ugh! Enrolling older infants is NOT for me...

[KiddieCahoots]

I understand we all have different ideas and opinions on this topic, and that is fine. We will never all agree on a topic, perfectly understandable, and actually educational to hear another's view point.
What I'm not ok with is someone who doesn't even care for infants throw the first stone and remark at another's care, using the methods of self soothing or cio, as "neglect".
I work with neglected children! Self soothing and cio is a far cry, (excuse the pun), from "neglect".

[craftymissbeth]

I understand we all have different ideas and opinions on this topic, and that is fine. We will never all agree on a topic, perfectly understandable, and actually educational to hear another's view point.
What I'm not ok with is someone who doesn't even care for infants throw the first stone and remark at another's care, using the methods of self soothing or cio, as "neglect".
I work with neglected children! Self soothing and cio is a far cry, (excuse the pun), from "neglect".

[Heidi]

Thought I'd put on my helmet and throw my 2 cents in:

1) "Self-soothe" and "cry-it-out" are the same thing. Self-soothe is just a nicer way of saying CIO. I'm not sure how, but somehow someone decided to call it "self-soothe" to make it sound more palatable.

2) Infants do not have the ability to self-soothe! That is why they come with grown-ups to care for them! Learning to regulate ones emotions is a life-long learning experience - a six month old cannot reason, plan, discriminate, etc. They need countless positive, loving experiences to trust and know that we (the grown-ups) will make sure they are fed, diapered, clean, cozy, loved, cuddled, stimulated, kept and physically and emotionally safe. Laying a crying baby in a crib to fend for themselves does not promote these positive feelings.

3) Yes, teaching a baby to sleep on their own is hard work, especially if they "swing sleep" or are driven around in the car at home. However, it can be done without letting a child cry.

4) I never understood why some caregivers are so adamant that they won't rock a child to sleep. I care for six children (infants, toddlers, and preschoolers) and I usually rock at least the youngest one to sleep. I've done this for years and all of them are great sleepers. I will rock them until well past the time they are able to sleep on their own. The one 2yo I have now finally decided to stop rocking at 18 months telling me, "My bed Wee-ANNA!"

5) Baby wearing is a real option! Why do people dismiss it so summarily? It is not uncomfortable and you can wear kids well into toddlerhood! You can hold a baby and still have hands! I love it! It works! (Not just for me either, but for women all over the world )

6) Can/should we add "BFM" to the list of daycare acronyms?

Ok...helmet is secured...ready for the rocks...

::::::::

Seriously, if that works for you, great! I am not being sarcastic. It would not work for me, and I don't believe, myself, that it's best for children to be "carried around like a sack of potatoes".

It is semantics...CIO, self-soothing. Each person is going to see it a little differently. I don't like CIO as a term, because it brings to mind the Romanian/Russian orphanage thing where children are left in their beds most hours and a caregiver has 40 infants to "tend".

With a younger infant, sometimes I believe they do need to cry. Sometimes they have excess energy to burn off, and because they can't really move around yet they do it through crying. To me, that infant needs to be comforted, but not necessarily be made to stop crying. A touch, a song, talking softly, reassuring; these are all ways I can offer support and still encourage independence. I also give them the message that their bed is a lovely place to cuddle and sleep. I actually say that to my babies "oh, look, here's your lovely bed. Aren't you lucky that you can snuggle down and get all cozy? Now you'll have a nice sleep!"

With an older infant, especially one who's been taught they need to sleep in a swing or rocked or carried about, we sometimes need to be a little harder. I STILL comfort and support. I sing the same song EVERY NAP TIME. I prepare her, her friends wave night-night, she goes in the same bed, I rub her back briefly, and I walk out.

If she cries to long (BFM), I go in after 9-10 minutes, lay her down, whisper night night, and leave. Rinse and repeat. I am still supporting her; she knows I care, she knows I'm here.

BUT....I know what's best for her; she doesn't. It's best for her to sleep safely in a bed and sleep long so that she can be rested and ready to play.

That's how I see it. It doesn't matter of you don't. It's okay! You do it your way and I'll do it mine, and all these kiddos will be just fine.

[Heidi]

Nope, it's not true. I have worked as a nanny for different families, but it's not really my thing. I'm already a mom, thanks. I was defining infant as under 10 months or so. I totally get what you're saying and my post was actually not referring to yours. It's this attitude like babies under 1 are brats because they're crying that really gets to me. It's just...unkind. Your post didn't have that feeling at all.




Agreed. I'm also a mom to 4 and they all slept in their own beds from the beginning.



Absolutely.



:: You know how some of these parents are. My first live-in nanny job I was told that I wasn't expected to get up with the baby at night. Guess where his bedroom was. Guess where hers was. They'll do anything to get away from their kids.



Hey, I thought so! Oh, now I want to know everything about you!! How long have you been there? Are you "ausgebildet" here?

I will PM you.

[Blackcat31]

Everything I've ever read about training or teaching a child to become independent says to GRADUALLY delay the response time so that the child NEVER feels abandoned but slowly weans themselves from the need for instant "adult".



Also, I asked before but at WHAT point/age does the NEED become a WANT?

You can't just move from NEED to WANT cold turkey so what is the process you use to make the change?

I wonder who the provider is that just puts a baby in a crib to fend for themselves and walks away?

@Leanna... you said "I never understood why some caregivers are so adamant that they won't rock a child to sleep. I care for six children (infants, toddlers, and preschoolers) and I usually rock at least the youngest one to sleep"

So what are the other children that are needing to be rocked to sleep doing while you rock the youngest?

Also, baby wearing IS an option for SOME providers. NOT all.

