DCM, DCD, And Brother Get To Be Home Today, Not DCB Though

[Annalee]

I agree each situation is unique to the cultural differences of the parent/family, however actions will speak louder than words in the end...kinda like the old song "the cats in the cradle"....when you coming home, dad, don't know when, but we'll get together then and vice versa when the child gets older but the "get-together" never takes place.... Words without actions say so much!

[spud912]

I admit I've been a little judgmental at times, but I really don't know the whole story behind the parents' choice to keep their child in my care when they are not working. In reality, the parents may truly have a lot they need to get done, or maybe the time away from their children keeps them sane and allows them to be a better parent. It truly is none of my business as long as they follow my policies and are respectful.

My mom also did child care when I was young and I never felt less-loved .

As far as doing things for myself, it takes a lot to get me to spend money or time on myself. Ever since I was young, I just wanted to be a mom, so spending time with my children is essentially doing something for "myself" because it brings more joy to me than anything else. I do try to step back and let them play alone, though, because I don't want to smother. I think I need to have another baby because mine are becoming too independent ::. I really can't expect other parents to be the same (including my dh).....I think they also enjoy other things besides their children .

[cheerfuldom]

Let's throw something else in the ring....

My DH grew up with his mother running a child care. She chose to do this because she wanted to be with her children, she wanted to be their primary caregiver at all times. She didn't want someone else raising her children.

Because of that experience, my DH is one of those adults that felt "unloved". Today as an adult he still suffers from some of the things that he experienced as a child of a child care provider.

So just because you are a child care provider and chose to NOT put your own kids in care and not allow someone else to raise them, how do you KNOW you are doing what's best for your kids? How do you KNOW that having multiple kids in your home while you care for your own doesn't have some sort of negative effect on your child?

You don't know. No one knows if their choices are right or wrong in the long run. They can only do what's right for them at this time.

It's hard enough to be a parent today and when other people continue to make working mom's feel guilty for not devoting every breath they take to their child, it's even harder.

I agree. and this is what I worry about. I have stayed home to be here for my kids but I honestly cannot say for sure that that was the best decision. In theory, I do believe that kids need plenty of face time with their parents. Quality and quantity. but when mom is working at home, you still have to question both the quality and the quantity. for some kids, it is harder to have mom spend time with OTHER kids not related to them than it would be for mom to just go back to work. There is no clear answer on these sort of parenting questions. It would be great if there was some clear answers! but I know plenty of kids that were truly done a disservice by being home with mom all the time, homeschooling, having super super involved parents. my husband is one of them. i think a lot of the things he struggles with are directly pointed to the fact that his parents felt they could give him everything he needed and they did not see a point in having a life outside of their kids, or having their kids in other social situations and educational opportunities besides home. It is definitely a balancing act and so I try really hard not to judge anyone elses work, daycare, or school choices.

[CedarCreek]

I actually have a huge problem with this. I also understand leaving them here every once in a while to get some errands run or some alone time in BUT when it's every time they are off of work then it becomes a problem for me. I do not know if the children here feel any less loved than the ones who spend time off with their parents do but I do know that most of the time, they would rather be with their mom or dad. I honestly don't care if it's out if the routine or hard for the parent because the child is a handful. It's still their child that wants to spend time with them.

All that said, I do try and keep my mouth closed to the parents about this. These are just my personal thoughts and I dont let that interfere with business. They pay for a spot, I don't begrudge them using it.

To their face.

[Cradle2crayons]

This is one reason why I do contracted care only, according to parents work schedules. The kids are ONLY here when they are at work. If they want them here for time off, they pay a drop in rate.

[Scout]

These parents are doing exactly that. Just because their choice isn't the same as yours doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand this line of thinking. Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

So many parents seem to feel that they can only be MOM and not an individual person who deserves time off from work too. Just because they aren't working doesn't mean parents can't take time away from their children.

When my kids were young, I did spend a lot of time with them but I also spent a lot of my days off FOR ME. If I don't make sure I am healthy (mentally, physically and emotionally) I certainly wouldn't have been able to be a good mom.

Being a mom is only part of who I am.

I was on the other side of the fence where I was away from my kids for 50 hours a week. That is probably where this stems from. I do not think it is a bad thing if someone offered to watch my kids so I could get things done, they just don't. I would not drop them off with my dc provider I guess is what I am saying. Going to Nana's or Momuck's I would be REALLY OK with. I am by no means a helicopter mom. Am I involved, of course, but, I also try to have "me" time but, we never have any extra funds. I do see what you are saying about being a Mom is only part of who you are-I just recently went back to working 12 hours a week outside of the home for that very reason. For the past year I barely left the house during the week and it was beginning to wear on me. The plus side to this is I am working with old colleagues and having fun, all while building up our vacation fund! I guess I should've been clearer in my wording. I do not think it is ok for these parents to ALWAYS drop their kids off when they are not working, and a whole day is overkill. If it were once in a while, then fine but, she said it was every time, which irks me, makes me a little sad. I missed my mom like crazy was a kid since she worked a lot so, I know how hard it may be for a child whose mom was NOT working.

[Annalee]

This is one reason why I do contracted care only, according to parents work schedules. The kids are ONLY here when they are at work. If they want them here for time off, they pay a drop in rate.

