Parents Refuse to Come Get Kids

[Annalee]

I have tried everything I know. I've been in daycare for over 20 years. I have only sent 2 kids home in 20 years. I am usually able to get the children to behave properly. However, I fully believe this child has special needs. Even though I have worked with plenty of special needs kids, this child, I can't figure out a way to get him to this child to calm down. When he goes into his tantrum, there's no stopping him. He just goes off until he wears himself out. And over the past couple of weeks, his sister (just turned 2 years old) has been copying him but I have been able to get her to calm down quickly. Today, I couldn't get her to calm down either and between the two, I just can't keep watching them when he throws a tantrum and especially when she joins in and throws a copy tantrum.

I can't afford to just kick them out. I have to figure out how to handle this until I can replace them. Obviously, the parents are not going to come get them when I need to have them removed from daycare for the day.

It sounds like a cause and effect issue......the child probably does this at home to get the results he/she wants. Even if the sibling is special needs, it is, more than likely, a learned behavior with the younger sibling. The parents, obviously, know the behavior is there or they would answer their phone. I would not tolerate the parents ignoring me even if i had to call every backup number I had to get to someone, even the police if I had to. Good luck!

[TaylorTots]

Hasta la BYE BYE at pick up today. Sorry about your situation.

Agree.

[TaylorTots]

I can't afford to just kick them out. I have to figure out how to handle this until I can replace them. Obviously, the parents are not going to come get them when I need to have them removed from daycare for the day.

Ironically, you kicking them out has nothing to do with the tantrums - it is the parent's behavior, not the child's, that is the problem.


Start interviewing now. As soon as you have a family to replace, do so.

I know if I had a parent pull that on me I would be terming and interviewing even if it meant getting into savings money for a couple weeks.

If mom/dad don't have to answer for their actions of ignoring you then they won't change their actions. Other than terming, upping their rate to handle this issue could plausibly make it "worth" it for me to deal with until I found a replacement.

[Unregistered]

Well, look at that!... I just thought about it and I had a parent that paid me in advance for a couple of months worth. So I have not been used to her income. She has to start paying me again on May 9th. So, I can replace the income that I am used to from the 2 kids that I have been telling you guys about with the income that I will start getting again from the other child that I already have! I will only be $35 short (because of the children's ages and sibling discount) So... I CAN afford to stop watching these two!

I don't want to seem too happy about it. But I really can't handle watching the little boy any longer. And now that his sister is copying his behavior, it's just too much to handle by myself.

Nap time is over and I just told the kids to get up. I am calling them 1 by 1 to get up, put their sleeping bag away, and go to the bathroom. I haven't called this particular boy yet. But he woke up because of the noise of me talking and the others getting up. As soon as he woke up, he immediately started screaming and is repeatedly yelling 'MOMMY". It's just too much every day, all day long.

[GKJNIGMN]

If you aren't willing to lose the money, there isn't a lot you can do.

I had a similar situation of a parent refusing to pick up. I was given the advice and followed it of calling the police. I explained that a parent was refusing to pick their child up, the police went to the mother's home, banged on the door, and told her to come get her kids. I was fully prepared to lose the income but surprisingly she showed back up and it didn't happen again. I still have the kids in care.

Late fees didn't bother this DCM. Warnings did nothing. She signed paperwork at every incident.

For a parent to say that they will not pick their kids up, no matter the reason they are being sent home, means they are really calling your bluff. They have no respect for you. If the situation ever came up again I would just terminate without regard for the money.

[Second Home]

Sorry you are having a bad day with those 2 .

I don't think I would tolerate the parents attitude , no big surprise why the kids are that way .

[Unregistered]

Awesome that the $$$ works out that you can term. Picture the calm and weight off your shoulders tomorrow. You and the children in your care deserve a less frantic environment, and you deserve clients that respect you.

Time to get advertising. To save a few extra dollars maybe get creative with what remains in your cupboards & freezer. Check out couponing and sales. See if you can get a better rate on any services you are signed up for etc. I would cut back on anything I could before I would accept them back into care tomorrow.

[My3cents]

I read through this time........yea!!!

I agree with you need to be able to control the kids, but honestly after 20 years of doing daycare I believe you are at your wits end with this. Understandable! but.......you can't let money get in the way of you keeping this going. It could end up costing you in the long run more. Your other families are going to catch onto this and not want to bring their kids around that. Your peace of mind is worth more then any $$$. I imagine these kids are wearing you out, let them go and then you will be able to catch your breath and find new clients that will respect you and not pull this. I don't care if the Mom told me that I couldn't call her, if I had tried everything possible with child and behavior didn't stop, and Dad wouldn't pick up his phone, she would be getting a call to come and get her child ASAP- If she didn't pick up her emergency contact would be called. I wish you the best. When I worked in a Center we had one like this and it was first the tantrum and then the out of control tantrum that nothing worked so Mom was called to come get him, then when we stopped calling Mom the child became violent and would punch us in the stomach- big huge kid, toddler that looked like he was in middle school. Knocked the wind out of me and it was either the kid or me that was going home. We had tried EVERYTHING!!! This kiddo and the sibling were babied at home to no end. They both knew how to manipulate!

