Question From a DCM

[Unregistered]

Thank you for the advice. It seems some of you think I'm out of line for questioning her. There are no other red flags. I just think this woman has been single for a long time and she is excited to have a new boyfriend and he is probably retired so that is why he is hanging around occasionally. I have seen him there 3 times already. I'm sure he's a great guy, but I trust nobody. I feel it's reasonable to make sure he is cleared. I'm happy for her and glad she found someone, but I'm a mother and just want to make sure that my child is not being left with 1 assistant with little experience to take care of 10 kids. Or, around people that aren't cleared. This daycare is licensed in San Francisco.

[Cradle2crayons]

Someone familiar with San Fran correct me if I'm wrong....

But she's allowed to take care of up to 6 kids by herself as long as she's following the age guideline max... Although the website says 12:1

Her assistant and herself are required to be fingerprinted etc but the boyfriend isn't required unless he's living there.

I also agree its not the parents rights to dictate who she can date. It's also not a parents right to dictate when she's using her assistant as long as she's not over ratio.

If you "trust no one" as you said in your post, maybe you could stay home with yr kiddo and then not have to worry about your provider taking time off or dating?

[Unregistered]

Someone familiar with San Fran correct me if I'm wrong....

But she's allowed to take care of up to 6 kids by herself as long as she's following the age guideline max... Although the website says 12:1

Her assistant and herself are required to be fingerprinted etc but the boyfriend isn't required unless he's living there.

I also agree its not the parents rights to dictate who she can date. It's also not a parents right to dictate when she's using her assistant as long as she's not over ratio.

If you "trust no one" as you said in your post, maybe you could stay home with yr kiddo and then not have to worry about your provider taking time off or dating?

I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.

[Unregistered]

I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.

Hon, do what you feel is right! If you don't feel comfortable talking to her about the situation, find a different provider. There is nothing wrong with that. I completely understand how you feel and what you are going through! I was the same way with my children! Good luck!

[Cradle2crayons]

I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.

Just because the advice isn't what you want to hear, doesn't mean the advice is bad.

I think as we all made the important point. IF YOU TRUST HER, YOU TRUST HER. AND AS LONG AS SHE'S FOLLOWING THE LAW.

For instance, even if I trust someone if they were breaking the law, such as she's over ratio. Such as she's running illegally. Such as her and her assistant aren't fingerprinted etc then Trust isn't an issue if she's breaking the law. Our advice would be to pull. However, if she's following the law, and you said you were informed of her assistant, then what EXACTLY are you wanting us to say here?? And that said, if yu trust them, you should be able to communicate with her.

When you come onto a forum and basically demand things of your provider that may not even be required by law such as fingerprinting a boyfriend and her taking a few hours off, then you sometimes get people being honest.
This provider doesn't work FOR YOU. She has a right to run her daycare as she wants as long as she's following the law.
We assumed honesty was what you wanted??

[blandino]

I think you are being a little harsh. You really mean to tell me that you would feel comfortable leaving your baby in a house knowing there is some random man there that she has only been dating for a few weeks? I like her, I'm thankful I found someone that I feel comfortable dropping my first baby off with (even though I would love to stay home with) but just feel a little uncomfortable with the situation. I have not said anything to her because I know it's a fine line and don't want her reacting like some of you. Im not trying to tell her how to run her business. I simply just wanted some advice/opinions and boy did I get them. I guess I will not say anything and watch the situation. If I continue to feel uncomfortable, I will pull my baby. I was just thinking it might be better to address my concerns as adults, but since some of you got defensive (and u aren't even her) it's probably best not to.

I think you are picking up on the defensiveness because your first post came across as very "I am going to tell her how things need to be done". I think after your subsequent posts, we better understand your concerns.

I would hope you were able to see things more from her point of view after hearing our sides. It absolutely is a fine line, and it's going to be hard to come near it without crossing it. Chances are she is going to be offended, because even for her it is a fine line between someone being a client and that client feeling like they can decide what goes on in the providers home, even though their children are there. It is a fine line both ways. Yes, it is a business, but it is also her home - and it is hard to have people feel like they can dictate what goes on in your home (even when they have a right to dictate their child's environment. I hope I am explaining this well enough. Does it make sense.

I honestly think the issue of a background check for the boyfriend is an issue. But, even as a provider - I can't think of a way to ask her that isn't offensive. My best bet would be to just be very open and honest, and explain that you are sure he is a nice guy - but you have to be sure.

I don't think the provider leaving her assistant in charge, as long as the provider to child ratio is correct, is something that needs to be addressed. I really think it is common practice when ratios are low enough to only have one caregiver present. As a business owner, I would have trouble with a client dictating how much time I took off, as long as I was following licensing regulations.

I really do understand your concerns, but I also want to explain things from what I suspect is her point of view.

[Unregistered]

I think you are picking up on the defensiveness because your first post came across as very "I am going to tell her how things need to be done". I think after your subsequent posts, we better understand your concerns.

