"That" Kid

[NightOwl]

Remember that it could be worse. My nephew is a holy terror and my sister enables him and treats me as if his behavior is my doing or that I'm exaggerating. She's really just a horrible parent. And because we're related, terming is not an option unless I want to completely alienate my family. It's exhausting.... I'm counting down the days until August when he starts kindergarten. Until then, I'm not faking it. I'm telling my sister every detail so that when he starts school and she's getting weekly phone calls about behavior problems, I will be able to say I told you so. I've been warning her for a year that it will happen if she doesn't become more proactive and get his behavior in line, but she's the kind of person who wants to ignore it until it goes away. So I totally understand your position. I feel your pain. But try to be grateful that he's not a huge behavior issue, even if that's the only good quality you can identify with. Focus on that aspect and maybe you'll warm up to him. Also, try praising him for good behavior/deeds, say something nice when you catch him being good. You may be faking it, but at least you're not giving him a complex by letting him know he is disliked. And you never know. By doing this, you may realize just how often he behaves well, or maybe he's a sweetheart with your babies, and maybe you kind of DO like him. Good luck!

[Crazy8]

I am not a super huggy type daycare provider. I have fun and get silly with them and that works well in a group even when I am not overly fond of a child but since I'm not all that affectionate with any of the kids I don't think its very noticable if I have a child I am not as crazy about. I think it helps that my group is young too (3 and unders usually, I rarely like any of them once they hit 4-5, LOL! JK, sort of!).

[melilley]

I could have written this! I have no advice, though, I just keep lying.

Same here, I have one who really is "that" child and one who I just can't seem to bond with. There is nothing can do, I've tried, but nothing makes me like them any more than I do. I think it's part of being human, I don't like every adult that I have contact with, but they don't know that...

[My3cents]

You know the one. Something about him (or her) just rubs you the wrong way. He's hard to like. Difficult for you to bond with. Maybe has a set of behaviors that's very off-putting. Probably a lovely child at home (though you really have to wonder, sometimes) but you just can't seem to feel much of anything towards him, or you just plain....don't really like him and can't put your finger on why.

Sometimes, the easy answer (term!) just isn't feasible. Maybe you are not in charge of terming people (at a center or preschool). Maybe you can't because there are no other clients and you truly need the money. Maybe he has a sibling or two and it's just not in the cards to let them all go. Maybe it's just a temporary thing while he's in a stage of development that you don't like, or has a habit you can't stand.

So no matter the reason, you are stuck needing to get along with and bond with and at least pretend to like a child who is rather unlikable, for you anyway, for now anyway. Don't scoff; we've all been there. Don't flame; it's not reasonable to assume that everyone should like every child. Just because they are a child does not diminish a personality you might just not mesh with.

So what are your "tips and tricks" to dealing with a situation with this? To convincingly lie to everyone, especially the child and possibly yourself, that he is liked. To be patient, respectful, loving, and caring towards someone who, if you had a choice, you would never spend this much time with. How do you manage?

fake it till you make it!!!lovethis

[Blackcat31]

I also agree that I've found it odd when people act like child care providers are supposed to be, essentially, head-over-heels in love with every child, and that no child is unlikable, and stuff. Because it's just not true. That might be the ideal, but it's not reality.

Thank you.

[nannyde]

I had a period of about six months with one of my staff assistants kids that I seriously was so profoundly unhappy that I let her mom, who worked for me for SEVEN years, go. The best helper I have ever had in my career and who had worked for me from thirteen to eighteen and then again when her kid was a newborn till age 2.5. The kid was fine as a baby but once she turned two....

That kid drove me insane. I would watch the cameras of her standing in the middle of the playroom ****ing her thumb and waiting for her mom to entertain her. The ONLY time she was happy was when she was playing with MUCH older kids (I stopped that cold) or doing something like painting and play doh where she had her mom sitting with her. I stopped that cold too by insisting that if she did painting... everyone did painting.

Ugh it was torture.

