Out of Control Child

[Familycare71]

Thank you to the people that spoke out for myself and my daughter! This is why I wanted to post privately about the situation. I have already received so much criticism and loss from family and friends. That I didn't want it to happen here too. I am at a low in my life feeling like I am trying to avoid an avalanche from crushing me. But that doesn't mean that I am a bad daycare provider or that I can't handle children, my other 2 children are perfectly well behaved which rules out bad parenting in my eyes. All my daycare children are absolutely amazing and very well behaved! My daycare kiddos have been with me since they were babies.

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child. So I do not agree with spanking out of anger or as a form of routine punishment. Harsh punishment out of anger does not work, as research shows. It causes more problems. Also I understand that with age if it is not corrected it could get worse which is why I have been desperately seeking help for over 3 years.

I have been looking for a babysitter for her (and the other children) so my husband and I can have a date night once in awhile. But once I mention the behavior, no one ever responds back. So I don't know if I could even find someone to help me during pick up.

I am trying really hard not to take the comment personal but it is a little difficult not too. After seeing the comment I was thinking about not responding. But after seeing so many supporting me (which means more than you know) I had to reply. So thank you!

:hug: there is always someone!
Keep doing what you do- one moment at a time! You will get answers because you won't settle for less! You daughter (and other children) are blessed to have you- keep your head high!!

[hgonzalez]

You are doing the right thing! I am certainly not an expert, but I am sure that physical discipline is not the right thing to do.

I not only have a child with Aspergers, I have had quite a few children in my daycare with complex behavioral issues. You do need to let them know you mean business, and follow through on any discipline you feel is appropriate. I have had parents that will verbalize a rule to a child 15 times before actually responding and making the child go on a time out.

It is really important to find out why you daughter is reacting the way she is and then devise a plan. You are good mom and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!

[hgonzalez]

Oh yeah, I can SOOOOOO relate to not being able to find anyone to watch your daughter. I lived that way for many, many years. I also avoided many social functions because of outbursts. She is all grown up, but I still do some avoiding to some extent.

Hang in there.

[awilliams123]

I give the original poster a lot of credit. She is a caring mother who seems to have gone through. A lot to get her daughter help and is asking for advice. Sometimes life hands us just too much and instead of giving up, this woman opened up to us for a chance that maybe someone will give her an idea help her child.
Please do not put her down any further. I hope the original poster does not take this personal. It is a shame there are people who feel so self righteous that they need to shame those asking for help.

My response has nothing to do with being self righteous. She asked for advice, and I gave mine. Just because it differs from what the rest of you think is the right way, doesn't make my way the wrong way. If she couldn't handle different opinions then perhaps she shouldn't have posted on the internet. Everyone doesn't think and act the same. When you go in a forum and ask for people's advice then you have to expect to hear a variety of different opinions, not just the one's you want to hear. I stand by my advice just as you stand by yours, whether you agree or not!

[awilliams123]

Thank you to the people that spoke out for myself and my daughter! This is why I wanted to post privately about the situation. I have already received so much criticism and loss from family and friends. That I didn't want it to happen here too. I am at a low in my life feeling like I am trying to avoid an avalanche from crushing me. But that doesn't mean that I am a bad daycare provider or that I can't handle children, my other 2 children are perfectly well behaved which rules out bad parenting in my eyes. All my daycare children are absolutely amazing and very well behaved! My daycare kiddos have been with me since they were babies.

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child. So I do not agree with spanking out of anger or as a form of routine punishment. Harsh punishment out of anger does not work, as research shows. It causes more problems. Also I understand that with age if it is not corrected it could get worse which is why I have been desperately seeking help for over 3 years.

I have been looking for a babysitter for her (and the other children) so my husband and I can have a date night once in awhile. But once I mention the behavior, no one ever responds back. So I don't know if I could even find someone to help me during pick up.

I am trying really hard not to take the comment personal but it is a little difficult not too. After seeing the comment I was thinking about not responding. But after seeing so many supporting me (which means more than you know) I had to reply. So thank you!

You came in this forum asking for people's advice. I gave you mine. If all you wanted was sympathy then perhaps you should have asked for that instead of advice. If you don't agree with my method, that's ok. But don't ask for different advice if all you want to hear is more of the same stuff you've already been doing that hasn't worked for you at all. You say you've received a lot of criticism, are you sure it was criticism or just advice you didn't like or agree with. When you enter a public forum and ask for advice or opinions you have to be open to hearing all sorts of opinions. People are different and have different views about how things should be done. Spanking children has been used as a form of discipline for hundreds of years by parents of all cultures, and has been very effective. As a child care provider I don't nor would i ever spank any of my kids, but with my own kids i did and they have all grown up to be very good, decent well respected men and women. They aren't psychologically damaged. There's a difference in spanking a child and abusing them. I didn't hit them with objects, lock them in closets or starve them, I simply spank them on the bottom and it worked. I still say that you need to take control of your daughter and stop allowing her to control you. Sometimes parenting requires tough love. Kids are smart. They know who will tolerate bad behavior and who won't. If you want change, it must first start with you!!!!

[countrymom]

You came in this forum asking for people's advice. I gave you mine. If all you wanted was sympathy then perhaps you should have asked for that instead of advice. If you don't agree with my method, that's ok. But don't ask for different advice if all you want to hear is more of the same stuff you've already been doing that hasn't worked for you at all. You say you've received a lot of criticism, are you sure it was criticism or just advice you didn't like or agree with. When you enter a public forum and ask for advice or opinions you have to be open to hearing all sorts of opinions. People are different and have different views about how things should be done. Spanking children has been used as a form of discipline for hundreds of years by parents of all cultures, and has been very effective. As a child care provider I don't nor would i ever spank any of my kids, but with my own kids i did and they have all grown up to be very good, decent well respected men and women. They aren't psychologically damaged. There's a difference in spanking a child and abusing them. I didn't hit them with objects, lock them in closets or starve them, I simply spank them on the bottom and it worked. I still say that you need to take control of your daughter and stop allowing her to control you. Sometimes parenting requires tough love. Kids are smart. They know who will tolerate bad behavior and who won't. If you want change, it must first start with you!!!!

