What Do You Do With Infants Who Are Held All The Time At Home?

[cheerfuldom]

As a group child care provider, my focus is what is best for the group as a whole. I cannot give ALL of my attention to one child.

That's what nannies are for.

Parents MUST do their jobs too and properly prepare their child for group care. If they are seeking individual attention and one on one care that THEY get to dictate, then they need to hire a nanny.

Expecting your GROUP care provider to give one on one care is no different than trying to see your dentist for a rash on your arm.

The client = business owner must work together with the SAME common goal or it will not work.

Exactly. and it irritates me when providers promise in ads that they will give one on one attention to each child....when is this going to be happening? who is watching the others while you one-on-one every other child in care? That is what I would want to know as a parent.

[NightOwl]

Wednesday, trolls love long and thought out replies. I prefer sarcasm::::

Only the first two sentences were for the troll.

[NightOwl]

Yes some babies are naturally more fearful, but when a parent's response to that fear is to cater to ever whimper, the baby comes to expect that catering and group care can be a total nightmare for the little guy.

[nannyde]

Do any of you even like kids?

I only like the ones I raise. The others annoy me. ;-)

[blandino]

I only like the ones I raise. The others annoy me. ;-)

Can I like this a thousand times over.

I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting the exit to pre-k, by 4 of my DCK this Fall. And the other day I realized the three that I have the most trouble with and who test my patience the most - are the ones who didn't enroll as infants. One enrolled at 2.5, one at 13 months, and one at 3.5. It really cemented my decision to do infants/toddlers only, and enroll primarily as infants.

[CraftyMom]

Can I like this a thousand times over.

I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting the exit to pre-k, by 4 of my DCK this Fall. And the other day I realized the three that I have the most trouble with and who test my patience the most - are the ones who didn't enroll as infants. One enrolled at 2.5, one at 13 months, and one at 3.5. It really cemented my decision to do infants/toddlers only, and enroll primarily as infants.

This is so true.

[Starburst]

Agreed. I have cared for dozens of infants over the years. Some are very relaxed and don't need or want to be held constantly. Others are just more cautious, or just need more human contact. Often they come from the same household, so I don't think we are discussing parents instilling fear. Just different kids with different personalities/needs.

Everyone thinks babies are just blank slates and that their personalities are only determined by the way their parents raise them until they are in daycare/school. But they are born with temperaments (personality types). The most common temperaments for children are: flexible (goes with the flow), cautious (slow to warm up), and feisty (now sometimes referred to as "spirited")

[daycarechick]

re: held babies

parents simply do not "get" that dc is a co-op, a group effort, therefore providers cannot be exclusive to any one child OR parent. "but I'm paying you!" they say -- yes, and so are the others, and the same fee.
also what they do at home without a 2nd thought, is monitored & regulated for us. by law, many providers CANNOT swaddle, but mom can. many providers CANNOT let baby sleep in a swing, or play in a walker, bouncer, etc, but mom can. many parents prop baby with a bottle, but WE can't. at home parents can plop in the lazboy with baby in their lap but we can't-- we have on average 6 other kids to monitor, feed, change, potty, educate, and take to/from school. that cannot be done if all our time, attention and resources are devoted to just one child.
parents need to understand that for the price they can afford, (FCC is way cheaper than center care) something has to give and in the long run anyway, it is in their child's best interest to not overly hold--floor time gives them the soothing skills, autonomy and large/small muscle building he/she needs and for toddlers, the social skills they need to succeed in school and on a team in sports.
and anyone who dares to think we don't like kids is off his/her rocker -- no way we can do this job and not like them. to put up with the regulation, intrusion, and disruption to our homes, families, personal life even finances, and NOT like kids? impossible!! the opposite cannot be more true--we LOVE them, and when they leave for greener pastures, it's akin to ripping our hearts out.

[Shell]

parents simply do not "get" that dc is a co-op, a group effort, therefore providers cannot be exclusive to any one child OR parent. "but I'm paying you!" they say -- yes, and so are the others, and the same fee.
also what they do at home without a 2nd thought, is monitored & regulated for us. by law, many providers CANNOT swaddle, but mom can. many providers CANNOT let baby sleep in a swing, or play in a walker, bouncer, etc, but mom can. many parents prop baby with a bottle, but WE can't. at home parents can plop in the lazboy with baby in their lap but we can't-- we have on average 6 other kids to monitor, feed, change, potty, educate, and take to/from school. that cannot be done if all our time, attention and resources are devoted to just one child.
parents need to understand that for the price they can afford, (FCC is way cheaper than center care) something has to give and in the long run anyway, it is in their child's best interest to not overly hold--floor time gives them the soothing skills, autonomy and large/small muscle building he/she needs and for toddlers, the social skills they need to succeed in school and on a team in sports.
and anyone who dares to think we don't like kids is off his/her rocker -- no way we can do this job and not like them. to put up with the regulation, intrusion, and disruption to our homes, families, personal life even finances, and NOT like kids? impossible!! the opposite cannot be more true--we LOVE them, and when they leave for greener pastures, it's akin to ripping our hearts out.

well said

[debbiedoeszip]

At the risk of sounding obnoxious, this is why I love that Canada offers a year of maternity leave. Most Canadian infants don't start daycare until they are around a year old and most of these issues are long gone. My DS at 4 months old was very needy and wasn't content just shaking his rattle and looking around (I didn't have a swing or exersaucer...too poor). He needed a lot of interaction with me or he'd fuss (read: scream) and drive me batty.

