What Do/Would You Do?

[DaycareMom]

I started doing in home childcare to be able to raise my children. For the most part, I love doing it and it has given me the chance to watch my children grow up.

One thing that really bothers me is whenever I feel like I am or could be having a nice moment with one of my children, one of the DCKs comes and wants the same thing.

If my kids come to cuddle with me/kiss me/talk to me, the DCKs are right there trying to do the same with me.

I know they just love us and are not doing anything wrong or bad, but I just want to have those moments with my OWN kids. YKWIM?

Do any of you have this same issue? How do you handle it?

[Unregistered]

I started doing in home childcare to be able to raise my children. For the most part, I love doing it and it has given me the chance to watch my children grow up.

One thing that really bothers me is whenever I feel like I am or could be having a nice moment with one of my children, one of the DCKs comes and wants the same thing.

If my kids come to cuddle with me/kiss me/talk to me, the DCKs are right there trying to do the same with me.

I know they just love us and are not doing anything wrong or bad, but I just want to have those moments with my OWN kids. YKWIM?

Do any of you have this same issue? How do you handle it?

I don't have an answer for you but it is the same here and happens with everyone. If it's my kids the daycare kids want it too. If it's the daycare kids my kids want it too. It's hard splitting myself 6 ways and not having someone's feelings hurt.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would tell them no, to be honest. I give my DCKs plenty of attention but it certainly is not the same as I give my own. I would tell them, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"

[MamaBearCanada]

I only have 3-5 DCKs here at a time 2 of which are my own. I just say right now I'm snuggling/talking with Sally but you can have a turn when I'm done. I do this for my own kids and the DCKs. I like being affectionate with my own more than with DCKs but I also feel its important for the DCK to have affection during the day. It's not their fault they are not home with their mom or dad. I try and make my own kids feel special without it negatively affecting the DCKs. But sometimes it's hard. When I don't really feel like doing the same with a DCK I try and think about how I'd feel if it was my child as the DCK in someone else's home and what I'd want for them and that softens my heart. My own kids will always be more important to me than DCK but it won't hurt my kids to have to wait for a turn sometimes or to see that including others doesn't take affection away.

[e.j.]

I only have 3-5 DCKs here at a time 2 of which are my own. I just say right now I'm snuggling/talking with Sally but you can have a turn when I'm done. I do this for my own kids and the DCKs. I like being affectionate with my own more than with DCKs but I also feel its important for the DCK to have affection during the day. It's not their fault they are not home with their mom or dad. I try and make my own kids feel special without it negatively affecting the DCKs. But sometimes it's hard. When I don't really feel like doing the same with a DCK I try and think about how I'd feel if it was my child as the DCK in someone else's home and what I'd want for them and that softens my heart. My own kids will always be more important to me than DCK but it won't hurt my kids to have to wait for a turn sometimes or to see that including others doesn't take affection away.

I've always tried to treat my dc kids the way I'd want my own kids to be treated if they were enrolled in someone else's child care. My own kids are young adults now so I don't have the problem any more but when they were young, if I were snuggling with one of them and a dc kid wanted in on it, I'd either pull him up on my lap, too, and have a group hug or I would tell him it was dd's turn now but when we were done snuggling, it would be his turn next.

[JoseyJo]

My children were older when I started the daycare but I give all the daycare kids hugs and snuggles. The only thing I don't do is kiss or be kissed- we say "kisses are for family" - but I don't kiss my kids when the dc kids are hear either. I don't want them to feel less than my own kids- they can't help that they are here w/ us instead of at home w/ mom. I try to think about how I would want my child treated at DC and treat them like that!

[Soccermom]

I always try to put myself in the DCK's little shoes. They love us. They are with us sometimes more than they are with their own parents and I honestly think that they don't understand the concept that one DCK is our own child or why that should make things any different for him or her. They just see us giving out cuddles and they want in!