I agree with you. The more I think and read about this post, I have to say this. First you said that when she was a toddler she was bad. Well guess what toddler are bad, they are exploring their world, they push you to the limits.

also, children are not born bad (ok some are born with issues) but most are not, she didn't become violent over night along with the tempertantrums.

also, I don't understand why everyone keeps suggesting medical things wrong with her when even her own dr. can't figure it out. Maybe it acually does stem from you. You did say that you are at a low point in your life, well it will affect your children. Just because 2 of the other children are fine doesn't mean nothing, they just may be have better coping skills.

I find it odd that people wouldn't support your dicision in helping your child unless there is more to your story, because I know not every family is supportive but there is always some that will support you because it involves a child.

you've been given alot of suggestions, good luck to you but your child's not going to get better if you can't get better yourself.

[Unregistered]

I'm pretty sure I didn't use the word bad child. If I did that was my mistake, I try very hard not to refer to her as "bad".

You are correct that the doctors don't know what is going on. But the reason they keep referring us to someone else is because they know something is going on they just don't know what. I have been take videos of the meltdowns on and off for awhile now. I just recently started keeping a diary. The professionals have seen some of the videos. Again they all agree something is going on. Our state is one of the lowest in the US for Mental Health.

I'm not going to go into my family because that would take a book to write! Some we have cut ties with because of various issues and some have cut ties with us.

I am at a low in my life because of this. Not because of anything else. It has been difficult battling this situation for so long with no support system.

The good news I came to announce is that they had a cancelation today! I was towards the end of the list but no one else could make it on such short notice. So we are getting ready to get on the road.

[hgonzalez]

That's great news! Keep us posted!

[Evansmom]

The good news I came to announce is that they had a cancelation today! I was towards the end of the list but no one else could make it on such short notice. So we are getting ready to get on the road.

Yay!!! Awesome! I sincerely hope that you have some support today at the evaluation. And that you get some answers and a game plan soon!

Just ignore the advice you don't want and take the advice that works for you. She's YOUR child, you know her best. Those posters who gave their opinions supporting hitting children have never even met her so how can they know?

[Meyou]

OP, I have a good friend with a child with mental health issues. She had much faster results by going through emergency when he escalated. I know it sounds strange but mental health/breakdowns etc are treated in our children's hospital along with physical illnesses. If your state is lacking in mental health care maybe emerg could be an means to a quicker result for you.

Much luck! My friend struggled for years with her child's problems and it wasn't until the child was hospitalized that they were able to get a full diagnosis and treatment. He is a completely different child now. He was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, tourettes and sensory issues. It's no wonder they couldn't sort everything out with short office visits.

[hgonzalez]

I just re-read the posts being so critical and cannot believe how harsh some of you are being. It is downright disgusting. Can you not see this woman is struggling with her own child, who she loves dearly?
There are tons of things that are not so obvious that could be going on and after doing child care for over 20 years, I have seen so many things that you would not even believe. I have had kids here with medical, social, environmental and psychological issues. Yes, home life can contribute to that, but there is usually an organic reason why something affects one child more than another.

I had a child here that could hear sounds that we cannot, high pitched sounds that come from light fixtures, appliances etc that most of us cannot hear or our brains can ignore. After many, many tests they found out her hearing was way more sensitive than the average person. It was literally driving her crazy. Don't kids deserve to be treated as individuals and have no stone unturned to help them?

Yes, you need to be firm about anything regarding safety issues or destruction of property or breaking 'house rules'. But to do that to a child that may have an underlying physiological issue is just cruel. Do we beat a child that can't talk because we are irritated that they don't answer?

Yikes!

[Familycare71]

I'm pretty sure I didn't use the word bad child. If I did that was my mistake, I try very hard not to refer to her as "bad".

You are correct that the doctors don't know what is going on. But the reason they keep referring us to someone else is because they know something is going on they just don't know what. I have been take videos of the meltdowns on and off for awhile now. I just recently started keeping a diary. The professionals have seen some of the videos. Again they all agree something is going on. Our state is one of the lowest in the US for Mental Health.

I'm not going to go into my family because that would take a book to write! Some we have cut ties with because of various issues and some have cut ties with us.

I am at a low in my life because of this. Not because of anything else. It has been difficult battling this situation for so long with no support system.

The good news I came to announce is that they had a cancelation today! I was towards the end of the list but no one else could make it on such short notice. So we are getting ready to get on the road.

Yay!!!!! happyface. Hope you got all the paper work filled out! . PLEASE let us know how it goes! Saying a Prayer now. :hug:

[Unregistered]

I am working on the paperwork now. I will be done before we get there! Will update after we are done.

[Unregistered]

I want to thank everyone who was supportive and offered their advice. Our daughter has been diagnosed with aspergers and sensory processing disorder. They are going to work with us and teach us a treatment plan to work for her. They were absolutely wonderful! I am so glad we went!

[Familycare71]

I want to thank everyone who was supportive and offered their advice. Our daughter has been diagnosed with aspergers and sensory processing disorder. They are going to work with us and teach us a treatment plan to work for her. They were absolutely wonderful! I am so glad we went!

Yay!!!! happyface. A road map!!! Good for you for keeping at it!!! Once she is getting what she needs(and I feel confident with you she will ) I bet she will seem like a different child!!
So happy for all of you! lovethis