I Really Need Help

[Heidi]

I will add that she speaks to my kids who are 8,5, and 2. But when she's not speaking to me she is eye rolling or smiling at me.

In that case, I think you have two options. Either connect with her somehow; maybe through silliness or humor, or term.

If she talks to everyone else but you, the problem is the connection between you. Not saying that's YOUR fault at all. But sometimes, people don't like each other. That OK! You have other adults you don't connect with, why not a child?

This sounds silly, but we all know that when we were kids, there was some adult that just scared us. Maybe their hair, or a mole, or hair in their nose. :: Of COURSE, I am not saying you have any of those, but kids perspectives are sometimes way off. Please don't think I'm saying your weird looking.... Obviously, I have no idea what you look like, sound like, or smell like, for that matter! Maybe she's just seeing you through different lenses.



Does that make sense? Sorry, couldn't resist the image....::

[nannyde]

Well I have been thinking about this.

Two stories.

My staff assistant was a nanny for two kids and the oldest was extremely bossy and difficult. She started preschool and the mom took her and picked her up till she was bored with it. So a few weeks into it my helper goes to get her one day and the teachers told her that the kid hadn't said a word for three weeks. They asked her if she knew how they could help her overcome her shyness. My helper went :::::: to the teachers and to the kid.

She told them she wasn't shy she is THE BOSS. When she is with her parents, brother, and friends she bosses them around all day every day. Her "friends" were the children of her Dads employees and every playdate the parents of the friends didn't want their kid to upset the bosses daughter.

Preschool was the kids first time being around anyone who didn't know she was supposed to rule. So instead of participate she went silent.

The helper told her in front of the teachers to knock it off. She said she knew she was faking it and to answer the adults when they ask you questions. She pointed to each teacher and said "she is YOUR boss".

The second story. I had two kids who were the youngest of six kids. The older kids were way older. The girl was three and she never talked to us. I couldn't figure out how a kid in a big family of six kids with way older sibs didn't talk all the time. I asked the mom and she said she.doesn't shut up at home. I had the mom take her.into my playroom and.I watched the two on my camera and sure enough the kid yapped away.

I found out that the little kids were kept up really late into the night because the older kids were expected to babysit them and keep them quiet while mom slept. They played with her in their rooms and let her watch tv.till she passed out. She had bags of chips, pop, junk at her disposal to keep her from pestering the older kids.

So when.she was at my house there was nothing interesting. No WAY older kids, no tv, no junk food, no stay up till you pass out.

I realized she hated my house and had no reason to try and be a part of it. The life she had at home was a life of control and PLEASURE. My life was good healthy food, age appropriate toys, little kids and adult supervision.

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't play. She would sit and stare at the adult during play and sit and stare at the food during meals.

She would walk and sleep. So we took her out walking 1.2 miles a day and had her sleep. She was at my house about nine hours and she slept 7 of them.

I didn't get frustrated. I used it to my advantage. She was good as long as I didn't expect her to do anything. I didn't care if she played or ate. I cared about her sleeping and going with the kids when my helper took her for a walk.

It was easy money. If you can't beat em join em.

I think she has figured out the only way to control you is to not talk. It's pretty clever so I would go with it. I would tell her I am very glad she doesn't talk because I like quiet kids. Smile and tell her thank you for being so quiet.

I would not ASK her anything. I would TELL her what she is to do. I would boss her around all day. Go sit here. Go potty. Sit at the table. Go get your shoes.

I would not allow any TV. I would also ask the mom what tablet she has. There is a chance she she is on an ipad.all the time at home. It's becoming. VERY common and the kids on tablets have a very hard time without them. She could very well be in withdrawal from the screens and control when she is at your house. Every second she's consumed with what she gets when she leaves. That thought process can paralyze a kids mind when they know they will get their fix as soon as their parents pick up.

Don't take it personally. It truly has nothing to do with you. She needs to be bossed around because if a crisis happens she has to know instinctively to mind you RIGHT then. She is so powerful she may well not understand that and the few seconds of refusal could be the difference of life and death.

[cara041083]

Wow I never even thought about an emergency! I will try what you said. I'm on with the not talking as long as I can get her to do what she is told. Now I know how to handle it. I will try all the advice starting today! Because today is a new day

[Heidi]

Well I have been thinking about this.

Two stories.

My staff assistant was a nanny for two kids and the oldest was extremely bossy and difficult. She started preschool and the mom took her and picked her up till she was bored with it. So a few weeks into it my helper goes to get her one day and the teachers told her that the kid hadn't said a word for three weeks. They asked her if she knew how they could help her overcome her shyness. My helper went :::::: to the teachers and to the kid.

She told them she wasn't shy she is THE BOSS. When she is with her parents, brother, and friends she bosses them around all day every day. Her "friends" were the children of her Dads employees and every playdate the parents of the friends didn't want their kid to upset the bosses daughter.

Preschool was the kids first time being around anyone who didn't know she was supposed to rule. So instead of participate she went silent.

The helper told her in front of the teachers to knock it off. She said she knew she was faking it and to answer the adults when they ask you questions. She pointed to each teacher and said "she is YOUR boss".

The second story. I had two kids who were the youngest of six kids. The older kids were way older. The girl was three and she never talked to us. I couldn't figure out how a kid in a big family of six kids with way older sibs didn't talk all the time. I asked the mom and she said she.doesn't shut up at home. I had the mom take her.into my playroom and.I watched the two on my camera and sure enough the kid yapped away.

I found out that the little kids were kept up really late into the night because the older kids were expected to babysit them and keep them quiet while mom slept. They played with her in their rooms and let her watch tv.till she passed out. She had bags of chips, pop, junk at her disposal to keep her from pestering the older kids.

So when.she was at my house there was nothing interesting. No WAY older kids, no tv, no junk food, no stay up till you pass out.

I realized she hated my house and had no reason to try and be a part of it. The life she had at home was a life of control and PLEASURE. My life was good healthy food, age appropriate toys, little kids and adult supervision.

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't play. She would sit and stare at the adult during play and sit and stare at the food during meals.

She would walk and sleep. So we took her out walking 1.2 miles a day and had her sleep. She was at my house about nine hours and she slept 7 of them.

I didn't get frustrated. I used it to my advantage. She was good as long as I didn't expect her to do anything. I didn't care if she played or ate. I cared about her sleeping and going with the kids when my helper took her for a walk.

It was easy money. If you can't beat em join em.

I think she has figured out the only way to control you is to not talk. It's pretty clever so I would go with it. I would tell her I am very glad she doesn't talk because I like quiet kids. Smile and tell her thank you for being so quiet.

I would not ASK her anything. I would TELL her what she is to do. I would boss her around all day. Go sit here. Go potty. Sit at the table. Go get your shoes.

I would not allow any TV. I would also ask the mom what tablet she has. There is a chance she she is on an ipad.all the time at home. It's becoming. VERY common and the kids on tablets have a very hard time without them. She could very well be in withdrawal from the screens and control when she is at your house. Every second she's consumed with what she gets when she leaves. That thought process can paralyze a kids mind when they know they will get their fix as soon as their parents pick up.

Don't take it personally. It truly has nothing to do with you. She needs to be bossed around because if a crisis happens she has to know instinctively to mind you RIGHT then. She is so powerful she may well not understand that and the few seconds of refusal could be the difference of life and death.

Good points!