What Would You Say..?

[CraftyMom]

look at it this way, since you have had your ad up and filled the spot up, this mom is still looking. why is she looking, is she not meshing with anyone. Kinda makes you wonder why she hasn't found care yet either.

Good point! A month later she's still looking...

[Kabob]

Eh. After talking to dh last night, he reminded me that this mom wasn't just rude in email, her husband was rude at the interview. As in ignoring my questions and responding only to his wife and then making rude comments. So I went with a different family that seemed like a better fit and she took it to mean that I didn't like her kids when really I didn't like their attitude.

Given that, it's just not worth it to me. I was considering giving them a second chance under the assumption that they just were having a bad day but the rude email just doesn't motivate me to waste my time or hers.

I too am wondering why she hasn't found daycare in a month. Could be the lack of openings or lack of interest on the provider's part. But I don't want to be her last choice only because I have an opening...we would both be miserable especially since she already thinks I don't like her kids.

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't even entertain the notion of interviewing her....Not even so I could decline her.

People like her don't suddenly "get it" when confronted about their behavior. If they did, I am sure someone some where before you tried. I doubt you were the first person she has been rude towards.

In situations like this, I choose to take the high road and not respond at all about the comment but reply that you don't think she her family would be a good fit and leave it at that.

I have NO issues with confrontation but just because I don't doesn't mean everyone wants or needs to hear what I think, if they have no bearing on me, my business or my enrolled families...KWIM?

I save my backbone for people who affect me or have some sort of place in my life.

[Great Beginnings]

I'd call her on it. I'm also the opposite of afraid of confrontation.

"I considered calling you, but after you said _____________the last time we spoke, I was not sure that we would be able to forge a successful relationship. My DCK and I thrive in an environment of mutual trust, respect and understanding. Do you feel you would be able to be a part of that environment?"

I think it's professional and reasonable. If she seems contrite and apologizes (sincerely!!) then you can decide whether or not you think it will work.

To be fair, I've had more than my share of being a jerk when I was having a bad day and having to come back with my tail between my legs and apologize. I'd be willing to give her a second chance, just letting her know that if it turns out you can't develop a good relationship then you can reiterate the terms of termination in your contract.

This is how I would handle it. Especially if I was being tempted by the money !

[Kabob]

I wouldn't even entertain the notion of interviewing her....Not even so I could decline her.

People like her don't suddenly "get it" when confronted about their behavior. If they did, I am sure someone some where before you tried. I doubt you were the first person she has been rude towards.

In situations like this, I choose to take the high road and not respond at all about the comment but reply that you don't think she her family would be a good fit and leave it at that.

I have NO issues with confrontation but just because I don't doesn't mean everyone wants or needs to hear what I think, if they have no bearing on me, my business or my enrolled families...KWIM?

I save my backbone for people who affect me or have some sort of place in my life.

Don't worry I wasn't seriously considering an interview. Even dh was quick to beg me not to do an interview. He said he really has been happy that I've been so stress-free since reducing my daycare families that even if money is tight he would rather take on no families than a family that is a bad fit. Guess I'm not the only one that benefits from keeping my daycare life simple.

I was more referring to whether I should even respond. She is not going to like being rejected again and then I worry it's just fuel to her fire...if she were to call and ask I would be happy to politely decline...but no so sure what if anything I should say in response to her one sentence email...maybe just one word?

[Blackcat31]

Don't worry I wasn't seriously considering an interview. Even dh was quick to beg me not to do an interview. He said he really has been happy that I've been so stress-free since reducing my daycare families that even if money is tight he would rather take on no families than a family that is a bad fit. Guess I'm not the only one that benefits from keeping my daycare life simple.

I was more referring to whether I should even respond. She is not going to like being rejected again and then I worry it's just fuel to her fire...if she were to call and ask I would be happy to politely decline...but no so sure what if anything I should say in response to her one sentence email...maybe just one word?

I agree with your DH. Life is better when it's simpler.

As far as replying, I guess I personally wouldn't even bother. Like I said, it took me years to figure out that when you respond to people like that, it only makes you feel better and never teaches them anything.

Sometimes rude people just need silence. If they were open to learning anything, I am sure it would have happened long before she crossed your path.

Simply not being able to find daycare and not receiving a response from whomever she was rude too will probably teach her more in the long run.

I am huge on speaking your mind, but only if you honestly feel it would be beneficial to the listener.

[Kabob]

I agree with your DH. Life is better when it's simpler.

As far as replying, I guess I personally wouldn't even bother. Like I said, it took me years to figure out that when you respond to people like that, it only makes you feel better and never teaches them anything.

Sometimes rude people just need silence. If they were open to learning anything, I am sure it would have happened long before she crossed your path.

