How Or If I Even Should Be Ticked

[lovemykidstoo]

I have a dilemma and I don't know if I should be irked about it or not. I care for a dcb (2 yrs old) for about a year. I used to care for his brother that is now in school. So, I've known this family for awhile now. They lived in our neighborhood until about 2 months ago. They since have sold their house and have moved about 3 or 4 miles away. The older child still goes to school about a mile from me. Mom picks him up from school, but does not take him to school. Dad takes him to school because it's too much for mom to get him ready, 2 yr old ready and herself ready for work. She came 2 weeks ago and told me that it was just too much for her to come all the way to my house and that she found a daycare that was between her house and her work. She would have to drive past her work to drive another probably 3 miles roundtrip to bring him to me. She would already be going to older boys school to pick him up and would have to travel an extra mile to come and pick up 2 yr old, so I really didn't see what the big deal was. He only came 2 times a week. This mother easily gets frustrated with any kind of inconvenience and has struggled with depression her entire life. She takes the older child once out of those 2 days to go to horse back riding classes and leaves 2 yr old here because she can't handle him while older child does lessons. She used to have someone come into the house to cut their hair because they wouldn't behave at salon etc. Just giving you an idea of how she can't handle things. She complains because she's late for work bringing him here because it's so far. She doesn't mention how she doesn't even have to be to work until 9:00 and she stands here for 15 minutes saying bye bye honey, mommy loves you, I'll be back soon, can I have a hug etc etc etc.

The other issue with this situation is that the person that will be watching him I actually know. The woman that used to watch my son when I worked, it's her daughter that has a daycare. So I feel really crappy that she's got my family now. They all go to the same church together I guess. I don't believe that this person solicited them though. I guess that my dcm was talking at church about how hard it was in the morning and this other gals name came up.

So, what do you guys think?

[jenn]

Sounds like mom is frazzled. I don't think it sounds like anything personal, she is just looking for the easiest thing for her. Maybe saving a few minutes seems like it will solve all her problems? Who knows! If the child only comes 2 days per week, at least it won't be as huge of a financial loss as a full timer. Hopefully you can find a replacement quickly. Good luck!

[Scout]

Sorry, but, what is your question exactly? It is hard to determine. Are you unsure if you should be upset that they are moving on to someone you know?

[lovemykidstoo]

Guess it was kinda of a ticked ramble ! This is the first week coming up that I havent' had him. I realy enjoyed him too.

I guess I'm irritated both with her and also the person that will be watching them now. I wish she would have told me before that she even had plans on doing this because I just lost a family due to the fact that I couldn't give them Tuesdays. Now I have Tuesdays available because of her leaving. I guess I am a bit miffed because of the person taking them now is someone I know. Especially since when I was full I've sent referrals to her. Not again. I have sent referrals to her and also her mother (who used to watch my son) and have never gotten referrals back from them. Live and learn.

[Unregistered]

I think you may be taking this a little too personal. It wasn't working for her so she moved on. Why you would be upset with the provider and say you're never sent her another referral sounds childish. It's a business, the other provider has to look out for herself just like you do. It's okay to be sad but like we tell the kids-it's not ok to throw a fit because you didn't get your way. Just be happy and positive and a new and better family will come your way. If you are negative you will draw nothing bit negativity to yourself. True story! You get back what you send out to the world

[lovemykidstoo]

It's not just this situation with this provider, it's the continued referrals I would give her over the past couple of years and never once have I gotten one in return.

[Scout]

It's not just this situation with this provider, it's the continued referrals I would give her over the past couple of years and never once have I gotten one in return.

Maybe she never had much opportunity to give referrals to you? Perhaps, the calls were far and few between. And also, if they belong to the same church I think it's possible she wasn't actively looking to leave. Maybe it just came up in conversation one day and she thought it would be easier like pp said tk save a few minutes. Don't take it personally. I am sure it isn't. Did you put the Tues client on a waiting list? I would try to ocntact them. You never know, they may be willing to switch if they liked your program enough.

[Meyou]

This doesn't sound personal to me. It sounds like Mom is depressed and having trouble coping so they made some changes to help her deal with life better. I know it ****s to lose a client for what seems like no reason but if Mom is that frazzled on the outside then how much of a mess is she on the inside?

I have a friend with clinical depression. Her 6 month old is in daycare 2 days per week and her mother takes her 2 days per week because with her depression it NEEDS to happen for a healthy family. From the outside she looks like a lazy woman sitting home on mat leave with her baby elsewhere but in reality this is the best choice for everyone, especially baby. As a family they are actively fighting off a fall into deep depression for my friend.

[lovemykidstoo]

Thanks ladies. Maybe I am taking it too personally. After she told me I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. Later after it registered, I emailed her and asked her if it was something I had done or hadn't done and she assured me it was absolutely not me, that she loved me and my family. She said that it was just more than she could handle. I'm just really sad because I love the little boy so much. The other family that I lost because of the Tuesday, his grandma quit her job (which she wanted to do anyway) to care for the boy and get him also back and forth from preschool. I had cared for him for about a year and a half when I lost him to grandma. I did get him back for a day last week when grandma couldn't watch him. His friends missed him so much. Trying to talk mom into letting him come one day a week so he can hook up with his buddies and let grandma have a break.

