I Feel Like A Jerk....But I Think I Shouldn't

[MCC]

The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview.

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps.

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended.

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right?

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot?

[momofboys]

The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview.

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps.

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended.

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right?

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot?

I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.

[MCC]

I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.

Ooo....that makes it sound like a whole different story... I guess you're right on this one.

[Blackcat31]

I would give YOUR notice - sorry but I don't want to work with parents that don't want ME.

I agree that you can definitely give your notice now...why do anymore "favors" for some one who doesn't really want to be there....

On the flip side, have you thought about maybe another face-to-face conversation with this family? Maybe explain how you have their child's best interests at heart and you NEVER said anything was wrong...just that you are concerned about you KNOW to be true...ie needing hearing aides etc..

I understand that her (DCM's) feelings are hurt but in all honesty, she can't get "offended" and hurt every time someone tries to do what's best for her child.... she'll need to get over that or she will do her child no good in years to come.

If sitting down with her is not something you really want to do, perhaps writing an e-mail explaining your thoughts/feelings about the situation may help.

Sounds like the DCM is emotional right now about this and maybe once she calms down and starts hearing what you said verses how it makes her feel, she maybe more open to actually listening.

Good luck and keep us posted as to what happens.

[blandino]

Honestly, the fact that she loves having her daughter with you, but is moving because she feels offended is childish. If you love the daycare, put on your big girl panties and deal with being offended.

However, I will say I have never had a case where I brought up a concern about special needs go well. Parents always get offended, no matter how nice and p.c. my terminology is.

[MCC]

I agree that you can definitely give your notice now...why do anymore "favors" for some one who doesn't really want to be there....

On the flip side, have you thought about maybe another face-to-face conversation with this family? Maybe explain how you have their child's best interests at heart and you NEVER said anything was wrong...just that you are concerned about you KNOW to be true...ie needing hearing aides etc..

I understand that her (DCM's) feelings are hurt but in all honesty, she can't get "offended" and hurt every time someone tries to do what's best for her child.... she'll need to get over that or she will do her child no good in years to come.

If sitting down with her is not something you really want to do, perhaps writing an e-mail explaining your thoughts/feelings about the situation may help.

Sounds like the DCM is emotional right now about this and maybe once she calms down and starts hearing what you said verses how it makes her feel, she maybe more open to actually listening.

Good luck and keep us posted as to what happens.

This is exactly my concern. There are constantly going to be things to get offended about when raising a child. Is she going to pull her out of kindergarten b/c the teacher had to discipline her and talk to them about it?

I am very open to talking to DCM about it more, except, this morning I went outside with her to talk privately (My husband was with the kids) and she said "I can't keep having these conversations everyday." This morning would be the 3rd time we have "talked" more than "DCGs day was fine." If she can't see that I am having these conversations with her to insure that we are moving forward correctly, then I'm not sure what else I can do.

You know what? I think I'm offended that she can't see how much time/energy/love I'm putting into this right now!

[butterfly]

Honestly, the fact that she loves having her daughter with you, but is moving because she feels offended is childish. If you love the daycare, put on your big girl panties and deal with being offended.

However, I will say I have never had a case where I brought up a concern about special needs go well. Parents always get offended, no matter how nice and p.c. my terminology is.

I agree!

I think I would just let this one play out. If you try another meeting, I think the parent's emotions are too raw right now to have them hear a thing you say anyways. They'll just feel more attacked.

I'd ride it out until they leave. It sounds as though she'll give you 2 weeks notice. Start looking to fill and if you find someone else then term. If the situation is livable for now, I'd ride it out until they term themselves or you have another client to fill their spot.

:hug:

[KDC]

After all that's been said and done, I would give notice. Since they're looking already, it would be better to have some control on your end. Some families/providers just don't have the right chemistry... not your fault. She probably lost a lot of your trust when she wasn't up front about ds's hearing. Be prepared though, it will probably be hard for her to find a new daycare due ds's issues (no naps, lack of hearing, etc.), so I would probably work with her on a end date so theres a little flexibility on your end. It may soften the blow since she seems emotionally charged. Otherwise it could end up biting you in the butt, if she thinks she's been wronged in any way.

[Blackcat31]

This is exactly my concern. There are constantly going to be things to get offended about when raising a child. Is she going to pull her out of kindergarten b/c the teacher had to discipline her and talk to them about it?

I am very open to talking to DCM about it more, except, this morning I went outside with her to talk privately (My husband was with the kids) and she said "I can't keep having these conversations everyday." This morning would be the 3rd time we have "talked" more than "DCGs day was fine." If she can't see that I am having these conversations with her to insure that we are moving forward correctly, then I'm not sure what else I can do.

You know what? I think I'm offended that she can't see how much time/energy/love I'm putting into this right now!

