DCM, DCD, And Brother Get To Be Home Today, Not DCB Though

[melilley]

I would occasionally leave my kids in DC when I had a day off for part of the day so I could run errands without dragging all 3 with. When my mom visited she would keep 1 child per day home and rotate because it was hard for her to wrangle all 3. I also admit that my fiance and I would once in a while play hooky from work and go to a movie or eat out instead of spending it with the kids but my reasoning was that most people hired an evening sitter to do those things and we did not. And I will say it was maybe once every 3-6 months we would do it, not weekly or anything.

I definitely do not agree with constantly favoring 1 child but maybe the older child really needs that one on one time and maybe they feel like you do, that the younger one doesn't understand yet what is going on.

Oh I totally get that parents sometimes need to do things w/o their kids and I do get it, but it's every time. Oh well, I guess I get to spend time with him!

[Blackcat31]

Poor guy...I hope they change their ways when he is old enough to realize. Whenever I clean my house on the weekends I say "gee, it'd be nice if someone watched my kids for 4 hours so I could clean in peace" but, guess what, I clean with them home with me!! IMO, as a parent, it is your job to just make it work and do what you have to with your kids. I don't send my kids anywhere just so I can have a day off alone. My days off are for my kids, even if I am busy running errands or cleaning the house. They are with me.

These parents are doing exactly that. Just because their choice isn't the same as yours doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand this line of thinking.

Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

So many parents seem to feel that they can only be MOM and not an individual person who deserves time off from work too. Just because they aren't working doesn't mean parents can't take time away from their children.

When my kids were young, I did spend a lot of time with them but I also spent a lot of my days off FOR ME. If I don't make sure I am healthy (mentally, physically and emotionally) I certainly wouldn't have been able to be a good mom.

Being a mom is only part of who I am.

[Unregistered]

These parents are doing exactly that. Just because their choice isn't the same as yours doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand this line of thinking.

Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

So many parents seem to feel that they can only be MOM and not an individual person who deserves time off from work too. Just because they aren't working doesn't mean parents can't take time away from their children.

When my kids were young, I did spend a lot of time with them but I also spent a lot of my days off FOR ME. If I don't make sure I am healthy (mentally, physically and emotionally) I certainly wouldn't have been able to be a good mom.

Being a mom is only part of who I am.

Completely agree!

[permanentvacation]

I don't KNOW about how ALL children feel. I do know that some and as they get older many do realize how their parents feel and in general, especially as you get older, you do begin to understand what is really going on. I am not saying that EVERY parent who leaves their child at daycare when they don't really need to is like this, but for the kids that DO have parents that are unloving and it is obvious to the general population as well as to the child, those kids are who I am referring to. I definitely know that these family units do exist. My ex-husband was one parent whose children did realize as they grew up that their father didn't really want them around. Even though I did my best to fill the space of daddy 'having to work' so much, while they were young, they cried and kept begging him to spend time with them, they cried and asked why he wouldn't spend time with them, as they got older, they would say things that showed that they figured out that he simply didn't want to spend time with them. My ex-husband and children, my sister's ex-husband, two of the 4 of my sister's children's family members, and one friend that I have known for 17 years of her daughter's life, and the handful of daycare children that I have taken care of have shown me that the children DO often, not every child, but Many of children who are in a family where at least one of the parents truly did not want to have a child DO often feel the effect of their parent feeling like that.

Yes, some parents are single mothers and have to work 2 jobs and keep their child in daycare all day and evening just to pay their bills. Some parents are married, but have to work overtime, or one or both parents work and go to college. AND truly love their children and are good parents. These are NOT the families that I am talking about.

But for the parents that truly should not have had children, the ones that make it obvious to their child, and everyone else for that matter, THOSE families are the ones that I am talking about. Those are the children that I feel horrible for.

[Crazy8]

Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

Half the kids of those parents saying that are spending 50 hours a week in daycare. Don't believe everything a parent says, LOL. I have seen the "inside" of many households where you would think Mom is "Mom of the Year" only to find its a complete farce.

I get what OP is saying, and I agree its sad. I don't have any rules about bringing kids when they are off and I just deal with it, it bothered me more in the early years - but it doesn't make it any less sad for the kids who are ALWAYS at daycare when everyone else is home. The parents who think the kids don't notice or "have more fun at daycare" are just trying to convince themselves.

