What Do/Would You Do?

[Blackcat31]

First, most of us are not teachers. I'm not. I'm a babysitter.

I don't think our own children have to be treated the same because they aren't day care kids and our home is their home. I WISH I could treat the day care kids like my son when he was little. He ran the house without supervision, ran in and outside without supervision, and ate when he wanted ... what he wanted.

My son was NOT a part of the day care. He is 13 and he has never eaten a meal with a daycare child. He played with the kids when he was under five but that was at his own decision and in and out. I didn't offer him as a playmate EVER. He had his own schedule and his own room and toys.

I think if you decide to have your child attend the daycare then all lovins should be equal. I am very affectionate. I kiss them all a zillion times a day. I kiss them when they arrive and when they leave. I snuggle them MANY times a day. I can not resist their chunky cheeks... they must be squoozed and kissed. When my hands are cold I put them on the back of my little two year old and watch him SQUIRM and squeal... bwhahahaha I give the babies a good massage when they are on belly time when they are starting to fatigue. My hands twirl their hair... when they grow some. Physical contact is my way of falling in love with them and claiming them.

The babies now cry when my nearly six foot thirteen year old comes in the room. He's used to them. He hasn't known a minute of his life without kids here. I started daycare seven years before he was born.

I think the balance is to steal away moments with your kids but don't offer it publicly when you don't feel like sharing the love.

This is spot on.

I would never turn ANY child away from comfort when they need it, even if that means they all pile drive me at the same time.

I find quiet moments throughout the day to show each of them affection, even if its a simple tousle of their hair.

As far as my own kids go, I know its been a sacrifice for them to see me acknowledge other children over the years, but I always made sure to steal away those moments with them, whether it was during daycare hours or not.

I also agree.

I really have a hard time with the bolded part of Nan's post. (I don't disagree....I just have a hard time when provider's don't think that same way)
I think when YOU as the parent make the decision to have other children in your home you should treat EVERYONE equally.

I know a lot of providers choose to do daycare for the sole purpose of being able to stay home with their own kids and that's great but would you advertise that? Would you say "I want to stay home with my kids but I cant afford to do it without income so I will take your child in too but be warned, I will treat my child special because he is my child"

I think that it is a delicate balance and HOW you do it and WHEN is what's important. As a parent, I would be livid if I knew my provider treated her child differently than mine while ON THE CLOCK. I know most providers do not love their DCK's like their own children and that's A-ok too but it's not ok IMHO to let that be known to a DCK.

I think that when you are open for business, you are exactly that...a business and ALL children in attendance should be treated equally and fairly with NO biases or special treatment.

[EchoMom]

I care about my dcks but I don't love them. They come and go but my child is mine forever. The daycare parents chose to send their child to a daycare, I did not. My child is 2 and loves his daycare friends very much and spends tons of time with them and doing same activities andmeals. However he can also go to his own room with own toys. He can eat more often and different things in addition. He can choose to invite a friend to his room or not. My child gets many extra freedoms and priviledges because he is not at daycare he is at home. I'm not his worker I'm his mommy. However I don't want to raise a spoiled selfish brat. So he also gets told I'm busy and I'm working and a baby needs me right now. He gets rid to share and apologize and wait and clean up.

I can't let a dck play unsupervised but I can choose that for my son. I won't let a dck cook at the stove with me but I choose to with my own son. So yes my ds gets special more than dcks but not to the point that anyone is suffering or rejecTed or developing poor character.

Also dcks really don't seek affection and cuddles from me. They beam when I praise them or home with them. They love when I do their hair. They laugh and play and are comfortable here. But they don't seek cuddles from me. My own ds really doesn't want much affection during day. He wants to play with friends! But he does like me to nap beside him for awhile. Ago at that time my mom/partner puts other kids down so I can have that quiet time with him in his room.

[mjaddi]

I would tell them no, to be honest. I give my DCKs plenty of attention but it certainly is not the same as I give my own. I would tell them, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"

I certainly don't have the right to judge anyone, but this truly made me sad for the kids in your care. I have my kid in day care 3 hours a day and just the thought of him being told something like that breaks my heart. I can't wait till my center is up and running.

[Play Care]

I also agree.

I really have a hard time with the bolded part of Nan's post. (I don't disagree....I just have a hard time when provider's don't think that same way)
I think when YOU as the parent make the decision to have other children in your home you should treat EVERYONE equally.

I know a lot of providers choose to do daycare for the sole purpose of being able to stay home with their own kids and that's great but would you advertise that? Would you say "I want to stay home with my kids but I cant afford to do it without income so I will take your child in too but be warned, I will treat my child special because he is my child"

I think that it is a delicate balance and HOW you do it and WHEN is what's important. As a parent, I would be livid if I knew my provider treated her child differently than mine while ON THE CLOCK. I know most providers do not love their DCK's like their own children and that's A-ok too but it's not ok IMHO to let that be known to a DCK.

