Think I Made Someone Mad Today. How Would You Have Handled This?

[My3cents]

If children do not arrive with the proper clothing, I do not accept them into care.

If I don't notice they are missing something until later, I call the parent at work and tell them they need to come pick up their child immediately or bring the proper supplies.

I don't lend, borrow or purchase clothing for other people's children.

I know it makes life easier for some providers but I have NO issues following through on my "come prepared or you can't stay" policy.

I have very rarely had a repeat incident with the same child/parent.

I have extra clothing because sometimes the extras get dirty- we play, we play a lot, and I love messy play I don't have extras for a non complying parent. I don't tolerate that. I am not asking for much with this request.

[My3cents]

I find this viewpoint very interesting. I truly never thought of it this way. I worked in a lot of different centers before opening my home daycare and kids always went out, with or without a coat. I guess I just assumed that I was following policy. I never saw sending him out in the snow with only a sweater as me being in the wrong. I just assumed that mom was wrong for not bringing a coat but I still had to take him out because I was obligated to do so. Maybe I should talk to my licensor to find out what to do next time this happens. I can only imagine how mad mom will be when she gets a call from me telling her that she needs to bring a coat or her son can't stay!!!

Who is the boss of your daycare? You or the Mom

You need rules, handbook, policy book, contract and backbone.
Having a parent mad at me is the last thing I am going to worry about. Your job is to care for the child and children in your home.

Your probably a lovely person but your lacking big time common sense with running a daycare. I say this in kindness to you.

[Luna]

in humor yes I get you-...... but why would you want to do that to the child? I am afraid this provider might take you up on this

My spare winter coat for my dcks is pink with a big gold crown embroidered on the back and ruffles all around the hood, wrists and waist. My little boys have worn it often and they couldn't care less. They wear pink mittens and hats. They just want to be able to play outside and be comfortable. No one has ever protested the colour. One is a 5 year old and he has never complained about wearing a pink coat.

[Babyluver21]

While the child should not have gone out w/o a coat in the snow, it is not what made the child sick. Despite a popular belief, you cannot get sick from getting wet, being chilly, being hot, being outside without a coat,. (Though you CAN get hypothermia (too cold) or hyperthermia (overheating) if not dressed properly and that can be pretty darn dangerous) Germs cause illness, i.e.: bacteria, viruses, fungi, parasites, amoebas; those sorts of things. Knowing this, the child PROBABLY was already getting ill (incubation w/o symptoms is very common in colds or URI) and considering the child was ill the NEXT day, the cold was incubating most likely, for at least 7 days, maybe more, and the parent would not have known the few days prior. However, GREEN signifies 'still contagious' in most situations, especially when accompanied by fever. Thus, that would have been reason enough to send the child home. You'll want to sterilize your house and exclude any children in their contagious period until they are fever-free. Colds can last a couple weeks (sometimes more) but if there is no fever, it's usually OK to keep the children in care. See your state's policy on illness if you need more info so that you can pass along to parents. It makes your life easier if you have it to hand out around each September.

[e.j.]

Sometimes I just feel like I can't win with these parents.

:hug:There's a whole lot of truth in this statement. There are parents who just aren't going to be happy no matter what you do so... enforce your policies and concentrate on making you happy instead. I know it's not easy; I struggle with having to enforce my policies all the time but you will be miserable if you allow parents to walk up one side of you and down the other.

I get that your regulations say you have to go outside everyday; mine do too, although they also add "weather permitting". Unfortunately, exceptions beyond the regulations need to be made at times. Record breaking lows and a kid who doesn't have a coat to keep him warm in those temperatures would be one of those times. Imagine if dcb got frost bite from being outside without the proper attire. Your licensor wouldn't be patting you on the back saying, "Oh, no problem. The regs say you had to bring him outside no matter what." You can be sure you'd be held accountable, not the parent, because he was in your care.

I know you thought you were doing the right thing by following your state's regulation on outdoor play. If an exception can't be made, you really have no choice but to speak with the parent and tell her her child needs a winter coat and you will have to exclude him from care until either she buys him one or the weather warms up.

[JLH]

The go out rule would never protect you.

One reg doesn't supercede a basic care expectation. You had the option to refuse the child at the door.

Once she was left in your care you were obligated to do the right thing.

