I No Longer Watch My Grandkids :(

[Laurel]

I need opinions here! Ive been watching my 4 year old granddaughter her whole life. I now have her 8 month old brother. My granddaughter is loud, mean and throws screaming fits if she doesnt get what she wants. Yes shes like this at home too. Well i had a bad day the other day and i sent my daughter a text telling her how i can hardly take it anymore and she needs to work with her. For instance, before mom came here to pick up, I warned my gd not to throw a fit when its time to clean up herrrr mess. Well she did as usual. Screaming crying convulsion like fits! So my daughter cleaned up her mess! I told my daughter she needs to "stop that"! Ive neverrr complained about every little detail of my gd because I know my daughter would get an attitude about it. My daughter never responded to my text and didnt even mention it at pick up. then when she got home, she sent me a text basically telling me she is putting my gd into a preschool but i can still watch the baby. Before this, she did enroll her for 2 days a week then after my text she enrolled her for 4 days. This preschool is charging her over 50$ a day. I watch my grandkids for pennies! So I told her she should seek alternate care for the baby as well. What if he does something wrong and i complain??? im not risking it. Im beside myself. I feel like its a slap in the face to pull my granddaughter out of here because I complained ONCE! I am sooo mad and sooo upset about this situation! My daughter and I are very close but my granddaughter is out of control! She is super smart! More advanced than any of my dc kids. She knows she's being bad! Shes a bully to the other kids, shes just mean How would u feel? Im so done! Ive had a hard time keeping this dc going but kept on it so my daughter wouldnt be without a sitter! Now the kids are gone..Im ready to close it all down!

I watched my granddaughter (still do during summer and school holidays) and now watch my grandson. Granddaughter was fine. Grandson is a handful but okay. My provider friend also watches her grandchildren. Hers is a different story and somewhat similar to yours.

Her granddaughters are fine but her grandson is a holy terror. It is a long story but the bottom line is she only watches him part time now. Her two provider friends (me and our other friend) feel she shouldn't watch him at all but sometimes you can't tell her anything.

If I were you I wouldn't watch the older one but would watch the younger one (if you really want to).

Is it possible she is doing you a favor by enrolling the oldest elsewhere? Maybe she realizes it isn't fair of her to expect you to watch the child who has such bad behavior?

It sounds like the two of you need to have a heart to heart talk in person.

Laurel

[cheerfuldom]

maybe I was misunderstanding the OP, I thought she refused to watch the younger as more of a vengeful act for the daughter withdrawing the older child....

[Laurel]

maybe I was misunderstanding the OP, I thought she refused to watch the younger as more of a vengeful act for the daughter withdrawing the older child....

That is how it came across to me too. That is why, if I were her, I would have a heart to heart talk with my daughter. It seems as if there is an issue going on with the adults as well as the problem with the children.

Laurel

[Blackcat31]

maybe I was misunderstanding the OP, I thought she refused to watch the younger as more of a vengeful act for the daughter withdrawing the older child....

I kind of thought that too but then she made the comment about what if she (OP) complains about him too...

So that made me think OP feels DD simply pulled Granddaughter as a vengeful thing... Does that make sense?

Plus, OP also commented on her DD not responding or discussing any of the situation at all.... Related or not, who does that kwim?

MAJOR communication gap here and I'd hate to see this end badly where mom and daughter no longer speak thus the grandkids being stuck in the middle.

Personally, I love Sharlan's approach.

[Unregistered]

Hi ladies! Thanks for all the responses, opinions and advice. I see some of u did misunderstand why I decided not to watch my grandson. It wasnt to be mean, low or vengeful, it was because Im now afraid to complain about him.

What if he is a monster like his sister when he gets older? and yesss...my daughter didnt even discuss my gd behavior at all. She didnt respond to my "complaint" and didnt even discuss it at pick up. I could tell by the way she was acting that she was super mad. Just like i thought she would be. Thats why Ive held off for yearssss before I finally had enuff.

I also agree with Sharlan. Thats the way it should be. No muss no fuss. They should be required to follow the rules like all the other dcp/dck. My gd wont nap, wont clean up, wont share, bullies the other kids etc. She throws huge screaming fits throwing herself around. She screams at nap, waking the other kids. At times I didnt even want to argue with her at nap so i told her to sit on the sofa and play quietly, she wont even do that. she clowns, cries, yells etc and stillll wakes up the other kids.

Sigh.

Ive accepted it is a relief for her to go eslewhere and Ill be happy to watch the younger one but Im now afraid to ever complain Im praying he wont be like his sister. I can only do so much when hes here but.....how they handle things at home is different.

To those of u who think there's issues with the adults...thats so far from true. My daughter and I are bff's and talk about everything, but like many parents, she was offended to hear her daughter was such a monster. Even tho she complains often!!!! I think it floored her to hear me say sooo much about my granddaughter because Im a quiet person who just handles it with no compaints but I can only be mary poppins for so long.

I have terminated many kids with same issues before the ink was even dry on their contract! But held on with my granddaughter as long as I could. I never would have termed her but I guess I expected my daughter to "do something" ....I never expected her to withdraw her.

She is to start preschool at the end of sept. Now Im afraid to even watch her til then. How am I gonna handle this? sigh. Im afraid to even say she did anything wrong. I dont know what to do. Ive tried time out when she throws her fits, bullies etc. She just screams and blows snot out of her nose onto my walls. If I put her upstairs in my bed,she snots all over my sheets etc.

