Requested Meeting For Strong Willed Child

[Brustkt]

Thanks for the suggestions!

I am dreading the meeting but I called it so I need to be on my game! I will take these suggestions and have an action plan. I truly just want them to have my back. I do feel that she is the boss at home and it is working for her. Mom is a teacher so I have about 5 weeks left till summer break with this child and then mom can deal with her. She is 3 and a half by the way. Sorry I didn't say that earlier. Also, her almost 2 year old brother smacked me across the face today when I took him off the craft table he had climbed on. THAT has NEVER happened to me before! I have watched him slap mom at pick up but he has never swung at me! ugh!:confused:

[Heidi]

I am dreading the meeting but I called it so I need to be on my game! I will take these suggestions and have an action plan. I truly just want them to have my back. I do feel that she is the boss at home and it is working for her. Mom is a teacher so I have about 5 weeks left till summer break with this child and then mom can deal with her. She is 3 and a half by the way. Sorry I didn't say that earlier. Also, her almost 2 year old brother smacked me across the face today when I took him off the craft table he had climbed on. THAT has NEVER happened to me before! I have watched him slap mom at pick up but he has never swung at me! ugh!:confused:

aha!

Siblings of destruction! That does complicate things. When multiple children from one family take up a large part of your group, they bring their family "dynamics" to you. I had 4 from one family for a year, and then termed. I just couldn't win with trouble x4!

Seriously...good luck:hug: You can do this!

[Cradle2crayons]

I am dreading the meeting but I called it so I need to be on my game! I will take these suggestions and have an action plan. I truly just want them to have my back. I do feel that she is the boss at home and it is working for her. Mom is a teacher so I have about 5 weeks left till summer break with this child and then mom can deal with her. She is 3 and a half by the way. Sorry I didn't say that earlier. Also, her almost 2 year old brother smacked me across the face today when I took him off the craft table he had climbed on. THAT has NEVER happened to me before! I have watched him slap mom at pick up but he has never swung at me! ugh!:confused:

The slapping me issue.... Would be an IMMEDIATE behavior probation notice at my daycare.

[WImom]

I'm not clear on how old this child is, but yes, this is normal behavior for some children I don't think throwing around diagnosis is a good idea. It's annoying, but she's strong willed. That doesn't mean she's got ODD.

I am also not sure what the parents are supposed to do sometimes. A lot of providers put it back on the parents to "fix", when WE are the ones in charge while those children are in our programs. Can parents influence behavior at daycare by backing us up? Sure. Can they control it? No. So, while they should be in the loop, and they should be supportive, they can't really fix what is happening while they are at work.

I think it should be made clear to dcg, once the meeting happens, that MOM, Dad, and Miss B are going to stick together. If anyone needs to discipline her in the presence of the others, then the other adults need to give a united front. Even if they don't agree with something, they should back each other up and talk about it later.

As for dcg, if you tell her to clean up, and she sits down with a book, take the book away. Sit her on a chair, and tell her she can get up when she's ready to help. Then, walk away. Let the other children clean up most of the mess, but leave her a task. Then, matter-of-factly, say "dcg, when you've cleaned up the Duplos, you can join us for lunch". That's it. If she does it, thank her for helping and move on.

Find her doing good. Lots of attention for even the smallest kindness or following directions. "Thanks for doing that right away, DCG", or "I like it when you are so nice to the little ones"

Ask her to be your helper. "DCG, can you please help me set the table for lunch?" If she says no, then say.."Oh, ok...I said please because it was a choice, thanks any way". Do NOT say please when it is time to clean up. It's not a choice...so why say "please". To me, please implies choice. That's just me, though. Some people may disagree and say it's just polite. For me, it feels more honest and less confusing to say "do it" than "oh, please, will you do it?"

I would write down these strategies and others people give you here, and then bring those out during your meeting. "This is my plan, and I thought it would be helpful for you to maybe try some of these things at home" vs.
"She's a little brat and you need to fix it".

Oh..forgot about the peeing thing. I would NOT let it faze me one bit. Sit her somewhere that she can't ruin, and if she pees, march her into the bathroom or somewhere semi-private, hand her clean clothes and a bag, and say "here you go". Take away the power of making you angry! I know it's hard, but that is her motivator. ATTENTION of any kind! So, only give it to her for positive behavior, and quell your reaction to the negative stuff.

This is what I would do too. I also do the sit in the chair thing for clean up. Works well.