I think that when you are open for business, you are exactly that...a business and ALL children in attendance should be treated equally and fairly with NO biases or special treatment.

[Scout]

I care about my dcks but I don't love them. They come and go but my child is mine forever. The daycare parents chose to send their child to a daycare, I did not. My child is 2 and loves his daycare friends very much and spends tons of time with them and doing same activities andmeals. However he can also go to his own room with own toys. He can eat more often and different things in addition. He can choose to invite a friend to his room or not. My child gets many extra freedoms and priviledges because he is not at daycare he is at home. I'm not his worker I'm his mommy. However I don't want to raise a spoiled selfish brat. So he also gets told I'm busy and I'm working and a baby needs me right now. He gets rid to share and apologize and wait and clean up.

I can't let a dck play unsupervised but I can choose that for my son. I won't let a dck cook at the stove with me but I choose to with my own son. So yes my ds gets special more than dcks but not to the point that anyone is suffering or rejecTed or developing poor character.

Also dcks really don't seek affection and cuddles from me. They beam when I praise them or home with them. They love when I do their hair. They laugh and play and are comfortable here. But they don't seek cuddles from me. My own ds really doesn't want much affection during day. He wants to play with friends! But he does like me to nap beside him for awhile. Ago at that time my mom/partner puts other kids down so I can have that quiet time with him in his room.

I could've written this. This is how it is here. When I cook they all want to watch and help and I let all of them help. I have never had them want to curl up on my lap. They are content playing with their friends, including ds. They like coming here and that is what I would look for as a parent. I know my old provider didn't cuddle my kids and I was fine with that. That was my job to show them affection. Hers was to keep them safe while I couldn't. I don't think we sound heartless, it's not that I don't tell them no, they don't ask. I think it is wrong to judge those of us that don't cuddle our dck's but, do our own children because all situations are differnt and in my case, the dck's don't ask for cuddles.

[DaycareMom]

My DCKs probably wouldn't even ask to cuddle or hug - they only want or seek it when my children want it from me which is why it's frustrating for me.
I have never turned them down because I do put myself in their position, and I would never want someone to reject or make my child feel bad.
I think it just annoys me because it's literally ONLY when my kids are asking for love that they want it and then it takes away from that moment I was having with my own child.
I treat all of the kids - my own and DCKs - exactly the same, but then I wonder if that is the right thing to do. It's their HOME and I am their MOMMY - not their Daycare provider.
This has always been a struggle for me.

[ColorfulSunburst]

First, most of us are not teachers. I'm not. I'm a babysitter.

Again IMHO: Any person who decides to work with children is a teacher. Because of that has to act properly.

[ColorfulSunburst]

I think if you decide to have your child attend the daycare then all lovins should be equal. I am very affectionate. I kiss them all a zillion times a day. I kiss them when they arrive and when they leave. I snuggle them MANY times a day. I can not resist their chunky cheeks... they must be squoozed and kissed. When my hands are cold I put them on the back of my little two year old and watch him SQUIRM and squeal... bwhahahaha I give the babies a good massage when they are on belly time when they are starting to fatigue. My hands twirl their hair... when they grow some. Physical contact is my way of falling in love with them and claiming them.

The babies now cry when my nearly six foot thirteen year old comes in the room. He's used to them. He hasn't known a minute of his life without kids here. I started daycare seven years before he was born.

I think the balance is to steal away moments with your kids but don't offer it publicly when you don't feel like sharing the love.

+1000
I do same and think same.

[Blackcat31]

My DCKs probably wouldn't even ask to cuddle or hug - they only want or seek it when my children want it from me which is why it's frustrating for me.
I have never turned them down because I do put myself in their position, and I would never want someone to reject or make my child feel bad.
I think it just annoys me because it's literally ONLY when my kids are asking for love that they want it and then it takes away from that moment I was having with my own child.
I treat all of the kids - my own and DCKs - exactly the same, but then I wonder if that is the right thing to do. It's their HOME and I am their MOMMY - not their Daycare provider.
This has always been a struggle for me.

I hear what you are saying but wouldn't this be considered a good thing? I mean when your kids want/ask or do something and the other kids follow suit, that means that they (the DCK's) are taking cues from their peers and mimicking their behaviors.

The EXACT same thing we want to happen when it comes to other things like clean up time and/or lunch time. We expect and encourage our DCK's to take social cues from their peers and ourselves so they learn.

You giving hugs and cuddles to your kids and then to the daycare kids because they saw your kids ask for it could be considered good role modeling... kwim?

They (the DCK's) are learning from the experience and learning that sometimes a person has to ask for affection or hug.

I HIGHLY doubt any of the DCK's really understand the relationship between others. They just know big people love them.

