DCM, DCD, And Brother Get To Be Home Today, Not DCB Though

[melilley]

I have a dcb who is here today and his mom, dad, and brother are all at home. Dcd even said "Oh, N fell asleep on the way here"! They could have at least let him sleep. Dad had this whole week off and I think mom did too. I generally don't care what parents do, they do pay me, but it does make me sad when it's this little guy. It's EVERY day that they have off and he's always the first one here and the last to leave. This is the same set of parents who wanted him to come when he had to have a tube down his nose for 24 hours for a test. They didn't bring him once they saw that the tube had to be taped to his face and had to have arm restraints so he didn't pull it out-and of course the day of the test he had his best day ever (this is my munhausen mom). They did

I know that it probably is none of my business what parents do. My dh even said that it's business, they pay you, who cares. (he did comment yesterday on how he doesn't get it, he could never do that with our kids). I do get that point, but I can't help but feel bad for this child and have thoughts about his parents.

Sorry, rant is over.

[DaycareMom]

That is so sad.
How old is he?
Why would they keep the brother home, but not him?
I might understand if they wanted alone time and both kids were there, but to favor one child...so sad

[melilley]

That is so sad.
How old is he?
Why would they keep the brother home, but not him?
I might understand if they wanted alone time and both kids were there, but to favor one child...so sad

He is only 16 months old so I know he doesn't know any difference, but they do this all the time. Mom has "T and her day", but there is no "N and her day" I can see doing this sometimes, but every time? And for him to be here all day. Yesterday he was here until 5:50, mom and dad were at home.

[LaLa1923]

He is only 16 months old so I know he doesn't know any difference, but they do this all the time. Mom has "T and her day", but there is no "N and her day" I can see doing this sometimes, but every time? And for him to be here all day. Yesterday he was here until 5:50, mom and dad were at home.

Sorry, but I'd be putting a stop to that. It's not right, if parents are off I'm off too!!

[VTMom]

I know how you feel. I don't get as aggravated as I used to (remind myself it's business, I'm paid, etc), but it really is sad. I have the same scenario, Mom, Dad, baby brother, AND Grandma who flew in a couple days ago to visit for the holiday. DCB still here every day. I don't get it, I wouldn't do it personally, but at lot of people do.

[melilley]

Sorry, but I'd be putting a stop to that. It's not right, if parents are off I'm off too!!

I am torn about this. The parents do pay me so I feel funny telling them that their children can't be here if they are not at work. I do have to say though that this is the only family that does this, I guess it's just the principal of it.?

[permanentvacation]

I have had a handful of kids like that. It's so sad when parents are like that with their children. I've had parents that come in and announce, "Thank God it's Monday, HERE!" and shove the child into my daycare home then leave abruptly. Some parents have expressed complaints such as how horrible the child is, how much work the child is for them, how they can't go anywhere because of HIM ( and look at the child like he is the most annoying, horrible thing on the planet), of course there are the parents that are sitting outside waiting for me to open and are here at pick up at the very last minute - and of course they had been off work all day. It's just so sad - could you imaging being a child knowing/having the feeling of being unloved and unwanted by your own mommy and daddy! WOW! Those poor kids!!

My ex-husband was not good at being a daddy. So, I was mommy and daddy to my personal children. He was simply an ATM for my girls and myself. I learned that it was better for our children that I not fuss with him about his lack of interest in them and not to try to beg/demand/harass/ trick/ etc. him into being involved with the girls. It truly was better for the girls that I allowed him to do what he was happy doing (anything but interact with his children) and just take on the role of mommy and daddy myself. By doing that, the girls got more of the feeling that daddy was busy working, rather than the feeling of daddy doesn't love/want them.

So, with my daycare kids whose parents obviously are not interested in being mommy or daddy, I know that by me accepting the role of the involved/interested/caring adult in the child's life, no, it's not the same as having their mommy or daddy, but the child learns that at least they have me. And they more-so had the feeling that their parents had to go to work or had chores/errands (if the child was old enough to know that mom/dad wasn't going to work that day), than feeling like their parents simply didn't want them around.

