Daycare vs Other Jobs

[Lucy]

I grew up with my mom doing DC and it didn't bother me in the least!

I'm the youngest in my family. I have 2 older brothers who are 4 and 8 years older than me. So the DC kids were my playmates when I was really young. Once I was able to go across the street to my best friend's house, I did that a lot. My friend would also come to my house and we'd just do our own thing. If that meant homework at the table, we did. If it meant playing in the backyard, we did. If we felt like playing Barbies in my bedroom, we did. We also played board games or card games often with the DC kids. If they were too young to understand a complex game, we played Go Fish, or Trouble (loved the big plastic button you pushed and it made the dice jump!).

I would have never DREAMED of expressing to my mom that I didn't like the DC!! It was Mom's JOB, and we accepted that for what it was. The alternative was to have Mom gone during the day, and I would've HATED that!!!

My parents only had 1 car, so my mom didn't take the DC kids out very often. If she really needed to be somewhere, she'd get up early and drive my dad to work. (Those are some fun memories, because she'd have to get us kids up too and we'd ride along in our pj's. Sometimes we'd lay on the seat and sleep. No seatbelts in those days!!) When I was about age 10, she started watching the kids of some really good neighbor friends of ours, and she could borrow their extra car.

I never felt set aside for the DC kids. Never felt like my space was violated by them. Never felt jealous at all. When I got to that age where young girls LOVE babies, I wanted to be around the babies if I could. I remember holding them and feeding them bottles. My best friend and I decided once that we would have "school" for the kids. It didn't last long, but we taught the 3 and 4 yr olds to write the alphabet - or at least some of it!!

Anyway, I have nothing but fond memories of DC!! Times were sooooo much different then in terms of regulations! We couldn't let a 10-12 yr old bottle feed babies now. My mom's DC was similar to mine - unstructured, but with discipline. There was zero schedule (I'm sure lunch and nap were at consistent times), kids just played with ordinary hand-me-down toys, watched TV, played in the backyard and the front yard - and Mom was (shock) IN THE HOUSE at the time!!

I don't mean to be rude, but I think kids who resent Mom having a DC are just being selfish and entitled. Please don't take that personally - I'm merely generalizing. I think they need to see the value of it as a way to have Mom at home AND making money for the household at the same time. I think it's a lesson they can be taught. And I don't think you need to feel guilty about the fact that your kids express displeasure with your DC, which I'm sure you probably do. I know times are different, but in the 60's and 70's (I was born in 63), if you told Mom & Dad you didn't like something, you were told basically "like it or lump it"!! That was just family dynamics back then!

Just my opinion and experiences. Not meant to insult in the least!! lovethis

[DanielleS]

Hmmm...That is a really interesting conundrum.

I get that everyone wants their kids to be happy and well-adjusted, especially in their own homes.

However, it would never have occurred to me that the kids got a vote on how the income in the family was earned. I am pretty sure if I had told my mom that I didn't like that she did X, she would have said "Great! So now you know, when you grow up you'll never do X and you can do something else instead." and that would have been the end of it.

You're probably a home care provider so that you can spend more time with your kids and be available to them in a meaningful way. I think you should trust that YOU as the mother and as a childcare expert knows what is best for them better than they do.

Not that you should brush them off completely, at least make them feel heard. But perhaps you need to explain to them (again?) that sometimes having a job is hard and you don't have to like it. We all do what we need to do as part of our family and community. Maybe make sure that they have special things and activities that are absolutely off-limits to DCK and things that are special that you say/do for them that are unique to your family and not shared with DCK. Of course, trying to replace the terror child would be on top of the priority list, just for everyone's sanity.

[Lucy]

...it would never have occurred to me that the kids got a vote on how the income in the family was earned. I am pretty sure if I had told my mom that I didn't like that she did X, she would have said "Great! So now you know, when you grow up you'll never do X and you can do something else instead." and that would have been the end of it.

Exactly. My term in my post above was "like it or lump it". LOL But yeah.... this.

(When told we weren't happy with tonight's dinner menu, Mom's quote was always, "Good. Then dinner's over.")

[Crazy8]

Exactly. My term in my post above was "like it or lump it". LOL But yeah.... this.

(When told we weren't happy with tonight's dinner menu, Mom's quote was always, "Good. Then dinner's over.")

not the OP, but for me its not that my kids are saying they don't like it - they really don't have any say in that matter, but I just wonder if when they are grown they will think of all the things I couldn't do with them because "I have daycare kids". Mine are getting older now and I find this is when its getting harder, it wasn't a matter of them being jealous of me being with little kids when they were little, its more about me being glued to the house when they have things to get to in late afternoon and last summer was horrible… they are at an age where they want to go do things and we can't because of the daycare. Of course it would be the same if I worked outside the home, but I honestly think I'd have MORE days off if I went out and got a regular job.

[Blackcat31]

Hmmm...That is a really interesting conundrum.

I get that everyone wants their kids to be happy and well-adjusted, especially in their own homes.

However, it would never have occurred to me that the kids got a vote on how the income in the family was earned. I am pretty sure if I had told my mom that I didn't like that she did X, she would have said "Great! So now you know, when you grow up you'll never do X and you can do something else instead." and that would have been the end of it.

You're probably a home care provider so that you can spend more time with your kids and be available to them in a meaningful way. I think you should trust that YOU as the mother and as a childcare expert knows what is best for them better than they do.

Not that you should brush them off completely, at least make them feel heard. But perhaps you need to explain to them (again?) that sometimes having a job is hard and you don't have to like it. We all do what we need to do as part of our family and community. Maybe make sure that they have special things and activities that are absolutely off-limits to DCK and things that are special that you say/do for them that are unique to your family and not shared with DCK. Of course, trying to replace the terror child would be on top of the priority list, just for everyone's sanity.

