Im Probably Going Soft. Is It Unreasonable...

[Play Care]

I think it's just a phase.... Like stranger anxiety.... Or parents leaving anxiety etc. I've noticed with my kiddos that around the 6,12,18 etc month times, they start behavior that is out of character for them but is normal otherwise. Usually they are just testing. It seems she's pitching a fit and getting the desired effect. At 12 months it's perfectly logical.

I'd explain to mom what's going on, reassure her it's a phase, and TELL her how I'm going to handle it. Which is exactly how YOU need it to be. Explain she may crie for a minute right at pickup but it wont be fatal for her to cry for a minute.

I'd totally do just as I had been doing. She has to learn that it will be as intends to be and she can't always get what she wants RIGHT when she wants it. IMHO this is going to open up more cans of worms because they learn early fit = get what they want.

What if every day right before pick up she did x y or z and you told her no and she pitched a fit etc.

For me the hang up is the provider is starting to make her families dinner during business hours. I completely understand why she is doing it (heck, my dinner is ready to go as soon as the last dck leaves) but I can see why a parent may have an issue with it. It would be different, in my mind, if the provider had another dck and was assisting them and the other child was throwing a fit for attention.

[Heidi]

For me the hang up is the provider is starting to make her families dinner during business hours. I completely understand why she is doing it (heck, my dinner is ready to go as soon as the last dck leaves) but I can see why a parent may have an issue with it. It would be different, in my mind, if the provider had another dck and was assisting them and the other child was throwing a fit for attention.

I think that's my hang-up, too. From my perspective, it's perfectly reasonable. I have ONE child here, after all. But, I could see a parent thinking "your letting my child cry while you make dinner? Isn't it your job to MAKE MY CHILD HAPPY?

I think I'll go back to putting her in her seat, but will try to rotate the toys I'm offering her from my stockpile. It really is her choice, though, if she tosses them and cries.

On a side note, I have two of these 1-year old (her and another-10 days apart), and they BOTH scream at the gate when I go to other side 50% if the time. The other times, they are fine with it.

[JenNJ]

Do you have little sensory bins? I use those before meals for my 1 & 2 year olds. I put them in the boosters at the table with the bins to play.

Or a playpen IN the kitchen with you?

It stinks. I would not want her screaming as her parents walked in but I would want to get dinner stared. There isn't an easy answer. If it was me, I would probably talk to her while she is in the gated portion of the play area and let her yell for a bit. About 10 minutes before mom came, I would do shoes, jacket, etc. I would extend that time slowly -- start her in earlier and remove her later. Like a minute a day when she isn't screaming.

[cheerfuldom]

I do start dinner with the last kid here and I dont personally feel bad about that. There is no reason why a child of one year old cant play on their own for 15 minutes. It would be the same scenario if I was cleaning the daycare room or otherwise occupied. I would let her cry or lay her down for some quiet time. It sounds like she is done for the day and would be fussy no matter what the provider was doing anyway. I am with nannyde on this one.

[Blackcat31]

On one hand, I agree with Blackcat. But I really don't want parents coming to pick up seeing their child screaming while I'm making my families dinner In the past when I've had children this age I would buckle them in the high chair with some spoons, toys, etc. so they could "help" while I prepared a meal. I know some regs say no high chair unless eating, but our licensor did say to use the high chair while preparing meals is acceptable (though I don't think she had our own dinner in mind ) plus my own family is home at that time, my kids are trying to do homework and I couldn't have screaming.

I agree with both sides - that I think she should be fine playing on her own and that I wouldn't want her screaming when her parents walked in.
Are there any toys that she loves or somethign new and interesting that you could save for those last few minutes for her? A bucket of water and some cups on a big towel (or I have ours in a little blow up pool)?

Oh, I don't mind. I actually like when that happens. Shows the parent what I am dealing with when their children haven't learned/mastered or are in the process of learning a new skill.

In this case, it would be a great way to demonstrate the necessity of boundaries and the ability (or inability) to entertain oneself.

I NEVER try and make the environment appear as anything but what it is. If kids are criers etc, then I don't try to hide that during drop off/pick ups.

When parents walk in at the end of the day, they will see nothing different that what they could or would see happening during the day.

