Am I Wrong For Becoming Too Close With My Families?

[AmyLeigh]

I am in the minority in that almost all of my families were friends before our business relationship began. I don't have near the issues others have posted about. Everyone pays on time, picks up on time, keeps their sick kiddos home, etc. Occasionally I will do special for them, but then I ask special back at times. We all respect each other and do not want the business side to mar the friend side. Like BC said, if it works for you, keep doing it.

[Oss_cc]

I am in the minority in that almost all of my families were friends before our business relationship began. I don't have near the issues others have posted about. Everyone pays on time, picks up on time, keeps their sick kiddos home, etc. Occasionally I will do special for them, but then I ask special back at times. We all respect each other and do not want the business side to mar the friend side. Like BC said, if it works for you, keep doing it.

All of my current families are people I knew prior to doing daycare. One is a friend, the others acquaintances. It's worked out well so far in that the families I currently have are very respectful of my policies.
I did have one family (that I was friendly with beforehand) that I had to term due to behavioral issues and pushing boundaries. In that situation, things are now a bit awkward, but we are still friendly.

[Laurel]

YOU do what works for YOU until it no longer works for YOU....kwim?

Most of us that have done this a long time know that ^^^ to be true.

Most of us that have done this a long time have rules or policies because of a negative past experience.

I know for me personally, my rules are my rules for ME.

I listed several things I used to do that I no longer do in another thread.

I stopped doing a lot of those things when they started to cause me MORE stress than it was worth.

ONLY you know what things are right for YOU and YOUR business.

[My3cents]

no do what works for you

just be careful and keep to business as usual- have the attitude of we can be friends but when it comes to my business, my business is my income- I don't go to your job and make demands or expect special don't do that to me-

and keep in mind if a client leaves on not so good terms most likely the friendship will end-

I think if you keep your working relationship all business and don't mix it with the friendship end you will be good to go- and make it clear from the start with your clients. Yes I know we are friends, but when it comes to my job I take it serious and I expect you to follow the same rules as everyone else, this is my income.

best-

[Meeko]

Do what makes you feel comfortable. That's the beauty of being the boss! But you must remain the boss or you will regret it. Friendship tends to make people think they are on even ground.

Just be warned that sooner or later...a daycare "friend" will maybe ask for a favor that you would rather not give and that starts you all down a slippery slope. You will be upset they asked and they will be upset if you turn them down because "friends" DO favors for each other..and then you'll feel bad for saying no.........etc.etc.etc.

[gracepatiencelove]

I have only been doing this 7 or 8 months.

I have noticed that when I get close to the parents involved, and have to enforce policies, it gets uncomfortable. It is easier for me to enforce policies with families that I am not friends with on a more personal level.

[Scout]

I have one family that I have had since July that I am very close to. DCM and dcb eat dinner over here. I took her to a family ladies night to cheer her up. We are invited to dcb's baptism as well. We send texts back and forth and even though most of them involve questions about her child, she will text me when roads are bad to be sure I make it home safely or to check on how my kids are when they are sick.lovethis And last week for my birthday she bought me an angel with the nicest saying on it about how blessed they are to have us in their lives! I really do love them and actually, I could probably hang out with all my parents. I have never had issues with payment or feeling like someone is taking advantage of me yet either. I treat my families with respect and they return the favor. I like them all and am blessed to have found such good ones to start! I know most are not so lucky! My bad apples have moved on so I am pretty happy content right now!

If it works for you, like BC said, there is no reason to change it until it doesn't. If you are happy in your business and personal lives involving your families I say happyface! Me too and it's a great feeling!

[Lucy]

I started out being "friends" with most of them also. I'm still friends with 2 of my very early clients, and also with 1 who came along in about my 5th year. I never felt like any of them took advantage of me per se, but I probably voluntarily did certain things that I'd never do now, after 20 years.

The worst ever, though, was my sister-in-law. If she picked them up early, she deducted a portion of the fee for that day. If they didn't come that day, she deducted the full day. She'd forget her checkbook for days at a time. She'd stop somewhere after work, making her late to pick them up. She'd show up early because she had to stop at the tire store or something. Etc., Etc. It all bugged the heck out of me and I resent it to this day (15 years after the fact), but it's family, so I never even had a contract or any policies with her. I barely had policies for anybody back then, but definitely didn't give HER any pieces of paper! Just told her the price per day, and that was it.

