I Feel Like A Jerk....But I Think I Shouldn't

[safechner]

fwiw~ I don't think OP is saying SHE thinks DCG is "special needs"

....I think she is just saying that her state requires she has a form filled out that is titled "special needs"...OP didn't write the rules or the form.

I also don't think OP is asking for anything "special" from the family...other than to provide the hearing aides that the doctor prescribed for her.

If the parents informed the provider that the child is prescribed hearing aides, then I think the provider has every right to require that the child have them while in her home/care.

I know what she was talking about but I only dont agree about the form that she needs to filled out. Her state is very wrong to tell her that she needs to fill it out the form.

[safechner]

first I would be angry as a provider that the parents didn't let you know about the hearing loss.

second, to me it seems like the parents are in denial or they are just too stubborn. Why wouldn't they put hearing aids on the girl. But I also wonder at what degreee is her deafness. I wonder if she was to put tubes in her ears if that would work.

also, by the sounds of it, the parents are not doing anything to help the girl, which is sad.

now is it a disability, yes and no. At a young age I would say yes just because they need speech therapy, how to use hearing aids..

as for naps, put her down for a nap at your time. No more discussion, who cares what time you put her down or they want her down for as long as its a nap.

It is getting old.. Here is more information for you! http://www.gallaudet.edu/clerc_cente...abilities.html

Hope you learn something new...

[NeedaVaca]

Legally, it is considered a disability under ADA/SSI, however it is up to the individual as to whether or not they let it become one. This is probably why the state requires a form.

[christine19720]

I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.

I agree!

[MCC]

Yes that child is deaf since you said she has no words unless she have some hearing loss (slightly or mild hearing loss or one profound deaf in one ear) that would be called hard of hearing! I dont think you understand the whole things about deaf culture. You are right that being deaf is not disability. Once again, deaf people are NOT special needs! I have been around deaf and hearing community. I grew up to be around deaf and hearing community and I know how they are. Also, I am deaf myself but I can speak very well. I went speech therapy to learn how to speak on my choice, not my parents when I was a child because I was very interested into it. My mother told me that I do have a few words before she found out I was deaf at 2 years old. I can hear a very little without wearing one of my hearing aid. Right now, I can't hear anymore because my hearing loss is keeping worse. I am now profoundly hearing loss in both the ears but I am still wearing one hearing aid on my left ear. I am still called to be deaf myself anyways. Once again, you wouldn't need a special needs form for that child unless she has physical limited.

As you mentioned that she can say "hum" but that is how deaf people use it. My hearing husband told me that he hears me to use "mmm" a tune. I tried not to make sounds when I eat or whatever I was doing. My daughter who is profoundly deaf always "hum" or "mmmm" tunes all the time when I hear her.

To Familycare71, really!! I am NOT special needs! Look at me, I been running a daycare for 12 years and I worked with hearing children. As of right now, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home mom with my baby. Deaf people can do anything as hearing people do.

Okay- I did not post this asking if the child was deaf or disabled or hearing impaired or any other labels. I posted wondering if my reaction was appropriate, and if ya'll thought it was okay for me to go ahead and term them. You have taken this post completely out of it's original context.

It is none of my business what the parents want to call the child in regards to the "hearing loss" they told me about. It is however my business how I am supposed to communicate with this child. And it is my business if they refuse to EITHER let her wear the hearing aids OR teach her sign language, as every child deserves the right to communicate!

I am sorry if you feel that I have personally offended you by saying that she has hearing loss vs saying that she is deaf, but I am not the one to call those shots. I simply repeated what the parents told me. I was told she has hearing loss, not that she was deaf.

[MCC]

Oh, and, just as an Update to the actual reason I posted:

I have a 2yo on a temp spot that is ending NOV first b/c cousin baby number 2 is starting. Terming this 18 month old will allow for the 2yo to stay, so I don't need to worry about filling the spot. I already talked to 2yo DCM and they want the spot.

I'm going to give 18 month DCM two week notice on OCT 21 if they don't give me notice first. This way she thinks she is still in control and there maybe will be less hurt feelings. I am hoping she gives her notice before I do. However, if she continues to be rude at pick up and drop off, she's getting her notice tomorrow.

[Heidi]

Oh, and, just as an Update to the actual reason I posted:

I have a 2yo on a temp spot that is ending NOV first b/c cousin baby number 2 is starting. Terming this 18 month old will allow for the 2yo to stay, so I don't need to worry about filling the spot. I already talked to 2yo DCM and they want the spot.

