How should I handle this?

[momofboys]

Don't term... If you don't want to take them tell them that you are unable to accommodate the change in hours but that their original spot is being held until they inform you otherwise. Then wait for them to term. If they term no refund.

If you do want to take them make sure you include the additional backpay for 1/2 of the new fees. Also add a late fee to any late installments or a rule that x late pays voids the contract. Make sure the new fees reflect having an assistant. They may decide it's too much & term. Again no refund if they term.

As for the questions about the assistant don't take it personally just reassure her. It probably makes her feel like a better mom for being on top of things especially if she doesn't really want to go to work and leave her child.

Their problems shouldn't become your problems. Hugs.

[Blackcat31]

Wow, thank you for all this GREAT advice!

Blackcat- I do not REALLY want these kids, I'm really dreading it actually, I love the kids I have now, and I love that they are all older and we can get out of the house all the time. I just feel really bad about making this commitment, and then backing out, even if I refund their money, I still feel bad.
As far as the sister backing out if Oct 1 mom terms, that is fine by me.

In regards to them being entitled to the FT spot, we never talked about it, since from day one, the agreement was MWF, at the full time rate. I took on the infant based on the fact that 6 hours a day, 3 days a week, sounded like an easy deal. I sent them an email 2 weeks ago asking to confirm hours and days so I could hire the assistant, and that is what we once again agreed upon. I also would have to hire a separate assistant, as my current one is only available MWF, so that means more interviewing searching, paying for job postings on care.com etc.

This is becoming a mess. I feel like telling her that I can't accommodate the new hours sounds like the best way to go about it. Not to mention, I am going to M-Th care starting Jan. and they KNOW this, so I'm not sure why she is even asking/requesting M-F care.

I totally understand the feeling bad part....I am kind of there right now myself. I agreed to do an earlier than I open drop off and I am finding that agreeing to do it was MUCH easier than doing it....Yesterday, I finally ****ed it up and just said to myself "BC, Why are you self-employed?"and the answer was so that I was the one in charge of my happiness and so that I don't really HAVE to do anything I don't want to do.

So I wrote up a letter and just told the mom that while I did agree to xxx things, I am finding that it just isn't working out like I had hoped and am now terming.

Bottom line, don't take on a child(ren) that will make you dread your job every day. If you don't want or need to take babies, then don't. Tell the families of the infants that you made the agreement at a time it worked and right now, there are some changes that make it so that it no longer works.

If you can afford to refund them, I would and I wouldn't look back nor would I feel bad. I am a Self-employed business person that offers services to others.....BUT I ONLY have to do what I allow myself to do and allowing yourself to feel badly about things changing will influence you on every decision you make.

I decided a while ago to put myself and MY family's needs first and to NOT allow the guilt of other people's situations to weigh on MY needs/wants/goals.

Good luck! Make the decision that works best for YOU and don't let feeling bad be an albatross around your neck or you will end up always putting other people's needs before your own and IMHO, that defeats the purpose of being your own boss.

[Familycare71]

I totally understand the feeling bad part....I am kind of there right now myself. I agreed to do an earlier than I open drop off and I am finding that agreeing to do it was MUCH easier than doing it....Yesterday, I finally ****ed it up and just said to myself "BC, Why are you self-employed?"and the answer was so that I was the one in charge of my happiness and so that I don't really HAVE to do anything I don't want to do.

So I wrote up a letter and just told the mom that while I did agree to xxx things, I am finding that it just isn't working out like I had hoped and am now terming.

Bottom line, don't take on a child(ren) that will make you dread your job every day. If you don't want or need to take babies, then don't. Tell the families of the infants that you made the agreement at a time it worked and right now, there are some changes that make it so that it no longer works.

If you can afford to refund them, I would and I wouldn't look back nor would I feel bad. I am a Self-employed business person that offers services to others.....BUT I ONLY have to do what I allow myself to do and allowing yourself to feel badly about things changing will influence you on every decision you make.

