Out of Control Child

[Unregistered]

Her school doesn't have a "therapist" they have a guidance counselor that she sees. We have tried multiple different therapists around the area. We like the one she is seeing now. She is very nice but so far no improvement and no new different approaches on how to help her. We have drained all of our options in our home town. There is something going on but no one can figure it out

[Unregistered]

We thought it might be bi polar but no doctor around here will give that diagnosis until they are much older. She has had a few problems in school but nothing like what happens at home. When she was on the ADHD medicine we had to take her to the emergency Phyc department. We were very afraid she would hurt herself. Now that she's off it she hasn't had any serious self harm problems. I have contacted them about what she does off them but they said its not enough to admit her.

Behaviors:
She is constantly humming, when ever she is eating, playing or anything else through out the day
She is a leader and a very bossy one at that. She hasn't ever physically harmed another child. It's your doing to do it my way or I'm going to scream at you and tell you, your not my friend anymore, I don't like you exc. Teasing another child to the point where the child will lash back at her. (I don't blame them!)
When she is home is can handle her through out the day for the most part. It is the pick ups that is the worst!
Drop offs are usually pretty quick. So not too bad
Pick ups: screaming/yelling at the parent, talking so loud parent can't hear how their child did. Running around throwing toys, hitting walls, kicking doors, running outside so I have to chase after her and leave the parent to watch the dck. This doesn't happen too often anymore because I have stressed to come in and lock the top lock so she can't get out.
For one long time parent she is very comfortable with so this parent sees the worst of her actions (the one that suggested she get tested). Most times my daughter and her son get along pretty well. Bring the mom and us 3 together and the madness starts. He has behavior issues as well. I don't see it just his family, I know that his behavior problems are due to the mother not being an active parent in his life.
Everytime I disapline I have to be ready for the storm. Which still happens with out disapline also.

[Cradle2crayons]

OP, if she's at school and she's told no, does she melt down? Does she melt down at all at school??

Has she spent time with other family maybe a grandparent or aunt and if so, does she melt down there?

[itlw8]

many kids especially those with any behavior problems will crash after school for several weeks especially in Kindergarten It wears them out. Plus they worked hard at being good all day and then take it out on those they love.

We moved dgd bedtime up to 7: 30 during school and it helped a lot. Bus comes at 7:10 in the morning.

What will help??? maybe a quiet place she can go to decompress but others need to get out and run. My dn started swim team and swam after school. every child is different. We have one of those small jogging tramolines dgd jumps on it and it calms her down.

[Familycare71]

I am glad you know what to look for as far as self harm.
She is Blessed to have a Mom who is doing everything possible for her! lovethis. Remember that- it is so hard to have behavior issues in your child and it can feel like you just keep failing- but you aren't! You are doing all you can to get her the help she needs :hug:
It sounds like to a certain extent right now it may have to be moment to moment. Do you have a solid structure for your home? It seems to me that is the one thing that helps across the board no matter what the difficulty is.
Are pick ups at a set time? Could you set her up with a favorite show that is only used for that time- or maybe a computer game? Something that may engage her enough to get you through pick up?
What is her currency?? The thing that motivates her?

[Unregistered]

I talked to her teacher on Friday and so far (as of Friday) she has had no reason to disapline her for doing something wrong. Today was PJ day at school, I was unaware that I needed to send her in PJs. Her teacher called me shortly after school started saying that she was having a meltdown because she didn't have PJs on like the other kids. I could hear her in the background throwing a fit. I told the teacher to tell her I would be there soon to bring them. In the mean time she had to go to the office because she wouldn't calm down. From past experience she is so shy, nervous, anxious in large group settings she usually will stay quiet and hidden. Large groups of people make her extremely uncomfortable. Once she starts to feel comfortable at school I'm afraid she will start doing the same things there that she does here.

My family is, in the nicest terms messed up. I don't get much help. My (and my husbands family) are very upset with us for seeking help with our daughter. So right now we don't have family.

[Familycare71]

I talked to her teacher on Friday and so far (as of Friday) she has had no reason to disapline her for doing something wrong. Today was PJ day at school, I was unaware that I needed to send her in PJs. Her teacher called me shortly after school started saying that she was having a meltdown because she didn't have PJs on like the other kids. I could hear her in the background throwing a fit. I told the teacher to tell her I would be there soon to bring them. In the mean time she had to go to the office because she wouldn't calm down. From past experience she is so shy, nervous, anxious in large group settings she usually will stay quiet and hidden. Large groups of people make her extremely uncomfortable. Once she starts to feel comfortable at school I'm afraid she will start doing the same things there that she does here.