I'm going to give 18 month DCM two week notice on OCT 21 if they don't give me notice first. This way she thinks she is still in control and there maybe will be less hurt feelings. I am hoping she gives her notice before I do. However, if she continues to be rude at pick up and drop off, she's getting her notice tomorrow.

Sounds like a reasonable way to handle it.

[sleepinghart]

It is super sad that they are not doing anything about it. As far as the "disability" getting thrown around, I do not think she has a disability, I do think she should wear the aids she was prescribed.
I called licensing the day after I found out, and they said I do need the "child with special needs" form filled out. This form just states whether or not the Dr. thinks my ratios need to change based on the diagnosis. I don't think they will, but I am required to have the form on file, and signed by a Dr.

The naps, the real issue- If I put her down at 1 with the rest of the kids, she SCREAMS. The older kids will ignore it and lay still, but they can't fall asleep. The baby can not sleep, and starts to cry as well. I have tried to let her CIO, but she will cry for the entire 2 hour nap if I let her. I moved the nap to 2pm and she will sleep (for less than an hour, but at least it's something!)

Mom was SUPER stand offish last night at pick up, came in and said "Let's go DCG" that was it...

I sent DCG home at 12 today for suspected pink eye, I'm sure it's just going to make DCM ever more upset, but oh well.

To me, this family is blessed and lucky to have come upon you as you already know sign language and are willing to teach it to their child(!!). The parents better settle down and behave if they know what's good for them, or they are not going to realize what they have until it's too late and it's gone and they're looking back at you compared to where they are with their possible future provider(s).

[safechner]

Okay- I did not post this asking if the child was deaf or disabled or hearing impaired or any other labels. I posted wondering if my reaction was appropriate, and if ya'll thought it was okay for me to go ahead and term them. You have taken this post completely out of it's original context.

It is none of my business what the parents want to call the child in regards to the "hearing loss" they told me about. It is however my business how I am supposed to communicate with this child. And it is my business if they refuse to EITHER let her wear the hearing aids OR teach her sign language, as every child deserves the right to communicate!

I am sorry if you feel that I have personally offended you by saying that she has hearing loss vs saying that she is deaf, but I am not the one to call those shots. I simply repeated what the parents told me. I was told she has hearing loss, not that she was deaf.

I know you are not posting about this child being deaf or not. I am telling you that she is because her parents dont want to tell you that she is deaf so they decided to tell you she has hearing loss instead. Truth is, I am deaf myself but I tell some people that I am hearing impairment instead. It is not a big deal, anyways!

If the parents refused let their daughter to wear hearing aids, there is nothing you can do about it. We dont know the whole story. Maybe this child dont like to wear hearing aids, who knows. The most important that she needs to learn sign language that you can help her instead her parents. As you mentioned you know sign language so you can teach her so what is your point? If the parents refused to learn sign language, shame on them. Their child will hate them later, trust me. If she starts school and they will teach her sign language. She will pick it up quickly than what you think. The parents will probably still refused to learn sign language so it wont be changed. To be honest, it is none of your business about hearing aids that she should to wear it. If my child is in your daycare and if you are trying to tell me that my daughter must wear hearing aids, I would be very mad. I wasted $1,800 on my daughter's hearing aids that we bought for her out of our pocket that our insurance was not covered at that time when she was 6 months old. My daughter HATE hearing aids and I tried to give her an opportunity to hear for two years but she was NOT interested so I leave her alone. She is very happy child and she is 12 years old. She loves her life because we are great parents to her. It doesnt matter to us anymore.

It doesnt matter what I feel offended by you or not. Like I said, I dont care what others think about me. If you feel that you cant help her or having problems with your daycare parents then let them go. I do feel about this little child. I think she would be lucky to have you that you will be able to communicate with her that you already know sign language. I guess that will never happens since you are giving them a two weeks notice tomorrow. I would take this girl for that spot and helped her parents not to be embarrassed about her hearing loss or something like that. However, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home at mom with my handsome baby that I had him a few months ago.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Safechner
:hug::hug::hug:

Gals, those of us who are deaf or hard of hearing.......we get kinda worked.up about this topic, because we live it every day.......

[safechner]

Safechner
:hug::hug::hug:

Gals, those of us who are deaf or hard of hearing.......we get kinda worked.up about this topic, because we live it every day.......

I agree!

[Cradle2crayons]

Really!!! That is not true! My daughter don't wear hearing aids because she HATES it! I am not going force her to wear it. She is very happy child and she loves her life! The form is NOT necessary! If someone give me like this and I would be very mad!

