Question From a DCM

[Unregistered]

My baby (5 months old) started daycare last month. I went with this particular daycare because it was an older woman (60), lots of experience, and of course I feel she is wonderful with kids. Well, she recently got a boyfriend and I have noticed that she has been gone a few times and her assistant has been watching the kids. On thursday, i think she was gone the entire day and did not tell me. The assistant is 20, and I like her, but I feel that they should both be there. Any recommendations on how I should handle the conversation? I don't want to come off as rude, but I do want to let her know that I'm not comfortable with her assistant just watching my child all the time. Also, I need to make sure this new boyfriend is finger printed and cleared .

Since you all are day care providers what would be your recommendation?

Thanks.

[Brooksie]

My baby (5 months old) started daycare last month. I went with this particular daycare because it was an older woman (60), lots of experience, and of course I feel she is wonderful with kids. Well, she recently got a boyfriend and I have noticed that she has been gone a few times and her assistant has been watching the kids. On thursday, i think she was gone the entire day and did not tell me. The assistant is 20, and I like her, but I feel that they should both be there. Any recommendations on how I should handle the conversation? I don't want to come off as rude, but I do want to let her know that I'm not comfortable with her assistant just watching my child all the time. Also, I need to make sure this new boyfriend is finger printed and cleared .

Since you all are day care providers what would be your recommendation?

Thanks.

The boyfriend doesn't need to be finger printed and cleared UNLESS he is around the kids. Then yes. It is reasonable to make sure that has happened. My boyfriend just recently moved in to my daycare home last month, but we went through all the background checks and paper work more than 3 months ago because he started staying over and was there in the am when kids would arrive. I also never go on 'dates' during daycare hours (dbf is actually my substitute if I have a quick appointment) and if I do have to leave I ALWAYS notify the parents. ALWAYS. I would bring your concerns to the table for sure. You have a right to know who is around your kids and who is actually taking care of them (not that the substitute doesn't do a good job). Just my two cents

[blandino]

I can understand your concern. But your daycare provider is also entitled to take time off. If you trust her, then you should trust her judgment with who she leaves in charge, provided that the assistant is background checked and has followed all licensing protocol. Obviously the provider should be the primary caregiver the majority of the time, but she also needs & deserves time off without having to shut down the daycare. I don't think taking the entire day off for one day, isn't extensive. I mean, I am sure you get to take a day off here and there.

Were you informed that the assistant worked there when you interviewed ? We don't tell our parents when our assistant will be working for one of us. They know that she is our assistant, and can sub for one of us when we need time off. But our situation is different, because there are two primary caregivers, so when we have a sub in for one, the other is still present.

I think ASKING about how much time she will be away is fine. Honestly, as a provider if a parent told me that they were uncomfortable with me taking a day off for myself, even with me finding a suitable substitute, I would probably suggest they find other care. I understand where you are coming from, but to tell her that you are uncomfortable with her taking a day off is really hard for me to hear, and I'm sure she would feel the same way. POSSIBLY, you could ask when she will be taking a day off and keep your daughter home that day - if you really want to keep her there. I would wait and see if the sub was the primary caregiver more often than you have stated. If it becomes a really frequent thing, then I would address it. But right now it just sounds occasional.

I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Doing this job it is SO HARD to get time off. Most providers get so few paid days off, and virtually no sick days, that it is so nice when you can have a substitute in to relieve you.

[Laurel]

My baby (5 months old) started daycare last month. I went with this particular daycare because it was an older woman (60), lots of experience, and of course I feel she is wonderful with kids. Well, she recently got a boyfriend and I have noticed that she has been gone a few times and her assistant has been watching the kids. On thursday, i think she was gone the entire day and did not tell me. The assistant is 20, and I like her, but I feel that they should both be there. Any recommendations on how I should handle the conversation? I don't want to come off as rude, but I do want to let her know that I'm not comfortable with her assistant just watching my child all the time. Also, I need to make sure this new boyfriend is finger printed and cleared .

Since you all are day care providers what would be your recommendation?

Thanks.

It probably depends on the area you are in. Our licensing rules requires anyone who LIVES in the home to go through background/finger printing, etc. I think it also requires those who are visiting for an extended period and who will be staying at the house. For example, out of town visitors who are staying a few months.

Whatever the rules are where you are it doesn't matter. If you are uncomfortable then you should ask her.

As a provider, I always tell the parents if I am going to be gone. If I have a doctor's appointment then my legal substitute (my husband) watches the children unless the parents prefer not to bring them instead. I always tell them even if I'm only gone an hour or so. I would never, ever be gone a whole day. I don't even like to go to a doctor's appointment because I just feel it is my responsibility to watch the children.