I think internally most of us that are parents struggle with some form or another of feeling like we can't, don't or won't give DCK's the same/equal treatment as our own kids but that IMHO, is a personal struggle within ourselves that we can't allow to be projected onto the kids.

It's beyond their comprehension.

[DaycareMom]

I hear what you are saying but wouldn't this be considered a good thing? I mean when your kids want/ask or do something and the other kids follow suit, that means that they (the DCK's) are taking cues from their peers and mimicking their behaviors.

The EXACT same thing we want to happen when it comes to other things like clean up time and/or lunch time. We expect and encourage our DCK's to take social cues from their peers and ourselves so they learn.

You giving hugs and cuddles to your kids and then to the daycare kids because they saw your kids ask for it could be considered good role modeling... kwim?

They (the DCK's) are learning from the experience and learning that sometimes a person has to ask for affection or hug.

I HIGHLY doubt any of the DCK's really understand the relationship between others. They just know big people love them.

I think internally most of us that are parents struggle with some form or another of feeling like we can't, don't or won't give DCK's the same/equal treatment as our own kids but that IMHO, is a personal struggle within ourselves that we can't allow to be projected onto the kids.

It's beyond their comprehension.

Good Point BC! Love how you can always put things into perspective or look at it as a positive or learning experience. Thanks!

[nannyde]

Again IMHO: Any person who decides to work with children is a teacher. Because of that has to act properly.

If I'm going to teach I want to be paid.

I don't want to teach. I'm a babysitter. I'm not qualified to teach. I don't have an education to teach. I'm the last person who should be teaching because I don't know how. I don't want to learn how. It doesn't interest me.

Early childhood CARE is different than early childhood education. They are NOT one and the same.

[Blackcat31]

If I'm going to teach I want to be paid.

I don't want to teach. I'm a babysitter. I'm not qualified to teach. I don't have an education to teach. I'm the last person who should be teaching because I don't know how. I don't want to learn how. It doesn't interest me.

Early childhood CARE is different than early childhood education. They are NOT one and the same.

You are a great teacher to daycare providers.

[childcaremom]

My DCKs probably wouldn't even ask to cuddle or hug - they only want or seek it when my children want it from me which is why it's frustrating for me.
I have never turned them down because I do put myself in their position, and I would never want someone to reject or make my child feel bad.
I think it just annoys me because it's literally ONLY when my kids are asking for love that they want it and then it takes away from that moment I was having with my own child.
I treat all of the kids - my own and DCKs - exactly the same, but then I wonder if that is the right thing to do. It's their HOME and I am their MOMMY - not their Daycare provider.
This has always been a struggle for me.

I find the same thing, too, kids wanting snuggles when they see snuggling. I think it's just part and parcel of being human I just bring them in to the hug. I always verbalize to my own children that dck wants to give you a hug, too. They can refuse or accept. I have no problem with it.

I also have no problem not including them, esp. if my own kids are upset and are getting comfort. I just tell them that my own child is sad and needs some snuggles to feel better and will come play when they feel better. Dck will usually give my child a hug or a pat and go back to playing. This is exactly how I handle it if a dck is sad and needs comforting, and my own child comes over. Usually my own kids, along with the other dcks, will give hugs to make them feel better. Group therapy.

I love snuggles with the dcks and treat them all as I would my own: with lots of hugs, pats on the head, etc. We are snuggly folk

[spinnymarie]

I don't know if I feel like I have to treat everyone equally. Inequality is a part of life and something that needs to absolutely be dealt with, but not spared.

In answer to the OP, I tell the other kids that my cuddles are need-based. When someone - anyone - needs some cuddles, I am there. But I'm not there for a giant everyone-included cuddle-fest just because one person needed it. I'll say something like, Oh, X is feeling sad and needed a hug. The other kids understand and move on. And my own children absolutely feel the need for cuddles more so than the other dck. I try to pass out affection otherwise in passing - a pat on the head, a touch on the back, smiles, etc. They are all loved here, but definitely not equally.

I do have mainly older kids here, so this approach is easier than it would be with younger kids.

[Scout]

I don't know if I feel like I have to treat everyone equally. Inequality is a part of life and something that needs to absolutely be dealt with, but not spared.

In answer to the OP, I tell the other kids that my cuddles are need-based. When someone - anyone - needs some cuddles, I am there. But I'm not there for a giant everyone-included cuddle-fest just because one person needed it. I'll say something like, Oh, X is feeling sad and needed a hug. The other kids understand and move on. And my own children absolutely feel the need for cuddles more so than the other dck. I try to pass out affection otherwise in passing - a pat on the head, a touch on the back, smiles, etc. They are all loved here, but definitely not equally.

I do have mainly older kids here, so this approach is easier than it would be with younger kids.

This is me too. I should add that I have never cared for an infant-not sure I want to because I would be too worried of something happening.