Advice: Not Paying Mortgage

[Sereetta]

Sorry this is happening

Wow... If your name is on the property you should reach out to the bank. Also cut expenses such as cable and other luxuries until things are taken care of. If you have access to his account set up an automatic bill pay and discuss the extra things he is paying out of pocket. I write our bills on chart paper and post it somewhere in the house that my hubby can't escape to show him the bills aren't going to hide from. Also make sure he doesn't have a gambling problem, my father lost tons of money due to his gambling and forced him to come to grips when he almost lost his house. I pray everything works out for you.. Remember try not to be confrontational with your husband (although considering the circumstances its really hard) I bet he already feels like a major failure your word could literally calm this storm. :hug:

[coolconfidentme]

Remember..., he's a grown @$$ man. He paid his cell phone bill on time cause he knew they would shut him off if he didn't. He showed you who he is..., it's time to believe him. I'm sorry that sounds blunt, but what he did was very blunt. Hugs to you!!!

[Meeko]

I must admit, I am old fashioned and I simply cannot fathom not knowing about the finances that concern MY home.

I went down the marriage isle as "Me" and came back up it as one half of "We". For the past 33 years every. single. thing. is about US...not me or him. I wouldn't have married him if I had not intended to share every aspect of my life with him.

Money is one of the biggest causes of contention in marriage and so couples MUST be on the same page.

My husband was in the military and so sometimes was gone for months at a time on assignments. He did have a checking account to use while he was gone, but I transferred into it as he needed, so we both knew EXACTLY where the money was. When we talked on the phone, we would make sure we discussed it. Nowadays, online banking makes that a simple task. Either party can log in.

If he is not good with money...and some people just aren't......you need to take over. Another poster mentioned him just transferring money to your account and you take care of paying the bills. Figure out what's due and make sure the FIRST thing he does when he gets his paycheck is transfer his part. Even better...make it an automatic transfer.

I honestly think you should have one account, at least until you get on track, but if you feel you must be separate, at least make sure that the right hand knows what the left is doing.

Do whatever it takes to get caught up on your mortgage. Cut off the cable etc and do without for a while. Nobody needs cable. You DO need a roof over your head.

Good luck and be tough! :hug:

[laceylmm]

I knew it was behind but I always get some song and dance that he paid it or paid on it. He got his taxes back and didn't use anyone that money to catch it up. I feel defeated even attempting to talk about it because he obviously sees nothing wrong with doing things the way he is doing them. In his opinion if I don't like when it's paid then I can pay it myself. I've told him over and over again that our mortgage is the one thing that sould never be paid late. He claims it's behind because of the $700 he put on our van in July...which breaks down to being my fault somehow.

[NoMoreJuice!]

Suggestion...

Marriage counseling. Today.

This is not a financial issue, it is a partnership issue. He's simply not being a good partner, and you do need professional help getting your marriage back on track. I can't stress the importance of today enough...it sounds like resentment could already be setting in on both sides.

Good luck, we are all on your team here. :hug:

[laceylmm]

Oh and not surprisingly the cable was shut off today because he doesn't pay that on time either.

[laceylmm]

I told him the cable needs to stay off until the mortgage is fixed. He responded 'how much you got on the mortgage by the way?'

[laceylmm]

I just paid $130 to sign our two oldest up for baseball. And an extra $74 in tickets for my daughters play until everyone that's coming can pay me back. I don't have extra to fix his mistakes.

[Hunni Bee]

This is exactly why I left.

Almost the same thing. He was supposed to pay the rent, I paid everything else. He began giving me only portions of the rent, and a smaller portion every month. In February it got down to two thirds. I gave it back to him and told him I couldn't pay the rest and everything else.

Long story short, we got evicted, I found my own apartment and he lives in his mothers house as she recently died. We share custody of our daughter.

I hate that he had to be alone through his mom's death, but I couldn't live that anymore.

I definitely sympathize with you

[biglou]

Very strange. First bill paid in my home is mtg and second is food. All other bills rank lower. How about switching roles. You pay the mtg. He pays the other bills. Clearly your income goes away if you are foreclosed on, so you have a strong interest in having a place to live and work in! Good luck with this.
Big lou

[Cradle2crayons]

I agree with a pp. this isn't just a financial issue. This is a marriage issue. Big. Time.

Counseling ASAP. And I think I read you said "HE got HIS income tax back"

I'm sorry to be blunt, but there is no HIS and HERS in a marriage.

And then priorities... Mortgage has to come FIRST.

It's time for a serious sit down.

[melilley]

I must admit, I am old fashioned and I simply cannot fathom not knowing about the finances that concern MY home.

I went down the marriage isle as "Me" and came back up it as one half of "We". For the past 33 years every. single. thing. is about US...not me or him. I wouldn't have married him if I had not intended to share every aspect of my life with him.

Money is one of the biggest causes of contention in marriage and so couples MUST be on the same page.

My husband was in the military and so sometimes was gone for months at a time on assignments. He did have a checking account to use while he was gone, but I transferred into it as he needed, so we both knew EXACTLY where the money was. When we talked on the phone, we would make sure we discussed it. Nowadays, online banking makes that a simple task. Either party can log in.

If he is not good with money...and some people just aren't......you need to take over. Another poster mentioned him just transferring money to your account and you take care of paying the bills. Figure out what's due and make sure the FIRST thing he does when he gets his paycheck is transfer his part. Even better...make it an automatic transfer.

I honestly think you should have one account, at least until you get on track, but if you feel you must be separate, at least make sure that the right hand knows what the left is doing.

Do whatever it takes to get caught up on your mortgage. Cut off the cable etc and do without for a while. Nobody needs cable. You DO need a roof over your head.

Good luck and be tough! :hug:

especially the bolded part. My dh and I have NEVER argued over money, ever! Of course we argue about other things, but never money. My dh handles all of our finances, but I still know our financial situation.

Also, you're right, there are so many extras that you can cut out to save money. I never had cable growing up. My mom made a great living, but didn't see the need for it and I never had it until I grew up and moved out of the house! Junk food is another big spender imo...I'm bad in that dept...

[jenn]

I'm so sorry, and I don't have any great advice.

A few months before we got married, my husband and I bought our house and he moved in. I didn't move in until we were married. From that moment on we joined our checking accounts and shared our bills. My husband and I have always had OUR money, not HIS money, MY money". They are OUR bills and OUR responsibility.

[Memc2001]

You need some SERIOUS marriage and Dave Ramsey counseling ASAP. This is not the way a marriage works. But the Dave Ramsey isn't going to work until the marriage does.

Food first, mortgage second and everything else after that.

Good luck to you.

[Cat Herder]

Remember..., he's a grown @$$ man. He paid his cell phone bill on time cause he knew they would shut him off if he didn't. He showed you who he is..., it's time to believe him. I'm sorry that sounds blunt, but what he did was very blunt. Hugs to you!!!

^^^^ Time to reevaluate what marriage means to you.