How HONEST are You?

**Heidi** · 09-05-2013, 01:01 PM

Definitely a sugar-coater when it comes to the littlest ones and crying.

**Blackcat31** · 09-05-2013, 01:02 PM

Originally posted by lflick

Just throwing this out there to see what other providers thoughts are...

How honest are you with parents when it comes to the "how was he/she" type questions... or the indirect question "were you a good girl/boy today?"

How many of you call it like it actually is.... how many sugar coat it a little bit so you don't sound like the dragon lady/man.... how many of you just say of course?

I myself, am a very honest person and tell the parents how it is. I do feel that in essence the parents might view me as overly critical of their child's behaviors.... when in fact if my kids were "that kid" in a DC setting I would like to know about it.

I recently started to think about this as a DCB who is rather young, 4 months, just went to another provider as I was unable to accommodate a FT schedule. This child was a handful on a good day.... very high needs. I happened to see a few statements made on FB about I hope their first day is good... all I want to hear is how much of a happy baby DCB is..... this made me of course scrutinize my communication method and think perhaps I am too honest, if there is such an animal.
So I would like to hear from you all!

I'd be a high standing member of that club.

I work hard at being tactfully truthful verses factually truthful.

There is a fine line between being truthful but yet helpful and being truthful and uncomfortably blunt.

I am stuck somewhere in the middle of that and make a conscious effort on a daily basis to add the human element to my words.

**lovemylife** · 09-05-2013, 01:08 PM

I am in the middle. I will let them know if their child had a rough day and explain a little about what had happened. But I won't lie to them and tell them their child was great when all they did was cause fights

**lflick** · 09-05-2013, 01:14 PM

I find it difficult to say said child was a fantastic addition to the crew today when in fact all that happened were a few sporadic smiles with a lot of crying

. I do not outline all the horrific events per say I just say oh we had a great morning/afternoon but we had a little bit of a rough hour around nap or something like that. I just feel like most parents want to hear their littles are perfect angels when in fact many are far from it haha.

I do recognize that children are sometimes polar opposites with parents but if there is a problem needing addressing and they open the door with a question I tend to discuss it. Not to heckle them just to try to improve or to get suggestions.

**Leigh** · 09-05-2013, 01:16 PM

I tell the truth. I'd rather them know that their kid was a little monster today than to let it build up until I felt that I had to term.

One kid here was having constant outbursts, was being violent, and honestly, just looking for ways to misbehave. I told mom every day about his behavior. Finally, I pieced together from our conversations that the kid had bedtime issues (just plain wouldn't go to sleep). I suggested she speak with the pediatrician about melatonin. Within 2 days, that kid's behavior turned around. He now gets the sleep he so desperately needed, mom got a lecture about consistency from the doc (she'd put him to bed at 8:30 one night, 12:30 the next!).

I tell them because I would want to know were it my kid. I tell the parents at interviews that if I am complaining about their kid, I'll make it clear that I am, but all other things I tell them about behavior are simply because I feel they deserve to know.

**crazydaycarelady** · 09-05-2013, 01:18 PM

I feel that the parents have a lot on their plates and all they really want to do is pick up their kid and go home, make dinner, do baths and all of the many many other things they have to do. I don't want to add to this with piddly things that happened here.

I tend to mention only major stuff. If their child took a toy away from another child and I dealt with it, then I am not going to mention it, it's all in the course of the day. If their child bit another child (like yesterday) it is going to get a mention.

**butterfly** · 09-05-2013, 01:22 PM

depends on the parents for me.

I have a few that ask every single day and want all the details. Usually, I'll just give a general "they had a good day, napped well, ate well" if there was something MAJOR that I had to address, I'll mention that too. But sometimes parents can get oversensitive or even desensitized to the information I give them if I'm sharing with them every eposide of little Johnny pushing, etc. I try to find a positive in each day, for the parents as much as myself.

**Play Care** · 09-05-2013, 01:59 PM

I try to be tactful but not sugarcoat.
It's a fine line and sometimes I don't think I walk it well, but I try

**originalkat** · 09-05-2013, 02:03 PM

I see most annoying kid behavior as normal and I do not tell the parents about the majority of stuff. It is not because I am sugar coating...I just do not see it as anything to bring up. Im not a big talker so I keep it pretty simple at pick-up. "Did Johnny have a good day?" "Yes, he did great!" OR "Was Suzy good?" "Yep, she had a good day."