[itlw8]

although it likely will not work send a message to the family that wanted Tuesdays and say something like Thought you might be interested to know Tuesdays just opened up. let me know if you are interested in the opening.

[Shell]

I have a dilemma and I don't know if I should be irked about it or not. I care for a dcb (2 yrs old) for about a year. I used to care for his brother that is now in school. So, I've known this family for awhile now. They lived in our neighborhood until about 2 months ago. They since have sold their house and have moved about 3 or 4 miles away. The older child still goes to school about a mile from me. Mom picks him up from school, but does not take him to school. Dad takes him to school because it's too much for mom to get him ready, 2 yr old ready and herself ready for work. She came 2 weeks ago and told me that it was just too much for her to come all the way to my house and that she found a daycare that was between her house and her work. She would have to drive past her work to drive another probably 3 miles roundtrip to bring him to me. She would already be going to older boys school to pick him up and would have to travel an extra mile to come and pick up 2 yr old, so I really didn't see what the big deal was. He only came 2 times a week. This mother easily gets frustrated with any kind of inconvenience and has struggled with depression her entire life. She takes the older child once out of those 2 days to go to horse back riding classes and leaves 2 yr old here because she can't handle him while older child does lessons. She used to have someone come into the house to cut their hair because they wouldn't behave at salon etc. Just giving you an idea of how she can't handle things. She complains because she's late for work bringing him here because it's so far. She doesn't mention how she doesn't even have to be to work until 9:00 and she stands here for 15 minutes saying bye bye honey, mommy loves you, I'll be back soon, can I have a hug etc etc etc.

The other issue with this situation is that the person that will be watching him I actually know. The woman that used to watch my son when I worked, it's her daughter that has a daycare. So I feel really crappy that she's got my family now. They all go to the same church together I guess. I don't believe that this person solicited them though. I guess that my dcm was talking at church about how hard it was in the morning and this other gals name came up.

So, what do you guys think?

Honestly, I would be ticked, but I am easily offended/annoyed. I think this mom will always struggle raising the kids, and if it's not one thing with her, it will be another. It sounds like mom has too much going on, and I actually would be relieved she is moving on!
It might not be a big deal to some, but I would be a little bothered by losing a family to someone that I knew, or that I had helped in the past. But, again, I take everything personally, and would probably never help them out again. It's hard enough to lose a family, and it feels very personal, but it really could just be the location and church connection. :hug:

[lovemykidstoo]

Honestly, I would be ticked, but I am easily offended/annoyed. I think this mom will always struggle raising the kids, and if it's not one thing with her, it will be another. It sounds like mom has too much going on, and I actually would be relieved she is moving on!
It might not be a big deal to some, but I would be a little bothered by losing a family to someone that I knew, or that I had helped in the past. But, again, I take everything personally, and would probably never help them out again. It's hard enough to lose a family, and it feels very personal, but it really could just be the location and church connection. :hug:

See, this is how I'm feeling ! I'm sure it is just her inability to deal. She wouldn't have me watch her older son and then later on watch this child if she didn't like me. It just bothers me is all.

Another thing is she has been on my facebook for quite awhile, which is fine, but she's also on my daycare facebook page that I have to show pics, reminders etc. It's a closed group. How long before I should delete her from that and should I send her a message first?

[Hunni Bee]

I don't understand the big deal about her having to drive a couple miles out her way. I have a 25 minute commute in the morning and 30-35 minutes in the evening, and that's not even that big a deal to me.

I would never pull my child out of a situation where he's adjusted and happy just to save a few minutes in the morning.

[lovemykidstoo]

I don't understand the big deal about her having to drive a couple miles out her way. I have a 25 minute commute in the morning and 30-35 minutes in the evening, and that's not even that big a deal to me.

I would never pull my child out of a situation where he's adjusted and happy just to save a few minutes in the morning.

I know. I feel bad for him because he's going to miss all of his friends. I know that kids make friends easy and fast, so I hope that he does okay. This woman though cannot handle any type of flack though with her kids. Like I said above, she even hired someone to come to the house to cut their hair because they acted up at the hairdresser.

[Blackcat31]

Forgive me if this has already been brought up/addressed....

I get that some providers take families leaving personally but how come you are upset with the other provider?

She didn't really do anything...other than accept a family that is leaving you (leaving on their own accord). Unless she contacted them behind your back, I don't understand her part in this.

I get that you have referred families to her but I am still confused.

I am personally having an issue with this same thing....only I am the other provider. I have a family that left a provider I was friends with and started coming here. Now the other provider is mad at me and not speaking to me.

I really don't understand why because I didn't "steal" this client from her, they left for their own reasons.