Crazy Parent

[Blackcat31]

I agree with mrsmichell, I don't think you should outright call her out about her potential OCD as she may very well feel as though she is being attacked.

I would try to be a bit more understanding and accommodating for her. I am not sure what I would say but I know I would try to be sensitive about it and try to get her to know I am speaking to her with her child's best interests at heart....she is going to have to address/face and deal with her OCD each time her child's environment changes as they grow. Daycare, elementary school, sports, friends etc etc..

I personally think that if she was open to it, I'd definitely try to find ways to help without necessarily going out of the way...kwim?

I'd still expect her to follow all rules and polices but finding ways to compromise such as, calling when she is in the parking lot so a staff member can let her in is no big deal at all and would help her and her child build community relations despite her having OCD or some other fear of germs etc...

These things can be tough to live with and I honestly don't believe anyone that suffers from something similar expects special, I think they just want to fit in and be normal.

[lovemykidstoo]

I have OCD (although not as severe as this lady), and the whole time I was reading your post, it was clear to me that that is what she is dealing with. It must be really hard for her to put her child in someone else's care-not having control over when another child touches dcg's face, hands, etc- and adults, too. This was a big consideration for me when deciding to keep my kids home.

However, hugs, songs, germs and play are a part of childhood, and she can't expect you not to show her daughter affection, or douse her in hand sanitizer every time someone touches her outside of her comfort zones (hands, feet, etc.). It's something she is going to have to deal with-or she may have to choose to stay home with her own child. I agree a candid conversation about it is needed, as far as what she can expect in regards to other children playing with her child, and how her child will be shown appropriate affection from adults.

I honestly might feel a little attacked if someone specifically called me out on sitting in a parking lot, but if you have to, I understand why you would need to. I do love the idea of her calling when she is in the parking lot so someone can let her in- if you have the staff that can be on call for this kind of thing.
In the end, she might just not be able to handle this, and may need to keep her child home. All you can do is your best to let her know that you sanitize the environment as per licensing, and that staff do not kiss the babies.

Btw, I am so uncomfortable with the sign in pen, that I don't even touch it- I have my own secret stash of pens that no one else has touched.

Best of luck!

I agree. When reading the initial post, I thought immediately that this had to do with fear of germs and not fear of the care that her child was getting. It's a fine line that you need to walk with her. Really if the other parents know who she is, do they really need to be that freaked out about it? Everyone has a struggle to deal with, this is hers. She is having a fear obviously of touching the door and buzzer. My main concern would be the putting of the sanitizer on the baby's face. That I would have no problem with telling her to stop doing that in my presence.

[kimsdaycare]

If I spotted her outside waiting I'd probably go out and give the button a swipe with cleaner and see if she takes the opportunity to come up afterward. If so, I'd just do it again next time and give her a knowing wink while doing it. A few times and you would both have a mutual understanding without any awkward conversation, a simple "I may not always get out there for you but I will do my best, we get busy here" with a smile should help make it clear that this is considered a favor out of kindness, not a requirement on your part.

I know that may not even be an option for you, but to me it's the gentlest way to help if she truly is just dealing with an extreme OCD issue.

[Familycare71]

I agree. When reading the initial post, I thought immediately that this had to do with fear of germs and not fear of the care that her child was getting. It's a fine line that you need to walk with her. Really if the other parents know who she is, do they really need to be that freaked out about it? Everyone has a struggle to deal with, this is hers. She is having a fear obviously of touching the door and buzzer. My main concern would be the putting of the sanitizer on the baby's face. That I would have no problem with telling her to stop doing that in my presence.

I would think it would be a confidentiality issue to share with parents that you let Sally come In with out buzzing and why.
I would still personally talk directly to her. It doesn't have to be confrontational but for me it would need to be addressed. Until you talk to her you really have no idea what's going on-

[lovemykidstoo]

I would think it would be a confidentiality issue to share with parents that you let Sally come In with out buzzing and why.
I would still personally talk directly to her. It doesn't have to be confrontational but for me it would need to be addressed. Until you talk to her you really have no idea what's going on-

No I don't mean tell the other parents why you think she's behaving that way. I never talk about one parent to another. I'm just saying if she's waiting in her car and walks in behind someone and they know who she is and that she has a child there, what is so scary about it? It's not like it's an unknown person walking in behind her. Not really different than 2 people by chance coming in at the same time and walking in together.

