Out of Control Child

[hgonzalez]

My heart goes out to you, as your daughter sounds much like my daughter did at that age. They initially diagnosed her with ADD, and the meds made her even more wild.

Daycare transition times (such as pick up time) were horrible. She would interfere, say inappropriate things to parents or try to 'put me on the spot' by asking me for something while they were there. She struggled in school and then was finally diagnosed with Asperger's disorder in the third grade. Aspergers can look really different in girls. Sensory overload is usually at the root of her meltdowns or simply not getting what she wants.

Aspergers is no longer called 'Aspergers', but Autism Spectrum Disorder. It looks nothing like 'Autism' as people with Aspergers tend to have amazing intelligence and speech and not as many of the outward characteristics. They do tend to have obsessive interests though, my daughter would become obsessed with a particular topic (ie dinosaurs) and learn and collect everything there is to know about that topic.

Throughout the years, she was also diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and 'mild' Bi-Polar tendencies. They can co-mingle with each other.

I agree it could be the start of conduct disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but she is pretty young for that. I am not saying it is Aspergers, but certainly something to have checked out.

What I ended up doing during pick up times was to have her sit at the table and do a project of some kind, or have a little goodie bag with small reward items and if she sits still and is calm during pick up times, she gets a reward. I don't know if that will work and maybe you have already tried that.

I really feel for you; I used to feel terrible that I had to hide my own child from my daycare parents for fear I would lose families if they saw or heard her behavior. It can be so difficult.

[hgonzalez]

Oh yeah, I forgot to say my own child also had lots of sensory issues; she would get upset at any unexpected touch, fire alarms, alarms or buzzers of any kind, immunizations or blood draws, textures etc.

[Unregistered]

Oh yeah, I forgot to say my own child also had lots of sensory issues; she would get upset at any unexpected touch, fire alarms, alarms or buzzers of any kind, immunizations or blood draws, textures etc.

This sounds a lot like her!! I got the paperwork for her evaluation! Oh my goodness there is so much! It will take me at least 3 days to get it all filled out!

[Familycare71]

This sounds a lot like her!! I got the paperwork for her evaluation! Oh my goodness there is so much! It will take me at least 3 days to get it all filled out!

But that's good! I hate when they have such short forms and you can't possibly fit all pertinent info on there!

[Luvnmykidz]

http://sensorysmarts.com/sensory_diet_activities.html This is a link to some info on sensory diet activities and more info about it as well. I was trying to upload a few pics of the things I have here that are geared towards sensory but my camera and computer are not cooperating with each other at the moment. sorry. That is really good that you have a ton of forms to fill out honestly. When my daughter had some of her assessments done I found myself feeling overwhelmed because the paperwork did not ask for a lot of background info/ concerns. All was well though. Hopefully this link will give you some ideas to try and help until you can get a definitive answer( not saying its sensory issues). I only have my experiences to go on, but please let me know if you need more info or have any questions, and if possible look into a sleep study, at this point I don't think it would hurt just to see if shes really sleeping well.
Forgot to add.. The sensory diet for my dd started out with therapeutic brushing (deep massage with a surgical type brush), ( definitely recommend being trained, as every childs response is different). She received some type of sensory input at least every 2 hrs or so for 15-30 minutes. The length of time really depended on her reactions to the input and her mood She played in a sensory bin sorting puzzles or naming letters, did a lot of crashing on tons of pillows soft things on the floor, jumped on a trampoline, played on a balance board, crawled through a tunnel, swinging, running, carried a backpack with toys for an imaginary walk (not too heavy, walked through our house to wherever she imagined us to go) finger painted on sandpaper, weighted lap pad or blanket while coloring, reading or doing a craft that may have required sitting, and this list goes on. HTH

[hgonzalez]

We did the brushing and joint compression for my child too. It really took the edge off of the auditory issues, but not so much of the tactile defensiveness.

I am glad you are having an eval done. There are so many possibilities, but it does sound like she is overwhelmed at times, and then the behaviors come out.

[awilliams123]

Since you asked

I have read all of your comments and all of the responses and based on what I've read I don't get the impression that there is anything medically wrong with you daughter. In my opinion you need to put your daughter across your lap and give her a good old fashion butt spanking! You need to take control of your house and stop allowing a 6 year old to run it! You're the adult, and it's time you start acting like one. Everyone is afraid of her and she knows it! She's not going to stop until you stop her. Why should she stop when she has everyone under her control! How are you going to operate a day care and manage other people's kids if you can't manage your own child? You better take control now before it's too late, because the older she gets, the worse it will get!

[msblake]

I have read all of your comments and all of the responses and based on what I've read I don't get the impression that there is anything medically wrong with you daughter. In my opinion you need to put your daughter across your lap and give her a good old fashion butt spanking! You need to take control of your house and stop allowing a 6 year old to run it! You're the adult, and it's time you start acting like one. Everyone is afraid of her and she knows it! She's not going to stop until you stop her. Why should she stop when she has everyone under her control! How are you going to operate a day care and manage other people's kids if you can't manage your own child? You better take control now before it's too late, because the older she gets, the worse it will get!

Wow. That is quiet rude. You should have stopped after stating she should spank her child. You are entitled to your opinion but you don't need to bring someone down farther than they already are. I don't know if it is due to parenting or a medical condition, no one does right now. But either way you are implying that she is a bad mother and a bad daycare provider. It sounds to me like she is trying to manage the situation.