I try to treat them all equal during daycare hours. I snuggle all of them and give them all little kisses when I put them all for naps.

My youngest DS is almost 5 though so he is more understanding. I tell him that we are all a big family when the kids are here and that he is like a big brother to the little ones during daycare hours.

Having said that, I know where you are coming from. Sometimes my oldest DD will come home and just want my attention soooooo bad but I just can't give it to her because the babies are fighting or crying or someone needs me. She really hates the daycare and it is tough. There are times when I do wish I could just be there to greet her at the door when she walks in and make a cup of coffee and listen to her talk about her day....

[ColorfulSunburst]

I would tell them no, to be honest. I give my DCKs plenty of attention but it certainly is not the same as I give my own. I would tell them, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"

Would you be happy if some other teacher during a class hugged (or gave some special attention) to her own son and rejected your child by saying, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"?
To be a daycare teacher is a job. If a woman decides to be a daycare teacher she must treat all children the same way. If she can't she should be a stay-home mom. IMHO

[Scout]

I don't cuddle with the dck's. It may sound harsh but, if they are older I just don't. Do I love them, yes, but, will I let them curl up on my lap on a normal basis-no. I do have one little guy who started at 11 mos so he obviously, gets to sit with me in the mornings when he gets here and we have his bottle until the others arrive but, once he is older he will not sit on my lap(but, I will probably still sneak him kisses) He is also the only one I kiss on the cheek, head, etc and this is only before I place him in for his nap. If they are hurt, sick, etc. I will sit with them and kiss their little foreheads but, on the norm I do not and I am not a heartless provider. I love them all but, find that the older ones like to watch me, not really cuddle with me.

[dingledine]

I only have 3-5 DCKs here at a time 2 of which are my own. I just say right now I'm snuggling/talking with Sally but you can have a turn when I'm done. I do this for my own kids and the DCKs. I like being affectionate with my own more than with DCKs but I also feel its important for the DCK to have affection during the day. It's not their fault they are not home with their mom or dad. I try and make my own kids feel special without it negatively affecting the DCKs. But sometimes it's hard. When I don't really feel like doing the same with a DCK I try and think about how I'd feel if it was my child as the DCK in someone else's home and what I'd want for them and that softens my heart. My own kids will always be more important to me than DCK but it won't hurt my kids to have to wait for a turn sometimes or to see that including others doesn't take affection away.

This is pretty much what I do too.

[Play Care]

I've always tried to treat my dc kids the way I'd want my own kids to be treated if they were enrolled in someone else's child care. My own kids are young adults now so I don't have the problem any more but when they were young, if I were snuggling with one of them and a dc kid wanted in on it, I'd either pull him up on my lap, too, and have a group hug or I would tell him it was dd's turn now but when we were done snuggling, it would be his turn next.

I do understand where the OP is coming from, and I do think our children need some additional reassurance during the dc day. I don't think there is anything wrong with telling a child who is only after "monkey see, monkey do" :: that they will get their turn later, provided that they DO get their turn.
The one thing I don't have a problem with directing the dck's away from is my husband and his time with our kids. He is not a dc employee and I have told more than one dck, "DD is having time with her Dad, and you will have time with your Dad in a little bit. Let's go play now." He is awesome with the dck's, but for very obvious liability reasons I don't want him hugging or snuggling with the dck's...

[daycarediva]

I always try to put myself in the DCK's little shoes. They love us. They are with us sometimes more than they are with their own parents and I honestly think that they don't understand the concept that one DCK is our own child or why that should make things any different for him or her. They just see us giving out cuddles and they want in!

I try to treat them all equal during daycare hours. I snuggle all of them and give them all little kisses when I put them all for naps.

My youngest DS is almost 5 though so he is more understanding. I tell him that we are all a big family when the kids are here and that he is like a big brother to the little ones during daycare hours.