[Mom2TLE]

Another thing that you might suggest to her is to purchase some wet ones, the ones that are safe for hand and faces and she can use those to wipe her child down upon pick up. They do contain sanitizer but are safer than dousing the baby down with liquid sanitizer.
I also agree with the buzzer I would call her into the office and say
"Hey Sally it appears that you are quite uncomfortable with using the buzzer, some parents have mentioned you piggybacking in when they come in. If it would make you feel more comfortable you are welcome to give us a call when you are ready to come in and we would be glad to let you in that way. It just causes some concern among the other parents that someone is doing this."

[Sunshine74]

Another thing that you might suggest to her is to purchase some wet ones, the ones that are safe for hand and faces and she can use those to wipe her child down upon pick up. They do contain sanitizer but are safer than dousing the baby down with liquid sanitizer.
I also agree with the buzzer I would call her into the office and say
"Hey Sally it appears that you are quite uncomfortable with using the buzzer, some parents have mentioned you piggybacking in when they come in. If it would make you feel more comfortable you are welcome to give us a call when you are ready to come in and we would be glad to let you in that way. It just causes some concern among the other parents that someone is doing this."

I think this is a great idea!

[Maria2013]

Hi All,

I have been working in daycare for 16yrs and have come across a 'first' from a new parent.

She seemed nice enough when she toured and was very excited about starting. She is young, going thru a divorce and has two children. The youngest at 9months is in our care. Her first request was a bit quirky but not unheard of, she asked if we would make sure the other kids didn't touch her baby's face. Okay, whatever. Then she asked if we could use hand sanitizer on the baby. I explained to her that we are not allowed to use hand sanitizer (kids or adults) and we have to wash hands. Then my infant room teacher picked him up one day during drop off and gave him a hug and she said she didn't want ANYBODY touching his face, head, etc. Now, we don't kiss the babies on the mouth or anything like that but we hug and squeeze them and play pat a cake and touch their nose, etc. She then proceeded to get out hand sanitizer and wipe the babies face down! But that's not the craziest part...

We had been having parents come in saying that this parent was sitting in the car when they pull up and then they get out after they have come and rung the doorbell (we are a center but have a buzzer and we have to come to the door to let parents in) or that she waits until they are leaving and then comes in as they are going out so she doesn't have to ring the bell. I was hoping that this was just a coincidence but Friday I happened to step outside to go for a walk with a fussy baby and saw her sitting in the car. She didn't see me and I waited and watched. She sat in the car for 40 MINUTES and when the school age kids got off the bus and came in she jumped out of the car and ran in after them. All of this, I assume, to try and surprise us and catch us off guard?!

I am soooo over her. I do not need this hassle or drama. I was hoping that after 3wks she would realize that we are a good and safe place or that she would leave. I am ready to fire her and tell her that she obviously doesn't trust us and that she should find another place she feels safe or stay home. But I wanted to get your opinions. Has anyone every had this experience? What are your suggestions? :confused:

whatever the reasons might be, I would pull her aside and demand explanations...possibly term

[Hunni Bee]

I don't know.

This doesn't seem right to me. I'm not sure where ocd came up, but what if it hadn't? What would we say about this mom if the fact that she could be ocd didn't play in?

I'm curious.

Given the outspoken nature of this mom, if she thought the buzzer was too dirty t touch, I feel like she would have said something. Does she not touch anything once she comes inside?

She might have opened the door with gloves, called in and told the staff to come open the door, etc. I feel like sitting in her car for the better part of an hour and then rushing in behind other parents/children is more like what the op herself suggested - a tactic to avoid being seen approaching and to be able to "pop in" to see if her requests are being honored.

At any rate, conversation needs to be had...theres either a severe aversion to germs or a trust issue going on...

[Willow]

I definitely would not jump to an OCD conclusion. What she is doing could have a number of explanations. I personally would be beyond offended if someone completely not qualified to do so, diagnosed and then confronted me with such an assertion.

I would ask her gently but frankly what's up. Let her know other parents have noticed and are concerned so you have to address it at this point.