I would hope you were able to see things more from her point of view after hearing our sides. It absolutely is a fine line, and it's going to be hard to come near it without crossing it. Chances are she is going to be offended, because even for her it is a fine line between someone being a client and that client feeling like they can decide what goes on in the providers home, even though their children are there. It is a fine line both ways. Yes, it is a business, but it is also her home - and it is hard to have people feel like they can dictate what goes on in your home (even when they have a right to dictate their child's environment. I hope I am explaining this well enough. Does it make sense.

I honestly think the issue of a background check for the boyfriend is an issue. But, even as a provider - I can't think of a way to ask her that isn't offensive. My best bet would be to just be very open and honest, and explain that you are sure he is a nice guy - but you have to be sure.

I don't think the provider leaving her assistant in charge, as long as the provider to child ratio is correct, is something that needs to be addressed. I really think it is common practice when ratios are low enough to only have one caregiver present. As a business owner, I would have trouble with a client dictating how much time I took off, as long as I was following licensing regulations.

I really do understand your concerns, but I also want to explain things from what I suspect is her point of view.

Thank you! I appreciate your viewpoint, while understanding my concerns- exactly what I wanted. I was told by someone that works for licensing that any frequent visitor had to be finger printed and cleared. If the information I was given was wrong then my apologizes for acting like it should be mandatory even though it would make me feel more comfortable if it was. Also, I think the person with the license is supposed to be there most of the time, but an assistant can watch kids alone 20% of time (I think that is the law here).

Hopefully everything works out and she continues to take good care of my daughter.

[Familycare71]

Thank you! I appreciate your viewpoint, while understanding my concerns- exactly what I wanted. I was told by someone that works for licensing that any frequent visitor had to be finger printed and cleared. If the information I was given was wrong then my apologizes for acting like it should be mandatory even though it would make me feel more comfortable if it was. Also, I think the person with the license is supposed to be there most of the time, but an assistant can watch kids alone 20% of time (I think that is the law here).

Hopefully everything works out and she continues to take good care of my daughter.

I understand WHY you are nervous about the boyfriend- I think we are just telling you she isn't required by law to do what you want. Personally I would say: I have noticed jake has been here a few times and I want to confirm he isn't left alone with my child. I am sure jake is a great guy but unless he was background checked I wouldn't feel comfortable. If the answer from that conversation doesn't ease your mind- you need to find alternate care.
Same for the assistant. If the answers don't make you feel comfortable then you need to seek care else where

[Moppetland]

Hello. I'm a child care provider who understands where you are coming from as a parent. I am a parent also, but my children no longer need child care. Anyway, as far as your provider's boyfriend, I believe that is her business if she has a boyfriend, and I understand your qualms about him being around the children. But if he's not living there, I don't believe he has to be fingerprinted. At least that's in my state regs. But if he's there all the time during day care hours, then your concern is understood.

I don't agree with her being gone from the day care to hang out with her boyfriend leaving her business in the care of an assistant. In my state, an assistant is always suppose to be supervised by the child care provider. They're allowed to pick-up and drop-off children from school, take them outside and do other minimal tasks.

If your provider wants to take off from site, then she needs to get a substitute. There is a difference between an assistant and a substitute. In my state, a substitute have to have everything the child care provider has and an assistant doesn't. Also, in my state, a provider can only use a substitute a max of 25 hours per month.

If something were to happen to those children while she is out hanging with her boyfriend, it's going to be all on her. The assistant isn't qualified to be there alone with those children a whole day, unsupervised, and not even should be alone with the children for too many hours. I know some of us have left to run errands and left our assistant, but why not send the assistant to run errands like grocery shopping for the child care.

As a professional, I wouldn't dream of taking off for hours or a day from my business and leaving the responsibility of children I'm responsible for in anybody else's care, unless they are qualified like I am (substitute). If your provider need a day to hang with her boyfriend, then she should shut down by using a personal day. I take the holidays I'm closed and take my personal days when I know I can't be available. My parents have my scheduled days off and they have signed the contract stating that they understand if I have to close for emergencies and that I have personal days I may need to take. IMO, this is what is right.

[MyAngels]

Maybe if you really do feel uncomfortable talking to your provider about this you could try picking up your child at unscheduled times (IOW drop in unexpectedly)? If you do that be sure that you're taking your child with you when you go, not just dropping in and then leaving again as that's disruptive to all involved. Personally, from my perspective as a provider, I would rather sit down and discuss concerns, but as a mother who had her children in daycare before I became a provider myself I can understand why you might hesitate.

I know several of the PPs mentioned that either you trust this woman or you don't, but really, you have not known her that long and it takes time for a true trust to develop in this situation.

As I said before, communication really is key to a good provider/parent relationship, but at the end of the day you have to trust your instincts and do what you feel is right for your child in this situation.

[Unregistered]

Hello. I'm a child care provider who understands where you are coming from as a parent. I am a parent also, but my children no longer need child care. Anyway, as far as your provider's boyfriend, I believe that is her business if she has a boyfriend, and I understand your qualms about him being around the children. But if he's not living there, I don't believe he has to be fingerprinted. At least that's in my state regs. But if he's there all the time during day care hours, then your concern is understood.

