4yo Chewing Clothing?

[Willow]

While I agree to a certain extent (this is pretty extreme, all stuffed toys, dress up clothing, he will even chew other children's clothing if they are near him) He has chewed his car seat straps to the point that they are frayed. (not even going there about how loose they are and how dcp's aren't replacing them)

it is ALL DAY LONG EVERY DAY. I cannot constantly hug him. He is also NOT an affectionate child, even with his parents.

He does it 24/7, here, home, grandmas, all the same. So 24/7 anxiety?

Yes.

I'd absolutely believe that could be the case.


His lack of affection at 4 is textbook for attachment disorders which commonly leaves kids chronically anxious.


That you mention his parents are into the "be a man" bit when he is only 4.....that's a bucket load of pressure right there.

If you cannot or do not want to support him through his anxiety then it is best you term, but if I were in your shoes I'd certainly talk to the parents about getting him help before you part ways.

[Unregistered]

His parents should take him to a therapist. It could be really beneficial to him.

[Brooksie]

Ok, I'm going to throw something out there.... I was actually that kid that used to chew on their sleeves. Any thing long sleeved was either shredded or had holes. I also chewed on my teddy bears scarf, hat and nose. It was a coping method for me. It lasted long enough that I remember it well. I still have a hoodie from middle/high school that has the ends of the sleeves shredded. It was an anxiety thing I think. Almost like when people **** their thumb or bite their nails. I did have severe sensory issues and was early onset bipolar and suffered from depression and anxiety at an early age. I don't necessarily think it was a terrible thing, but I also understand how it helped me get through the day for some reason. My mom tried all kinds of things. It didn't help. Its no different than someone biting their nails, so maybe approach it the same way? Idk..

[Brooksie]

Yes.

I'd absolutely believe that could be the case.


His lack of affection at 4 is textbook for attachment disorders which commonly leaves kids chronically anxious.


That you mention his parents are into the "be a man" bit when he is only 4.....that's a bucket load of pressure right there.

If you cannot or do not want to support him through his anxiety then it is best you term, but if I were in your shoes I'd certainly talk to the parents about getting him help before you part ways.

This exactly.

[Heidi]

I have chewelry for another child in care, he will only chew fabric.

He is allowed to chew the lovie 24/7 at home. If I remove it, he will NOT nap.

His parents arent nearly as grossed out as I am.

I pulled old shirts of my son out & have had him change 4x already today. Its 90m into his day!!

How about a cheap pack of washcloths from the dollar store?


I would try very hard to put as much responsibility on him as possible. Show him when the wash cloth gets too wet, he needs to go here...., and here is where the clean ones are. Then, send them home with mom to wash each night.

Just before kindergarten would definitely be the time to get rid of all of it, if possible. Obviously, they wont let him go to Kindy with a pile of chewies. or, maybe they would, if he has anxiety. Schools are much more willing to accommodate things now-a-days. With all the behavioral issues they deal with (just like us), I'm guessing needing to chew is pretty minor.

Hopefully, this oral stuff will fade by then.

Also, he probably wont nap there, so the blanket should probably disappear before that anyway. For that, it would be really nice if the blanket "accidently" stared ripping into littler and littler pieces.

My nephew never had a pacifier (or thumb) because my sister had such a hard time getting rid of it with her first. Throughout his early years, until about 10, it would take him forever to eat because he would **** on his food forever. He did outgrow it though.

[NeedaVaca]

I will be getting some! No idea they made them! He will have to have it clipped to his shirt (a pp said paci clip, sounds the easiest) and every attempt at hewing will be redirected to that.



Oh, I agree. This is the only issue I have with this family, good kid, good parents. unfortunately the calls aren't coming in for me to just term, either and I don't want to push the envelope.

I do NOT want him in a wet shirt (soaked down to his belly button) all day. I can't believe his mom is ok with that! HE changes himself, I do nothing but tell him to go change his shirt and there is a small stack in his bathroom cubby.

My dh says a bib, but I am afraid that parents will find that shaming. They are adamant he be a 'man' 'big kid' etc.

http://www.autism-products.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=1326337

[Maria2013]

It's a self soothing/anxiety reducing behavior. I would never punish, shame or restrict a child for or from something like that.

as much as I can understand that, I still cannot allow "older" kids to get drenched in spit and roll with the rest of the kids! It is unsanitary (why washing hands so frequently) and would most definitely cost me some families

together we can find other soothing alternatives

[Brooksie]

http://www.autism-products.com/Produ...ctCode=1326337

This is awesome! Great idea to still allow him his relief and save his clothes and your sanity and peace of mind

[Maria2013]

He is also NOT an affectionate child, even with his parents.

I had a kid that didn't like being touched at all let alone hugged and kissed...whenever we played games that called for physical touch, he would stand at a distance and just watch us with a big smile on his face (he was a playful happy kid) it took me months before I was able to give him a hug (I ask if it's ok) but the feeling I would never forget

[Blackcat31]

I 100% agree with Willow. Sounds like an anxiety thing and something he does to relieve stress.

Considering the comments made about his parents, it also seems very fitting.

I would allow him to chew his lovey at nap time. Remove it after nap.

Bag it, and have mom/dad launder it and bring back the next day fresh for use

As for the shirt chewing, I couldn't care less if mom does or doesn't want to do laundry....she is going to have too.

When the child's shirt gets wet, it gets changed.

I would NEVER supplement my own child's clothing for this child's parent as her unwillingness to meet her child's needs is exactly part of the reason he kid is stressing in the first place.