Simply not being able to find daycare and not receiving a response from whomever she was rude too will probably teach her more in the long run.

I am huge on speaking your mind, but only if you honestly feel it would be beneficial to the listener.

I really can't help but be sarcastic in these situations so perhaps it is better that I just keep my mouth shut...I may unintentionally cause more grief for myself. But seriously this just cements that despite my curiosity, I'm just gonna let this pass...

[Blackcat31]

I really can't help but be sarcastic in these situations so perhaps it is better that I just keep my mouth shut...I may unintentionally cause more grief for myself. But seriously this just cements that despite my curiosity, I'm just gonna let this pass...

My mother used to always say "Lord please keep one hand on my shoulder and the other firmly over my mouth. Amen"

NOW (after working in childcare) I FULLY understand what she meant.

[Kabob]

My mother used to always say "Lord please keep one hand on my should and the other firmly over my mouth. Amen"

NOW (after working in childcare) I FULLY understand what she meant.

Lol thanks! I'm even more liable to say something when I'm pregnant (gosh I'm over halfway through this pregnancy already). When I was pregnant with ds, my sarcasm reached a new level...so usually I don't say anything lately...but when I do, even my mom is shocked.

[My3cents]

I agree with your DH. Life is better when it's simpler.

As far as replying, I guess I personally wouldn't even bother. Like I said, it took me years to figure out that when you respond to people like that, it only makes you feel better and never teaches them anything.

Sometimes rude people just need silence. If they were open to learning anything, I am sure it would have happened long before she crossed your path.

Simply not being able to find daycare and not receiving a response from whomever she was rude too will probably teach her more in the long run.

I am huge on speaking your mind, but only if you honestly feel it would be beneficial to the listener.

Me too on this, but sometimes I will respond on the boards to not only help the original poster but to help others that might read- not just on the boards but in real life too, my words might not be taken in by the OP or Original speaker but the lurkers around are also listening

first post BC was awesome!
DH is right on.
and above in hopefully read I respond-
and BC 2nd post was great too~

Good info for you OP I wish you the best-

[My3cents]

Lol thanks! I'm even more liable to say something when I'm pregnant (gosh I'm over halfway through this pregnancy already). When I was pregnant with ds, my sarcasm reached a new level...so usually I don't say anything lately...but when I do, even my mom is shocked.

I don't know about the pregnancy thing but I know the older I get..........::::::

[cheerfuldom]

That was my initial reaction but I'm still confused as to why she would be so rude in the first place. She did daycare before. She knows how it is with having to find the right family. I guess my curiosity could get me in trouble here...

It is hard for people that respect others to even fathom why people act so rude. She didn't get her way and she was upset and had a tantrum essentially and wanted to verbally inflict a little pain so that you would feel miserable too. Like another person said, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Some people are just rude and no amount of discussions, trial periods, and what not is going to change that. Not only were they rude when they didn't get their way, they were being rude at the interview. No sense to waste your time with them when you know good and well what you will be dealing with on a regular basis. And don't be tempted to assume that other previous daycare providers will be more understanding. There are A LOT of people out there that did daycare for a period of however long....that doesn't mean that they were good at it, that they were successful working with others, or that they learned anything to take with them in the future. Especially in states that don't require licensing for small ratios, any person can just open up shop and start doing it. It requires next to nothing in some states.

[Kabob]

I don't know about the pregnancy thing but I know the older I get..........::::::

Lol yeah. Even when I'm not pregnant I apparently can have biting sarcasm when I'm poked...and it only gets worse the more I encounter inconsiderate people. My dad is way worse....unlike me he can take a punch though so I better watch myself.

It is hard for people that respect others to even fathom why people act so rude. She didn't get her way and she was upset and had a tantrum essentially and wanted to verbally inflict a little pain so that you would feel miserable too. Like another person said, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Some people are just rude and no amount of discussions, trial periods, and what not is going to change that. Not only were they rude when they didn't get their way, they were being rude at the interview. No sense to waste your time with them when you know good and well what you will be dealing with on a regular basis. And don't be tempted to assume that other previous daycare providers will be more understanding. There are A LOT of people out there that did daycare for a period of however long....that doesn't mean that they were good at it, that they were successful working with others, or that they learned anything to take with them in the future. Especially in states that don't require licensing for small ratios, any person can just open up shop and start doing it. It requires next to nothing in some states.

Yeah I just keep having a problem with understanding people when they are being inconsiderate. I try hard to understand other points of view even if I don't like that point of view. Maybe I shouldn't try so hard.

[TwinKristi]

Wait... I remember this interview now that you mention the dh being rude! Didn't they have a few little boys who were rowdy and nutso?? Yeah, I would just pass.