I'd also tell her that putting the *chemical* sanitizer on her baby's face would no longer be tolerated on the property. It's called HAND sanitizer for a very good reason, and you will no longer be liable for the major danger and injury that could occur to baby's eyes, nose, mouth, skin or GI tract from her administering such a *chemical* (add major emphasis on that word) on your property.

If she questions, tell her it would be no different that if another parent was trying to use rubbing alcohol around a child eyes (point out there is plenty in sanitizer, so much so that children have been caught in schools attempting to drink it), or if a parent was trying to administer an incorrect dose of a medication. Both harmful, both reportable if there was enough concern.

[wdmmom]

I don't know about you but if I had a new family sitting in my driveway for the upwards of an hour, I'd go tap on her window. If this was happening at your local elementary school, you can bet someone would be calling the police and telling them to investigate it! This behavior is not something I'd take to lightly. Children are molested and abducted daily because of predatory type behaviors. What she is doing is a prime example. If coming in and getting her children, perhaps you can take them out to her but I wouldn't be working an extra 40 minutes per day untik she's comfortable enough to walk in.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I definitely would not jump to an OCD conclusion. What she is doing could have a number of explanations. I personally would be beyond offended if someone completely not qualified to do so, diagnosed and then confronted me with such an assertion.

I would ask her gently but frankly what's up. Let her know other parents have noticed and are concerned so you have to address it at this point.

I'd also tell her that putting the *chemical* sanitizer on her baby's face would no longer be tolerated on the property. It's called HAND sanitizer for a very good reason, and you will no longer be liable for the major danger and injury that could occur to baby's eyes, nose, mouth, skin or GI tract from her administering such a *chemical* (add major emphasis on that word) on your property.

If she questions, tell her it would be no different that if another parent was trying to use rubbing alcohol around a child eyes (point out there is plenty in sanitizer, so much so that children have been caught in schools attempting to drink it), or if a parent was trying to administer an incorrect dose of a medication. Both harmful, both reportable if there was enough concern.

I agree.

[Familycare71]

No I don't mean tell the other parents why you think she's behaving that way. I never talk about one parent to another. I'm just saying if she's waiting in her car and walks in behind someone and they know who she is and that she has a child there, what is so scary about it? It's not like it's an unknown person walking in behind her. Not really different than 2 people by chance coming in at the same time and walking in together.

That makes more sense . Sorry I misunderstood!
I however do not ever "piggyback" when a buzzer is used. I wait for whom ever to get buzzed in then push the button. I would feel safer if everyone did that at my kids school- ya just never know who is coming in behind you- could be a parent you know but is not in an ok place- maybe school received a call with a heads up but in they walk because I got buzzed in- kwim? Ya just never know... I feel like a buzzer system only works when people abide by it.
I also agree with PP- I wouldn't mention OCD but would say that the behavior isn't ok and we need to come up with an alternative.
Keep us posted if you talk to here-

[lovemykidstoo]

That makes more sense . Sorry I misunderstood!
I however do not ever "piggyback" when a buzzer is used. I wait for whom ever to get buzzed in then push the button. I would feel safer if everyone did that at my kids school- ya just never know who is coming in behind you- could be a parent you know but is not in an ok place- maybe school received a call with a heads up but in they walk because I got buzzed in- kwim? Ya just never know... I feel like a buzzer system only works when people abide by it.
I also agree with PP- I wouldn't mention OCD but would say that the behavior isn't ok and we need to come up with an alternative.
Keep us posted if you talk to here-

I totally agree with you. I call the buzzer system at my kids schools a "feel good rule". Meaning, exactly like you said. Someone with bad intentions with extreme ease get in by waiting to piggyback. Good system if you abide by it, but really at a school of 1,600 like my sons do you think that they know every face coming through the door and they don't ask anything, just buzz in. guess if you're carrying an uzi submachine gun they won't let ya in, but it's a false sense of security imo.

[momofboys]

I don't know about anyone else's driveway but if one parent was hogging my driveway for so long depending on where she parked it could be almost impossible for others to park too. Our driveway is long but not very wide. We also live on a semi-busy street, no parking is allowed on the street. It would pose a problem for me b/c it would make other pick-ups problematic. I'd have to address it for this very reason.