I don't agree with her being gone from the day care to hang out with her boyfriend leaving her business in the care of an assistant. In my state, an assistant is always suppose to be supervised by the child care provider. They're allowed to pick-up and drop-off children from school, take them outside and do other minimal tasks.

If your provider wants to take off from site, then she needs to get a substitute. There is a difference between an assistant and a substitute. In my state, a substitute have to have everything the child care provider has and an assistant doesn't. Also, in my state, a provider can only use a substitute a max of 25 hours per month.

If something were to happen to those children while she is out hanging with her boyfriend, it's going to be all on her. The assistant isn't qualified to be there alone with those children a whole day, unsupervised, and not even should be alone with the children for too many hours. I know some of us have left to run errands and left our assistant, but why not send the assistant to run errands like grocery shopping for the child care.

As a professional, I wouldn't dreawm of taking off for hours or a day from my business and leaving the responsibility of children I'm responsible for in anybody else's care, unless they are qualified like I am (substitute). If your provider need a day to hang with her boyfriend, then she should shut down by using a personal day. I take the holidays I'm closed and take my personal days when I know I can't be available. My parents have my scheduled days off and they have signed the contract stating that they understand if I have to close for emergencies and that I have personal days I may need to take. IMO, this is what is right.

In my mind this is exactly what I was worried about re: assistant. She is simply a helper. If it was a substitute (first aid/CPR trained, knows licensing protocol, has taken child development classes, has years of experience) then my concerns would not be valid. Even though she is not a sub, i am not some crazy woman who expects my provider to be there all the time. I know she might have a doc appt, need to run an errand or take a walk. My concern was it seems like it has become more frequent since meeting the boyfriend (b4 then she was NEVER not there).

[Unregistered]

First off as a provider I do Not share my personal life with clients.and yes she should be there, you made a deal with her to care for your child, not the helper. In my state the provider needs to be home 80% of the time.

[Josiegirl]

I agree with most of what Moppetland said. It doesn't seem highly professional of this woman to be doing this so often and if she wants personal time maybe she should close for a day or so or wait until after work/weekends like others do. (I'll probably get blasted for my opinion)
I admit, I don't know your state laws. *IF* she's following all the rules, then go with your gut I guess. Does the assistant seem qualified? You said you like her. If I had my baby someplace else, I'd want to be as close to 100% sure as I could be. I would've made a horrible dcm. I probably would've questioned every single thing.

[Leigh]

I wouldn't have a problem with the provider leaving the premises and leaving the assistant to care for the child.

You are absolutely not out of line to request that the boyfriend produce a background check. I can't imagine that he would have a problem with it unless he has a history of neglect/abuse. It's a matter of safety, and if it gives you peace of mind, then go ahead and ask in a respectful, tactful way.

[MarinaVanessa]

Thank you for the advice. It seems some of you think I'm out of line for questioning her. There are no other red flags. I just think this woman has been single for a long time and she is excited to have a new boyfriend and he is probably retired so that is why he is hanging around occasionally. I have seen him there 3 times already. I'm sure he's a great guy, but I trust nobody. I feel it's reasonable to make sure he is cleared. I'm happy for her and glad she found someone, but I'm a mother and just want to make sure that my child is not being left with 1 assistant with little experience to take care of 10 kids. Or, around people that aren't cleared. This daycare is licensed in San Francisco.

I'm in CA also.

If your daycare provider has a large license and she has 8 children or less at that time then only one caregiver is required. If there are 9 children or more then two caregivers are required. The caregivers must all be fingerprinted, tested for TB. If the licensed caregiver (your childcare provider) leaves the children with an employee (her assistant) then the assistant also has to be CPR certified (at least one adult with CPR certification must be present at all times that children are present). If you ever arrive to the daycare and only one caregiver is present make sure that they have all of their qualifications and that there are no more than 8 children.

Also if any adult (18+) is to be around the children at any time (other than legal guardians and parents etc) then those adults must be background checked and tested for TB, otherwise the adult shouldn't be in the home when the daycare children are present. If the boyfriend isn't around when the daycare children are in the home then nothing is needed of him. If he moves in then he must be TB tested and fingerprinted even if he won't be anywhere near the daycare children.

Also the licensed provider can be away from the home and leave an assistant for 20% of the time as long as she meets all ratio requirements (if she has more than 8 children she leaves 2 assistants etc). You can break it down by 20% of the day, 20% of the week and 20% of a month etc. So for example if your provider is opened from 7am-6pm monday-friday then she can be away from the daycare home about two and a half hours a day, a day and a half in one week, a week in a month etc. as long as she leaves an assistant that has been fingerprinted and cleared by licensing, CPR certified TB tested.

If you feel that you are not comfortable with the childcare provider leaving at all or more than a certain amount of time or her having her boyfriend around your child and you feel you want to talk to her about it then you should definitely talk to her about it. If she decides that she doesn't want to change the behavior and but follows all licensing regulations then she has every right to make that decision. At that point then you have every right to choose to change daycare arrangements (but still according to your contract so make sure you give appropriate notice of termination if you decide to terminate).