[KiddieCahoots]

I am dreading the meeting but I called it so I need to be on my game! I will take these suggestions and have an action plan. I truly just want them to have my back. I do feel that she is the boss at home and it is working for her. Mom is a teacher so I have about 5 weeks left till summer break with this child and then mom can deal with her. She is 3 and a half by the way. Sorry I didn't say that earlier. Also, her almost 2 year old brother smacked me across the face today when I took him off the craft table he had climbed on. THAT has NEVER happened to me before! I have watched him slap mom at pick up but he has never swung at me! ugh!:confused:

Omg! My difficult dc family is who you are writing about!!! dcm is a school teacher too, which is kinda funny to me, because usually school teacher's get it!
At pick-up, EVERYDAY I would watch dcm try to get dcb (2 1/2 yrs) dressed in a coat and shoes, while dcb would scream and throw it all, this would usually go on for ten minutes. Dcm would then try to grab dcb, to get dcb to the car, would more often than not have to carry dcb in a foot ball hold, because dcb would be kicking, hitting, and screaming at the top of her lungs, then not be able to get her into her car seat for 15 minutes. Every time I would step in to help dcm, she would step between the dcb and me, then give me an excuse on why dcb was acting that way......doesn't like these shoes.....is annoyed because she doesn't know how to zipper yet....not feeling good......mad at me for something that happened last night......wants to talk to me about something I don't understand......etc... Dcb go so aggressive, had to eventually tell dcm, it wasn't good for the other children to see.
So pretty much....ya, btdt, and still working on it!
What helped for me, and I've seen mentioned, I made a list of the common child care rules that we consistently follow, and I now have the list in my hb so all dcp's know what to expect. I ask parents to please practice the rules at home to promote consistency between home and child care, to help promote their child's success in child care, pre school, grade school, etc, this way we can spend less time on behavioral issues and more on academics, art, reading, etc.....
Hope this helps a little.

[Brustkt]

Well, meeting went pretty good... Gave them my written up plan of action and stressed that I really need to feel they have my back on this. She started crying again...dad said maybe she is bored! Good grief! I told him I would be happy to dump more toys on the floor for her to NOT clean up so she isn't so bored!
My days are very structured with the children...granted, we all need to start getting back outside (this winter has been hell) but she isn't bored and always knows what is coming next.
Anyway, I will document that we have had our first behavior intervention and see how things go. I also mentioned that their son smacked me across the face today and that in my 10 years of daycare...that has NEVER happened to me! She asked me what I did and I told her I took him to bed, closed the door and walked away! She then asked me if he fell asleep and I told her I did not know but I needed a time out!
I am now pouring my bottle...oh... I mean glass of vino! have a great night ladies!happyface

[NightOwl]

You did great! Stick to your guns and don't allow any slack! If you don't follow thru with this child, all will be for naught.

[Heidi]

Well, meeting went pretty good... Gave them my written up plan of action and stressed that I really need to feel they have my back on this. She started crying again...dad said maybe she is bored! Good grief! I told him I would be happy to dump more toys on the floor for her to NOT clean up so she isn't so bored!
My days are very structured with the children...granted, we all need to start getting back outside (this winter has been hell) but she isn't bored and always knows what is coming next.
Anyway, I will document that we have had our first behavior intervention and see how things go. I also mentioned that their son smacked me across the face today and that in my 10 years of daycare...that has NEVER happened to me! She asked me what I did and I told her I took him to bed, closed the door and walked away! She then asked me if he fell asleep and I told her I did not know but I needed a time out!
I am now pouring my bottle...oh... I mean glass of vino! have a great night ladies!happyface

I thought she meant "what did you do to deserve it?" ::

[Brustkt]

Ha!

I thought she meant "what did you do to deserve it?" ::

HILARIOUS!!! ::::

[Blackcat31]

I agree with Heidi to a T. I sometimes read posts here and wonder why we try to shift everything back to the parents. If I have a kid here full time, that means I have that child most of it's waking hours. I can teach it what is acceptable here and what is not, if I am consistent. Kids know who they can pushover and who they can't. I've had some that are more strong willed than others, but sometimes ignoring some of that behavior and focusing on the positive helps. Sometimes it takes a while too. But me telling the parents to fix it isn't going to work unless it's a part time kid that gets away with everything at home, then I would tell them what I see, what I would like to see and how I am handling it. They can support me or find somewhere else. I am not changing my discipline style or rules here.
I agree tho, take the book away, no playing with toys if not picking them up. If she doesn't want to eat then she's the one hungry, etc.

Because no matter what we (as providers) do it will NEVER over ride a parent's influence on their child.

Parents are the child's primary teacher despite the number of hours a child spends in care.

Parents HAVE to reinforce positive behaviors FIRST before a provider is going to succeed in helping the child.

I used to think the same as you and that since I had the child for 50 awake hours a week, the child would naturally listen to me first but that is just not the case. Logically maybe but not realistically.

Parental influence far outweighs anything we do.

I understand what you are saying, but when a child doesn't have consistent boundaries at home, they will continue to push boundaries at daycare. When they get away with it just 1% of the time, that is enough incentive to keep trying. When parents AND caregivers provide clear boundaries, the child doesn't feel the need to keep pushing the limits. It is a parental issue, IMO, when a child acts this way, because if a caregiver does have boundaries that are constantly being challenged, it's often because the child "wins" in these situations at home.

Totally agree with this ^^

When that 1% comes from the parent there is SOOOO much more attached to it (parental bond etc) that the 1% is extremely influential and meaningful to the child.

[llpa]

Congrats on handling that meeting well! happyface