[SunnyDay]

I had a similar situation, in my case I felt like my 1 year old was starting to get sad when she realized all of her friends were gone. I like the idea of having some special toys set aside for that time. My 1 year olds loved measuring cups, spoons, & bowls, so maybe you could just grab some of those for her. Good luck! :-)

[Soccermom]

Likely she is just really unhappy about being confined into one particular area.

I have a DCG who will play just fine in the playroom until I put up the gate. She completely freaks out the moment she sees me take it out LOL!

There is nothing wrong with leaving her to deal with her anxieties but if you find that it is just too much to listen to, you could always try coloring books and crayons, board books, blocks, etc...on the tray of the highchair. You could also try giving her some cooking utensils to play with in the highchair while you prepare your meal

Good luck!

[Play Care]

Oh, I don't mind. I actually like when that happens. Shows the parent what I am dealing with when their children haven't learned/mastered or are in the process of learning a new skill.

In this case, it would be a great way to demonstrate the necessity of boundaries and the ability (or inability) to entertain oneself.

I NEVER try and make the environment appear as anything but what it is. If kids are criers etc, then I don't try to hide that during drop off/pick ups.

When parents walk in at the end of the day, they will see nothing different that what they could or would see happening during the day.

I want to be clear that I never try to "hide" things from clients. If this was a child who was unhappy most of the day, crying, etc. then his/her parents would certainly be aware of it. In this case you have a 1 year old who is now at dc by herself. All her friends have been picked up. This is natural separation anxiety time. "All my friends are gone" "Is mommy coming?" "Will I be left?" Now, the provider shuts her out of the room she is in (illegal in my state, BTW) to start making dinner. I don't think the provider should have to play with her (I don't believe my job is to play with the kids) but I do think I would come up with a better plan for that time.
I also don't see many parents would view this as the child "learning" to self soothe, play independently, etc. They would view is as the provider taking care of personal business during work hours.

[DaycareMom]

Now, the provider shuts her out of the room she is in (illegal in my state, BTW) to start making dinner.

It's illegal to put a gate up so a child doesn't have access to certain things? Or it's illegal to NOT be in the same space as them?

I would definitely let the girl play in the room independently (as long as you can still see/hear her of course). I think she needs to learn to entertain herself. She will realize after a few days that her screaming isn't getting what she wants. I also like the idea of a special box of toys for her.

Good Luck!

[Blackcat31]

I want to be clear that I never try to "hide" things from clients. If this was a child who was unhappy most of the day, crying, etc. then his/her parents would certainly be aware of it. In this case you have a 1 year old who is now at dc by herself. All her friends have been picked up. This is natural separation anxiety time. "All my friends are gone" "Is mommy coming?" "Will I be left?" Now, the provider shuts her out of the room she is in (illegal in my state, BTW) to start making dinner. I don't think the provider should have to play with her (I don't believe my job is to play with the kids) but I do think I would come up with a better plan for that time.
I also don't see many parents would view this as the child "learning" to self soothe, play independently, etc. They would view is as the provider taking care of personal business during work hours.

I wasn't implying you hide anything....I hope you didn't take it that way.

I just meant, I don't try to ever make anything "ok" or calm just because a parent was present....kwim?

I also didn't mean parents would view their screaming child as learning anything, I meant...they could see how their child didn't have that ability and that they will need to work on that with them. Parents are the children's first and MOST important teachers.

I didn't think the OP meant a completely separate room....from her photos, it appears her layout is open although I could have misunderstood that.

It is NOT illegal in my state to have kids in different rooms than the provider is in. We are only required to be within sight OR sound.

If this child is the last one there or there without other playmates, I don't believe that is something the provider should have to make amends for..it is what it is and starting your family dinner while kids are present is a normal activity for most family providers. There are tons of posts on here daily about providers doing laundry or cleaning or baking etc that could all be considered personal or family chores but yet still get done during the day.

THAT is the different between family care and other situations. IMHO, the family part means the child will be cared for in a family-like environment, which often times includes time in which the provider manages or deals with family-like things.

[Play Care]

It's illegal to put a gate up so a child doesn't have access to certain things? Or it's illegal to NOT be in the same space as them?

