Think I Made Someone Mad Today. How Would You Have Handled This?

[JLH]

Mom brings her kid with no coat in the snow. We play outside. Kid freezes. Kid comes sick the next day with a cold. A few days later sister gets it. Now I have 4 yr old and 2 yr old both with thick green snot everywhere and they are both smearing it with their fingers and wiping it all over my house. I watch 4 year old wipe his nose on my couch. I watch 2 year old touch her snot with her finger, smear it around her nose, and smear it on my chair as I'm taking her temp. 2 year old is extra fussy. I ask her if she wants to lay down and she says yes. I lay her down and she instantly falls asleep and sleep over 5 hours today in middle of playroom. I text mom to give a head's up that kids are not feeling well and I'll let her know if they get worse and she needs to pick them up, slipping in the fact that little one got it from brother who came sick the day after no coat in the snow. Mom comes to pick up and says that they look fine. I tell her that little one was extra fussy and slept all day, they both have green snot that they were wiping all over the furniture and toys, and we have more medically fragile children than hers that a simple cold like this could make very sick (new toddler very prone to croup and a child with illness induced asthma). Also, that these kids just got done being sick and many parents had to miss days of work so we are trying to prevent these kids from getting sick again. Mom says they are too little to know about germs. I agreed but reply to mom that almost all of our older kids (3-5 year olds) know how to cough into their elbow and wipe their noses rather than wiping snot on the furniture and toys but we will continue to work on teaching her kids. I tell mom they can return tomorrow if they are feeling better but we will have a full house of kids tomorrow so little one can't be sleeping all day. We both say that hopefully little one slept it off today and will feel better tomorrow and mom leaves but I can tell she is irritated.
I feel proud of myself for saying my piece and standing my ground but I always worry about parents pulling when I make them mad. It leaves me with a feeling, like I'm in trouble for something, for days after I have a conversation with a parent like this.
So.... I'm trying to get a little more backbone without chasing people off because up until recently I've been a pushover and I'm sick of my family being sick all the time. Do you think I went wrong anywhere? How would you have handled this? I really felt like I was trying to do the right thing by trying to stop the spread of illness for our medically fragile kids but now with the worry of losing income it makes me wonder if I even should have said anything to the mom. What would you have done?

[TwinKristi]

I had this same exact situation! Literally SAME! Mom would bring DCB sick all the time with green snotty nose, couldn't wipe, put everything in his mouth, coughed in faces, cried and whined all day, slept more, constant low-grade fever (99.5 to 100.4, my contract says 100.5!) ... Mom always had some excuse! My son and another DCB would get sick. My DS ran a fever of 105 one night from a virus he gave him. Mom never took his temp so never knew how hot he got but I measured over 103 when I sent him home. I got to the point that I asked for a drs note to return, sent him home sick, etc and mom got pissy one day. I felt that same way, "ohhhh did I make a mistake? Should I have just toughed it out?" But then I would read in here or my DS would get sick and I'd be mad again. She told me in Sept that he would be moving to Jr Preschool (7:15-4:15 4 days a week) in Jan. She left right before Christmas & New Year to avoid paying me the holidays offs. It was insulting. It was so hurtful. I knew she did it when she was mad about me making her pick him up but they wouldn't take him until he was 2. They squeaked him in at 1y11mos against regs.
Anyway, I would have made if work, they paid well, they were like friends, I was hoping he'd finally get better, they'd been with me so long, etc. But now that they're gone it like happyface !! They still come on a drop-in basis and I had them today actually. It solidified my happiness. At first I was kinda sad and missed them. Then by the end of the day I was like "buh-bye!" I also had an infant (another Drama mama) who was having tubes put in and couldn't get sick or they'd cancel the surgery and he had like 8 ear infections in a year and would probably have another prolonging the surgery. I think DCM was mad that I was worried about the "new baby" instead of her son when it was the fact that he shouldn't be there sick in the first place but she denies it so she can work. She never took him home, she'd just take him back to work. With pink eye, vomiting, fever... Poor baby! That was another reason I often kept him sick so he could be here, sleep and have a low-key day. I even took him to the dr because he was so sick and I knew she wouldn't. And if she leaves because you said that than so be it. It ****s and you'd have TWO spots to fill but it's better than the alternative.

[llpa]

If you have an illness policy you need to enforce it. It IS so easy to let yourself get into the position of feeling like you did something wrong! However, it isn't fair to the children that come feeling well and are exposed to obviously sick kids.
Honestly, I would have sent them home for thick green snot and not being able to participate in the day. Even tho we need to be sensitive to clients' needs, WE run a business and they frequent it. You're the boss applesauce

[daycarediva]

Sorry, but they are NOT too young to know about germs. I did an entire unit on germs in early September. We read "Germs are not for sharing" DAILY still. ALL of the kids (just 2-almost 5) cough in elbows, wash hands and cover their mouths when they sneeze.

Sleeping all day=unable to participate here and I would have sent them home if she fell asleep during a non nap time.

[CraftyMom]

You did good! My 2 year olds cough in their elbow, not every single time, but for the most part.

I have gotten so much better at enforcing my illness policy after many times of allowing exceptions so parents don't get mad. Your home and family come first! I stress that in my policy, these children go home with their germs but my family lives here! We are confined to the germs the others spread in our home.