She may not realize it might bother a parent since she has her assistant there who I assume is qualified and legal. It would bother me too because I would want to be told if I were a parent.

You just need to tell her that while you like the assistant you assumed you would be told if she herself was not going to be there and you would feel better if she was. I'm not sure how you would address the boyfriend. Maybe just ask her if she plans on him being at the house while the children are there and, if so, has he been cleared by licensing. If so, she should have some papers to show you that he has been fingerprinted and has had a background check.

Laurel

[Unregistered]

Of course I don't mind if she takes a day off, but since dating this guy (2 weeks) I have dropped her off once and she wasn't there and 3 times when I have went to pick up and she was not there. And, 1 day where she left for the entire day without letting me know. This is a 2 week period. It is a large home facility- so technically there should be 2 people at all times. I like the daycare, my daughter is doing great there, but I do worry that this may become a habit and I want to address it.

Also, this boyfriend has been in the house a few times, so he should be finger printed and cleared.

P.S when I interviewed her, I was told she and her assistant work together and she would be the main one watching my daughter because she is so young.

[Cradle2crayons]

When I sign parents up, I explain that my back up will be there when I can't.

"Majority of the time" to y may not be the same to her.

If yu trust her, yu trust her.


If not, there's a problem.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I can understand your concern. But your daycare provider is also entitled to take time off. If you trust her, then you should trust her judgment with who she leaves in charge, provided that the assistant is background checked and has followed all licensing protocol. Obviously the provider should be the primary caregiver the majority of the time, but she also needs & deserves time off without having to shut down the daycare. I don't think taking the entire day off for one day, isn't extensive. I mean, I am sure you get to take a day off here and there.

Were you informed that the assistant worked there when you interviewed ? We don't tell our parents when our assistant will be working for one of us. They know that she is our assistant, and can sub for one of us when we need time off. But our situation is different, because there are two primary caregivers, so when we have a sub in for one, the other is still present.

I think ASKING about how much time she will be away is fine. Honestly, as a provider if a parent told me that they were uncomfortable with me taking a day off for myself, even with me finding a suitable substitute, I would probably suggest they find other care. I understand where you are coming from, but to tell her that you are uncomfortable with her taking a day off is really hard for me to hear, and I'm sure she would feel the same way. POSSIBLY, you could ask when she will be taking a day off and keep your daughter home that day - if you really want to keep her there. I would wait and see if the sub was the primary caregiver more often than you have stated. If it becomes a really frequent thing, then I would address it. But right now it just sounds occasional.

I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Doing this job it is SO HARD to get time off. Most providers get so few paid days off, and virtually no sick days, that it is so nice when you can have a substitute in to relieve you.

I never told, nor do I tell, my parents when I have an appointment or am leaving for a couple of hours. They know who will be here should I not be.

[MyAngels]

I think it would be a good idea to schedule some time to sit down with your provider to discuss your concerns. If you approach it correctly she will most likely not have a problem giving you more information about the situation which may help ease some of your feelings. If she gets upset or defensive then that may be a sign that you'll need to look for another arrangement.

Communication is so important in the provider/parent relationship.

Good luck.

[Familycare71]

As far as my state regs are concerned I can have visitors while I am working but they need to sign in and cannot be left alone with the children. So in my state he would not need to be background checked or finger printed unless he was living with me in my home or was providing care for the children.
As far as the assistant- when she is under certain numbers there does not have to be two providers. Like a PP stated her occational and your occational could be two diff things. Because you were aware the assistant worked there I think it is reasonable to ask for clarification on how often she is left alone to provide care BUT I don't think you can dictate how often that is. Also the main provider may not be able to give you an exact number. She may take advantage of having an assistant when the numbers are low enough- so it may be she was able to get a break three times the last two weeks but won't again until there are enough children absent or schedules allow.
Just tread careful- if you want to stay there. You do have a right to ask for clarification but you cannot tell her how to run her business. If her answers don't match what you wanted you will have to find care elsewhere.
Good luck!

[Cradle2crayons]

As far as my state regs are concerned I can have visitors while I am working but they need to sign in and cannot be left alone with the children. So in my state he would not need to be background checked or finger printed unless he was living with me in my home or was providing care for the children.
As far as the assistant- when she is under certain numbers there does not have to be two providers. Like a PP stated her occational and your occational could be two diff things. Because you were aware the assistant worked there I think it is reasonable to ask for clarification on how often she is left alone to provide care BUT I don't think you can dictate how often that is. Also the main provider may not be able to give you an exact number. She may take advantage of having an assistant when the numbers are low enough- so it may be she was able to get a break three times the last two weeks but won't again until there are enough children absent or schedules allow.
Just tread careful- if you want to stay there. You do have a right to ask for clarification but you cannot tell her how to run her business. If her answers don't match what you wanted you will have to find care elsewhere.
Good luck!

this

[itlw8]

It depends on the state here anyone living in the house needs a background check. so unless he moved in he would not need one. Truly the parents of the children are there more than any friend she would have drop in.

but unless she is having some medical problems I would worry about the number of times she is gone in a few weeks.