Who is the boss of your daycare? You or the Mom

You need rules, handbook, policy book, contract and backbone.
Having a parent mad at me is the last thing I am going to worry about. Your job is to care for the child and children in your home.

Your probably a lovely person but your lacking big time common sense with running a daycare. I say this in kindness to you.

I have common sense; my 3 kids have coats, hats, and gloves that they wear when we go outside in the cold. I have a contract and an 11 page long Parent Handbook that HAS to be signed as part of the enrollment process. The Parent Handbook clearly states that children must come dressed appropriately for the weather and outdoor play, and the parents of all 10 of the other kids enrolled don't seem to have a problem following this. I even have added into my monthly newsletters from time to time how children need to be dressed appropriately for outdoor play, and "we recommend rain boots, winter jackets, hats, and gloves" this time of year. This parent fights me on so many policies. It's hard to put my foot down and lose $800 a month of my family's income (especially when we are very low income with 3 kids, this is our only income, and we don't even have a working car because we can't afford to get it fixed) but I think the backlash I've received on here makes it pretty clear to me what I need to do. Probably best to let this family go before my licensor sees how many policies they try to break and blames it on me for not putting my foot down; as they argue/give excuses/break my policies on immunizations, bringing coats, bringing shoes, not bringing in toys that are choking hazards for the wee ones, not bringing outside food, not bringing sick kids, not bringing in siblings when one kid is home sick, not allowing kids to play in the front yard because it's unsafe, bringing homemade foods instead of store bought for birthdays, etc, etc, etc. When I start thinking about it, it really does all add up and adds a lot of unnecessary stress to my life... I feel bad for the kids, but at the same time I do have a business to run.
Please, let's also keep in mind that there wasn't 4 feet of snow on the ground and the child wasn't in a t-shirt. He was in a hooded sweater that the mom brought for him because she thought it was sufficient, and it had just begun snowing and it wasn't even cold enough yet for it to stick. The real cold temps didn't begin until the next day. Once I saw he looked too cold and wasn't playing we brought him in. Also, I did tell mom at pick up, once again, that he needs to bring a coat EVERY DAY.

[CraftyMom]

I have common sense; my 3 kids have coats, hats, and gloves that they wear when we go outside in the cold. I have a contract and an 11 page long Parent Handbook that HAS to be signed as part of the enrollment process. The Parent Handbook clearly states that children must come dressed appropriately for the weather and outdoor play, and the parents of all 10 of the other kids enrolled don't seem to have a problem following this. I even have added into my monthly newsletters from time to time how children need to be dressed appropriately for outdoor play, and "we recommend rain boots, winter jackets, hats, and gloves" this time of year. This parent fights me on so many policies. It's hard to put my foot down and lose $800 a month of my family's income (especially when we are very low income with 3 kids, this is our only income, and we don't even have a working car because we can't afford to get it fixed) but I think the backlash I've received on here makes it pretty clear to me what I need to do. Probably best to let this family go before my licensor sees how many policies they try to break and blames it on me for not putting my foot down; as they argue/give excuses/break my policies on immunizations, bringing coats, bringing shoes, not bringing in toys that are choking hazards for the wee ones, not bringing outside food, not bringing sick kids, not bringing in siblings when one kid is home sick, not allowing kids to play in the front yard because it's unsafe, bringing homemade foods instead of store bought for birthdays, etc, etc, etc. When I start thinking about it, it really does all add up and adds a lot of unnecessary stress to my life...

I too have one parent that fights me on EVERY policy. She does not win though, but in the past I have let parents win by making exceptions and learned the hard way and through this forum that I cannot allow parents to win, it isn't worth the stress. ALL my other families abide by the policies no problem, but this one, for some reason thinks she has a say in my policies, NOPE! She tries, but I stand my ground. It's one of the hardest parts of this job, aside from dealing with parents in general, a non compliant parent just makes it worse. I now have zero tolerance for non compliance. This came over the last year, after living and learning and realizing that if a parent gets upset and wants to go somewhere else then so be it, my day will be less stressful and I'll find a new child with parents that comply.