I wish you the best, but your best bet is to take the advice and run with it and let them go-

[jgcp]

I have a dcg that did this for so long. Talking to her mom is like talking to a wall and dad said " just spank her" ha ya and go to jail no thanks. FINALLY the state came in and said put her in a seperate room and shut the door ( really??? OK dont have to tell me twice) It helped and now i have no issues except the normal 2yr old behaviour. State said as long as i can hear her and put her in a playpen she is safe to scream her head off and not in my face!! Im sorry but most DCP just ****! Glad you can finally do something about it. I would have termed also but couldnt either so i feel your pain, hang in there!!

[Unregistered]

Lookie there! I just received my food program check!!! Yep, that makes up for a couple of weeks of not having these kids' income. I am going to tell their father tonight (this afternoon actually) when he picks up that this coming Friday will be their last day. First I am going to tell him that I tried to call him and couldn't get through. Then I'm going to give him notice. For the rest of the time that the kids are here, I will do like you guys suggested and I will call the father, then the mother, then, if neither of them answer or come to get the children, I will call the emergency contacts. I have NEVER bothered emergency contacts for behavioral problems, but today, I got the worst headache from the two of them screaming. I refuse to go subject my other daycare kids or myself to their screaming any longer.

Thanks for your help on this guys!

[Blackcat31]

Lookie there! I just received my food program check!!! Yep, that makes up for a couple of weeks of not having these kids' income. I am going to tell their father tonight (this afternoon actually) when he picks up that this coming Friday will be their last day. First I am going to tell him that I tried to call him and couldn't get through. Then I'm going to give him notice. For the rest of the time that the kids are here, I will do like you guys suggested and I will call the father, then the mother, then, if neither of them answer or come to get the children, I will call the emergency contacts. I have NEVER bothered emergency contacts for behavioral problems, but today, I got the worst headache from the two of them screaming. I refuse to go subject my other daycare kids or myself to their screaming any longer.

Thanks for your help on this guys!

Personally, I would term effective immediately. I wouldn't give them the courtesy of a few more days when they couldn't be respectful enough to you about THEIR children's issues.

When I can not reach a parent, I view that as seriously disrespectful and NOT behavior I am willing to work with for ANY amount of days.

[sharlan]

Lookie there! I just received my food program check!!! Yep, that makes up for a couple of weeks of not having these kids' income. I am going to tell their father tonight (this afternoon actually) when he picks up that this coming Friday will be their last day. First I am going to tell him that I tried to call him and couldn't get through. Then I'm going to give him notice. For the rest of the time that the kids are here, I will do like you guys suggested and I will call the father, then the mother, then, if neither of them answer or come to get the children, I will call the emergency contacts. I have NEVER bothered emergency contacts for behavioral problems, but today, I got the worst headache from the two of them screaming. I refuse to go subject my other daycare kids or myself to their screaming any longer.

Thanks for your help on this guys!

NOPE, NOPE, NOPE! Hand dad a term notice effective immediately upon pick-up. Hand him all of the kids' belonging and call it a day. DO NOT get into a war of words with the parents tonight. Their kids = their problem.

[Unregistered]

$$$ is showing up all over letting you know you do not need to do this one more day!

If they disrespect you and their children this much when they think the have secured care, do you really want to know their true colours when they get hit with a term notice?

What they did is grounds for immediate termination.

Just a quick pull of the bandaid & it's all done!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Lookie there! I just received my food program check!!! Yep, that makes up for a couple of weeks of not having these kids' income. I am going to tell their father tonight (this afternoon actually) when he picks up that this coming Friday will be their last day. First I am going to tell him that I tried to call him and couldn't get through. Then I'm going to give him notice. For the rest of the time that the kids are here, I will do like you guys suggested and I will call the father, then the mother, then, if neither of them answer or come to get the children, I will call the emergency contacts. I have NEVER bothered emergency contacts for behavioral problems, but today, I got the worst headache from the two of them screaming. I refuse to go subject my other daycare kids or myself to their screaming any longer.

Thanks for your help on this guys!

What if little Johnny is playing and cuts his forehead open tomorrow or little baby sister is tantruming and harms herself? The parents are obviously unreachable and you will be in QUITE the pickle. I would not accept them back into care another day. These are NOT your kids and you are NOT required to be a hostage to their out of control tantrums simply because mom and dad can't be bothered to come and get THEIR kids.

[Unregistered]

Their dad just picked the kids up. I told him that I tried to call him 4 times today and it didn't go through. He said he has a new cell phone number but doesn't know the number and kept patting his empty pockets and glancing out to the car as if the phone is in the car so he can't look the number up right now. He said he will have his wife give me his cell phone number tomorrow morning. I told him that next Friday, the 9th, will have to be the children's last day here. He didn't get upset. He just said alright. I did suggest that they go to a center so the teachers can bop him around from room to room (including the office) when he gets to be too much for the one teacher. I also told him that by going to a center, the sister will be in a different classroom and will not be able to copy his behavior throughout the day.