In a Bind

[kathiemarie]

Is there away he could visit? To be honest I thin that is what she needs. She hears all this CR**P about him DCG must think he doesn't love her. If you want to say anything I would tell him to try and visit soon. She needs her Daddy.

[daycare]

I would stay out of it entirely. If the dcd asks about the child, I would give specific OBJECTIVE responses about the child. I would also refrain from giving unsolicited advice to the dcm that doesn't relate to OBJECTIVE observations you have made.

Here are a couple of examples:

Dad asks how child is doing. Your response is, dck had a temper tantrum after being asked to clean up. She had one potty accident. She took 25 min to fall asleep and tossed and turned on her cot.

Daycare child isn't dressed for the weather and mom seems disorganized. Your response is, dck was chilly outside today without mittens. This is an objective response and isn't making a personal statement about her ability to care for her child.

Divorce is difficult. Divorce can leave women and children in difficult financial situations where they need help from their families to survive. I would personally stay out of it entirely.

they were never married and have been split up since she was 1. It's just a very ugly situation.

I do respond very matter of fact.

[Laurel]

Do you have any kind of resource and referral agency? Maybe you could ask their advice on what to do? We have one that has people trained to work with families in crisis and will even answer questions for providers if we have them.

Laurel

[daycare]

Do you have any kind of resource and referral agency? Maybe you could ask their advice on what to do? We have one that has people trained to work with families in crisis and will even answer questions for providers if we have them.

Laurel

I am not sure, but I could find out I am sure.

I would love to see the mom get some help. I worry maybe she is not emotionally stable enough to care for her....

[Bookworm]

they were never married.
Honestly, I really feel that what the DCM is doing is emotionally abusive. DCG tells me stuff like my mom hates my dad, she thinks he is an a$$hole, or will say I want a new dad.

When DCD tries to call her, she will throw the phone then go on a rampage. She has acted out here in rage when dcd tried to call her on the way here in the car.

I know that I have not been to detailed about all that is going on here, but the mothers behavior is really affecting the child. I need to be the advocate for this child and ALWAYS protect her. I honestly can't let this go and stay out of it. I do know that reporting it to CPS won't do anything because it's too hard to prove, and will only create more waves for DCM.

I am starting to wonder if DCM is emotionally stable enough to take care of her.

I dont know what to do..............

This sounds like Parental Alienation. If it is then it can be very detrimental to DCG/DCd relationship. I agree with the others, do not become the middleman.

[Blackcat31]

they were never married.
Honestly, I really feel that what the DCM is doing is emotionally abusive. DCG tells me stuff like my mom hates my dad, she thinks he is an a$$hole, or will say I want a new dad.

When DCD tries to call her, she will throw the phone then go on a rampage. She has acted out here in rage when dcd tried to call her on the way here in the car.

I know that I have not been to detailed about all that is going on here, but the mothers behavior is really affecting the child. I need to be the advocate for this child and ALWAYS protect her. I honestly can't let this go and stay out of it. I do know that reporting it to CPS won't do anything because it's too hard to prove, and will only create more waves for DCM.

I am starting to wonder if DCM is emotionally stable enough to take care of her.
I dont know what to do..............

Ok, I read this entire thread and this (bolded part) is the biggest thing that stuck out to me.

What I am getting from your posts is that you are concerned about the mental stability of the child because of the situation she is in...

You are spot on about needing to do something about this, however I do NOT think DCD is the person you need to be telling anything to. I also do NOT think DCM is the person you need to be advising either, at this point because of what you believe (bolded part of your post) you need to call CPS.

ANY form of abuse needs to be reported. The mom won't automatically lose custody or anything that bad (unless warranted) but what she will get is some good resources, assistance and guidance in regards to parenting and doing so properly.

A benefit for daycare kid, the mother and the father.

[Play Care]

Ok, I read this entire thread and this (bolded part) is the biggest thing that stuck out to me.

What I am getting from your posts is that you are concerned about the mental stability of the child because of the situation she is in...

You are spot on about needing to do something about this, however I do NOT think DCD is the person you need to be telling anything to. I also do NOT think DCM is the person you need to be advising either, at this point because of what you believe (bolded part of your post) you need to call CPS.

ANY form of abuse needs to be reported. The mom won't automatically lose custody or anything that bad (unless warranted) but what she will get is some good resources, assistance and guidance in regards to parenting and doing so properly.

A benefit for daycare kid, the mother and the father.

[daycare]

thanks for your response, this is where I was leading to. I plan on calling later today.

I thought about this over night, and what it came down to is that I really do feel that I need to be honest with the DCD about how his child is doing here instead of just being so vague and saying doing fine or had a rough day but ok. I feel like I am lying to this DCD to protect the mother from being ambushed by him. BUT how can I say that there are all of a sudden issues, when they have been going on for the last few months.

If I were the DCD I would want to know how my child is doing and just because he is not involved on the contract or in her life, he still has the right to know the full truth about how his child is doing right?

I NEVER had any intentions of trying to discuss anything that the mother is or is not doing with the dad, I only wanted to know if I should tell him exactly what is going on with his daughter.

[sleepinghart]

SO I should just continue to leave dad in the dark about the state of his child??

Yes- you should not say anything to him. It's not your place -- It's not your job to. If dad "is in the dark" it's his fault. If dad feels that it's necessary or that there are things going on that may be detrimental to the child, then he is free to take action by petitioning the courts and obtaining legal, enforcable rights that would allow him to be in the light. There are a number of actions dad can take if he is concerned about his child that will actually most likely result in the child's best interest, but texting you like this is not one of them(not to mention it is putting you in an unfair burden and spot and that is wrong of him to do), and so far it appears he has not. Also if dad cared enough(or even if he thought himself that a situation might be dire no one would have to report such & such things to him like his child having temper tantrums, behavioral changes, etc. and he wouldn't have to ask(he sees her what .5% a month, year, lifetime?), he would already know.....at least to some extent.


Another thing- How do you know daycare mom is maybe emotionally abusive(or having breakdowns about once per week around the child, etc.) or what makes you wonder if she is emotionally able to care for her child? I think you said the DCG told you some things that she said Mommie said, but other than that what is going on?

[sleepinghart]

they were never married.
Honestly, I really feel that what the DCM is doing is emotionally abusive. DCG tells me stuff like my mom hates my dad, she thinks he is an a$$hole, or will say I want a new dad.

When DCD tries to call her, she will throw the phone then go on a rampage. She has acted out here in rage when dcd tried to call her on the way here in the car.

I know that I have not been to detailed about all that is going on here, but the mothers behavior is really affecting the child. I need to be the advocate for this child and ALWAYS protect her. I honestly can't let this go and stay out of it. I do know that reporting it to CPS won't do anything because it's too hard to prove, and will only create more waves for DCM.

I am starting to wonder if DCM is emotionally stable enough to take care of her.

I dont know what to do..............

(BBM)
Assuming you're in the US then 'dad' might not legally be 'dad' and if that's the case he has no rights to her(your dcg) at all legally or otherwise- unless he possibly signed an affadavit of paternity but even then he has no rights until he petitions the court for them(and Idk if he's done that); so that is something else you might want to take into consideration just to be on the safe side.

[Angelsj]

I have to agree with the others. Do not try to involve the father any further than you are right now. Good day, not so good day or just facts. NO opinions.

If you are concerned about the safety and welfare of the child, report it to the proper authorities.