[sharlan]

I have read all of your comments and all of the responses and based on what I've read I don't get the impression that there is anything medically wrong with you daughter. In my opinion you need to put your daughter across your lap and give her a good old fashion butt spanking! You need to take control of your house and stop allowing a 6 year old to run it! You're the adult, and it's time you start acting like one. Everyone is afraid of her and she knows it! She's not going to stop until you stop her. Why should she stop when she has everyone under her control! How are you going to operate a day care and manage other people's kids if you can't manage your own child? You better take control now before it's too late, because the older she gets, the worse it will get!

This child may not have medical issues, but may well have emotional/mental issues. Without having never met the child, how can you say what the problem is?

[Familycare71]

I have read all of your comments and all of the responses and based on what I've read I don't get the impression that there is anything medically wrong with you daughter. In my opinion you need to put your daughter across your lap and give her a good old fashion butt spanking! You need to take control of your house and stop allowing a 6 year old to run it! You're the adult, and it's time you start acting like one. Everyone is afraid of her and she knows it! She's not going to stop until you stop her. Why should she stop when she has everyone under her control! How are you going to operate a day care and manage other people's kids if you can't manage your own child? You better take control now before it's too late, because the older she gets, the worse it will get!

Wow- that could have been said much better than the way you chose to say it! None of us know this mother or this child- but what I read is a Mom who is trying... And I give her a ton of credit for that!
Maybe try using your manors next time! That was just uncalled for-

[Evansmom]

I have read all of your comments and all of the responses and based on what I've read I don't get the impression that there is anything medically wrong with you daughter. In my opinion you need to put your daughter across your lap and give her a good old fashion butt spanking! You need to take control of your house and stop allowing a 6 year old to run it! You're the adult, and it's time you start acting like one. Everyone is afraid of her and she knows it! She's not going to stop until you stop her. Why should she stop when she has everyone under her control! How are you going to operate a day care and manage other people's kids if you can't manage your own child? You better take control now before it's too late, because the older she gets, the worse it will get!

Ahahahahahhahahaaaa! Hilarious! I guess you have never had a child with a disorder? Count yourself lucky. I promise, I tried getting angry at my SPD son before he was diagnosed. I tried getting very firm. It does not work. Period.

If you had read the OP you would have seen this mother has tried using consequences to curb the behavior and it is not helping. Modern child development experts do not ever recommend taking a child over your knee and being violent towards them as a way to solve behavior problems. If you're a provider I suggest maybe taking some courses to educate yourself.

[BrooklynM]

I think that the best thing to do would be to hire someone part time that will be able to help you when your child gets home. Hire someone that will be qualified to watch your daycare and/or your daughter (maybe you guys could work together and switch off). This may be a temporary relief for you. If you don't you could risk losing your parents or your daughter hurting herself. I would be careful in what exactly you tell the daycare parents. Make sure you don't act stressed out with them, they want to feel like their kids are coming to a happy, healthy place.

As far as the person that suggested looking into her diet, I would second that. Now, it may not cause the issues, but sometimes it can ease issues. My son for example had a horrible reaction to anything with food coloring in it. He was terrible. Now, eventually, they can grow out of things, so I wouldn't panic. See how she is behaving at school vs. home. It very well be that she is looking for attention and she is just extreme about it. Remain calm, hire someone for a couple of hours in the afternoon to help you instead of putting her in an afterschool program. I think that would be better money spent.

Take care. Hopefully things will get better for you!

[hope]

I have read all of your comments and all of the responses and based on what I've read I don't get the impression that there is anything medically wrong with you daughter. In my opinion you need to put your daughter across your lap and give her a good old fashion butt spanking! You need to take control of your house and stop allowing a 6 year old to run it! You're the adult, and it's time you start acting like one. Everyone is afraid of her and she knows it! She's not going to stop until you stop her. Why should she stop when she has everyone under her control! How are you going to operate a day care and manage other people's kids if you can't manage your own child? You better take control now before it's too late, because the older she gets, the worse it will get!

I give the original poster a lot of credit. She is a caring mother who seems to have gone through. A lot to get her daughter help and is asking for advice. Sometimes life hands us just too much and instead of giving up, this woman opened up to us for a chance that maybe someone will give her an idea help her child.
Please do not put her down any further. I hope the original poster does not take this personal. It is a shame there are people who feel so self righteous that they need to shame those asking for help.

[Familycare71]

I give the original poster a lot of credit. She is a caring mother who seems to have gone through. A lot to get her daughter help and is asking for advice. Sometimes life hands us just too much and instead of giving up, this woman opened up to us for a chance that maybe someone will give her an idea help her child.
Please do not put her down any further. I hope the original poster does not take this personal. It is a shame there are people who feel so self righteous that they need to shame those asking for help.

[Unregistered]

Thank you to the people that spoke out for myself and my daughter! This is why I wanted to post privately about the situation. I have already received so much criticism and loss from family and friends. That I didn't want it to happen here too. I am at a low in my life feeling like I am trying to avoid an avalanche from crushing me. But that doesn't mean that I am a bad daycare provider or that I can't handle children, my other 2 children are perfectly well behaved which rules out bad parenting in my eyes. All my daycare children are absolutely amazing and very well behaved! My daycare kiddos have been with me since they were babies.

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child. So I do not agree with spanking out of anger or as a form of routine punishment. Harsh punishment out of anger does not work, as research shows. It causes more problems. Also I understand that with age if it is not corrected it could get worse which is why I have been desperately seeking help for over 3 years.

I have been looking for a babysitter for her (and the other children) so my husband and I can have a date night once in awhile. But once I mention the behavior, no one ever responds back. So I don't know if I could even find someone to help me during pick up.

I am trying really hard not to take the comment personal but it is a little difficult not too. After seeing the comment I was thinking about not responding. But after seeing so many supporting me (which means more than you know) I had to reply. So thank you!