Rewarding Children For Things Which They Should Be Expected To Do?

[DaycareMom]

So DCG is 4 yo. DCM made a huge deal about and brought DCG to build a bear just for buckling her seatbelt!

I guess I would understand if she was really having trouble learning the skill, but she knows how to do it and does it here all the time just fine. It really more had to do with buckling her seatbelt without whining/crying.

Am I the only one who thinks this is just completely ridiculous? And quite an expensive reward for such an insignificant thing?

Do any of you reward children for things they should be able to do?

[jenn]

Wow! That is an expensive reward!

I occasionally reward my daughter with a surprise outing or gift. She is 5 and so willingly helps me out, willingly shares her toys, helps entertain the kids,...even though those are things she really should be expected to do, I appreciate her doing it. I reward her to show my appreciation.

[countrymom]

I'll reward my kids with maybe choco bars when we go to the store (mine are older) but most times I don't. I don't want them to expect a reward everytime they do something good. Imagine when they become adults.

[Great Beginnings]

That kind of parenting is what is wrong with children these days. How do they learn to do what is expected of them just because they are a good person? Not to sound like a Hallmark movie but reward should come from the feeling in their heart, not a materialistic item.

I have a 6 year old boy that can tie his shoes but when mom comes he can't seem to get it and when after 15 mintues manages to get it he gets to go to McDonald's or play the kindle or some other extreme.

A child purposely hits another child and says sorry to avoid trouble and the parents jump for joy over his manners. The darn kid shouldn't have hit to begin with and I don't care how much he ****s up I am going to punish him!

Oh, I could go on and on ! That being said I will sometimes reward my son with something small just because there have been days of me being overly proud of him or he went out of his way without being asked but I will not buy him a $50 toy because he wipes his butt as expected....

[Laurel]

Well I've given a gummy for 'trying' on the potty. In a rare instance I 'might' if it is really a long term problem and then nothing that costs money. Maybe a privilege of some sort but very, very small.

For example, I don't pay for grades. I never believed in that. Build a Bear is WAY over the top.

Laurel

[daycarediva]

...........because he wipes his butt. LOL!!!!!!!!


My kids get rewarded at random, and when I think they deserve a 'treat'. I treat myself every once in a while to a latte, or lunch out, or a pedi. Not regularly, not expected (oh, it's been 4 weeks, time for my pedi!)

My ds just earned the good citizen award in his K class. They give out one a month for exceptional behavior, kindness and cooperation. I bought him the book he has been wanting. (around $5)

I don't even give them things, money, etc for good grades. Doing their best is expected, not rewarded.

A trip to build a bear would be a birthday treat, imho. Not because I'm cheap or broke, simply because when you give them LARGE rewards for small things, the rewards aren't equal to the task, there is no instrinsic (sp?) motivation to do things well/right/good unless there is a reward attached.

[DaycareMom]

Don't get me wrong - I definitely think children should be rewarded!
I like to reward them when they least expect it and because they are genuinely trying. And perhaps with a smaller reward. A Build a Bear is a big reward for such a small task, ykwim?
I agree with daycare diva, "When you give them LARGE rewards for small things, the rewards aren't equal to the task, there is no instrinsic (sp?) motivation to do things well/right/good unless there is a reward attached."

[countrymom]

my odd made honor roll in highschool. I didn't buy her anything because I know she can do it and I expect her to do it. But my mother gave her 20 dollars. I don't pay for grades, ask dh why----you see when he was younger his parents did, but apparently they were dumb children because they didn't get much money. So dh decided to do it with kids, ya, well it cost him over 200 dollars (4 kids) I told him that the kids are smart and do very well in school.

[cheerfuldom]

That kind of parenting is what is wrong with children these days. How do they learn to do what is expected of them just because they are a good person? Not to sound like a Hallmark movie but reward should come from the feeling in their heart, not a materialistic item.

I have a 6 year old boy that can tie his shoes but when mom comes he can't seem to get it and when after 15 mintues manages to get it he gets to go to McDonald's or play the kindle or some other extreme.

A child purposely hits another child and says sorry to avoid trouble and the parents jump for joy over his manners. The darn kid shouldn't have hit to begin with and I don't care how much he ****s up I am going to punish him!

Oh, I could go on and on ! That being said I will sometimes reward my son with something small just because there have been days of me being overly proud of him or he went out of his way without being asked but I will not buy him a $50 toy because he wipes his butt as expected....

well tell us how you really feel :::: I do agree though! LOL

[cheerfuldom]

I reward for grades. I don't apologize for that at all. I do think hard consistent work should be recognized. That is not to say that I would blow hundreds of dollars each time report cards come out! but yes, I will recognize good grades in multiple ways as well as anything else that shows focus and effort and overcoming challenges. I don't think buying a pricey bear for buckling a seat belt is at all appropriate. any rewards in this house are due to long term effort not random cooperation.

[Jack Sprat]

I don't reward for being a good person and doing what is expected in our house. I do offer verbal praise for the under 3 crowd for sharing, picking up etc. We don't reward for good grades. To us it is expected, school is their "job" right now. Our older DD has the ability to do the work and do it well. If she didn't and needed extra help or struggled we would offer some reward.

[spud912]

I sometimes reward when my children do something they are supposed to do, especially if they have had a hard time doing it. I make sure the rewards are random and are not given when they did something purposely to get the reward (instead of doing it because it's a rule or responsibility of theirs).

For example, I have given rewards for potty training successes, for cleaning up, for having a really good day or week (with no major behavior issues) and for being particularly helpful or nice to someone.

My rewards are almost always a trip to the dollar store or the dollar bins at Target. For really big rewards, I will take my daughters to Cracker Barrel (they have a bunch of toys in the front section that they always beg for) or to the bookstore to pick out something. I don't ever spend over $5 at the very most.

I'm always amazed at all the kids in the mall with a Build-a-Bear box! Those things cost $25 at the very least! To me, that's more of a birthday present! I originally thought that the majority of those kids must be having a birthday, but I suppose a good portion of those kids are probably just spoiled (no offense to any of you who do random presents from there ).

[spud912]

I reward for grades. I don't apologize for that at all. I do think hard consistent work should be recognized. That is not to say that I would blow hundreds of dollars each time report cards come out! but yes, I will recognize good grades in multiple ways as well as anything else that shows focus and effort and overcoming challenges. I don't think buying a pricey bear for buckling a seat belt is at all appropriate. any rewards in this house are due to long term effort not random cooperation.

:: My late aunt used to reward her children with the most extravagant presents for good grades. I visited them when I was 12 and was amazed to see my 10 year old cousin was given a boom box (with CD player) for an A in one of his classes. That thing easily cost her $150-200 . My 8 year old cousin received something equally as extravagant. But hey, this is the same cousin who visited us 4 years later and complained about the lack of Puff's facial tissue, hamburgers for dinner instead of caviar (yes, her words), and would never wear a shirt twice ::::.

[Meeko]

I have a few kids who think they should be rewarded for breathing in and out. ONLY due to the way they are indulged at home. It doesn't happen naturally. They are TRAINED that way by their parents.

[Bookworm]

I am a firm believer in "You don't get credit for doing what you're supposed to do".