[nannyde]

I have common sense; my 3 kids have coats, hats, and gloves that they wear when we go outside in the cold. I have a contract and an 11 page long Parent Handbook that HAS to be signed as part of the enrollment process. The Parent Handbook clearly states that children must come dressed appropriately for the weather and outdoor play, and the parents of all 10 of the other kids enrolled don't seem to have a problem following this. I even have added into my monthly newsletters from time to time how children need to be dressed appropriately for outdoor play, and "we recommend rain boots, winter jackets, hats, and gloves" this time of year. This parent fights me on so many policies. It's hard to put my foot down and lose $800 a month of my family's income (especially when we are very low income with 3 kids, this is our only income, and we don't even have a working car because we can't afford to get it fixed) but I think the backlash I've received on here makes it pretty clear to me what I need to do. Probably best to let this family go before my licensor sees how many policies they try to break and blames it on me for not putting my foot down; as they argue/give excuses/break my policies on immunizations, bringing coats, bringing shoes, not bringing in toys that are choking hazards for the wee ones, not bringing outside food, not bringing sick kids, not bringing in siblings when one kid is home sick, not allowing kids to play in the front yard because it's unsafe, bringing homemade foods instead of store bought for birthdays, etc, etc, etc. When I start thinking about it, it really does all add up and adds a lot of unnecessary stress to my life... I feel bad for the kids, but at the same time I do have a business to run.
Please, let's also keep in mind that there wasn't 4 feet of snow on the ground and the child wasn't in a t-shirt. He was in a hooded sweater that the mom brought for him because she thought it was sufficient, and it had just begun snowing and it wasn't even cold enough yet for it to stick. The real cold temps didn't begin until the next day. Once I saw he looked too cold and wasn't playing we brought him in. Also, I did tell mom at pick up, once again, that he needs to bring a coat EVERY DAY.

Jlh I'm here for you not against you. I am trying to teach you a way to think to protect you. I'm not here to scold you or hurt you. The idea that parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing and the concept that once the child is on your soil that you are mandated to do the right thing takes TIME and experience to learn and apply.

Please take my words as a consideration not harm.

Tori

[craftymissbeth]

I don't think you necessarily need to let the family go. But you DO need to stand up for yourself, your policies, and this CHILD. I say this in the most living, respectful way possible... you are completely wrong. Yes, your regs say that all children must go outside daily... but common sense says that you don't take a child outside without a coat, gloves, hat, etc. when it is cold outside. If this child gets hypothermia or frost bite I guarantee you that you will be held responsible.

I say if you're considering terming anyway then there's absolutely no harm in putting your foot down and using your backbone. Your child either has all of the outerwear he needs or he stays home. They'll either do as you ask or leave... which won't be a big deal because you're considering terming anyway. I see this as an awesome opportunity to sharpen your backbone skills.

***that was all said in a loving sweet way***

[TwinKristi]

What about asking that they leave a jacket at your daycare? I know there's other issues but if this is ongoing maybe that could help. I hate to see anyone being held hostage by a family who's not following the rules. Rather then just jumping to term, why not have a little sit down meeting and give them a list of the issues you're having on a regular basis (not every little nit-picky thing but the big ones) and they're on a 60 day probation or something? I don't know! Good luck! I really do understand the feeling. I lost 2/3 of my income in Oct-Dec and literally it was by the grace of God (and dh...) that we got through. But the money we used from my income was no longer there and we had extra expenses on top of it. It's hard!

[Cradle2crayons]

Although I sometimes do have extra supplies in case something gets torn or dirty, I don't provide clothing for parents that can afford it themselves.

If a parent can afford but won't purchase shoes, jacket etc, I have been know to go buy what the child needs and invoicing the parent.

I cover my butt in my policies by stating if I have to purchase amenities for a child that he parents are refusing to provide, I will buy and the parents will reimburse me.

I've rarely had to do that, but I will if I have to.

I agree with nan here and he others. Rules are great but you can't use the a s an excuse to out a. Hold ind anger. End of story. In the end, the well being and safety if the child is top priority.

And really, to be honest, it's not the parents fault they are breaking policies if the Provider allows them to do it.

If you aren't going to hold parents accountable then why even have policies to begin with ?

[My3cents]

My spare winter coat for my dcks is pink with a big gold crown embroidered on the back and ruffles all around the hood, wrists and waist. My little boys have worn it often and they couldn't care less. They wear pink mittens and hats. They just want to be able to play outside and be comfortable. No one has ever protested the colour. One is a 5 year old and he has never complained about wearing a pink coat.

I have never had anyone protest the colors either- I use what I have for spare clothing- I don't do it to embarrass a child or parent. It is just what I have on hand. The parents do bring clothes in fast when they go home in spare clothing.