My family is, in the nicest terms messed up. I don't get much help. My (and my husbands family) are very upset with us for seeking help with our daughter. So right now we don't have family.

Ugh!!! Why people would think getting help for your child is a bad thing I will never understand!
Thankfully she is maintaining at school now- may be why she is struggling more at home tho - it take a ton of work to control themselves and they lose it once they feel safe.

[Unregistered]

Her bed time is 7:15 and she will wake up once about midnight for a drink and then go back to sleep until my alarm goes off at 7 am. She is getting a lot of sleep for her age. I was blessed with how great of a sleeper she is! My youngest...didn't sleep through the night until 15 months! My daycare is extremely structured not only for the day acre kids but also for her because it did help. She comes home with her meltdowns but she doesn't want to have any relaxation until the daycare kids leave because she wants to spend time with me and her old daycare friends before they leave. She doesn't realize that her meltdowns make her friends not what to spend time with her.

As for pick up times they are structured but vary across the board for each family. We have 5 pick ups from 4:00 to 5:10. Getting her involved (in another room) with TV or the iPad doesn't work. Because she wants to be with everyone. I don't want the TV on when parents pick up because I don't want them to think that all they do it watch TV. Which they don't. We may watch 1 episode bi weekly.

A few things motivate her such as her blanket/bunny (stuffed animal) which she has a HUGE attachment too! I was afraid I would have to send them to school with her. Thankfully we don't. We have tried taking those away. She will first throw a fit but then she could care less. Same with other things that motivate her. She will first have a meltdown then she couldn't care that the item was gone or missing. Which doesn't help with disaplining.

[Unregistered]

Ugh!!! Why people would think getting help for your child is a bad thing I will never understand!
Thankfully she is maintaining at school now- may be why she is struggling more at home tho - it take a ton of work to control themselves and they lose it once they feel safe.

I don't get that either. Trying to do what is best and not ignore it then hope it just gets better and not worse! We have both lost our families over the behavior issues, plus lost our friends due to it also. I am to the point of needing a therapist myself because all of the stress/loss.

[Willow]

Is she affectionate? By that I mean does she like to spend time with certain people, enjoy doing for others, is she open with showing feelings other than anger, or does she seem pretty focused on self?

[Familycare71]

I don't get that either. Trying to do what is best and not ignore it then hope it just gets better and not worse! We have both lost our families over the behavior issues, plus lost our friends due to it also. I am to the point of needing a therapist myself because all of the stress/loss.

:hug: therapy is never a bad thing for parents! ESP ones with kids of special needs!!
I understand not wanting the tv on during pick up BUT would that help distract her? If it would it may be the lesser of two issues. I am sure of you explain to parents that during pick up, until you get some additional tools, the tv being on helps dd behave and the. Reassure them that it is not used on a regular basis.
I would say taking away a "lovey" wouldn't be a good idea anyway but it is interesting she doesn't really care in the long run.
Basically what I'm getting is no matter what your trying it doesn't have any lasting effect past a fit from her...

[Unregistered]

She can be affectionate but not very often. She won't help others unless she benefits in some way. She won't go and do something nice for someone else. Very focused on her self. The emotions she shows is anger or the emotional meltdown after the anger. During the emotional meltdown she will sometimes cry and say she wants to cuddle with me other than that she doesn't want to cuddle with me or anyone. If someone comes up to her from the front or behind to pick her up or hug her without warning she will freak out. Kick and scream until you put her down. If you give her warning she will do ok.

[Unregistered]

:hug: therapy is never a bad thing for parents! ESP ones with kids of special needs!!
I understand not wanting the tv on during pick up BUT would that help distract her? If it would it may be the lesser of two issues. I am sure of you explain to parents that during pick up, until you get some additional tools, the tv being on helps dd behave and the. Reassure them that it is not used on a regular basis.
I would say taking away a "lovey" wouldn't be a good idea anyway but it is interesting she doesn't really care in the long run.
Basically what I'm getting is no matter what your trying it doesn't have any lasting effect past a fit from her...

Nothing works after the fit is over. I will talk to the parents and see what they say.

[Willow]

You don't have to share but I'm wondering if ODD or RAD has ever been suggested. She doesn't sound autistic in the sense that she seems to have some level of control.

Is definitely start inquiring about that at her next appointment. She has several of the most prominent symptoms of both.

[Unregistered]

She was evaluated for ODD after the ADHD but we were told that she didn't fit the "scale". I have never heard of RAD?
Honestly I have no idea what's going on anymore!