I Have To Endure Screaming And Crying, But You Don't?

[melilley]

About 6 months or so ago, a dcm told me dcb was done with pacifiers he was a little under a year and a half. She said that the dentist said they were shifting his teeth. She said he couldn't have them anymore and to not give him one. I followed her wishes as I don't mind helping parents with this transition. Dcb always cries over everything so I knew it would be hard. Well the first week he cried at nap (I usually dont let them have them outside of nap) but by Friday he was ok. Well the next week comes and he's screaming again. I finally just gave in and gave him one. I had suspicions that he still got one at home as mom is not one who will hear crying and no one could sleep. I continued to not let him have one except at nap, even through his many many fits during the day.

Well....fast forward to today-about 6 months later mind you, dcm brings dcb in...With a pacifier in his mouth! She tells me how sorry she is that he is filthy and then realizes that he still has the pacifier in his mouth and swiftly takes it and puts it in her pocket! I just stood there with my mouth open because of course I can never think of what to say in the moment.

I am so mad. For 6 months I have endured screaming and crying while dcps just give it to him whenever he wants it. I knew they were giving it to him all along! Once his aunt dropped off a bag from when dcb spent the night (just about a month ago) and low and behold, there was a pacifier in it.

Urgggh I am so irritated. I am not going to work with you and have to hear screaming and crying while you just give it to him!

Now, what to say to dcm at pickup. ...

[lovemykidstoo]

Been there! It is so maddening. I had almost the same exact situation except when the dcb came in with it in his mouth and mom took it away, I said to her, "oh I see we're not breaking him of that yet, good to know I'll let him have it here too. Let me know when you're ready to take it away for good and I'll do the same". I refuse to do it here if they're not doing it at home. The only time I did take it away here when one was still getting it at home was when a dcb was biting the end of them off. I told her I didn't care what he did at home, but he would not have a choking hazard in his mouth here.

[NightOwl]

Wow. I understand your anger.

Dcm, I have really pushed to eliminate the paci these last few months and I must say, I was shocked and disheartened to see that you still give it to him. Actually, I suspected it anyway because he still hasn't adjusted to not having it, and that's very unusual after 6 months.

If it was me, and you can afford to lose/term, I would consider a probationary period of a month for him to be off the paci completely AND be content with it (meaning, you know he isn't still getting it at home because the screaming like a banshee stops). This may seem drastic, but they unnecessarily put you through the wringer while they secretly took the easy way out at home. You can't effectively work with someone when there's no trust.

[cheerfuldom]

Almost 100% of the time in my experience, parents do not stick with paci-weaning so I dont either. I go to nap-time-only paci use as soon as a baby is mobile, then they use the paci HERE as long as I think they need it but I generally have all kids weaned off well before two. Its become just like anything else.....I really dont care what the parents are doing at home. I just figure what works here and I dont wean a child off anything until I know for sure they are fully weaned at home OR unless I see that they are fine here without it, even if they are using it at home. I had a two year old fully weaned off for months but at home, she used the paci till over four.

I dont think this is probation or term worthy. Just do what works for you at daycare.

[crazydaycarelady]

Do you have a spare pacifier? I'd just have it in his mouth at pick-up and if dcm says anything mention that you thought they had given it back since you saw him with it in the morning.

[KidGrind]

About 6 months or so ago, a dcm told me dcb was done with pacifiers he was a little under a year and a half. She said that the dentist said they were shifting his teeth. She said he couldn't have them anymore and to not give him one. I followed her wishes as I don't mind helping parents with this transition. Dcb always cries over everything so I knew it would be hard. Well the first week he cried at nap (I usually dont let them have them outside of nap) but by Friday he was ok. Well the next week comes and he's screaming again. I finally just gave in and gave him one. I had suspicions that he still got one at home as mom is not one who will hear crying and no one could sleep. I continued to not let him have one except at nap, even through his many many fits during the day.

Well....fast forward to today-about 6 months later mind you, dcm brings dcb in...With a pacifier in his mouth! She tells me how sorry she is that he is filthy and then realizes that he still has the pacifier in his mouth and swiftly takes it and puts it in her pocket! I just stood there with my mouth open because of course I can never think of what to say in the moment.

I am so mad. For 6 months I have endured screaming and crying while dcps just give it to him whenever he wants it. I knew they were giving it to him all along! Once his aunt dropped off a bag from when dcb spent the night (just about a month ago) and low and behold, there was a pacifier in it.

Urgggh I am so irritated. I am not going to work with you and have to hear screaming and crying while you just give it to him!

Now, what to say to dcm at pickup. ...

I would just say, “I thought you weren’t using pacifiers anymore; what happened? Did his teeth stop shifting?”

I wouldn’t address it afterwards anymore.

[Play Care]

Almost 100% of the time in my experience, parents do not stick with paci-weaning so I dont either. I go to nap-time-only paci use as soon as a baby is mobile, then they use the paci HERE as long as I think they need it but I generally have all kids weaned off well before two. Its become just like anything else.....I really dont care what the parents are doing at home. I just figure what works here and I dont wean a child off anything until I know for sure they are fully weaned at home OR unless I see that they are fine here without it, even if they are using it at home. I had a two year old fully weaned off for months but at home, she used the paci till over four.

I dont think this is probation or term worthy. Just do what works for you at daycare.