There is your answer.

Why bother helping someone who clearly doesn't want the help.

I'd definitely term. I'd give two weeks notice and be CLEAR about the fact that you are doing so because you refuse to be involved with a family that is refusing to see past their emotions and use their heads...

I truly feel for their daughter as I see this being an issue for a while no matter where she attends for care.

[blandino]

I'd definitely term. I'd give two weeks notice and be CLEAR about the fact that you are doing so because you refuse to be involved with a family that is refusing to see past their emotions and use their heads...

I have termed for an almost exactly similar situation. DCB had some special needs that were in diagnosed and parents were completely unwilling to hear any of it. They said we were picking on their child & refused to disuss any behavioral issues at all. With 20/20 hindsight, I would have termed far earlier - so my advice to you would be to term.

[Shell]

Agree with terming. Dcm is going to have to deal with this now with you, or later with another provider. You've done your best, time for them to move on.

[Sunshine75]

It sounds to me at least that dcm seems to hide her daughter's special needs from a provider for the sole purpose of gaining access to care and then "hoping" it goes well. That leaves a provider feeling very unprepared and blind sided. That very well could be what mom does again for the next person. It is unfortunate that she can't get past her own feelings to see that you are trying to work with her on this. Also, an 18 month old should definitely still be sleeping typically 3 hours a day. That may be in one nap or two depending on wake times, etc but at least an afternoon nap that is longer or two shorter naps throughout the day.

[Maria2013]

The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview.

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps.

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended.

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right?

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot?

you are fine!... and way more flexible than I am, cause I would not move nap time or any other scheduled activity to accommodate a parent :hug:

[safechner]

The 18 month old that has hearing loss (I posted about last week) is terming. We have been having problems with naps, and behavior, and I have been very open to working with this family on the issues. Ex: moving nap time from 1pm to 2pm, as she seems to nap better at that time. I rearranged the whole day to try to work with them, and have been very understanding about the fact that they didn't tell me she had a hearing loss at the interview.

On Friday, I had a one on one with DCM that I wanted to have a meeting with her and DCD about the actual diagnosis, and after her 18 month appointment, I would need the Dr.'s input on how to move forward. I also have a state reg. form for children with any type of "special need" and I needed it filled out by the Dr.

She came today, and I could tell by the way she handed me her crumpled up check, that she was pissed. She told me that DCG only took morning naps now, and I told her that I needed her to take the PM nap, and I was going to try to get her to do that. She seemed like she needed more, so I asked "Where are you right now with keeping DCG here?" and she said "this is not my two weeks notice, but we are looking for other care". She told me she was OFFENDED that I would say that there was something wrong with her child and that she thought I was too frustrated with DCG over the naps.

I reassured her that I wasn't frustrated at all, but having an 18 month old not nap, makes for a some what disorganized day, and I feel that I can't finish dishes from lunch, much less make my own lunch. I also assured her that I never said there was something wrong with her kid. (She is obviously taking this very personally, as I think any mom would). She then said that she loves having DCG here, but she is pulling b/c she is offended.

I am slightly torn up about this, that she thinks I'm frustrated, which I am not, maybe annoyed, but I think frustrated is a strong word to use in reference to a child's behavior. And that she thinks I said her kid had something wrong with them.

Am I putting too much on this? I should just let this go right?

Also- is it fair for me to give her two weeks now, so I can fill the spot?

All I can say wow!! I have a hearing loss since birth.. You do not need to get a doctor note about the child's hearing loss. Also you dont need to give her special need form because hearing loss is NOT special needs! I don't blame her mother who feels offended and didn't tell you about her hearing loss at the interview. What she means that she feels offended because you act like there is something wrong with her child that is what she thinks. About the naps, I can understand that it was hard for her. It was pretty normal behavior for that deaf child but I am not sure if you know sign language. In my experience, I do see there is a lot of different behaviors between hearing and deaf children because I have a deaf child, a hearing child and a possibly hearing or hard of hearing baby but he has fluid in both the ears and will go back to the doctor soon to see if it has resolved or not. I can see there is totally different behaviors. Do you know sign language so you can use communicate with your dcg? I wouldn't recommended to have a meeting about the actual diagnosis. That is not right thing to do but you can talk about wanting to work with her behavior or nap issues, that is it. That is why your dcg's parents feel offended for some reason and she wants to pull her child because you said the word "actual diagnosis." If you feel you can't do anything for her then give her a two weeks notice and move on. Just saying...

[Familycare71]

There is your answer.

Why bother helping someone who clearly doesn't want the help.

I'd definitely term. I'd give two weeks notice and be CLEAR about the fact that you are doing so because you refuse to be involved with a family that is refusing to see past their emotions and use their heads...

I truly feel for their daughter as I see this being an issue for a while no matter where she attends for care.