So, I would suggest that you give the child the love/care/interest/involvement in their life that they need and are not getting from their parents. No, to do that much is not really in our job description, but then again, maybe it is. I do feel that as a caregiver, we are to take care of the child as a whole, and sometimes, added to us teaching the children manners, respect, how to share, potty training, scholastics, - sometimes it also includes filling the emotional gaps, the sense of being wanted/loved, for them as well.

[VTMom]

I have had a handful of kids like that. It's so sad when parents are like that with their children. I've had parents that come in and announce, "Thank God it's Monday, HERE!" and shove the child into my daycare home then leave abruptly. Some parents have expressed complaints such as how horrible the child is, how much work the child is for them, how they can't go anywhere because of HIM ( and look at the child like he is the most annoying, horrible thing on the planet), of course there are the parents that are sitting outside waiting for me to open and are here at pick up at the very last minute - and of course they had been off work all day. It's just so sad - could you imaging being a child knowing/having the feeling of being unloved and unwanted by your own mommy and daddy! WOW! Those poor kids!!

My ex-husband was not good at being a daddy. So, I was mommy and daddy to my personal children. He was simply an ATM for my girls and myself. I learned that it was better for our children that I not fuss with him about his lack of interest in them and not to try to beg/demand/harass/ trick/ etc. him into being involved with the girls. It truly was better for the girls that I allowed him to do what he was happy doing (anything but interact with his children) and just take on the role of mommy and daddy myself. By doing that, the girls got more of the feeling that daddy was busy working, rather than the feeling of daddy doesn't love/want them.

So, with my daycare kids whose parents obviously are not interested in being mommy or daddy, I know that by me accepting the role of the involved/interested/caring adult in the child's life, no, it's not the same as having their mommy or daddy, but the child learns that at least they have me. And they more-so had the feeling that their parents had to go to work or had chores/errands (if the child was old enough to know that mom/dad wasn't going to work that day), than feeling like their parents simply didn't want them around.

So, I would suggest that you give the child the love/care/interest/involvement in their life that they need and are not getting from their parents. No, to do that much is not really in our job description, but then again, maybe it is. I do feel that as a caregiver, we are to take care of the child as a whole, and sometimes, added to us teaching the children manners, respect, how to share, potty training, scholastics, - sometimes it also includes filling the emotional gaps, the sense of being wanted/loved, for them as well.

[Blackcat31]

I have a parent that does this as well. In my parent's case, it is because the younger child is more work than the older one so allowing the older one to be home when the parents are off is easier for them.

I know that as providers we have a hard time understanding this but you (general you) have to remember that normal everyday life for these parents 5 out of 7 days a week is to have their child in care.


They drop their child off at daycare when they aren't working because it's their day off....off from working and because it's difficult or out of routine to care for their child (since you do it on a regular basis) like anyone, they don't want to "work" on their day off.

We also have to remember that the "well behaved" children we have in care aren't the same children the parents have. I know that is more than likely their own doing but it is what it is.

You either provide a service and accept children in to care when their parents need it or you don't.

It's one thing to apply certain rules and principals to your own life but it's not always ok to apply that same line of thinking for these parents. What we value as parents isn't always the same as what they value as parents.

We really don't know what their family situation is, we don't know how much or how little time they spend with their kids on weekends etc.

You can't provide a service and then dictate how the parent uses the services they have purchased.

If you inherently believe that using childcare (for whatever reasons a parent uses it) is wrong, then you should probably not be in this business.

Parents do funny things for weird reasons but in the end, like everyone else, they pay the price for their choices.

[permanentvacation]

I am completely against abortion. I raised my daughter to be completely against abortion, but now that she is an adult and has seen the way some parents are and how it affects the children, and has realized as an adult how her father felt about her and how I took on the role of both parents to protect her from knowing how he truly felt, as an adult, she has changed her mind about abortion.

I still am absolutely against abortion, but I do understand her underlying meaning.

She told me in a discussion a while ago that she feels now that it would be better to have an abortion than to raise a child in a household where the child could tell he was unloved and unwanted.