But it cannot be the ONLY solution. I will NOT wear a baby and certainly not a toddler. So a parent or child that requires or wants a provider that will wear a baby has an obligation then to find a provider that will do this...there are many.

At SOME point in this discussion/debate, some level of responsibility MUST be placed on the parents. Parents have an obligation to find a provider that will be consistent with the care they give at home as well as one that is willing to work WITH them or shares the same beliefs.

[KiddieCahoots]

Found this interesting....

http://ocw.usu.edu/Family__Consumer____Human_Development/oer-power-of-positive-parenting/power-of-positive-parenting/A_Word_About_Fussy_Babies.html

[playground1]

I understand we all have different ideas and opinions on this topic, and that is fine. We will never all agree on a topic, perfectly understandable, and actually educational to hear another's view point.
What I'm not ok with is someone who doesn't even care for infants throw the first stone and remark at another's care, using the methods of self soothing or cio, as "neglect".
I work with neglected children! Self soothing and cio is a far cry, (excuse the pun), from "neglect".

I have given birth to four children, have been a nanny to many infants, and work regularly with children under 12 months. Otherwise known as infants. If all of this was not the case, I'm still a childcare professional and am fully capable of forming an opinion.

I get it, you're offended by the word "neglect". Deal with it.

[craftymissbeth]

Found this interesting....

http://ocw.usu.edu/Family__Consumer_...sy_Babies.html

Thank you for sharing that!

[Blackcat31]

I have given birth to four children, have been a nanny to many infants, and work regularly with children under 12 months. Otherwise known as infants. If all of this was not the case, I'm still a childcare professional and am fully capable of forming an opinion.

I get it, you're offended by the word "neglect". Deal with it.

Okay, that really isn't necessary. :confused:

I am also offended by someone implying others are neglecting kids.

[craftymissbeth]

I have given birth to four children, have been a nanny to many infants, and work regularly with children under 12 months. Otherwise known as infants. If all of this was not the case, I'm still a childcare professional and am fully capable of forming an opinion.

I get it, you're offended by the word "neglect". Deal with it.

This is just a healthy, normal debate for us here. There is absolutely no reason to be rude or unkind. We have these debates/discussions here quite often and most of them really enjoy them for their educational value. Adding in comments about providers neglecting their dck's along with phrases like "deal with it" is just unnecessary.

[playground1]

Everything I've ever read about training or teaching a child to become independent says to GRADUALLY delay the response time so that the child NEVER feels abandoned but slowly weans themselves from the need for instant "adult".

Also, I asked before but at WHAT point/age does the NEED become a WANT?

It's okay for them to want things, too. But I think each child is different. We just have to know. I'd probably start around 1.

You can't just move from NEED to WANT cold turkey so what is the process you use to make the change?

Beth described a pretty good process up there.

I wonder who the provider is that just puts a baby in a crib to fend for themselves and walks away?

I literally just read a ccp advising someone to do just that.

I obviously don't know what each states regulations are but we sleep on mats, all 15 kids in the same room with one adult. We also have these little wooden cradle type things for the smaller ones. We turn on soft classical music and rub backs, cuddle, etc. My co-worker even found that one of the babies liked to fall asleep with a little bean bag on his back. I guess the weight felt like a hand. I did it five days a week for five years. It works.

At SOME point in this discussion/debate, some level of responsibility MUST be placed on the parents. Parents have an obligation to find a provider that will be consistent with the care they give at home as well as one that is willing to work WITH them or shares the same beliefs.

Agreed. But I also feel like it's our responsibility to let them know and kind of set them on the right path.

[playground1]

Okay, that really isn't necessary. :confused:

I am also offended by someone implying others are neglecting kids.

I didn't imply anything. I outright said it and that's what I see. You can be offended.

[Heidi]

It's been a rough nap time again today!

She slept 45 minutes, which was just enough time for me to get the dishes put away, everyone else settled, and wipe down the floor, which is disgusting.

I know what the problem is; it's not sleep. It's confinement. She screams whenever she is placed in any type of confinement..the stroller, the cart, the outdoor baby zone, her pnp, her chair. She only stops when movement begins. Move the stroller, the cart, or the car (with her car seat in it), and she immediately stops crying. Food, now that she knows that chair= food, also distracts her enough to tolerate it. On that note, she's gone from being 100% fed by an adult to 100% self feeding in 2 weeks. She's almost mastered the cup, too, although I am still suplementing with bottles.

Not an option here. I cannot nap her on a mat (and she wouldn't stay at 9 months), and I cannot nap her in a swing. Regs say pnp or crib.

[craftymissbeth]

They scream because the can't communicate any other way. This thread makes me angry and sad. I absolutely understand not wanting to work with babies and the needs of a carer being different from a parent, but some of you are using "self-soothing" as a way to ignore the infants needs.

I don't feel like arguing with anyone here, because I know that your minds won't be changed, but I still feel like it needs to be said.

But see, if you read my post up above about what I consider self-soothing, you'll see that what I do is NOT neglect. In no way shape or form am I neglecting my dck's. In this quote of yours you IMPLY that those who teach self soothing to their infants are neglecting them.

[craftymissbeth]

It's been a rough nap time again today!

She slept 45 minutes, which was just enough time for me to get the dishes put away, everyone else settled, and wipe down the floor, which is disgusting.

I know what the problem is; it's not sleep. It's confinement. She screams whenever she is placed in any type of confinement..the stroller, the cart, the outdoor baby zone, her pnp, her chair. She only stops when movement begins. Move the stroller, the cart, or the car (with her car seat in it), and she immediately stops crying.

Not an option her. I cannot nap her on a mat (and she wouldn't stay at 9 months), and I cannot nap her in a swing. Regs say pnp or crib.

Do you know where/how she naps at home? Sorry if I missed it above