[Snapdragon]

I've been on both sides -- as a parent who sent my children to daycare and as a daycare director. The only thing I will say -- and I don't think it has been addressed -- is that it is very important for parents to have time together without kids. To me, much of the foundation of a family revolves around the parents having a good relationship and being able to maintain that relationship -- after all, the kids will go out to have their own lives eventually and if the parents have focused solely on the kids and not on nurturing their own relationship, it can cause problems later. As parents using daycare, my husband and I would take time out to have lunch together on our days off because this was the only time we had as a couple.

As a daycare director, I felt very strongly that parents were paying for a service. It wasn't my job to judge them if they chose to leave their child in daycare when they weren't working. It may have been the only time these parents had some alone-time -- or not. Regardless, when people pay for a service, I do not feel they should be judged for using it.

This is just my opinion and I know that others have very valid points.

[jessrlee]

I agree the parents need time, but it's soooo unfair that big brother gets to be home and little brother doesn't

[mamac]

Let's throw something else in the ring....

My DH grew up with his mother running a child care. She chose to do this because she wanted to be with her children, she wanted to be their primary caregiver at all times. She didn't want someone else raising her children.

Because of that experience, my DH is one of those adults that felt "unloved". Today as an adult he still suffers from some of the things that he experienced as a child of a child care provider.

So just because you are a child care provider and chose to NOT put your own kids in care and not allow someone else to raise them, how do you KNOW you are doing what's best for your kids? How do you KNOW that having multiple kids in your home while you care for your own doesn't have some sort of negative effect on your child?

You don't know. No one knows if their choices are right or wrong in the long run. They can only do what's right for them at this time.

It's hard enough to be a parent today and when other people continue to make working mom's feel guilty for not devoting every breath they take to their child, it's even harder.

This is the main reason why I made the decision to close my daycare. I wanted to be able to stay home and raise my youngest while still maintaining an income. I very quickly realized that he was not going to be happy being raised in a daycare environment. He needed more from me and his environment than I could or would ever be able to provide for him. He wasn't jealous of the dck's; he just needed more. As soon as I find another job he will be going to "school" like his big brother and he is so excited. As much as I wish I could have kept him home with me, I know he will be much better off in a different environment. He and I are both much happier now and I know I made the right decision for everyone.

[sleepinghart]

I've been on both sides -- as a parent who sent my children to daycare and as a daycare director. The only thing I will say -- and I don't think it has been addressed -- is that it is very important for parents to have time together without kids. To me, much of the foundation of a family revolves around the parents having a good relationship and being able to maintain that relationship -- after all, the kids will go out to have their own lives eventually and if the parents have focused solely on the kids and not on nurturing their own relationship, it can cause problems later. As parents using daycare, my husband and I would take time out to have lunch together on our days off because this was the only time we had as a couple.

As a daycare director, I felt very strongly that parents were paying for a service. It wasn't my job to judge them if they chose to leave their child in daycare when they weren't working. It may have been the only time these parents had some alone-time -- or not. Regardless, when people pay for a service, I do not feel they should be judged for using it.

This is just my opinion and I know that others have very valid points.

[Kaddidle Care]

He is only 16 months old so I know he doesn't know any difference, but they do this all the time. Mom has "T and her day", but there is no "N and her day" I can see doing this sometimes, but every time? And for him to be here all day. Yesterday he was here until 5:50, mom and dad were at home.

It is sad but I can tell you that I watched my neighbor's daughter from 18mos - 3 1/2. I treated her like my own - she was the daughter that I never had and she was a total gem of a child.

You know what? She's an adult now and has absolutely no recollection of her time spent with me.

So... enjoy your time with the child. The loss is all on the parents. THEY are missing out on precious time that will never come again.

[Scout]

All of my families in the year I've been open have never dropped their child off when they were not at work. Maybe we do things differently here,:confused: I've never heard of anyone around here doing this and I live in a big city. We have family watch our kids around here if we need or want to be without them for a bit.

[Unregistered]

If a child is in daycare 50+ hours per week, then then parents are NOT spending every waking hour with their kids, attached to their hips.

I get once in a while, taking a break (we all need one) but when it's OBVIOUS that parents are completely neglecting to take any time with their child or taking more time with said child's siblings then themselves, there is a big problem.

The first years of life for a child are huge. When the provider takes MORE time than the child's own parent, it's noticeable. Even in necessary situations, it is noticeable. What makes ME mad about the OP's original situation is that the mom won't take BOTH children and the kids are already in daycare more often than at home.

Maybe the younger one doesn't know right now what's going on, but that older one does and the younger one will figure it out. I hate parents that show any kind of favoritism towards their children. It builds resentment among the siblings. Even if that favoritism isn't intentional, it still hurts the child. (

[JoseyJo]

It is sad but I can tell you that I watched my neighbor's daughter from 18mos - 3 1/2. I treated her like my own - she was the daughter that I never had and she was a total gem of a child.

You know what? She's an adult now and has absolutely no recollection of her time spent with me.

So... enjoy your time with the child. The loss is all on the parents. THEY are missing out on precious time that will never come again.

Agreed- we have a dcb who was with us from 2 to 4.5. This fall he started K and his younger brother started here. He was at home w/ mom for about 1 year and when his bro started he didn't know who we are or remember any time spent with us. BUT I know that we had an impact on his life. We taught him things he might not have otherwise learned and gave him a stable loving place to be when his parents were at work. So maybe parents are right- it is possible that the children won't "remember" but it still affects their lives in ways that will be shown when they get older.