutes and she would still be there because she wouldn't ask me to get down. I started with only requiring her to mumble and gradually expected words and then sentences before getting what she wanted. If she started crying randomly, I would say, "I see you're upset, but you have to use words". And I would separate her while the rest of us would do a fun activity so that she would be motivated to talk to me. I also put all her favorite toys just out of reach so she HAD to ask me in order to play. All this helped her talk more and ultimately stopped the behaviors I was having trouble with. I hope you can find something that works for you! It's tough!Comment
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If she is choosing not to speak but can, then I would simply treat her like any other non-verbal child.
Give her the things she needs and instruct her to do as you need her to do. If she isn't going to speak on her own behalf, then you will simply have to go about your day and do as you would with any other child who isn't verbal yet.
If she tantrums, send her to a quiet spot. When she is done, go about your normal business.
I would honestly give her NO attention for not speaking. I wouldn't try and coax her or force her to speak. She needs to see that not speaking is HER issue not yours. kwim?
As for the kicking the cat....there would be some serious consequences for that. That is absolutely unacceptable. The cat did nothing to her and harming animals just because you are angry or upset is not okay.
She would be losing some major privileges for that.Comment
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I wonder, does she speak to OTHER people? Not her parents; aunts, gma, other parents, other children.
My friends' daughter has PPD-non specific, and suffers from "selective mutism". She can speak to her direct family, but has a huge road-block speaking to others. She's known me all her life (she's 15) and still CAN'T talk to me. Maybe, if we spent a whole day together, she could say a few words to me after several hours, but I'd have to ask the question and wait a good 3-4 minutes for her to be able to process and answer.
She was really prone to temper tantrums as a young child, because her inability to communicate with others frustrated her so.Comment
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I will try this. Yes she is a very smart girl and is a big talker and for only 3 can carry on a convo with you. She just doesn't get her way here and so she refuses to talk. I have been trying to get her to talk which is why I get so frustrated. I will try to just ignore and walk away.Comment
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It seems that you are approaching this situation as if she's not communicating in order to be "bad". While I wouldn't force her or overly coax her to speak, I would definitely go out of my way to try to connect with her emotionally. Something is going on with her, and as she's only 3, I highly doubt that she's not speaking to you out of spite or to snub you.
I'm wondering if this is a case of selective mutism. Some kids are so painfully uncomfortable outside of their comfort zone (parents and/or home) that how they deal with it is to be uncommunicative verbally.
When she's either refusing to verbally communicate, or is communicating in a socially unacceptable way, I'd pull her aside and talk to her about how she might be feeling (angry, sad, frustrated). I would not just stick her in time out (you can apply a consequence after you have discussed her feelings). It's possible that if she sees that you "get" her, and that you are a safe person with whom she can discuss feelings, that she'll open up to you and start telling you what's going on in her head. Talking to her about her feelings isn't condoning bad behaviour, it's just acknowledging her feelings.Comment
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Does she talk to you at all? Like, when she was kicking your cat
, did she tell you it was because she didn't like it, or did you just assume that was why? The reason I ask is of she doesn't talk to you at all, I would think selective mutism, but if she does sometimes, that wouldn't really apply.
We have a dcg who refuses to talk sometimes, she is very stubborn. If it just a stubborn/ defiance thing, I would go with BC's advice.Comment
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To me it sounds like it's a power/control thing - look at how worked up she has you with very little effort on her part! ITA about not giving her any attention (power/control) for not speaking.
Will she communicate nonverbally? Like, if you give her a choice of the blue or red cup will she point to one? If she does, I'd give her TONS of choices so she gets a chance to have power/control over things besides her voice. Do you want a spoon or fork for your cereal? Do you want one scoop of cereal or two? Etc. Just be sure that both choices are OK with you because if there's one you don't want her to choose that'll be the one she chooses!Comment
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No she will not speak to me at all. If I ask her a question or tell her to do something she looks at me or shrugges her sholders. Once she starts crying if u ask why she says "because". When u say because why? She says " I don't know". She can talk very well. It's not a development issue or hidden issues at home. It's only with me. I went to her birthday party and saw first hand it's only with me. She won't even tell me when something is wrong or when she needs something. I think it's because I have rules and at home she is in charge. Even when I talk to the mom, the mom gets mad and snappy at me. Everyday I just want to cry and I look at my own kids and wonder why I even do this job when this is how my day is ever day and my only option is to quit and hurt my family financially.Does she talk to you at all? Like, when she was kicking your cat, did she tell you it was because she didn't like it, or did you just assume that was why? The reason I ask is of she doesn't talk to you at all, I would think selective mutism, but if she does sometimes, that wouldn't really apply.
We have a dcg who refuses to talk sometimes, she is very stubborn. If it just a stubborn/ defiance thing, I would go with BC's advice.Comment
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I will add that she speaks to my kids who are 8,5, and 2. But when she's not speaking to me she is eye rolling or smiling at me.Comment
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