[Blackcat31]

Let's throw something else in the ring....

My DH grew up with his mother running a child care. She chose to do this because she wanted to be with her children, she wanted to be their primary caregiver at all times. She didn't want someone else raising her children.

Because of that experience, my DH is one of those adults that felt "unloved". Today as an adult he still suffers from some of the things that he experienced as a child of a child care provider.

So just because you are a child care provider and chose to NOT put your own kids in care and not allow someone else to raise them, how do you KNOW you are doing what's best for your kids? How do you KNOW that having multiple kids in your home while you care for your own doesn't have some sort of negative effect on your child?

You don't know. No one knows if their choices are right or wrong in the long run. They can only do what's right for them at this time.

It's hard enough to be a parent today and when other people continue to make working mom's feel guilty for not devoting every breath they take to their child, it's even harder.

[ihop]

I have dcb today even though dad, mom, and brother are at home. Brother is older and gives up a lot of his time with mom to help out with dcb so she is having a mom/son day with him. Dad is prepping for thanksgiving which is tough for him with dcb. (he's a handful). They were upfront about why he was coming, and I'm getting paid regardless. So I don't mind. I do however see the issue if its a regular thing or she favored onechild over the other.

[Lucy]

He is only 16 months old so I know he doesn't know any difference, but they do this all the time. Mom has "T and her day", but there is no "N and her day" I can see doing this sometimes, but every time? And for him to be here all day. Yesterday he was here until 5:50, mom and dad were at home.

I have the same family. Mom and Dad will both be home, but kids come here bright and early at their normal start time, and are my last ones here until their normal pickup time.

Jeez, parents... at least let them sleep in and then pick them up an hour or two early. But nope... these parents bring them every single day no matter what. My phone contact with them is by cell phone, so I would never even know if they are on vacation. You gotta know that they each have at least a couple weeks vacation every year, but I've never ever known when that was, because the kids are ALWAYS here.

It's sad. And my husband says the same thing... they pay you either way, so it doesn't matter. And I get that and agree, but it's just sad for the kids. I have another family who will keep their daughter home EVERY time they are home. Mom could stay home sick, and she'll keep her daughter home with her. Dad could come home an hour early one day, and he'll pick up daughter first. THAT'S good parenting.

[melilley]

I really do see the different sides. And like I said, they do pay me so I shouldn't care and normally I don't, it's just this one family that gets to me. I know I shouldn't care, but I do just because this family does this ALL the time and this is the dcm who was a nanny this summer for her friends 3 children while her two children came here. I don't know if she took that job and brought them here because she didn't want to lose her spot or she didn't want to have her kids for the summer (at the time, the dcb who I am talking about, cried a lot and was very needy).
They also have commented on having to take time off of work when dcb was sick two weeks ago, saying they know it's not my fault, but they did have to take time off.

I know that moms and dads do need time for themselves, I am not denying that, I just don't get how you can send your child every day that you have off and keep one child most of those days. I hope it's not that way when dcb that is older and can realize what is going on.

To each their own, I guess.

[Annalee]

I have a dcb who is here today and his mom, dad, and brother are all at home. Dcd even said "Oh, N fell asleep on the way here"! They could have at least let him sleep. Dad had this whole week off and I think mom did too. I generally don't care what parents do, they do pay me, but it does make me sad when it's this little guy. It's EVERY day that they have off and he's always the first one here and the last to leave. This is the same set of parents who wanted him to come when he had to have a tube down his nose for 24 hours for a test. They didn't bring him once they saw that the tube had to be taped to his face and had to have arm restraints so he didn't pull it out-and of course the day of the test he had his best day ever (this is my munhausen mom). They did

I know that it probably is none of my business what parents do. My dh even said that it's business, they pay you, who cares. (he did comment yesterday on how he doesn't get it, he could never do that with our kids). I do get that point, but I can't help but feel bad for this child and have thoughts about his parents.

Sorry, rant is over.

This is a sad situation... I was hoping when I started closing more on holidays, vacation time, etc., it would force parents to at least spend time with their kids on holidays....sadly, though, parents just take them to grandma or whoever else will keep them.