Having said that, I know where you are coming from. Sometimes my oldest DD will come home and just want my attention soooooo bad but I just can't give it to her because the babies are fighting or crying or someone needs me. She really hates the daycare and it is tough. There are times when I do wish I could just be there to greet her at the door when she walks in and make a cup of coffee and listen to her talk about her day....

This. I will tell a dck "Right now I am snuggling with _____. When I am done you can have a turn."

I say the same when it's another dck. I really need a bigger lap and bigger arms.

[nannyde]

Would you be happy if some other teacher during a class hugged (or gave some special attention) to her own son and rejected your child by saying, "You can do that with your mommy later! That will be so fun!"?
To be a daycare teacher is a job. If a woman decides to be a daycare teacher she must treat all children the same way. If she can't she should be a stay-home mom. IMHO

First, most of us are not teachers. I'm not. I'm a babysitter.

I don't think our own children have to be treated the same because they aren't day care kids and our home is their home. I WISH I could treat the day care kids like my son when he was little. He ran the house without supervision, ran in and outside without supervision, and ate when he wanted ... what he wanted.

My son was NOT a part of the day care. He is 13 and he has never eaten a meal with a daycare child. He played with the kids when he was under five but that was at his own decision and in and out. I didn't offer him as a playmate EVER. He had his own schedule and his own room and toys.

I think if you decide to have your child attend the daycare then all lovins should be equal. I am very affectionate. I kiss them all a zillion times a day. I kiss them when they arrive and when they leave. I snuggle them MANY times a day. I can not resist their chunky cheeks... they must be squoozed and kissed. When my hands are cold I put them on the back of my little two year old and watch him SQUIRM and squeal... bwhahahaha I give the babies a good massage when they are on belly time when they are starting to fatigue. My hands twirl their hair... when they grow some. Physical contact is my way of falling in love with them and claiming them.

The babies now cry when my nearly six foot thirteen year old comes in the room. He's used to them. He hasn't known a minute of his life without kids here. I started daycare seven years before he was born.

I think the balance is to steal away moments with your kids but don't offer it publicly when you don't feel like sharing the love.

[Maria2013]

if I were snuggling with one of them and a dc kid wanted in on it, I'd either pull him up on my lap, too, and have a group hug or I would tell him it was dd's turn now but when we were done snuggling, it would be his turn next.

[melskids]

First, most of us are not teachers. I'm not. I'm a babysitter.

I don't think our own children have to be treated the same because they aren't day care kids and our home is their home. I WISH I could treat the day care kids like my son when he was little. He ran the house without supervision, ran in and outside without supervision, and ate when he wanted ... what he wanted.

My son was NOT a part of the day care. He is 13 and he has never eaten a meal with a daycare child. He played with the kids when he was under five but that was at his own decision and in and out. I didn't offer him as a playmate EVER. He had his own schedule and his own room and toys.

I think if you decide to have your child attend the daycare then all lovins should be equal. I am very affectionate. I kiss them all a zillion times a day. I kiss them when they arrive and when they leave. I snuggle them MANY times a day. I can not resist their chunky cheeks... they must be squoozed and kissed. When my hands are cold I put them on the back of my little two year old and watch him SQUIRM and squeal... bwhahahaha I give the babies a good massage when they are on belly time when they are starting to fatigue. My hands twirl their hair... when they grow some. Physical contact is my way of falling in love with them and claiming them.

The babies now cry when my nearly six foot thirteen year old comes in the room. He's used to them. He hasn't known a minute of his life without kids here. I started daycare seven years before he was born.

I think the balance is to steal away moments with your kids but don't offer it publicly when you don't feel like sharing the love.

This is spot on.

I would never turn ANY child away from comfort when they need it, even if that means they all pile drive me at the same time.

I find quiet moments throughout the day to show each of them affection, even if its a simple tousle of their hair.

As far as my own kids go, I know its been a sacrifice for them to see me acknowledge other children over the years, but I always made sure to steal away those moments with them, whether it was during daycare hours or not.