And if she is out of ratio by being gone I would find other care.

[Cradle2crayons]

I agree with all of the other posts....

I'm legally unlicensed and neither myself or my husband has to be background checked or fingerprinted.

My husband is written into my contract as my sub. Even though its a rare thing, I don't promise my parent it won't ever happen.

My daughter, who is 10 and has been through babysitting training locally, is written into my contract as a HELPER. which means shed never be left alone with daycare kids but she does help me do stuff with them. She takes the four kids to brush teeth at big and does night time story time with them. She's been known to feed the baby a bottle also.

OP it would help if we knew the state you are in and if yur provider is licensed or legally unlicensed.

[sahm1225]

Let me make sure I have all the information correctly -
- you've been w this provider for one month
- she leaves her 20 year old assistant to work w the kids
- you want her to ask her boyfriend of two weeks to get background checked & finger printed

I don't feel you have a right to ask her to get her boyfriend fingerprinted. Most states require only people LIVING in the home to be fingerprinted. I feel that you asking her that is a bit offensive... BUT I feel that you have the right to ask how often he will be around the children? Am I the only one that thinks its odd that your provider would have a recent boyfriend around the kids?? The only explanation I can think of is that she has been dating him for years and you just found out about it, but Even then I don't get why he's in the daycare..

As far as the assistant - you should ask for clarification as to how often the assistant is left alone w the kids. It could be a slow week and your provider is enjoying a break or a provider that might not be following the rules.

Is there anything else giving you red flags from the provider?

[blandino]

Of course I don't mind if she takes a day off, but since dating this guy (2 weeks) I have dropped her off once and she wasn't there and 3 times when I have went to pick up and she was not there. And, 1 day where she left for the entire day without letting me know. This is a 2 week period. It is a large home facility- so technically there should be 2 people at all times. I like the daycare, my daughter is doing great there, but I do worry that this may become a habit and I want to address it.

Also, this boyfriend has been in the house a few times, so he should be finger printed and cleared.

P.S when I interviewed her, I was told she and her assistant work together and she would be the main one watching my daughter because she is so young.

I didn't realize it was over a 2 week period. However, she could just be leaving in the afternoons once the ratio gets low enough. Which sounds reasonable to me.

We are also a large in-home daycare, and while 2 adults are there most of the time, we aren't required to have "two adults there ALL the time", only when ratios dictate two adults need to be there.

If she is there most of the day and then leaves a little early
, once a few kids have left, then I think that's acceptable because she is there the majority of the day.

As a large in-home we don't introduce ourselves as primary and assistant caregivers, we are both the primary caregivers since both of us are at the daycare the majority of the day (as it sounds like your daycare is also setup). So parenta have no issue with one of us being there alone, as long as the numbers are fine. Actually, it is a rare occasion that both of us are there toward the end of the day - one of us usually leaves. But parents are aware that either one of us could be caring for their children. It sounds like it should have been presented like this to you. I don't think it's an unusual situation at all, but clearly wasn't how you understood it would be working.

[Meeko]

Of course I don't mind if she takes a day off, but since dating this guy (2 weeks) I have dropped her off once and she wasn't there and 3 times when I have went to pick up and she was not there. And, 1 day where she left for the entire day without letting me know. This is a 2 week period. It is a large home facility- so technically there should be 2 people at all times. I like the daycare, my daughter is doing great there, but I do worry that this may become a habit and I want to address it.

Also, this boyfriend has been in the house a few times, so he should be finger printed and cleared.

P.S when I interviewed her, I was told she and her assistant work together and she would be the main one watching my daughter because she is so young.

The bolded words have me concerned about how you think of your business relationship with the provider. She is not your employee and does not work for you. She is self-employed and offers a service which you are free to buy. But the service is according to her design.

You have a perfect right to discuss arrangements with your provider, but cannot dictate how much time she takes off etc. In my state, the main licensee only has to be there 50% of the time.

I would ask her how many days on average she may not be at home and then make a choice. If you are not happy with how much she is gone, then you should give notice.

But as long as she is operating in accordance with licensing, you really don't have much say other than removing your child.

You mentioned she is a group home and needs a second provider. You may want to make sure the assistant is staying in ratio. As long as she is, they are doing nothing wrong. I am a group home too and licensed for 16 children. But only one provider is needed if we have 8 or less kids in attendance that day.

As a parent, you should feel confident with the care your child is receiving. If you are not, you should consider other arrangements that better fit your expectations.