I decided a while ago to put myself and MY family's needs first and to NOT allow the guilt of other people's situations to weigh on MY needs/wants/goals.

Good luck! Make the decision that works best for YOU and don't let feeling bad be an albatross around your neck or you will end up always putting other people's needs before your own and IMHO, that defeats the purpose of being your own boss.

What if you split the difference and refund half?

[momofsix]

Wow, thank you for all this GREAT advice!

Blackcat- I do not REALLY want these kids, I'm really dreading it actually, I love the kids I have now, and I love that they are all older and we can get out of the house all the time. I just feel really bad about making this commitment, and then backing out, even if I refund their money, I still feel bad.

As far as the sister backing out if Oct 1 mom terms, that is fine by me.

In regards to them being entitled to the FT spot, we never talked about it, since from day one, the agreement was MWF, at the full time rate. I took on the infant based on the fact that 6 hours a day, 3 days a week, sounded like an easy deal. I sent them an email 2 weeks ago asking to confirm hours and days so I could hire the assistant, and that is what we once again agreed upon. I also would have to hire a separate assistant, as my current one is only available MWF, so that means more interviewing searching, paying for job postings on care.com etc.

This is becoming a mess. I feel like telling her that I can't accommodate the new hours sounds like the best way to go about it. Not to mention, I am going to M-Th care starting Jan. and they KNOW this, so I'm not sure why she is even asking/requesting M-F care.

Agree with bolded. When you tell her that I'd wait for her to bring up the deposit though-don't just offer it up::
As BC said, you're self employed-do what's right for YOU and your family!

[MCC]

I totally understand the feeling bad part....I am kind of there right now myself. I agreed to do an earlier than I open drop off and I am finding that agreeing to do it was MUCH easier than doing it....Yesterday, I finally ****ed it up and just said to myself "BC, Why are you self-employed?"and the answer was so that I was the one in charge of my happiness and so that I don't really HAVE to do anything I don't want to do.

So I wrote up a letter and just told the mom that while I did agree to xxx things, I am finding that it just isn't working out like I had hoped and am now terming.

Bottom line, don't take on a child(ren) that will make you dread your job every day. If you don't want or need to take babies, then don't. Tell the families of the infants that you made the agreement at a time it worked and right now, there are some changes that make it so that it no longer works.

If you can afford to refund them, I would and I wouldn't look back nor would I feel bad. I am a Self-employed business person that offers services to others.....BUT I ONLY have to do what I allow myself to do and allowing yourself to feel badly about things changing will influence you on every decision you make.

I decided a while ago to put myself and MY family's needs first and to NOT allow the guilt of other people's situations to weigh on MY needs/wants/goals.

Good luck! Make the decision that works best for YOU and don't let feeling bad be an albatross around your neck or you will end up always putting other people's needs before your own and IMHO, that defeats the purpose of being your own boss.

You are seriously one of the best spoken people I have ever come across on the interwebz. You are right. I am self employed b/c I enjoy the flexibility of making my own hours, and my own rules. Also b/c I enjoy the time I get to spend with my daughter, which will be much different with these two babies in the house.

Now I just need to hope they term themselves, and if they don't, **** it up and refund the money.

I plan on offering them the refund in the way I received it, every 2 weeks I will give them a check until it is returned in full. Does that seem fair/appropriate?

[Familycare71]

You are seriously one of the best spoken people I have ever come across on the interwebz. You are right. I am self employed b/c I enjoy the flexibility of making my own hours, and my own rules. Also b/c I enjoy the time I get to spend with my daughter, which will be much different with these two babies in the house.

Now I just need to hope they term themselves, and if they don't, **** it up and refund the money.

I plan on offering them the refund in the way I received it, every 2 weeks I will give them a check until it is returned in full. Does that seem fair/appropriate?

