"That" Kid

[SilverSabre25]

You know the one. Something about him (or her) just rubs you the wrong way. He's hard to like. Difficult for you to bond with. Maybe has a set of behaviors that's very off-putting. Probably a lovely child at home (though you really have to wonder, sometimes) but you just can't seem to feel much of anything towards him, or you just plain....don't really like him and can't put your finger on why.

Sometimes, the easy answer (term!) just isn't feasible. Maybe you are not in charge of terming people (at a center or preschool). Maybe you can't because there are no other clients and you truly need the money. Maybe he has a sibling or two and it's just not in the cards to let them all go. Maybe it's just a temporary thing while he's in a stage of development that you don't like, or has a habit you can't stand.

So no matter the reason, you are stuck needing to get along with and bond with and at least pretend to like a child who is rather unlikable, for you anyway, for now anyway. Don't scoff; we've all been there. Don't flame; it's not reasonable to assume that everyone should like every child. Just because they are a child does not diminish a personality you might just not mesh with.

So what are your "tips and tricks" to dealing with a situation with this? To convincingly lie to everyone, especially the child and possibly yourself, that he is liked. To be patient, respectful, loving, and caring towards someone who, if you had a choice, you would never spend this much time with. How do you manage?

[Naptime yet?]

I could have written this! I have no advice, though, I just keep lying.

[debbiedoeszip]

<<<How do you manage?>>>

Fake it 'til you make it? LOL.

[Play Care]

I'm in the "fake it till you make it" camp. I have it now with a 5 yo boy in my care. Great family, I care for a younger sib and will get the new baby in a few months. In my case I believe there are some issues at play and I won't be surpsrised if he has a very hard time in the fall (off to K) in my case the family does work with me but I don't think they realize how extreme his behavior can be.

[Kabob]

Even working in other businesses I've had to pretend to like everyone equally. I managed a restaurant of 70+ employees so of course I'm going to deal with a wide variety of personalities every day. My best advice is to smile and apply the same routine and rules to everyone and never ever say you like one more than the other. Even quirky personality traits have a use in our society...even if we don't like them for it. I had one employee that would incessantly talk. Like...she would follow you to the bathroom stall and stand outside your stall and talk...usually about stuff that you never wanted to know about her. I would just smile and keep redirecting her all day long. But the best part of that was the other employees would see me treating her with kindness even when she clearly was being difficult and they would gain more respect for me. It seems to be no different with kids as they pick up on that...if they see you treating another child differently then that will bother them. I have already dealt with difficult children in my short time as a provider and learned quickly to do the same thing as in the past...smile and carry on. They aren't trying to be difficult or annoying (usually ) and unless they are causing serious problems for the daycare I wouldn't term.

[sharlan]

I just went through this with a SA. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't like this child. I didn't really dislike him, I just didn't like him. He was a liar, manipulater, etc. He didn't appreciate a single thing I did for him, nothing. He was happy whenever we went somewhere, but the second we got back into the car, he flipped a switch and didn't enjoy it.

The other kids were as happy about him leaving as I was.

I have no advice, just empathy.

[Play Care]

Even working in other businesses I've had to pretend to like everyone equally. I managed a restaurant of 70+ employees so of course I'm going to deal with a wide variety of personalities every day. My best advice is to smile and apply the same routine and rules to everyone and never ever say you like one more than the other. Even quirky personality traits have a use in our society...even if we don't like them for it. I had one employee that would incessantly talk. Like...she would follow you to the bathroom stall and stand outside your stall and talk...usually about stuff that you never wanted to know about her. I would just smile and keep redirecting her all day long. But the best part of that was the other employees would see me treating her with kindness even when she clearly was being difficult and they would gain more respect for me. It seems to be no different with kids as they pick up on that...if they see you treating another child differently then that will bother them. I have already dealt with difficult children in my short time as a provider and learned quickly to do the same thing as in the past...smile and carry on. They aren't trying to be difficult or annoying (usually ) and unless they are causing serious problems for the daycare I wouldn't term.

I'm always kind of surprised when a provider says they are not meshing with a child and the advice is to term. I can see where the provider has no choice (the child's behavior is dangerous, etc) but for personality conflicts? But I do think a lot of it stems from the idea that we need to LOVE every child in our care... And I find that odd.