The only time I share a negative is when it is something major happened like hitting, defiance, or an ongoing character issue like lying, tattling etc...

In fact, most new families that come to me seem to want me to say more. HEHE

! They get used to the way I do things pretty quickly. I do communicate through facebook (pics of what we are doing), newsletters etc...

**snbauser** · 09-05-2013, 02:15 PM

For me it depends on the issues. If the behavior is typical for a child that age, then normally I won't mention it unless it gets extreme. If it is not typical, then I will try to address it on my own first and then let parents know what happened. If that doesn't work, then I tell the parents what is happening and that we need to work together to address the issue.

**cheerfuldom** · 09-05-2013, 02:20 PM

This is tricky because I think that the vast majority of parents dont really want to know EVERY detail of their child's day. What they are really asking is for reassurance that their child is safe, fed, napped, well liked and happy for the most part. I find this is especially true of first time parents/parents of only children. They arent really asking for details, they need that reassurance that their child is okay and that they are not horrible parents for putting him/her into daycare.

so with that in mind, I do gauge what the parents are really asking about and I do try and keep responses upbeat. If you are too brutally honest, a lot of parents (especially parents of babies) will take your honesty as complaints about their child. Emotions will come into it and those comments can damage a relationship.

I am completely honest if an issue is severe enough that I am considering terming.

but otherwise, I just handle whatever I can handle here. There isnt too much that phases me or that I feel like needs to be addressed with parents. They pay me to take care of it and a lot of issues, there is nothing a parent can do about it anyway.

Maybe it is just the parents that I have worked with but it is pretty rare that a parent really pushes for details. I actually wouldnt mind parents asking more questions or being more involved. Perhaps I have the opposite issue as you all. The parents I work with are all nice upper middle class families for the most part and they want an easy drop off and pickup, a clean child that has been fed and napped and isnt crying and thats really all they ever ask for.

**MarinaVanessa** · 09-05-2013, 02:22 PM

I keep "normal" child behavior to myself so if I am asked how 2yo little Suzie did and all that Suzie did was have trouble with sharing, cried at nap and smeared lunch on the table then I'd say "She did fine. It was a good day". If 5yo little Johny showed that same behavior then I'd definitely bring it up "Johny had a difficult day today. We talked about it and I think he will do better tomorrow".

Unless it's behavior that's not typical for the childs age, stage of development, destructive or if it's aggressively physical behavior then I don't bother telling the parents. I just redirect the behavior myself and handle it as it comes. Keep in mind that I believe that children's behavior at daycare is handled at daycare and I would not expect a parent to discipline a child at home for something that happened at daycare (unless it's more severe) just as I would not discipline a child at daycare for something that happened at home.

**Leigh** · 09-05-2013, 02:29 PM

lovethis

Originally posted by MarinaVanessa

I keep "normal" child behavior to myself so if I am asked how 2yo little Suzie did and all that Suzie did was have trouble with sharing, cried at nap and smeared lunch on the table then I'd say "She did fine. It was a good day". If 5yo little Johny showed that same behavior then I'd definitely bring it up "Johny had a difficult day today. We talked about it and I think he will do better tomorrow".

Unless it's behavior that's not typical for the childs age, stage of development, destructive or if it's aggressively physical behavior then I don't bother telling the parents. I just redirect the behavior myself and handle it as it comes. Keep in mind that I believe that children's behavior at daycare is handled at daycare and I would not expect a parent to discipline a child at home for something that happened at daycare (unless it's more severe) just as I would not discipline a child at daycare for something that happened at home.

**spud912** · 09-05-2013, 02:33 PM

I tell the parents very generically about their child's day. I've had parents get offended if their child has multiple bad days in a row and I'm honest with them, so I limit my responses to something along the lines of a positive along with a negative. The positives are specific....the negatives are vague. The only times I get specific are when I feel the parents should do something to help me or when the behavior is something that needs to stop asap.

How HONEST are You?

How HONEST are You?

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