As far as the part about being close with your families, I think that tapers off after awhile. It will take a few instances of you getting burned and it will just come naturally to you to keep it on a more professional level.

For now, I think you're doing just what you NEED to do. Don't change a thing. As I said, it will happen organically if you stay in this long-term.

[jenn]

I don't think there is right or wrong way to do it.

Do what works for you. Do what feels comfortable to you.

I started out with taking the kids and families in as if they were my friends. I found that the families will return those actions, but will use them to their advantage. I got attached and that made it so hard when they left. I found I was bending over backward to accommodate everyone and in the end, most didn't really care about me or my family, just what I was willing to do for them. Now, I maintain a nice, but business relationship with kids and families. Sure, some I like more than others as we have more in common, but it's just business.

[Unregistered]

I found out how quickly friendship turns to business when a family recently left - on good terms - because they found free care. Spent six years caring for their child and loving him (even though he was quite difficult to deal with a lot of the time) and spent time with his mother, thinking we were friends. Now I haven't seen them at all since they left. Got a Christmas card w/ their names on it, no message. I thought it'd be nice if they kept in touch at least a little after I basically raised their kid for 6 years, but no.

Still friends with other families though - I believe in the family part of family day care and think it helps the kids to see that all their caregivers are friends.

[Kelly]

I only have one DCB right now and I get along really well with his mom. Not sure we're exactly friends--maybe just casual friends--but I like and respect her and she seems to feel the same. In fact most of the time since she's so young I feel more like her mom (I'm actually older than her mom!)

[Msdunny]

I have always been fairly close with my families - some more than others. And it is biting me in the backside right now because I have a dcm who doesn't want her dd to take naps any longer. I feel like I am having to tread lightly in enforcing my policies, which I hate.

[Unregistered]

I have found that in my experience as a provider, becoming friends with the parents back fired on me. I would go to their family events when invited, sit and let them tell me all their business and let them solicit my advice, etc.

But then came the "can I pay you next time?"

and "can you only except this amount for payment?"

and "can I skip payment this time because this happened and that happened"

and "can you watch my child for me on Saturday?" (I am not open on weekends)

So, now, I'm all business. I would really like to have the respect from the parents than the friendship. IMO, it will be hard for parents to respect your policies and you, if they somehow have became too close to you. It's much harder to enforce your policies to friends.

I only become attached to the children because they grow up in my home. But when it's time for them to depart, I **** it up, and get over it, because business is business, and I prepare to enroll the next child that will be here most of their early childhood.

.....


You`d wrote exactly my words, but you left out the part of if something happens to their child they know too much about her and can use it against her. Also, if she gets the blues when one of the child depart then they will start to see her is a no "fit" for their child. So we should keep it professional at all cost. I`m in the business for to many years, combining all numbers of years on and off it add up to a total of 33 years, in a continuo business 24 years, and all this years I have learned a lot about closeness with customers. Nothing good come out of it.

[Unregistered]

learned

I have learned:

that I don't have to be friends with everyone who passes through my dc door.

that I need to be "friendly" but not "their friend".

that it takes me quite a while to decide who meets the test for friendship.

that there seem to be fewer lately who meet the test.

that people who can't hold the line between business and friendship are choosing "business only".

that, so far, all of my friends (friends prior to dc) and family whose children I have cared for have remained friends during and after their dc years. This means we all kept the line drawn appropriately.

that some of my very best friends have come from my dcp.

[TaylorTots]

I think you are fine. It could create issues for you in the future, but so can being too distant from your DC families.

I know if I am too friendly with people I let more slide - whether its late payment "oops forgot!", trying to cheat an illness policy "just teething, I'm sure!" or hours "I'm going to be late all week picking up DCG." If you can maintain a friendship and enforce your business practices/policy, then I think it's more than fine.

I can't do that. I struggle to say no if we are friends. I have ZERO problem saying it when I have come across as a evil (but firm!) dictator since the first interview ::