I would definitely let the girl play in the room independently (as long as you can still see/hear her of course). I think she needs to learn to entertain herself. She will realize after a few days that her screaming isn't getting what she wants. I also like the idea of a special box of toys for her.

Good Luck!

I can't gate a child in the room and leave the room - the concern is if we needed to evacuate and the child would be unable to. I do have gates to keep kids out of certain rooms.

[Play Care]

I wasn't implying you hide anything....I hope you didn't take it that way.

I just meant, I don't try to ever make anything "ok" or calm just because a parent was present....kwim?

I also didn't mean parents would view their screaming child as learning anything, I meant...they could see how their child didn't have that ability and that they will need to work on that with them. Parents are the children's first and MOST important teachers.

I didn't think the OP meant a completely separate room....from her photos, it appears her layout is open although I could have misunderstood that.

It is NOT illegal in my state to have kids in different rooms than the provider is in. We are only required to be within sight OR sound.

If this child is the last one there or there without other playmates, I don't believe that is something the provider should have to make amends for..it is what it is and starting your family dinner while kids are present is a normal activity for most family providers. There are tons of posts on here daily about providers doing laundry or cleaning or baking etc that could all be considered personal or family chores but yet still get done during the day.

THAT is the different between family care and other situations. IMHO, the family part means the child will be cared for in a family-like environment, which often times includes time in which the provider manages or deals with family-like things.

Admittedly I'm a little sensitive about this I do feel there is the perception that home providers are essentially letting the kids "go play" while they clean house, take care of business, etc. I'm not saying the OP does this - from her posts I know she does not. I also think with new regs and other programs it's clear many states are trying to get away from the "in home" aspect of in home care I can see the OP's parents complaining "Our baby cries all day long but every time we go the provider is making dinner!" FWIW, I see nothing wrong with prepping dinner, doing laundry, etc. I do this daily *with* the kids.

[Heidi]

I can't gate a child in the room and leave the room - the concern is if we needed to evacuate and the child would be unable to. I do have gates to keep kids out of certain rooms.

Sometimes I wonder what they're thinking when they write these regs. Like a one year old is going to "evacuate" the premises anyway. Besides, she's in the same room I am; just a gate between us. I can, and have, moved the gate to limit them to the playroom only on occasion, but typically don't.

Honestly, I think I'm just stressed overall. 4 infants/toddlers every day means SOMEONE IS ALWAYS CRYING, it seems. Everyone goes home except my "easiest" child, and then SHE cries.

Rationally, I get it. I just have to wait it out. They will get older, the youngest/toughest baby will get easier, it won't be dark at 4:30, and the winter will end eventually, leading to more outside time. By spring, it'll be a whole different ball game here.

[Blackcat31]

Admittedly I'm a little sensitive about this I do feel there is the perception that home providers are essentially letting the kids "go play" while they clean house, take care of business, etc. I'm not saying the OP does this - from her posts I know she does not. I also think with new regs and other programs it's clear many states are trying to get away from the "in home" aspect of in home care I can see the OP's parents complaining "Our baby cries all day long but every time we go the provider is making dinner!" FWIW, I see nothing wrong with prepping dinner, doing laundry, etc. I do this daily *with* the kids.

LOL! :hug: You KNOW I feel the same way....remember I am the one that ALWAYS posts about how unprofessional I feel it is to wear yoga pants to work....

I was trying to answer from OP's perspective. I know *most* family providers are in this field for much different reasons than I am and operate on a much more family-like level compared to me.

I have a hard time remembering that many providers DO operate as a family unit, including DCK's. Many providers do go above and beyond what's required and although that really isn't my style...I do try to keep that thought in the forefront of my mind while replying.

Anyways... Just wanted you to know I too am sensitive to the whole professionalism vs personal styles of caregiving and that there is always more than one right way to get the job done.

[ColorfulSunburst]

I just see a picture:The last 15 minutes of business hours in some shop. A seller is making her makeup before to finish work and go home. A customer asks her to give him some help but the seller answers, "it is the last 15 minutes of my work and I want to spend it for my makeup. Go and find what you need by yourself"

kwim?