Paint a picture in the parent's mind "dcb wipes his green snot on my couch, pillow, chair, blanket, etc. My own child comes in and cuddles up on the couch. My child is now getting cozy in your child's snots!" Or this "dcg wipes snots on her hand then picks up a toy and puts it back down. Another dck then picks up the toy and puts it in her mouth as children do, now she has your child's snots in her mouth"

Runny noses are common this time of year, but green indicates illness and being contagious.

The only thing I disagree with is despite the fact that the child wasn't wearing a coat and obviously should be, he wouldn't have been sick the very next day as a result. Illness such as the cold you describe is spread through direct contact with the virus germs. The germs fester in the body for about 10 days before symptoms are shown. What I mean is he was already getting sick, just didn't show it yet, and would have been sick even if he wore a coat that day. Being cold can weaken the body's resistance to fight illness, but not likely just going from the car to the house.

But that's beside the point, mom should have a coat on her kids! And the kids should home cozy in their beds being comforted by their parents when they are sick!

[nannyde]

If the children don't have proper outdoor gear you have to stay in. It was the Moms decision to BRING them with no coat but it's on you that the kid was taken out in cold weather without a coat.

This is something that would get you in a WHOLE lot of trouble here. It could land you with DHS and child protective at your door.

Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. Once you accepted the kid in the house without proper winter gear you know that your group can not go outside.

Sorry not what you want to hear but I hope it helps you next time. I ended up purchasing a ton of winter gear in all sizes because I got sick of dealing with parents bringing them in complicated, ill fitting, and inappropriate weather gear. It takes a lot of real estate but it solved my problem.

[Naptime yet?]

I think you were right in sending the sick kids home, but did you let the kid play in the snow with no coat?

Sorry, I think I was posting the same time as Nanny.

[cheerfuldom]

the only thing I would recommend is to leave the medically fragile children out of the scenario because by mentioning them, it seems you are favoring their needs over the other families needs. It would be best to just say "this is our illness policy, the kids have to go home because they are clearly ill and I dont provide sick care" and leave it at that. I think you over explained things by talking about other kids, germs and sanitary issues......those are all legitimate concerns, for you. This parent doesnt need to know all your reasons and by overexplaining, it seems like you are trying to validate your reasons, which you don't need to do. just send them home and thats that. Insist these kids have weather appropriate clothing and let mom know that you will turn them away at the door if she comes without it again. A coat is mandatory. end of story.

[CraftyMom]

Somehow I missed the part about playing outside with no coat

[Cat Herder]

1. Mom brings her kid with no coat in the snow.

How would you have handled this?

2. I really felt like I was trying to do the right thing by trying to stop the spread of illness for our medically fragile kids but now with the worry of losing income it makes me wonder if I even should have said anything to the mom.

What would you have done?

1. Originally, I would have sent Mom, with kid, home for the coat. Appropriate clothing was a condition of attendance.

Now, I have spares of everything because I got tired of the drama involved in enforcing this policy (I can't stand waiting for them to come back and having the kid miss out on breakfast/circle time. It throws off the day for the whole group. ). Since I was no longer enforcing this policy I removed it from my contract.


2. If the drama of enforcing a policy makes you fear losing clients then you will need a plan B so you no longer NEED to enforce the policy.


***As far as telling Mom that kid got the cold virus from being outside, I'd probably have left the entire topic alone. It is no longer widely held that cold temperatures can cause viruses. It is also frowned upon to "play the blame game" with illnesses in childcare because it can come back to bite you later...

http://www.niaid.nih.gov/topics/commoncold/pages/cause.aspx

Ugh, I did not see posts 5-9. Raises fist to windstream.

[Evansmom]

I agree with nannyde about you being in the wrong taking DCK out with no coat in the snow. I know it stinks to be trapped inside with a bunch of crazy cabin fever kids. So if your policy is they need appropriate winter gear and DCK shows up without it, you have to turn them away at the door to go back home and get some.

Also if a child is sick and unable to participate, send them home. Period. This is at your discretion, you make the rules, it's your business so you have to enforce the rules. If your policy is that temps have to be 100.5 to be sent home but the child had 99.5 and is falling asleep in the middle of play time it's ok to use your best judgement and send child home.

[Unregistered]

If they do not come prepared or are unable to participate in the day, then they need to go home. Lack of supplies needed for day, then they can not attend. Not well enough to participate in day, then they can not attend. Keep it simple and repeat as often as necessary.

[JLH]

Nanne De, Actually, I was following our rules. Our licensing rules state that all kids must go out EVERY day, unless the weather poses a threat such as high winds or temps below 0. It's up to the parents to bring a coat but we HAVE to go out. Technically, yes I could call CPS here because it's a CPS offense to bring kids without proper, weather appropriate clothing. The sad part is that the family is well off and just didn't buy coats because they "couldn't find any cute enough". Ugh!

[CraftyMom]

Nanne De, Actually, I was following our rules. Our licensing rules state that all kids must go out EVERY day, unless the weather poses a threat such as high winds or temps below 0. It's up to the parents to bring a coat but we HAVE to go out. Technically, yes I could call CPS here because it's a CPS offense to bring kids without proper, weather appropriate clothing. The sad part is that the family is well off and just didn't buy coats because they "couldn't find any cute enough". Ugh!

So he doesn't even have a coat? This isn't the first time?

[Naptime yet?]

Maybe you should go to the thrift store & buy the ugliest brightest pink coat you can find & show DCM at pick up that this is what her son wears when you go outside. Apologize that it's not cute enough, but at least he will be warm when he rolls around in the snow.