When she was about five or so her mom had me buy her a replica of her ****ky lovey dog that she had ****ed into shreds off of ebay. When she brought her to my house to pick it up I hadn't seen her in years. I didn't allow her past my front door splash. It took all of ten minutes around her to where I was RIGHT back to the same feeling. Needless to say... it was a quick visit.

I adore her mom. She was such a great person to be around and such a hard worker. I just can't manage the kid.

No we don't love every kid.... even kids of those we love.

[Kabob]

I had a period of about six months with one of my staff assistants kids that I seriously was so profoundly unhappy that I let her mom, who worked for me for SEVEN years, go. The best helper I have ever had in my career and who had worked for me from thirteen to eighteen and then again when her kid was a newborn till age 2.5. The kid was fine as a baby but once she turned two....

That kid drove me insane. I would watch the cameras of her standing in the middle of the playroom ****ing her thumb and waiting for her mom to entertain her. The ONLY time she was happy was when she was playing with MUCH older kids (I stopped that cold) or doing something like painting and play doh where she had her mom sitting with her. I stopped that cold too by insisting that if she did painting... everyone did painting.

Ugh it was torture.

When she was about five or so her mom had me buy her a replica of her ****ky lovey dog that she had ****ed into shreds off of ebay. When she brought her to my house to pick it up I hadn't seen her in years. I didn't allow her past my front door splash. It took all of ten minutes around her to where I was RIGHT back to the same feeling. Needless to say... it was a quick visit.

I adore her mom. She was such a great person to be around and such a hard worker. I just can't manage the kid.

No we don't love every kid.... even kids of those we love.

I had that same kid (same age and everything) only her mom was the one that forced me to term. I didn't realize how much she (dcg) stressed me out until she was gone. No more crying over little things (washing hands, a paper cut, etc...oh and it was 45+ minutes of crying). No more continuous reminders to "go play". No more screaming "help me" when she couldn't figure out how to play with a toy.

So again...totally wouldn't judge anyone if they termed a child for not meshing...I probably should have termed for that reason alone. Everyone was much happier when she left...even the older kids did not want to play with her...it was sad. I don't expect to get attached to every child here though...so if they were just quirky I would be fine...but the situation mentioned above isn't worth it...sounds stressful.

[KiddieCahoots]

Totally love this topic!!!

Going through a similar experience, and trying to find my way at the same time.

Thanks Ladies, you are helping me immensely on this one too

Feel it all boils down to what we can handle, coming to grips with it, without bashing ouselves, and making the final decision.

Sometimes.....it's just not the right fit, plain and simple.

[MyAngels]

I also agree that I've found it odd when people act like child care providers are supposed to be, essentially, head-over-heels in love with every child, and that no child is unlikable, and stuff. Because it's just not true. That might be the ideal, but it's not reality.

[MissAnn]

I actually pray that I will fall in love with kids I don't seem to bond with. Prayer is amazing!

[Tdhmom]

I, too, am dealing with this same thing. Have been since august mine is 5 yr old dcb. He is impossible! Does not/will not listen. Teaching my little ones bad behaviors. I am trying so hard to last until may when he's done here!!! I seriously have a count down

[Play Care]

For me there is a HUGE difference between a child I don't "mesh" with and may have *some* challenging behaviors (which are probably exacerbated by the fact we don't mesh) and a child who has dangerous or defiant behaviors on a daily basis. On one hand I am doing the Kindergarten countdown, but I am not dreading the time in the meanwhile.

[Oss_cc]

For me there is a HUGE difference between a child I don't "mesh" with and may have *some* challenging behaviors (which are probably exacerbated by the fact we don't mesh) is completely different from a child who has dangerous or defiant behaviors on a daily basis. On one hand I am doing the Kindergarten countdown, but I am not dreading the time in the meanwhile.

[misslori50]

I actually pray that I will fall in love with kids I don't seem to bond with. Prayer is amazing!

I agree I have a child that is a very nice 5 year old girl but for some reason she drove my son and I crazy. /Thankfully it is better now. We have adjusted to her.