Personally I still think- if they term themselves- the most I would refund is half. Maybe im greedier than i know! And yes- I think it's perfectly fair to space it out

[MCC]

Personally I still think- if they term themselves- the most I would refund is half. Maybe im greedier than i know! And yes- I think it's perfectly fair to space it out

Thanks so much. I really do not want to refund ANY of the money, I just feel a little obligated. I have been putting that money to good use, and paid of my student loan that's been lingering around. I will see how the conversation goes later and hopefully we can come to an agreement.

[Familycare71]

Thanks so much. I really do not want to refund ANY of the money, I just feel a little obligated. I have been putting that money to good use, and paid of my student loan that's been lingering around. I will see how the conversation goes later and hopefully we can come to an agreement.

Here is where I am coming from:
If you can't provide care because she changed the schedule- that is on HER
IF the other parent pulls because the sister does- HER CHOICE.
IMO it has no bearing on one situation that you were able to use the spots while you waited. I am assuming you filled temp because of the infants.

Now- if first mom says: oh ok- ill just use the original times... And you still term- refund.
If second mom says: oh well even tho sister dcb isn't coming ill still bring my baby within the original agreement- and you term - refund.

In NO other business that I am aware of would they refund a deposit (or feel bad!) if the original deal was changed-

Hope the convo goes well! :hug:

[Blackcat31]

Here is where I am coming from:
If you can't provide care because she changed the schedule- that is on HER
IF the other parent pulls because the sister does- HER CHOICE.
IMO it has no bearing on one situation that you were able to use the spots while you waited. I am assuming you filled temp because of the infants.

Now- if first mom says: oh ok- ill just use the original times... And you still term- refund.
If second mom says: oh well even tho sister dcb isn't coming ill still bring my baby within the original agreement- and you term - refund.

In NO other business that I am aware of would they refund a deposit (or feel bad!) if the original deal was changed-

Hope the convo goes well! :hug:

I agree. ^^

However, don't bank on the mom(s) pulling out. If they decide to keep the original agreement without the changes, then you are stuck taking one or both babies.

I'm only leary because I have seen way too many providers try to "force" a parent's hand (so that the parent is the one terming) only to be bitten by it.

[Unregistered]

Thanks so much. I really do not want to refund ANY of the money, I just feel a little obligated. I have been putting that money to good use, and paid of my student loan that's been lingering around. I will see how the conversation goes later and hopefully we can come to an agreement.

Aren't you suppose to put that money into a savings account and not spend it? Refering to the fact that they havent started yet. This sounds like a legal battle just waiting to happen.

[Laurel]

If you really don't want to take infants then don't. It seems too big of a hassle with hiring someone and all. Plus if it is going to make you unhappy then just don't. I wouldn't. For all you know, you could hire someone and then one or both moms would leave. It happens every day.

I would tell them like Blackcat said that you agreed to take them but sorry you now find it isn't going to work for you. (because you have to hire someone, etc. if you WANT to give a reason).

I personally think that you owe them all their money back if you decide to tell them you have changed your mind. I also think it is fine to pay them back in payments like they paid you. You really aren't out any money as you had two other children paying for those spots.

I will only hold a spot for 2 weeks and then they just have to take their chances that something will be available when they are ready. There are too many things that can change over time.

I think you are taking a gamble just telling Oct. mom that the hours won't work and hoping she terms. What if she doesn't and then you are stuck with infants that you really would rather not have. I would just bite the bullet and do the above.

Laurel

[MCC]

Aren't you suppose to put that money into a savings account and not spend it? Refering to the fact that they havent started yet. This sounds like a legal battle just waiting to happen.

I'm not sure why, since it is a non-refundable payment to hold the spot. Their deposits are in a separate account, but that is also non-refundable.

The agreement was since I was able to fill the spot with someone else, they are PAYING for the spot, as if they are using it.

Also- I am not the only one working, my husband makes pretty good money as well, and we have money in multiple savings accounts, so IF I had to pay them back all at once, it wouldn't be a problem, it would just kinda sting.