Originally posted by Sarah97:395157
How Do You Deal With Constant Arguing
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Good luck!- Flag
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I have been having the exact same problem here...and we do get lots of outside time. When it's time to come in however...and before we get out...it's insane!! Yesterday I decided to set up stations and have them rotate. There is a lego station, a book station, a puzzle station and a coloring station. If I see that it is mainly one child that is causing most of the angst among them..they do the stations. Today it is raining outside and they are all taking turns at the stations and I have grouped them 2 and 2 and they are all getting along. Just a thought...seems to be working here for the time being! :-) Good luck..nothing worse! OK...maybe there is, but it is bad!- Flag
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Don't settle
I have had several rounds of arguing, my solution was not to settle for it. If you give clear expectations and are consistent with your response, sooner than later they will learn. Tell them you all are going to work on being kind and you will be there to help them when they have trouble. It helps to acknowledge to them you understand it is hard sometimes to be patient and say the right words, but if they want to keep playing it is what they need to do. I did a lot of coaching on both sides with what to say and how to respond; if they were not cooperative with me at the time I tried to help, they needed to sit until they were willing to first listen to me. There doesn't have to be frustration on your part, you are simply the trainer, the choice is theirs (to listen and keep playing, or not listen and cooperate, and not play).
You can sympathize with their struggle, be their cheerleader, and still set the boundaries. I actually received full blown melt downs because I did not give in, the same child less than three weeks later was coming to me frequently to share how s(he) handled tough situations by using kind words, and also asking for help after trying to use kind words and still having trouble - before arguing.
If you can, let the parents know how you are working on issues at dc, and see if you are both on the same page. When I started discussing things a bit (and got great reception) the parents and I actually encouraged each other, and so much better for the child. Are things perfect around here all the time? Things are never perfect; if that were true my back would never ache and I would have time for all that needed to be done.
The children still do argue, but not nearly as much as they have learned it gets them no where - literally! It's okay though, it's all a time of learning, for all of us, and even the battles can be exciting when we sense a victory coming. Hang in there and be consistent, be the wall they run into, and they will learn to stop short of it,! Not all parents are going to be on the same track, and often things run very different at home vs dc because the dynamics are different, and not all parents will *appreciate* hearing about your "training sessions" but that's okay, if you sense they will not respond positively, keep to yourself and keep doing what you know will help develop good habits and what is necessary to keep the peace in your program.
This is no different from school or a place in public or visiting someone's house, there are acceptable ways to behave and boundaries weather or not they apply home. Have fun being trainer/coach, cheerleader, while giving an understanding hug. Make sure too, you are allowing for outlets for extra energy. The opportunity for teaching actions/consequence go with you through the day and are as varied as the activities are in your day. There is always a way to narrow down choices, "not playing" as I mentioned above, doesn't always mean having to sit, it may mean choosing another activity, or choosing between what you allow, and yes, sometimes it does mean a "time out" or sitting (they are different - time out is a designated time by me no matter if the child is willing as they will plea on the way to time out, "okay, I will, or I'm sorry, or I'll listen..." sometimes a time out is warranted to help the lesson stick, but they are infrequent to none with children who have been trained.
Sitting is where the child is in control of when to get up and come to me with a willing heart to listen and move forward, it may be 30 sec., may be several minutes. Be accepting of the training that is needed for different children at the level they need it, be consistent, be in control, and enjoy what you are doing! One more thing, be the example of kindness in your tone, and joy in your day, it's catching! Do activities you enjoy too, and keep the routine of the day, adding changes where you can to play set up, large motor activities, old or new songs to (re)learn, short circle times, etc. Just be ready to accept your trainer/coach responsabilty when it calls, with compassion and consistency.
KarenaLast edited by Blackcat31; 10-04-2013, 10:16 AM.- Flag
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I would never have kids share a t shirt or force kids to hold hands...I think that is really disrespectful to force kids to be close physically or hold hands. I guess that's a debate for another time
anywho, how much time are you spending outside? I find a lot of the fighting and arguing is due to bored kids. I try to get the kids outside two to three hours a day.
I also agree about the boredom.- Flag
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I have been having the exact same problem here...and we do get lots of outside time. When it's time to come in however...and before we get out...it's insane!! Yesterday I decided to set up stations and have them rotate. There is a lego station, a book station, a puzzle station and a coloring station. If I see that it is mainly one child that is causing most of the angst among them..they do the stations. Today it is raining outside and they are all taking turns at the stations and I have grouped them 2 and 2 and they are all getting along. Just a thought...seems to be working here for the time being! :-) Good luck..nothing worse! OK...maybe there is, but it is bad!- Flag
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I have two 4 yo dck's - they don't usually argue over toys, but they argue over everything else. Today at lunch I told another child they could have more orange slices and the two of them started arguing over what I said! "She said they couldn't have more!" "NO! She said they could!" It didn't even concern them!! We are outside for hours, I change my space frequently, I do a mix of provider led activities and free play, etc. etc. This has been one of my *worst* groups in years.- Flag
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