For a lot of providers though, the decision to do child care wasn't an income based decision.
It was a decision on how they want to raise their children.
Being home with them, available to meet their needs as they grow.

Income is often placed second on that priority list. It's still needed but NOT the sole reason for being a provider.

When providers choose to provide care for those reasons, it is hard to reconcile when your own children are unhappy because of it. kwim?

I agree about not giving children input about family income but I don't agree that they shouldn't have a say in what happens in their house as far as daycare goes.

[NeedaVaca]

I think "The grass is always greener" applies a little bit. If it's a matter of a child not meshing then I would find a replacement. Otherwise, yes, I miss some things during the day/late afternoon but my DH or grandparents go instead. There are things in the evenings or weekends that DH misses because of work but I get to attend. I really think it all evens out.

[LadyPearl]

For a lot of providers though, the decision to do child care wasn't an income based decision.
It was a decision on how they want to raise their children.
Being home with them, available to meet their needs as they grow.

Income is often placed second on that priority list. It's still needed but NOT the sole reason for being a provider.

When providers choose to provide care for those reasons, it is hard to reconcile when your own children are unhappy because of it. kwim?

I agree about not giving children input about family income but I don't agree that they shouldn't have a say in what happens in their house as far as daycare goes.

Yes, the income isn't so much the issue. Dh has a good job so my money is extra. I think my plan will be to finish the process to become registered and take on more families. If this particular child is still the issue, then I will term that family. I don't want my children to continue feeling the way that they do in their own home. Eliminating this child in the near future will probably be my only option which is too bad because his older sister gets along great with my kids. I want to have a good group of kids who all get along.

[DanielleS]

For a lot of providers though, the decision to do child care wasn't an income based decision.
It was a decision on how they want to raise their children.
Being home with them, available to meet their needs as they grow.

Income is often placed second on that priority list. It's still needed but NOT the sole reason for being a provider.

When providers choose to provide care for those reasons, it is hard to reconcile when your own children are unhappy because of it. kwim?

I agree about not giving children input about family income but I don't agree that they shouldn't have a say in what happens in their house as far as daycare goes.

I also said
"You're probably a home care provider so that you can spend more time with your kids and be available to them in a meaningful way. I think you should trust that YOU as the mother and as a childcare expert knows what is best for them better than they do."

I 100% agree with you. It's not a solely income-driven decision. So it might be important for the OP consider why he/she decided to become a provider in the first place, and use that as a guide while making the decision to either a) close and find work out of the home b) find a solution to the problem daycare child.

I still think that the children don't necessarily get an active vote. You, as the parent, choose what is best for them. If you feel it is best to be home with them, then that needs to happen regardless of their protests. If you feel it is best that they be happy and comfortable, then maybe an outside job is the best solution.

Either way, I think that the OP found an excellent solution. I am sure that her kids will be happy that she cares so much about their happiness and not making decisions based solely on income.

ETA: I fully support terming a family that makes your child miserable if it is remotely feasible. I do not advocate making kids suffer or be miserable just to make a buck.

[LadyPearl]

I also said
"You're probably a home care provider so that you can spend more time with your kids and be available to them in a meaningful way. I think you should trust that YOU as the mother and as a childcare expert knows what is best for them better than they do."

I 100% agree with you. It's not a solely income-driven decision. So it might be important for the OP consider why he/she decided to become a provider in the first place, and use that as a guide while making the decision to either a) close and find work out of the home b) find a solution to the problem daycare child.

I still think that the children don't necessarily get an active vote. You, as the parent, choose what is best for them. If you feel it is best to be home with them, then that needs to happen regardless of their protests. If you feel it is best that they be happy and comfortable, then maybe an outside job is the best solution.
Either way, I think that the OP found an excellent solution. I am sure that her kids will be happy that she cares so much about their happiness and not making decisions based solely on income.

ETA: I fully support terming a family that makes your child miserable if it is remotely feasible. I do not advocate making kids suffer or be miserable just to make a buck.

I don't want to put my own kids in daycare because I have a special needs child. (My job choices will always be what is best for our situation.) However, I think I will look into the school system once our soon-to-be addition enters kindergarten.

[DanielleS]

I don't want to put my own kids in daycare because I have a special needs child. (My job choices will always be what is best for our situation.) However, I think I will look into the school system once our soon-to-be addition enters kindergarten.

Of course your job choices will be what is in the best interest of your family! I hope I didn't offend you. Sometimes working outside the home IS the best choice for some families (obviously not yours!). I didn't mean for it to sound disrespectful at all. I sincerely hope it didn't come off that way.

I just meant that a different choice. For some reason I didn't remember that the debate was not in vs. out of the home, but instead DC vs. something else. I'm also pregnant and it has made me extraordinarily forgetful. Sorry!

School system is a great choice! I'm a certified Elementary teacher and I'm getting my master's in gifted so I can work part time in the school system once my looming spawn is ready.

[Jack Sprat]

Our youngest has said she wishes we didn't have a daycare. When I explain to her that if this wasn't my job then she would be going to daycare while I worked, then off to school, and then home for dinner, bath and bed. There would be no fun field trips with mommy, our toy supply would be way less, and our time together would be very small. She is only 5 and remembers how it was when I was teaching. I was always working on lesson plans, Common Core and staying late at work. I think she likes having the daycare, I think sometimes she just wants it to be quite.

I understand you pain. We as mothers feel guilt and are torn about everything we do when it comes to our children. Or at least I do. I do know that this is the best decision we made. Our oldest loves having me home. Her only complaint is daycare kids get better breakfast and snacks then what she does. ::