I would require her to bring x amount of shirts per day and then change when necessary.

I would NOT agree to just leave him as he DESERVES to be clean and dry. period.

No negotiations.....bring enough shirts or stay home.

HER choice.

[daycarediva]

Yes.

I'd absolutely believe that could be the case.


His lack of affection at 4 is textbook for attachment disorders which commonly leaves kids chronically anxious.


That you mention his parents are into the "be a man" bit when he is only 4.....that's a bucket load of pressure right there.

If you cannot or do not want to support him through his anxiety then it is best you term, but if I were in your shoes I'd certainly talk to the parents about getting him help before you part ways.

What are other symptoms of anxiety or attachment disorder? He is a perfectly normal 4 year old, with perfectly normal, loving parents. He honestly has the most 'normal' family in care (extended family are active in his life, his parents live together and are happily married) By not overly affectionate, I mean that he doesn't constantly hug/kiss and will do so 1-3x a day on his own but if someone comes up to him to hug him he says "no thank you" and walks away, myself included. He isn't aggressive, no separation issues. He says he misses parents, etc. They DO hug/kiss him.

I AM willing AND able to help and support him, which is why I posted it here and really do not want to term. He is a SWEET kid, very smart, very verbal, NO real behavioral issues. Plays well, has AMAZING self help skills, has been here two years, says he loves me and misses me every Monday morning, etc.

[Blackcat31]

What are other symptoms of anxiety or attachment disorder? He is a perfectly normal 4 year old, with perfectly normal, loving parents. He honestly has the most 'normal' family in care (extended family are active in his life, his parents live together and are happily married) By not overly affectionate, I mean that he doesn't constantly hug/kiss and will do so 1-3x a day on his own but if someone comes up to him to hug him he says "no thank you" and walks away, myself included. He isn't aggressive, no separation issues. He says he misses parents, etc. They DO hug/kiss him.

I AM willing AND able to help and support him, which is why I posted it here and really do not want to term. He is a SWEET kid, very smart, very verbal, NO real behavioral issues. Plays well, has AMAZING self help skills, has been here two years, says he loves me and misses me every Monday morning, etc.

The comment about him needing to be a "man" really says a lot about how his parents feel and their parenting philosophies.....

Also the fact that mom won't or doesn't want to wash "so much laundry" (kids' shirts are hardly an entire load) says a lot too.... their child has a basic need and she doesn't want to do a bunch of laundry.... LOL!! :: ::

[MarinaVanessa]

It is no more abnormal than thumb ****ing, tag rubbing, fuzzy picking, hair twirling or paci use is.

It's a self soothing/anxiety reducing behavior. I would never punish, shame or restrict a child for or from something like that.

Yup, and also like chewing fingernails. My 4 yo nephew does it but I won't allow it here at daycare for the sanitary reasons. He grabs the collars of his shirts and lifts them up into his mouth. I'd say pretty much all of his shirts are loose around the neck and bulge in the front from him doing this. It's so gross. I just gently remind him that he's doing it and he drops his shirt ... "____, you're chewing"- followed by a smile - he usually says oops and stops and then giggles. It'll just be a constant repetition of reminders to get the behavior to improve then stop altogether.

For my nephew giving him something else to do helps. He chews when he's excited (playing an exciting game of hide and seek with kids outside for example) or when he's having difficulties with something like when he's concentrating (doing a hard puzzle). I also immediately see him grab his shirt and chew when my SIL scolds him. He does it a lot because he needs to use the bathroom a lot and gets UTI and bladder infections alot (I've recommended that he see his Dr and be checked for a weak bladder too) and sometimes he doesn't always make it to the bathroom. His mom scolds him for it. It's like he's fine, has to go to the bathroom and has a little accident because he didn't make it, comes out and tells his mom, his mom says something like "Dang it ___ . Did you pee your pants again?!" and then immediately grabs his shirt and chews. Then it's "STOP CHEWING ON YOUR SHIRT!" And she wonders why he does it so often.

[Willow]

The comment about him needing to be a "man" really says a lot about how his parents feel and their parenting philosophies.....

Also the fact that mom won't or doesn't want to wash "so much laundry" (kids' shirts are hardly an entire load) says a lot too.... their child has a basic need and she doesn't want to do a bunch of laundry.... LOL!! :: ::

[Willow]

Yup, and also like chewing fingernails. My 4 yo nephew does it but I won't allow it here at daycare for the sanitary reasons. He grabs the collars of his shirts and lifts them up into his mouth. I'd say pretty much all of his shirts are loose around the neck and bulge in the front from him doing this. It's so gross. I just gently remind him that he's doing it and he drops his shirt ... "____, you're chewing"- followed by a smile - he usually says oops and stops and then giggles. It'll just be a constant repetition of reminders to get the behavior to improve then stop altogether.

For my nephew giving him something else to do helps. He chews when he's excited (playing an exciting game of hide and seek with kids outside for example) or when he's having difficulties with something like when he's concentrating (doing a hard puzzle). I also immediately see him grab his shirt and chew when my SIL scolds him. He does it a lot because he needs to use the bathroom a lot and gets UTI and bladder infections alot (I've recommended that he see his Dr and be checked for a weak bladder too) and sometimes he doesn't always make it to the bathroom. His mom scolds him for it. It's like he's fine, has to go to the bathroom and has a little accident because he didn't make it, comes out and tells his mom, his mom says something like "Dang it ___ . Did you pee your pants again?!" and then immediately grabs his shirt and chews. Then it's "STOP CHEWING ON YOUR SHIRT!" And she wonders why he does it so often.