A Poem My Daughter Wrote About Me Doing Daycare :(

[Soccermom]

This is a poem that my almost 12 year old DD wrote....they pick up a lot more than we think I guess. This poem breaks my heart but I am impressed at how well written it is. (I fixed the spelling errors for the post though )

I am glad that you are home mom, because I love you with all my heart,
But when I walk through the door, happy for my day with you to start
All I see is chaos and some days it feels like everything is falling apart.

There are days when all I wanted was your shoulder so I could cry
Days when things at school kind of went awry
But lately there is no room on your lap so I don't even try

I just would love to talk to you and have you all to me
Just once come home to joy and peace, a house that is stress free
But I know you need to work, you need to make money

The screams give me a headache, the fighting drives me mad
I think they are all cute but sometimes they are so bad.
Their parents are always late and you are always getting mad.

At dinner all we talk about is how stressed out you feel
I try to change the subject and compliment the meal
But I understand your need to talk because some days are just unreal


I don't understand why all moms cannot just stay home
Make meals for their own kids, pick up the toys they've thrown
At least just for a little while, until their kids are grown

I don't mean to make you sad Mom, I just miss your pretty smile
I'd love for us to just be a family even if only for awhile
I hope that you're not angry, I don't mean to sound hostile

It's just that most days I feel like I live inside of a volcano
Feeling all the time like any minute, the whole thing could just blow
It is never really very calm because there is always something, you know...

Remember when we had plays at school and you would always come?
Now you have to stay at home and I know it makes you feel glum
I wish we could be the way we were, I don't like who we've become

I know you say that life is hard and we gotta do what we gotta do
And that is why when I come in I always try to help you
Our family is a strong one though so I know that we'll pull through.

[drseuss]

OMG. This hits home so hard. :hug::hug::hug:

[Shell]

It is very well written. I worry that my kids will feel this way one day too (if they don't already). What are you going to do?

[taylorw1210]

Oh man, how heart breaking.

[SilverSabre25]

oohhh, that broke my heart and i'm crying now...because i'm 99% sure my daughter (6.5) feels identically. Your daughter is amazingly well-spoken (written?) and kudos to you for raising her to feel comfortable voicing this to you at all!

[Patches]

Can't form a response right now...too busy crying

[sugar buzz]

Bless her heartlovethis...my own DD's could have written this. They've told me these same things many times. I made some cuts this summer and slashed my ratio. It's been such a luxury to have my own kids out number the daycare kids and get the majority of my attention for the first time in ten years. Regardless, I will always feel blessed that I was a working mother, who got to stay home. Yesterday, my 12 year-old was helping me push the stroller into the library and said: "Thanks, Mom. You did a really good job terrifying me and my friends about the idea of a teen pregnancy." LOL--I do what I can!

[Michelle]

my own daughters could have written that
wonderful poem
I always try to tell them that this daycare pays for our home, clothes,food,Disneyland, private school, trips, etc.
but I think they would rather live in a one room shack with me sometimes than this
wow!
this really hits home

[hope]

Looks like you have raised a very intelligent and loving little girl. You are very blessed that she can speak so openly to you. Please take some comfort in knowing that we all have mommy guilt. Thank you for sharing this.

[melilley]

Can't form a response right now...too busy crying

Same here.

[melilley]

Ok, now that I'm done crying...
Wow, that is very well written! I often wonder if my dd feels that way too, she's 11. I just opened a year and a half ago so she didn't grow up with me having an in home dc, but lately I feel like my house is exactly how your dd described. In the past I could take off from work (I worked in a center) and go to almost all of her school parties and this year I couldn't and honestly, it broke my heart. I know she's getting a little old for school parties, but still. And some days it is a mad house here. I always ask her how she feels about the dc and she always says she doesn't mind, but I always wonder if she is telling the truth. I'm going to have her read your daughter's poem.

I sometimes have regrets about opening my dc, but at the same time if I didn't, my 1 yo ds would have to go to someone else's dc and my daughter would most likely have to go to the before school program.

Thank you for sharing!

Maybe our kids need a forum of all kids of dc parents to go to to vent and share like we do.