This is exactly my policy for the same reason! I will try it *once* If the child cries or screams it goes back. In my care when I know kids are ready I take it and it's done - no months of crying/screaming to endure.

And frankly I'm tired of the dentist being used as an excuse. Yes, *long term* paci use can harm tooth/jaw position. Two hours a day at nap? Nope.

[cara041083]

Do you have a spare pacifier? I'd just have it in his mouth at pick-up and if dcm says anything mention that you thought they had given it back since you saw him with it in the morning.

This is what I would do but that's just me

[Unregistered]

I have children here that still at 3 years old get pacifiers at home.
I take them away at 1 year regardless of what parents do at home. They get used to different rules and adjust.I don't need any more germs than I already have!
Just keep doing what you are doing by not giving it to him.

[playground1]

I have children here that still at 3 years old get pacifiers at home.
I take them away at 1 year regardless of what parents do at home. They get used to different rules and adjust.I don't need any more germs than I already have!
Just keep doing what you are doing by not giving it to him.

Like us. At our center, we only give pacifiers as bedtime. They can't communicate with us with something in their mouths!

Funny story: One little boy in my group is the nephew of a good friend of mine. Her sister (dcb's mom) was trying have a wedding on the cheap and as a wedding gift I offered to work the bar for a few hours. Dcb saw me there and when I said hi, he walked right up and handed me his pacifier. I kept it until he went home.

[craftymissbeth]

I nannied for a family with a 1 year old a few years ago and they asked me to stop giving her the pacifier. I did and it was so tough... but I stuck with it. Every single day there would be between 2-5 pacifiers in her crib. They would just throw a bunch in there so that when she woke up at night she would be able to just grab the closest one \

There were other issues with this family (I worked 60 hours and only got paid $200 a week no matter how many hours I was there... among other issues) so one day right before I quit I gathered up all of the pacifiers (probably close to 50) put them in a gallon Ziploc bag and threw the bag up on top of the cabinets in their garage

The next day there were a bunch of brand new pacis waiting to be opened on the kitchen counter


All of that to say I freaking hate pacifiers

[CraftyMom]

Like us. At our center, we only give pacifiers as bedtime. They can't communicate with us with something in their mouths!

Funny story: One little boy in my group is the nephew of a good friend of mine. Her sister (dcb's mom) was trying have a wedding on the cheap and as a wedding gift I offered to work the bar for a few hours. Dcb saw me there and when I said hi, he walked right up and handed me his pacifier. I kept it until he went home.

That's funny!

I have a dcg 2 that immediately when she wakes up from nap walks to me and hands me her pacifier.

When mom tries to take it in the morning she cries, so mom says ok you can have it. As soon as mom leaves dcg hands it to me ::

The minute dad comes at pick up she doesn't say hello to him, she asks for her pacifier and he gives it to her.

Mom and dad keep saying they don't want her to have it anymore yet they give it to her without a second thought

Funny thing is I don't mind her having it, only at nap and she knows that and hands it over willingly because she knows it's the rule

[DaisyMamma]

About 6 months or so ago, a dcm told me dcb was done with pacifiers he was a little under a year and a half. She said that the dentist said they were shifting his teeth. She said he couldn't have them anymore and to not give him one. I followed her wishes as I don't mind helping parents with this transition. Dcb always cries over everything so I knew it would be hard. Well the first week he cried at nap (I usually dont let them have them outside of nap) but by Friday he was ok. Well the next week comes and he's screaming again. I finally just gave in and gave him one. I had suspicions that he still got one at home as mom is not one who will hear crying and no one could sleep. I continued to not let him have one except at nap, even through his many many fits during the day.

Well....fast forward to today-about 6 months later mind you, dcm brings dcb in...With a pacifier in his mouth! She tells me how sorry she is that he is filthy and then realizes that he still has the pacifier in his mouth and swiftly takes it and puts it in her pocket! I just stood there with my mouth open because of course I can never think of what to say in the moment.

I am so mad. For 6 months I have endured screaming and crying while dcps just give it to him whenever he wants it. I knew they were giving it to him all along! Once his aunt dropped off a bag from when dcb spent the night (just about a month ago) and low and behold, there was a pacifier in it.

Urgggh I am so irritated. I am not going to work with you and have to hear screaming and crying while you just give it to him!

Now, what to say to dcm at pickup. ...

From now on make sure he has a pacifier in his mouth each and every day at pickup.

The reason he is so miserable for you is because she gives him one. If she had stopped he would be happy by now. She is torturing him by doing this. (And torturing you!) It is down right mean.

I had a mom do that to me once. Well, she tried to anyway. I was fooled for maybe a week. I could tell by his behavior that he had one at home. I just started giving it to him again. I decided that I would only stop if she did. A few weeks later his older sister said something about his binky at home.

[Play Care]

I have children here that still at 3 years old get pacifiers at home.
I take them away at 1 year regardless of what parents do at home. They get used to different rules and adjust.I don't need any more germs than I already have!
Just keep doing what you are doing by not giving it to him.

Any time I have a child who uses a paci it is only at bedtime. Children are never allowed to walk around with them. That *is* gross.

[Crazy8]

BTDT… actually if I search I think I posted about it recently too!!! And they still give it to this child at home - he's 3 and he tells me he has one at home but not at my house where he's a "big boy".

ETA: just bumped my old post - the "funny videos on facebook" post.