Just give parent some time and she will need to learn to accept her child being deaf and she probably will learn sign language to communicate with her child. As far as I know there are so many hearing parents with deaf children and they are too lazy or refused to learn sign language. Deaf children will hate their parents when they get older. Some parents dont want to tell someone about their children who has hearing loss because they dont want them to feel sorry for them. That is probably why parent dont want to tell her in the first place. Truth is, there are so many hearing people feel sorry for deaf people because they think they cant do anything which is not true. I dont care what others think about me. I dont give a **** about them. I have a wonderful life with my family. My hearing family love me when they get know me when I used to take care of their children for 12 years.

Defensive much? Lol

You have NO idea if the form is necessary or not. My state actually requires the SAME form and would require it for the EXACT same reasons as OP stated.

Just because your state or all states don't require the form doesn't mean some don't.

Just like some states require lots of enrollment forms and others don't.

Just like some food programs let parents opt out their kids but my feeding program does NOT allow even ME to opt out my OWN kids. Frustrating sure!! But reality nonetheless.

My daughter has mild hearing loss due to constant ear infections as a child. It didn't resolve with multiple sets of tubes but it isn't bad enough to affect her daily life.

My state requires a special need form for ANY CONDITION, MENTAL OR PHYSICAL, THAT AFFECTS A CHILD IN ANY ASPECT OF THEIR EVERY DAY LIFE.

that's quoted btw.

For instance.. One child may have hearing loss but it's not major enough to affect every day activities. But if that child requires hearing aids, special speech therapy, or has issues with communicating etc, its considered SPECIAL NEEDS. It doesn't mean they are deaf or anything else. It simply means they need a care plan to assist them. Such as hearing aids. Such as speech therapy. If ANYTHING has to be done different or special to accommodate that child. It's SPECIAL NEEDS.

Special needs doesn't mean they are near death or stupid or less than. It means they get the special care and help that they need in order to gets the help ey need to grow and thrive.

I have a special needs daughter and a special needs daycare girl. The daycare girl is actually disabled defined by lots of conditions. But she doesn't get treated disabled but lots of accommodations have to be made to be sure she gets e care she needs.

It's one thing and understandable fore parents to still be in denial. I was in that denial train once too. But in the end, the child is too young to understand and is having delays because of it. The child isn't capable yet of deciding if they want to wear hearing aids and etc etc. it's e parents job to do what's BEST for the child, regardless of their denial. And denial can't be used as an excuse forever. In the end, it's the child who is going to suffer.

And not EVERY child who is hearing impaired has speech and other delays. But this one does. Personally it's awesome that this provider is trying to do what's best for this child.

And regardless of parental denial, this child DOES deserve to be able to communicate, one way or the other. And since we don't know how much hearing or what this child's diagnosis or prognosis is, as a provider I would ABSOLUTELY insist to see the medical documentation so that I could do everything in my power to help this child.

While I agree at some point this child may not want to use hearing aids. But, at the age this child is, it's the parents job to at least assist this child on how to communicate. Refusing the child that right is a type of abuse IMHO.

It's a different story for a parent to use the aids, take the child to speech or other experts to help the child learn how to communicate and then at some point allow the child to decide they don't want to use the aids and rather do signing instead or use some other form of communication. But it isn't happening like that.

The provider wouldn't have to speculate about how to help the child if she had the dr reports from the parents.

In the end I think it's unfair to be rude to this provider when it seems THEY are the only one even trying to help this child. And KUDOS to you op for caring as you do. But realistically, this mom isn't ready to come out of denial and step outside of themselves long enough to help this child and may not any time soon be ready.

I agree, advertise and be ready to fill her spot. We can only hope this child gets e help they need before too much developmental damage is done.

[Cradle2crayons]

I know you are not posting about this child being deaf or not. I am telling you that she is because her parents dont want to tell you that she is deaf so they decided to tell you she has hearing loss instead. Truth is, I am deaf myself but I tell some people that I am hearing impairment instead. It is not a big deal, anyways!

If the parents refused let their daughter to wear hearing aids, there is nothing you can do about it. We dont know the whole story. Maybe this child dont like to wear hearing aids, who knows. The most important that she needs to learn sign language that you can help her instead her parents. As you mentioned you know sign language so you can teach her so what is your point? If the parents refused to learn sign language, shame on them. Their child will hate them later, trust me. If she starts school and they will teach her sign language. She will pick it up quickly than what you think. The parents will probably still refused to learn sign language so it wont be changed. To be honest, it is none of your business about hearing aids that she should to wear it. If my child is in your daycare and if you are trying to tell me that my daughter must wear hearing aids, I would be very mad. I wasted $1,800 on my daughter's hearing aids that we bought for her out of our pocket that our insurance was not covered at that time when she was 6 months old. My daughter HATE hearing aids and I tried to give her an opportunity to hear for two years but she was NOT interested so I leave her alone. She is very happy child and she is 12 years old. She loves her life because we are great parents to her. It doesnt matter to us anymore.