Not that I am suggesting abortion or agree with the concept, but I am positive that some people should never become parents. I think that some parents accidently get pregnant and do the right thing by giving birth to the child and not have an abortion, but they knew in the first place that they had no desire to have children. So they resent/hate/are irritated by the child's mere existence. Which, like my daughter said, it no way for a child to live. I feel horrible for the children who have to live feeling unloved.

[Blackcat31]

I am completely against abortion. I raised my daughter to be completely against abortion, but now that she is an adult and has seen the way some parents are and how it affects the children, and has realized as an adult how her father felt about her and how I took on the role of both parents to protect her from knowing how he truly felt, as an adult, she has changed her mind about abortion.

I still am absolutely against abortion, but I do understand her underlying meaning.

She told me in a discussion a while ago that she feels now that it would be better to have an abortion than to raise a child in a household where the child could tell he was unloved and unwanted.

Not that I am suggesting abortion or agree with the concept, but I am positive that some people should never become parents. I think that some parents accidently get pregnant and do the right thing by giving birth to the child and not have an abortion, but they knew in the first place that they had no desire to have children. So they resent/hate/are irritated by the child's mere existence. Which, like my daughter said, it no way for a child to live. I feel horrible for the children who have to live feeling unloved.

But how do you KNOW these kids feel unloved? How do you KNOW what they are feeling about a situation they are not even old enough to comprehend?

I've cared children in some awful situations before (REALLY bad situations) and even abused children will still love their parent. They don't know any different. They don't know that being in daycare 5 days a week from open to close isn't how ALL children are raised.

When we judge parents for doing what they do, we are applying OUR own personal logic, feelings, emotions, values and morals onto another person and that is not right because we do NOT know the journey they are on or the life they really live.

We only see part of it. We only know what we see.

[Unregistered]

I would occasionally leave my kids in DC when I had a day off for part of the day so I could run errands without dragging all 3 with. When my mom visited she would keep 1 child per day home and rotate because it was hard for her to wrangle all 3. I also admit that my fiance and I would once in a while play hooky from work and go to a movie or eat out instead of spending it with the kids but my reasoning was that most people hired an evening sitter to do those things and we did not. And I will say it was maybe once every 3-6 months we would do it, not weekly or anything.

I definitely do not agree with constantly favoring 1 child but maybe the older child really needs that one on one time and maybe they feel like you do, that the younger one doesn't understand yet what is going on.

[craftymissbeth]

I took college classes when my son was around 2/3 and he was in a center. I honestly thought it was like "school" and he had to attend every day that he was scheduled. So I took him even when I didn't have classes or anything else going on.

I totally understand your frustration now that I'm in this business, though. I have one dcg whose parents keep her home every chance they get because they want to spend as much time as possible with her. On the other hand, I have one dcg whose moms days off are during the week and for the 6 months I've had her has never once kept her home to spend time with her. That means for at least 6 months straight dcm has literally never had to care for her child for an entire day. I also have another family whose dcd is working in another state and only sees the kids on weekends. He's home for thanksgiving all this week and the kids have been here every day. It's weird to me that he doesn't want a couple extra days of kid time, but it's none of my business.

All I can do is give the kids extra hugs and cuddle time. The first family I mentioned that keeps their dcg home told me this morning that dcg obviously loves me very much and that has helped her tremendously with the guilt at leaving her with me.

Whether parents realize it or not, we are a huge part of these kids lives. We can certainly use that to form bonds with them that sometimes their own parents have no desire to form. It's awesome that your dck has you for stability and consistency.

[Scout]

Poor guy...I hope they change their ways when he is old enough to realize. Whenever I clean my house on the weekends I say "gee, it'd be nice if someone watched my kids for 4 hours so I could clean in peace" but, guess what, I clean with them home with me!! IMO, as a parent, it is your job to just make it work and do what you have to with your kids. I don't send my kids anywhere just so I can have a day off alone. My days off are for my kids, even if I am busy running errands or cleaning the house. They are with me.

[melilley]

I was just about to eat my words. Dad came, only to tell me that dcb has a Dr. appt. and will be back.