[Michelle]

Did anyone see the movie
" Mom's Night Out"?
it's about a stay at home mom that complains about how hard her life is and how she just needs to get a break

I absolutely hated that movie!!!
I would give anything to have just one day with my daughter and just be a mom
I know we have weekends but when she comes home all excited about something at school she has to just follow me around and talk because it is the busiest time of the day
I have tried everything such as waking the kids up 20 minutes later etc. but nothing works

[Michelle]

Ok, now that I'm done crying...
Wow, that is very well written! I often wonder if my dd feels that way too, she's 11. I just opened a year and a half ago so she didn't grow up with me having an in home dc, but lately I feel like my house is exactly how your dd described. In the past I could take off from work (I worked in a center) and go to almost all of her school parties and this year I couldn't and honestly, it broke my heart. I know she's getting a little old for school parties, but still. And some days it is a mad house here. I always ask her how she feels about the dc and she always says she doesn't mind, but I always wonder if she is telling the truth. I'm going to have her read your daughter's poem.

I sometimes have regrets about opening my dc, but at the same time if I didn't, my 1 yo ds would have to go to someone else's dc and my daughter would most likely have to go to the before school program.

Thank you for sharing!

Maybe our kids need a forum of all kids of dc parents to go to to vent and share like we do.

[Soccermom]

Did anyone see the movie
" Mom's Night Out"?
it's about a stay at home mom that complains about how hard her life is and how she just needs to get a break

I absolutely hated that movie!!!
I would give anything to have just one day with my daughter and just be a mom
I know we have weekends but when she comes home all excited about something at school she has to just follow me around and talk because it is the busiest time of the day
I have tried everything such as waking the kids up 20 minutes later etc. but nothing works

Same here! She walks in the door at 3pm when all the littles are waking up, needing to be changed and it is also snack time 15 min. later.....plus she is walking in with 2 other School age kids who come right off the bus with her.

[MarinaVanessa]

Okay. I read it and had to walk away to think about this some. I was in this situation also with my 9yo DD and I had a heart to heart with her about it. After thinking about you and my situation and after mulling over it some here is what I have to say, I'm going to try to talk you off the ledge.

As heart breaking as it is for your daughter to feel this way and for you to feel what you feel right now knowing that this is how your daughter feels I think you should take into consideration (and talk to DD about it) that unless you can stay home without struggling financially and not do daycare ... you doing daycare is the better option. I'll tell you why (for me at least) it is the better option and how I approached the subject with my DD.

If I didn't do daycare I would need to work elsewhere out of the home. That would mean that my 11mo and my 3yo would need to go to a full-day daycare and my 9yo would be at school all day and then need after school care. That wouldn't give my children more time with me than I get now. In fact, I would see my children less.

- But the quality time wouldn't be spent with my kids because of my responsibility to the DCK's - This is true, but i would BE there. Being there and being able to have at least some interaction with my children is better than someone else having that interaction with my children. On top of that I think about how if my kids were in group care they still would have to share that caregiver's attention as well. So they would get the same, if not less, attention from the caregiver (because no one is going to love them like I do) but they would now also see me less.

- I miss a lot of their school functions - My child's school holds a lot of it's function during normal work hours. I missed a lot of her functions anyway BEFORE I did daycare when she was in preschool BECAUSE of this. I need to WORK to get paid. My job wasn't as understanding when I told them that my DD had a preschool recital, celebration or field trip during work hours that I wanted to attend. They wouldn't give me the time off. If I'm already going to miss these events I'd rather be at home with my children even if that means I have to share my attention. For functions in the evenings I can close early, leave my DC with the children of late parents (and charge them for it) or I can change my hours.

- My kids are frustrated because of the chaos - I try harder at being proactive in preventing problems rather than being reactive after it becomes a problem. I spend nap time with my kids, take a few minutes out of the day to share a story with just my child and I allow my child to takes breaks away from the daycare to spend time by herself in her room. I remind myself that yes sometimes there is a lot of crying but there is crying and chaos among my own children because they are siblings and heaven forbid they get along with each other or even tolerate each other for longer than 5 minutes. It is normal child behavior.

It's hard. And heartbreaking. And frustrating. Feeling like you're between a rock and hard place is stressful. We are not super humans and life is full of hard choices. I chose the lesser of two evils. You can figure out what is most important to you and what benefits your family the most and then be proud that you are doing the best for your family, even if that decision doesn't feel completely right.

We as moms carry around the burden of the feelings and emotions of our family. We have to make sacrifices that our children don't always understand and may at the moment resent us for but from my personal experience when I grew up and looked back at my mom's sacrifices that I hated her for I understood the reasons behind her choices and I admired and respected her for them.

For now just take the time to talk to her and to listen. Maybe schedule some regular mom/daughter time for yourselves. Hang in there. lovethis