OT- My Sister Is Embarrassing Me

[daycare]

My sister and I both live in the USA, but in different states. We do not really get along very well and I am sure after reading this post you will see why.

My sister decided to come down for TG for the first time ever because a few months back I brought my parents over from our home country.

She decided that since she was in CA from OR that she would travel to SO Ca to take her child on a few adventures.

My sister is a VERY frugal person, in fact, I paid for the gas to come here because originally she told me she could not afford to come to see my parents. Then all of a sudden she can afford Disneyland, Universal and etc, plus the drive the rest of the way down there. So this made me angry.

I used to live in Newport Beach Ca before moving up State a few years back. I have many friends from my home country that moved there as well and she also knows them.

My sister has not talked to or seen my friends from my home country in probably over 20+ years. Well being her frugal self, she contacted several of my friends on FB and ASKED if she and her son could spend the night at their house while she is down there. As well as asking if any of them could get her discount tickets to Disneyland or other places.

My friends text me telling me about it and they are mad. Not mad at me, but talking badly about my sister. I am angry she would do this.

As of right now, she has no where to stay the night and no money for a hotel. she is 43 years old and does this stuff all the time. Normally, I have to end up bailing her out, but in the last 4 years I have not, so we never talk anymore. Now she is asking me to put a room on my credit card for them to have a place to stay tonight.

What would you do or say. I am so angry with her that I don't even want to open my door up when she returns in a few days to join us for TG...

[Cradle2crayons]

My sister and I both live in the USA, but in different states. We do not really get along very well and I am sure after reading this post you will see why.

My sister decided to come down for TG for the first time ever because a few months back I brought my parents over from our home country.

She decided that since she was in CA from OR that she would travel to SO Ca to take her child on a few adventures.

My sister is a VERY frugal person, in fact, I paid for the gas to come here because originally she told me she could not afford to come to see my parents. Then all of a sudden she can afford Disneyland, Universal and etc, plus the drive the rest of the way down there. So this made me angry.

I used to live in Newport Beach Ca before moving up State a few years back. I have many friends from my home country that moved there as well and she also knows them.

My sister has not talked to or seen my friends from my home country in probably over 20+ years. Well being her frugal self, she contacted several of my friends on FB and ASKED if she and her son could spend the night at their house while she is down there. As well as asking if any of them could get her discount tickets to Disneyland or other places.

My friends text me telling me about it and they are mad. Not mad at me, but talking badly about my sister. I am angry she would do this.

As of right now, she has no where to stay the night and no money for a hotel. she is 43 years old and does this stuff all the time. Normally, I have to end up bailing her out, but in the last 4 years I have not, so we never talk anymore. Now she is asking me to put a room on my credit card for them to have a place to stay tonight.

What would you do or say. I am so angry with her that I don't even want to open my door up when she returns in a few days to join us for TG...

I would simply tell her "I'm sorry, I don't have the extra money right now. That's why I try to plan ahead. I wish I could help though. See you on Thursday!" Click.

[Heidi]

I'd get her a room at the most horrible (yet safe) place I could find. ::


Why can't she just drive back home to your house? Did she go to Disney yet? Does she have gas money to get home, or how was that supposed to happen? I would tell her "no, sorry, but you know you're welcome to crash here for the next couple days".

[JoseyJo]

I would simply tell her "I'm sorry, I don't have the extra money right now. That's why I try to plan ahead. I wish I could help though. See you on Thursday!" Click.

Yep! Some people will NEVER own their own problems if they can find someone to bail them out. Don't bail her out.

[Unregistered]

My sister and I both live in the USA, but in different states. We do not really get along very well and I am sure after reading this post you will see why.

My sister decided to come down for TG for the first time ever because a few months back I brought my parents over from our home country.

She decided that since she was in CA from OR that she would travel to SO Ca to take her child on a few adventures.

My sister is a VERY frugal person, in fact, I paid for the gas to come here because originally she told me she could not afford to come to see my parents. Then all of a sudden she can afford Disneyland, Universal and etc, plus the drive the rest of the way down there. So this made me angry.

I used to live in Newport Beach Ca before moving up State a few years back. I have many friends from my home country that moved there as well and she also knows them.

My sister has not talked to or seen my friends from my home country in probably over 20+ years. Well being her frugal self, she contacted several of my friends on FB and ASKED if she and her son could spend the night at their house while she is down there. As well as asking if any of them could get her discount tickets to Disneyland or other places.

My friends text me telling me about it and they are mad. Not mad at me, but talking badly about my sister. I am angry she would do this.

As of right now, she has no where to stay the night and no money for a hotel. she is 43 years old and does this stuff all the time. Normally, I have to end up bailing her out, but in the last 4 years I have not, so we never talk anymore. Now she is asking me to put a room on my credit card for them to have a place to stay tonight.

What would you do or say. I am so angry with her that I don't even want to open my door up when she returns in a few days to join us for TG...