[llpa]

Even working in other businesses I've had to pretend to like everyone equally. I managed a restaurant of 70+ employees so of course I'm going to deal with a wide variety of personalities every day. My best advice is to smile and apply the same routine and rules to everyone and never ever say you like one more than the other. Even quirky personality traits have a use in our society...even if we don't like them for it. I had one employee that would incessantly talk. Like...she would follow you to the bathroom stall and stand outside your stall and talk...usually about stuff that you never wanted to know about her. I would just smile and keep redirecting her all day long. But the best part of that was the other employees would see me treating her with kindness even when she clearly was being difficult and they would gain more respect for me. It seems to be no different with kids as they pick up on that...if they see you treating another child differently then that will bother them. I have already dealt with difficult children in my short time as a provider and learned quickly to do the same thing as in the past...smile and carry on. They aren't trying to be difficult or annoying (usually ) and unless they are causing serious problems for the daycare I wouldn't term.

yep! I have also had this same situation in my corp mgt life. :: dcks aren't much different than adults. I would term in a dangerous situation, but in my short time as a dcp I have that kid right now. His parents are awesome and I can learn to like him

[debbiedoeszip]

<<<Even working in other businesses I've had to pretend to like everyone equally.>>>

Ditto.

[Kabob]

I would add that if their quirks are so different that you can't operate your daycare properly or your blood pressure is sky high then perhaps terming might be the better idea. Everyone has a breaking point. I wouldn't judge someone for terming a child if they didn't fit...we usually are alone with these kids all day long so everyone has to find a routine that works for them.

I just don't want someone to think they have to deal with a screaming baby all day long because "that's their personality"...that's a whole different story, I think.

[SilverSabre25]

THANK YOU. Yes, as I was writing this I was thinking of the correlation to dealing with other adults in literally ANY industry.

However when dealing with adults you rarely are kind of required to hug and kiss them... or any of the other 1000 things we do each day that are unique to childcare and are much more "intimate" than dealing with adult coworkers! So while it's the same, it's also really different.

I also agree that I've found it odd when people act like child care providers are supposed to be, essentially, head-over-heels in love with every child, and that no child is unlikable, and stuff. Because it's just not true. That might be the ideal, but it's not reality.

That's kind of why I wrote this (besides having someone right now I'm needing to work harder at liking)--as a pool of advice or at least commiseration because I KNOW I'm not alone in this.

[llpa]

I agree that everyone has a breaking point my issue w unlikeable dcb at the moment is he just knows what to do to get under my skin! And he is totally TWO :: so if he was making me so miserable I couldn't enjoy my day, he would not be a good fit and he would have to leave. Not there yet. Hoping as he heads toward three it will be better.

[lilcupcakes09]

Yup I have one.....5 year old. I **** it up, I realize I could have one that was terribly bad instead so I can tolerate him. But definentely relieved at pick up, he happens to be the one that is here the longest during the day, and NEVER misses a day, unless I'm closed and he can't come.

[Kabob]

THANK YOU. Yes, as I was writing this I was thinking of the correlation to dealing with other adults in literally ANY industry.

However when dealing with adults you rarely are kind of required to hug and kiss them... or any of the other 1000 things we do each day that are unique to childcare and are much more "intimate" than dealing with adult coworkers! So while it's the same, it's also really different.

I also agree that I've found it odd when people act like child care providers are supposed to be, essentially, head-over-heels in love with every child, and that no child is unlikable, and stuff. Because it's just not true. That might be the ideal, but it's not reality.

That's kind of why I wrote this (besides having someone right now I'm needing to work harder at liking)--as a pool of advice or at least commiseration because I KNOW I'm not alone in this.

Yes. I would never have to deal with a screaming adult all day long in the restaurant business or hug them and tell them I love them (sexual harassment anyone?). Again, there's a breaking point to consider. Being business owners means we get to decide what that point is and how to handle it. Whiners or quirky habits are usually something you encounter anywhere though.

That being said, yeah many parents expect you to love their kids as much as they do and that's just not possible....you're not their parents. Even I have days where my ds drives me nuts...but because I'm his parent I love him no matter how much trouble he causes....I wouldn't expect someone else to be as thrilled to deal with his quirks.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

<<<How do you manage?>>>

Fake it 'til you make it? LOL.

That is how I roll with mine. His parents ROCK which certainly helps.