By the time he was crawling and exploring it was a totally different story. He was such a different baby, so happy and playing on his own, and he'd have done really well in a group situation. There's no way I could have afforded a nanny for those earlier months, though. I don't know what I'd have done if I had to return to work at that time.

[Blackcat31]

At the risk of sounding obnoxious, this is why I love that Canada offers a year of maternity leave. Most Canadian infants don't start daycare until they are around a year old and most of these issues are long gone. My DS at 4 months old was very needy and wasn't content just shaking his rattle and looking around (I didn't have a swing or exersaucer...too poor). He needed a lot of interaction with me or he'd fuss (read: scream) and drive me batty.

By the time he was crawling and exploring it was a totally different story. He was such a different baby, so happy and playing on his own, and he'd have done really well in a group situation. There's no way I could have afforded a nanny for those earlier months, though. I don't know what I'd have done if I had to return to work at that time.

I agree and disagree equally.

I belong to a board of daycare providers where a majority of them are Canadian. The issues they post/vent about in regards to transitioning a 8-12 month old into care is AWFUL!

It appears (to me anyways) that getting them younger helps get them into the routine easier than trying to re-train them at an older age.

Also, I think it's important for people to understand that no matter what age your child is, daycare will NOT be a pleasant experience unless the child is able to be as independent as they can be for their age.....kwim?

[playground1]

At the risk of sounding obnoxious, this is why I love that Canada offers a year of maternity leave. Most Canadian infants don't start daycare until they are around a year old and most of these issues are long gone. My DS at 4 months old was very needy and wasn't content just shaking his rattle and looking around (I didn't have a swing or exersaucer...too poor). He needed a lot of interaction with me or he'd fuss (read: scream) and drive me batty.

By the time he was crawling and exploring it was a totally different story. He was such a different baby, so happy and playing on his own, and he'd have done really well in a group situation. There's no way I could have afforded a nanny for those earlier months, though. I don't know what I'd have done if I had to return to work at that time.

I completely agree. I have cared for many infants, but I have to admit that I believe that children under one should probably be with a parent if possible.

[cheerfuldom]

Everyone thinks babies are just blank slates and that their personalities are only determined by the way their parents raise them until they are in daycare/school. But they are born with temperaments (personality types). The most common temperaments for children are: flexible (goes with the flow), cautious (slow to warm up), and feisty (now sometimes referred to as "spirited")

yeah but any of those personalities can turn into devil-children with the "right" parent LOL

or vice versa, even a spirited child can be downright delightful with the right set of parents.

It is a combo of parents AND caregivers and the right daycare environment. but it starts with the parents !

[cheerfuldom]

parents simply do not "get" that dc is a co-op, a group effort, therefore providers cannot be exclusive to any one child OR parent. "but I'm paying you!" they say -- yes, and so are the others, and the same fee.
also what they do at home without a 2nd thought, is monitored & regulated for us. by law, many providers CANNOT swaddle, but mom can. many providers CANNOT let baby sleep in a swing, or play in a walker, bouncer, etc, but mom can. many parents prop baby with a bottle, but WE can't. at home parents can plop in the lazboy with baby in their lap but we can't-- we have on average 6 other kids to monitor, feed, change, potty, educate, and take to/from school. that cannot be done if all our time, attention and resources are devoted to just one child.
parents need to understand that for the price they can afford, (FCC is way cheaper than center care) something has to give and in the long run anyway, it is in their child's best interest to not overly hold--floor time gives them the soothing skills, autonomy and large/small muscle building he/she needs and for toddlers, the social skills they need to succeed in school and on a team in sports.
and anyone who dares to think we don't like kids is off his/her rocker -- no way we can do this job and not like them. to put up with the regulation, intrusion, and disruption to our homes, families, personal life even finances, and NOT like kids? impossible!! the opposite cannot be more true--we LOVE them, and when they leave for greener pastures, it's akin to ripping our hearts out.

parents need to know their providers ratios. If your provider is maxed out at 10 kids, then each parent is paying for 1/10th of an adult's attention. So whatever you are doing with your child at home, you need to be aware that your child will receive a tenth of that time and attention during the day. Can you live with that ratio as a parent? Its like people dont even think before entering daycare. They want baby held all day, during naps.....when are other kids being tended to? when is the provider even getting a chance to go to the bathroom for goodness sake?

[cheerfuldom]

I agree and disagree equally.

I belong to a board of daycare providers where a majority of them are Canadian. The issues they post/vent about in regards to transitioning a 8-12 month old into care is AWFUL!

It appears (to me anyways) that getting them younger helps get them into the routine easier than trying to re-train them at an older age.

Also, I think it's important for people to understand that no matter what age your child is, daycare will NOT be a pleasant experience unless the child is able to be as independent as they can be for their age.....kwim?

I personally dont think that daycare is pleasant at all for a huge majority of children under about 18 months. The best of them will tolerate it fairly well, the tiny tiny minority will attach to their provider and thrive in care. This is why I take only one non walking child at a time. It does not feel right in my heart to take multiple small ones when I know they need and deserve better care. The ugly truth is that daycare is for parents, not kids. And most kids are better at home assuming they have a reasonably responsible and invested parent or guardian.