She hasn't talked to you in 4 years because you stopped bailing her out. She is ONLY talking to you in hopes of getting something out of you.


SAY NO. NO NO NO NO.

[daycare]

I'd get her a room at the most horrible (yet safe) place I could find. ::


Why can't she just drive back home to your house? Did she go to Disney yet? Does she have gas money to get home, or how was that supposed to happen? I would tell her "no, sorry, but you know you're welcome to crash here for the next couple days".

They are at Disney right now.......she said that she knows she could not make the drive back tonight. It's about an 8 hour drive from there.

I am more angry about her asking my friends than anything.........

[Heidi]

They are at Disney right now.......she said that she knows she could not make the drive back tonight. It's about an 8 hour drive from there.

I am more angry about her asking my friends than anything.........

She's using you again. Don't let her. If she needs to take a nap in her car in the parking lot and then drive back, so be it.

you are NOT responsible for her poor choices. It's harsh, but it's the truth.

Seriously, if you totally cave, then find a Motel 6 on the way..they are bare bones, man. Not even and alarm clock. But I say, don't cave! It's what...4:30 there now? In the afternoon? Tell her to stop being a baby and drive.

[daycare]

She's using you again. Don't let her. If she needs to take a nap in her car in the parking lot and then drive back, so be it.

you are NOT responsible for her poor choices. It's harsh, but it's the truth.

Seriously, if you totally cave, then find a Motel 6 on the way..they are bare bones, man. Not even and alarm clock. But I say, don't cave! It's what...4:30 there now? In the afternoon? Tell her to stop being a baby and drive.

OK so back bone in full affect...

I text her and said NO, I don't have any money to give you, I can't help you. I know she won't dare ask my parents, but seeing that they are state side and have american currency, I would not be surprised if she asks..

I so bad want to say something to her about asking my friends for handouts, but also don't want to start an argument

[Heidi]

OK so back bone in full affect...

I text her and said NO, I don't have any money to give you, I can't help you. I know she won't dare ask my parents, but seeing that they are state side and have american currency, I would not be surprised if she asks..

I so bad want to say something to her about asking my friends for handouts, but also don't want to start an argument

yeah, you aren't responsible for your friends either. They said no (good for them). That's the end. They are not going to hold her bad behavior against you. Just let it go.

If she brings it up, I'd tell her straight up "well, sis, I think you have a lot of nerve asking people you haven't seen in years for a place to stay. But, I don't want to discuss it any more, quite frankly. It's between you and them".

Every time she tries to put HER behavior on YOU. Stop her dead in her tracks. "You make your choices, I make mine, sis. You have every right to do that, but you have to live with the consequences, not me". You could even preface that with "you know I love you sis...but...." to soften it, if you're feeling it, that is.

[sharlan]

"Sorry Sis, but you know dh isn't working right now. I don't have any spare cash, YOYO (your on your own)."

[Sugar Magnolia]

$$$ for Disney........no $$$ for hotel. Does. Not. Compute.

:hug::hug: daycare:hug::hug:

[littlemissmuffet]

My sister's a mooch too, I can relate.

She never has money for the necessities, but always has money for the frivolous. She's ALWAYS asking someone for a handout... i.e. a couple of months ago my husband inherited some money from his dad passing away. The second (literally) my sister found out she asked me if she could "borrow" $200. When I asked for what she said "I don't know." ::
I have never and will NEVER give her any money because I know that she doesn't ever pay anyone back... and also because I know she does have money, she just doesn't budget it and prioritize it responsibly. Not my problem.

I'm glad you didn't make your sister's problem yours either! happyface

[countrymom]

I have a sister like this too. Except she is mooching off of my parents and has for years. As a matter of fact, her 18 yr old dd lives with my parents because "supposedly" when she got married (many years ago) the dd would live with her. Not only did my dad pay for my sisters house and her wedding, but he was raising the grand dd too. Well, the marriage lasted 1 week (I kid you not--she got married because I got married and had a house so she wanted it too) got back together with the father of the dd, but never picked up her dd from my parents house. Now there is another child (a very spoiled 5 yr old) who she dumps at my parents house all the time too.
She expects people to do things for her, she is a lazy hoarding lame excuse for a parent. I have not been to her house (acually no one has and neither have the neighbours) in over 10 yrs because I told her one day that she needs to clean her hoard up.

[itlw8]

so when she does get back she will have spent the rest of the money you gave her for gas and will need more to get home ??? fun day ahead Thursday. Too bad she did not come to visit with your parents

[JenNJ]

"Sister, you have abused my generosity in the past and even just this week. I am not responsible for your poor decisions. This is your mess to figure out, not mine. I would appreciate it if you no longer asked me for money."

Do NOT apologize. Do NOT say you "wish you could help." Do NOT offer any advice. Don't mention the friends -- you can't control that. You can only control YOUR actions.