Terminating My Biter Family Today

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

Last Friday I was upfront with the mom of the bite victim and said that I was worried she was gonna pull her daughter.

She was honest and said that her and her husband discussed that possibility. They don't want to, but they are tired of DCG getting bit.

I totally agree, and told her that I will be terminating care for the other family tonight.

The biter family's behavior this morning has been horrible, which confirms that I need to do this, but im still nervous.

I don't see the behavior getting better, and I cant trust that no one will get bit again.

Please give me strength, and tell me im making the right decision.

[LaLa1923]

Last Friday I was upfront with the mom of the bite victim and said that I was worried she was gonna pull her daughter.

She was honest and said that her and her husband discussed that possibility. They don't want to, but they are tired of DCG getting bit.

I totally agree, and told her that I will be terminating care for the other family tonight.

The biter family's behavior this morning has been horrible, which confirms that I need to do this, but im still nervous.

I don't see the behavior getting better, and I cant trust that no one will get bit again.

Please give me strength, and tell me im making the right decision.

You ARE doing the right thing!!

Do what you need to do!! :hug:happyface

[Blackcat31]

It's hard not to feel bad but you have to do whatever you have to in order to keep the kids safe and terming a biter is just one of those uncomfortable sticky situations that makes this job tough.

It's okay to feel bad. You can sympathize with BOTH families for different reasons.

You ARE doing the right thing.

Biting is a tough thing to deal with in group care and sometimes the family of the biter has to deal with the fall out even though they really have no control over their child's behavior.

You can't risk losing another family just to keep the biter family happy...kwim?

Hugs for dealing....it IS hard. :hug:

It'll be okay though.

[DaycareMom]

You are doing the right thing. Your job is to keep kids safe. If a DCK is being bit on a daily basis - it is not safe!
Since the other DCF was thinking of leaving anyway, then it just makes your decision easier.
****s you have to term anyone, but if it's because of the safety of your kids - it needs to be done.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

[TwinKristi]

^^ I think she meant that the victim of the biter was thinking of leaving, not the biter's family.

My situation was much different, it was my own son who was biting (18mos) and I couldn't really term him. He's gotten much much better since learning to talk better and rarely if ever bites (as opposed to multiple times a day!) because I was forced to deal with it head on. If someone threatened to leave they would have to leave because I can't term my own child. Ya know? I don't disagree with terming children over biting, especially if you're close to losing a family over it, but I just wanted to share a story where it DOES get better!

[Maria2013]

it's unfortunate it has to come to this, but you're doing absolutely the right thing :hug:

[Laurel]

^^ I think she meant that the victim of the biter was thinking of leaving, not the biter's family.

My situation was much different, it was my own son who was biting (18mos) and I couldn't really term him. He's gotten much much better since learning to talk better and rarely if ever bites (as opposed to multiple times a day!) because I was forced to deal with it head on. If someone threatened to leave they would have to leave because I can't term my own child. Ya know? I don't disagree with terming children over biting, especially if you're close to losing a family over it, but I just wanted to share a story where it DOES get better!

Same with my grandson. He was the biter. I just had to juggle things so he was almost never alone beside the other child. I took the bitee to the bathroom with me, fed them lunch staggered so bitee could be safe up in her high chair and all kinds of things. It took a long time and it worked...finally. It was kind of stressful for me but you do what you have to do when it is your own.

I can understand if a provider wouldn't want to be that intense for a few months because that is what it takes if you absolutely won't term and I wouldn't. The little girl my grandson bit's mother was good about it and she reminded me that her older son who I had watched WAS the biter. I didn't even remember that! Still I did so good that she rarely got bit after I was 'super protector'. ::

Laurel

[Cat Herder]

You can't risk losing another family just to keep the biter family happy

^^^^ Maintaining a safe and healthy learning environment for your group is priority #1.

You are making the right choice for the group.

[itlw8]

You are making the right decision. Actually since the child is a known biter you can be in big trouble with licensing and the parent can sue you if their child is bit. It is a known hazard.

Some times you just have to do it. a group situation is not good for all children.

[TwinKristi]

You are making the right decision. Actually since the child is a known biter you can be in big trouble with licensing and the parent can sue you if their child is bit. It is a known hazard.

Some times you just have to do it. a group situation is not good for all children.

:confused: so are you suggesting my only choice is to close my daycare when my child bit? Is this in every state or just your own? What is a parent to do when their child is labeled a biter and can't get childcare because of this? Sounds like a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[Cat Herder]

:confused: so are you suggesting my only choice is to close my daycare when my child bit? Is this in every state or just your own? What is a parent to do when their child is labeled a biter and can't get childcare because of this? Sounds like a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

The only way to get rid 100% of the risk of losing a civil suit is to term the biter. That is common legal knowledge, not a personal judgement.

If a parent can't find group childcare for a known/chronic biter it is the parents responsibility to find their own solution, not the group childcare providers.

Expecting a group childcare provider to accept that legal burden
simply makes no financial sense. It isn't personal, it is business.

[countrymom]

how did it go.

[TwinKristi]

The only way to get rid 100% of the risk of losing a civil suit is to term the biter. That is common legal knowledge, not a personal judgement.

If a parent can't find group childcare for a known/chronic biter it is the parents responsibility to find their own solution, not the group childcare providers.

Expecting a group childcare provider to accept that legal burden
simply makes no financial sense. It isn't personal, it is business.

I'm not talking about a legal judgement, I'm talking about getting in trouble from licensing with a "known" biter.

[melilley]

^^ I think she meant that the victim of the biter was thinking of leaving, not the biter's family.

My situation was much different, it was my own son who was biting (18mos) and I couldn't really term him. He's gotten much much better since learning to talk better and rarely if ever bites (as opposed to multiple times a day!) because I was forced to deal with it head on. If someone threatened to leave they would have to leave because I can't term my own child. Ya know? I don't disagree with terming children over biting, especially if you're close to losing a family over it, but I just wanted to share a story where it DOES get better!

I have a child who started at 18 mo. and was a biter. He is 2 now and doesn't bite anymore, so there can be an end (usually).

I'm not saying op shouldn't term, just showing another success story.

[Cat Herder]

I'm not talking about a legal judgment, I'm talking about getting in trouble from licensing with a "known" biter.

Ok , I am not sure about itlw8t's but my rules state "children shall be protected from physical and emotional harm that can result from punitive actions of other children such as hitting, yelling, criticizing, biting etc."

Each occurrence can equate into a citation if reported by parent. If we turn in a pattern of injury reports (mandatory reporting of boo-boo forms if requiring treatment/breaks skin) for biting we will be visited and cited without a parent complaint.

The State views it as a classroom management issue. As we all know, that is not always the case.