[Lucy]

I really do see the different sides. And like I said, they do pay me so I shouldn't care and normally I don't, it's just this one family that gets to me. I know I shouldn't care, but I do just because this family does this ALL the time

I know that moms and dads do need time for themselves, I am not denying that, I just don't get how you can send your child every day that you have off
To each their own, I guess.

We see it the same way. I agree that they need time for themselves, and I would totally support that if it were occasionally. But the family I have, and it sounds like the family you have, do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (Mine's different from yours, in that they keep BOTH kids home, but still....)

It's not like I don't want them to have quality, kid-free time at home, it's just that they almost seem like they can't be bothered. Their kids are here 50 hours a week. Every day I'm open. This mom even said, "so you're closed Friday too, right?" (for Thanksgiving). I know what she meant.... if I was open, the kids would be here from 7-5 and she'd go catch some Black Friday sales, then go home and take a nap.

Again, if it was an occasional thing, I wouldn't begrudge them. But really... don't they WANT to spend at least a little vacation time WITH their kids???

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

These parents are doing exactly that. Just because their choice isn't the same as yours doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand this line of thinking.

Also, parents being overly attached to their child is part of what's wrong with today's kids.....parents are so involved and sometimes micromanaging to the point that we now have new terms for it (helicopter parent). I am NOT saying this about you Scout...just generalizing.

We see so many parents say that their kids are the center of their world, everything they do all day, all week, all month is for their kids. What happens when these kids grow up and move out? WHO are these parents then?

So many parents seem to feel that they can only be MOM and not an individual person who deserves time off from work too. Just because they aren't working doesn't mean parents can't take time away from their children.

When my kids were young, I did spend a lot of time with them but I also spent a lot of my days off FOR ME. If I don't make sure I am healthy (mentally, physically and emotionally) I certainly wouldn't have been able to be a good mom.

Being a mom is only part of who I am.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

We see it the same way. I agree that they need time for themselves, and I would totally support that if it were occasionally. But the family I have, and it sounds like the family you have, do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. (Mine's different from yours, in that they keep BOTH kids home, but still....)

It's not like I don't want them to have quality, kid-free time at home, it's just that they almost seem like they can't be bothered. Their kids are here 50 hours a week. Every day I'm open. This mom even said, "so you're closed Friday too, right?" (for Thanksgiving). I know what she meant.... if I was open, the kids would be here from 7-5 and she'd go catch some Black Friday sales, then go home and take a nap.

Again, if it was an occasional thing, I wouldn't begrudge them. But really... don't they WANT to spend at least a little vacation time WITH their kids???

No. They don't. I'm not saying that sarcastically or in a cruel tone. It's just a fact. They do not want to spend a little vacation time with their child.

I have a family that brings their child here 51 hours a week whether they are working or not. The parents talk up how wonderful the child is. The best child they have ever known. Truly, the best little one in the entire world. Yet, they never want to be around that child....who is quite the handful. They get 1 free vacation week per year if their child is absent. But, they don't use it. They went on a week long vacation by themselves but that child was still here.

[Lucy]

No. They don't. I'm not saying that sarcastically or in a cruel tone. It's just a fact. They do not want to spend a little vacation time with their child.

I have a family that brings their child here 51 hours a week whether they are working or not. The parents talk up how wonderful the child is. The best child they have ever known. Truly, the best little one in the entire world. Yet, they never want to be around that child....who is quite the handful. They get 1 free vacation week per year if their child is absent. But, they don't use it. They went on a week long vacation by themselves but that child was still here.

Right. And that's what's so sad.

[sleepinghart]

But how do you KNOW these kids feel unloved? How do you KNOW what they are feeling about a situation they are not even old enough to comprehend?

I've cared children in some awful situations before (REALLY bad situations) and even abused children will still love their parent. They don't know any different. They don't know that being in daycare 5 days a week from open to close isn't how ALL children are raised.

When we judge parents for doing what they do, we are applying OUR own personal logic, feelings, emotions, values and morals onto another person and that is not right because we do NOT know the journey they are on or the life they really live.

We only see part of it. We only know what we see.

~Good post .