It doesnt matter what I feel offended by you or not. Like I said, I dont care what others think about me. If you feel that you cant help her or having problems with your daycare parents then let them go. I do feel about this little child. I think she would be lucky to have you that you will be able to communicate with her that you already know sign language. I guess that will never happens since you are giving them a two weeks notice tomorrow. I would take this girl for that spot and helped her parents not to be embarrassed about her hearing loss or something like that. However, I closed daycare for a while to being a stay home at mom with my handsome baby that I had him a few months ago.

Ok so if you enrolled a child into daycare and they had a heart condition that the parents didn't tell you about at interview and you found out a few weeks later about it ... It wouldn't bother you??

What if that child was SUPPOSED to be on heart medication but because they were "embarrassed" about it, they didn't give her that middle of the day dose because they didn't want to tell you about it. But the child's heart has to have that medication at lunch every single day. You don't think you have a right to ask for her diagnosis from the doctor and insist the parents send it to daycare to be given at lunch??

Would it not be okay to talk to the parents about your need for a special needs form because the child has a severe heart problem that affects things at daycare. Suppose she isn't allowed to go out in hot weather due to her heart condition. Didn't you have a right to know that? And if you bring it up to the parents and they act all ticked off and act childish etc that's okay?

It's really not that different of a situation. We spend 50 hours a week with these children. We have a right to know about their medical conditions so that we can take adequate care of them. Does the parent have the right to refuse the heart medication?? In some states yes. In some states it's considered medical neglect. But regardless about the morality, the parents have every right to be in denial. But, as a provider who spends so much time with these kids, is it okay to just turn a blind eye to the well being of a child and put up with the possibility that something bad could happen because the parents were "embarrassed and in denial"??

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

If I interview and there are ANY medical or any other Type of concern, I require documentation of any and everything. I explain why. Which is because I do e very best I can to take the absolute best care I can for that child. And that means physically, developmentally, socially, morally and any other way. I take pride in the care I give these children. I have a right to know if they have hearing loss, are deaf, have a cardiac problem, asthma, food allergies etc.

And if a parent lies to me about it, it's grounds for immediate termination because it puts that child in jeopardy. Maybe not physically in jeopardy but I take all aspects of the child's development seriously.

[craftymissbeth]

It's been a few days since I read through this entire thread, but is it possible it simply slipped their minds at the interview? I am 100% deaf in one ear and I honestly forget that I am... So I certainly don't think to tell anyone about it. In fact my doctor doesn't even know about it... since I don't necessarily consider it a disability or anything like that I have never added it to my paperwork when I start at a new doctor. Doesn't even cross my mind.

[MCC]

It's been a few days since I read through this entire thread, but is it possible it simply slipped their minds at the interview? I am 100% deaf in one ear and I honestly forget that I am... So I certainly don't think to tell anyone about it. In fact my doctor doesn't even know about it... since I don't necessarily consider it a disability or anything like that I have never added it to my paperwork when I start at a new doctor. Doesn't even cross my mind.

I asked the mom last Thursday right out about why is was not brought up, and that is exactly what she said. DCG was only 11 months when she started here, so it was completely normal that she wasn't talking at that point. I told her that I understood how it was forgotten, but now that she isn't talking or responding to basic commands like "sit down", "No", "lets go" I wanted to see what the Dr. says at her 18 month appointment. After that appointment I wanted to have a discussion about what the plans are for helping her communicate.

Just FTR how this was brought up in the first place was last month. DCM asked me if DCG was talking at all at my house. I told her no, and she said "Oh, did we mention she had a traumatic birth that caused hearing loss". So Mom brought the speech issue up, not me.

I had a DCB here started around 14 months and left at 19 months. During that time he did not start talking. They brought him in for evaluations and it was a simple speech delay. Mom came in and had a hour long talk with me about how I am supposed to help DCB learn basic words. She basically trained me on what she had been trained to do. THAT is how this should be dealt with.

I am perfectly comfortable caring for a child who needs help communicating, I just need to know how to move forward with it, now that it is known that she has some "hearing loss". I however am NOT going to continue to have DCM be rude and dismissive to me.