Sometimes I Just Want To Scream

[My3cents]

Well, after yesterdays fiasco, I just don't even want to hear it anymore. After dad told me about how the boy was up and down, up and down, climbing over the gate etc and then expected him to get a ****er and then mom picked up and said, "oh he did pretty good last night". I don't know why in their wildest dreams they think that was a pretty good night. Sounds like no one slept. Then she says how he came in in the middle of the night and snuck in their bed as she smiles and says he was so quiet he just snuck in haha. Geez, I wonder why he keeps getting up. DUH! totally done with that situation. Why is he doing this behavior? Because he can!!!!! I'm taking your advice here and saying "oh" when they bring it up.

I think I would say oh and then go onto say, sounds like your going to have to set some boundaries and rules at home about bed time otherwise your going to be up all night and if he doesn't get good sleep at home and is disruptive and not able to function at daycare your going to have to find another provider.

[Blackcat31]

Why are you rewarding him for behavior at home?
I wouldn't be doing that for that exact reason ... you have to be the bad guy or reward for bad behavior.

Does he nap in a bed or on a mat at your home?

I guess I had a really stupid moment. Won't happen again I'll tell you that.

Still doesn't excuse dad's stupid behavior.

I just moved him a couple of weeks ago to a mat and he does great. Doesn't move at all from it.

When I have certain kids working toward a goal (behavior wise) I will reward/punish them here based on what happens at home.

I have one little one here right now who is working on the same thing (staying in their own bed for the whole night) and mom and I are working TOGETHER to help the child.

It's also beneficial for the child to know that BOTH myself and their parent are on the same page.

I agree that behavior at home *most* times has NOTHING to do with behavior here but I disagree that we should stay out of it all together.

There are times in which partnering with the other caregiver in the child's life helps support the learning process.

Of course, there HAS to be certain facts in play to make it work... like not expecting the parent or the provider to be the ONLY "bad guy" and the parent MUST be the one working hardest toward this goal.

[DaycareMom]

When I have certain kids working toward a goal (behavior wise) I will reward/punish them here based on what happens at home.

I have one little one here right now who is working on the same thing (staying in their own bed for the whole night) and mom and I are working TOGETHER to help the child.

It's also beneficial for the child to know that BOTH myself and their parent are on the same page.

I agree that behavior at home *most* times has NOTHING to do with behavior here but I disagree that we should stay out of it all together.

There are times in which partnering with the other caregiver in the child's life helps support the learning process.

Of course, there HAS to be certain facts in play to make it work... like not expecting the parent or the provider to be the ONLY "bad guy" and the parent MUST be the one working hardest toward this goal.

Every daycare relationship I have started has been me saying I want to have open communication, work together on goals, etc.

I would love to have parents that would do the same at home as they do here. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a parent that will even follow my nap time schedule so I just do what I have to do here. It used to bother me A LOT, but I have learned that I can't control what a parent does at home.

[My3cents]

When I have certain kids working toward a goal (behavior wise) I will reward/punish them here based on what happens at home.

I have one little one here right now who is working on the same thing (staying in their own bed for the whole night) and mom and I are working TOGETHER to help the child.

It's also beneficial for the child to know that BOTH myself and their parent are on the same page.

I agree that behavior at home *most* times has NOTHING to do with behavior here but I disagree that we should stay out of it all together.

There are times in which partnering with the other caregiver in the child's life helps support the learning process.

Of course, there HAS to be certain facts in play to make it work... like not expecting the parent or the provider to be the ONLY "bad guy" and the parent MUST be the one working hardest toward this goal.

I see where your going with this....... it depends on what it is. I would not make it my job to give this child in this situation a ly for staying in his bed. I would want the parent to do that. It would put me in a position to be the bad guy over something I don't have any control about. If I wanted to reward the child for staying on his mat here at daycare then I would do that. I do agree with working together with parents but for this issue I would stay out of it, other then verbal praise.

[Blackcat31]

I see where your going with this....... it depends on what it is. I would not make it my job to give this child in this situation a ly for staying in his bed. I would want the parent to do that. It would put me in a position to be the bad guy over something I don't have any control about. If I wanted to reward the child for staying on his mat here at daycare then I would do that. I do agree with working together with parents but for this issue I would stay out of it, other then verbal praise.

For me, the "reward" or "consequence" is an activity.

If you are a big kid, you get to do big kid things.

If you aren't a big kid, you don't get to do those big kid things.

NOT allowing a child to do the big kid things on a day they didn't sleep in their bed for the entire night does not make me the bad guy....it supports what the mother is already trying to teach her child...be a big kid and you get to do big kid things.

NOT saying that rewarding at daycare for ALL things parents do at home is the right or wring thing to do...it definitely depends on tons of different variables and factors.

I commented on this thread because I am going through the same thing (staying in their own bed) and having a ton of positive results working WITH the parent.

In my case though compared to the OP's the parent is actually working on it at home and with me.

[lovemykidstoo]

For me, the "reward" or "consequence" is an activity.

If you are a big kid, you get to do big kid things.

If you aren't a big kid, you don't get to do those big kid things.

NOT allowing a child to do the big kid things on a day they didn't sleep in their bed for the entire night does not make me the bad guy....it supports what the mother is already trying to teach her child...be a big kid and you get to do big kid things.

NOT saying that rewarding at daycare for ALL things parents do at home is the right or wring thing to do...it definitely depends on tons of different variables and factors.

I commented on this thread because I am going through the same thing (staying in their own bed) and having a ton of positive results working WITH the parent.

In my case though compared to the OP's the parent is actually working on it at home and with me.

This is the key. In the beginning we were, but the more it happens at home, the more I see that they are not 100% working on it. So, I'm out. He's sleeping just fine for me, so I'm calling it good!

[Blackcat31]

This is the key. In the beginning we were, but the more it happens at home, the more I see that they are not 100% working on it. So, I'm out. He's sleeping just fine for me, so I'm calling it good!

Exactly what I would do.

I never spend more time or worry on an issue than a parent would.

[dave4him]

Trouble i am running into is my own kids do not like sleeping in their beds, they prefer the couch