This may be wrong but Im kinda feeling some resentment now. If gramma tells, my mom will be mad at her kinda thing. Im so lost now. She loves it here. She cries for me when shes at home. Even on weekends, she tells her parents she wants to go to meemaws house. When shes here and stays the night, she doesnt want to go home. But shes a monster the whole time. I have a 7 year old daughter. They fight 90% of the time she is here because she wants everything my daughter has in her hands etc. its just a big mess I do everything to accomodate her to make sure everything is fair. Now that ive calmed down, Im looking very forward to the end of september. haha! But Im not sure what to do about weekends etc.


Oh one more thing! Someone mentioned she will be back because preschool didnt work out etc. Ohhh I know. This has already happened! She went to preschool for a couple days a week and mom took her out because she didnt feel she was learning anything, gd cried everyday at drop off and she was always in trouble. for no reason. hmm. Imagine that.

Thanks for listening.
lost meemaw.

[nannyde]

Hi ladies! Thanks for all the responses, opinions and advice. I see some of u did misunderstand why I decided not to watch my grandson. It wasnt to be mean, low or vengeful, it was because Im now afraid to complain about him.

What if he is a monster like his sister when he gets older? and yesss...my daughter didnt even discuss my gd behavior at all. She didnt respond to my "complaint" and didnt ven discuss it at pick up. I could tell by the way she was acting that she was super mad. Just like i thought she would be. Thats why Ive held off for yearssss before I finally had enuff.

I also agree with Sharlan. Thats the way it should be. No muss no fuss. They should be required to follow the rules like all the other dcp/dck. My gd wont nap, wont clean up, wont share, bullies the other kids etc. She throws huge screaming fits throwing herself around. She screams at nap, waking the other kids. At times I didnt even want to argue with her at nap so i told her to sit on the sofa and play quietly, she wont even do that. she clowns, cries, yells etc and stillll wakes up the other kids.

Sigh.

Ive accepted it is a relief for her to go eslewhere and Ill be happy to watch the younger one but Im now afraid to ever complain Im praying he wont be like his sister. I can only do so much when hes here but.....how they handle things at home is different.

To those of u who think there's issues with the adults...thats so far from true. My daughter and I are bff's and talk about everything, but like many parents, she was offended to hear her daughter was such a monster. Even tho she complains often!!!! I think it floored her to hear me say sooo much about my granddaughter because Im a quiet person who just handles it with no compaints but I can only be mary poppins for so long.

I have terminated many kids with same issues before the ink was even dry on their contract! But held on with my granddaughter as long as I could. I never would have termed her but I guess I expected my daughter to "do something" ....I never expected her to withdraw her.

She is to start preschool at the end of sept. Now Im afraid to even watch her til then. How am I gonna handle this? sigh. Im afraid to even say she did anything wrong. I dont know what to do. Ive tried time out when she throws her fits, bullies etc. She just screams and blows snot out of her nose onto my walls. If I put her upstairs in my bed,she snots all over my sheets etc.

This may be wrong but Im kinda feeling some resentment now. If gramma tells, my mom will be mad at her kinda thing. Im so lost now. She loves it here. She cries for me when shes at home. Even on weekends, she tells her parents she wants to go to meemaws house. When shes here and stays the night, she doesnt want to go home. But shes a monster the whole time. I have a 7 year old daughter. They fight 90% of the time she is here because she wants everything my daughter has in her hands etc. its just a big mess I do everything to accomodate her to make sure everything is fair. Now that ive calmed down, Im looking very forward to the end of september. haha! But Im not sure what to do about weekends etc.


Oh one more thing! Someone mentioned she will be back because preschool didnt work out etc. Ohhh I know. This has already happened! She went to preschool for a couple days a week and mom took her out because she didnt feel she was learning anything, gd cried everyday at drop off and she was always in trouble. for no reason. hmm. Imagine that.

Thanks for listening.
lost meemaw.

You have let this get way out of control. Your granddaughters behavior is the living breathing expression of how out of balance the relationships are. Just look at her and you can clearly see what the end result is.

Have you considered that your granddaughter wants to be at your house all the time because she is allowed to behave horribly there? You are thinking it is because of love and family but it may be because she has you pinned into allowing her to be horrible to you, your property, your time, and the other kids. Of course she loves it. As soon as you said no NOW there is a problem. That's not love and family. That is bad behavior.

Your daughter doesn't have the RIGHT to refuse your opinion. She's getting child care for pennies and she refuses to listen to your wishes and opinions? What? She's doing exactly what your granddaughter is doing. They are both being disrespectful and ungrateful. Why are you allowing that? It's up to YOU to insist on excellent behavior from both of them starting TODAY.

I completely agree with stopping care for the baby. Your daughter doesn't deserve to have a slot in your child care if she doesn't do her part and listen to your concerns and wishes.

You say you and your daughter are bff's. You can have a FULL mother and daughter relationship without caring for the grandkids at ANY time. You can visit them while they are in their parents care. Your daughter doesn't like your opinion and concerns... cool. She can take that behavior somewhere else and PAY for the privilege of being tod NO.

Don't take them back no matter what. Move on with your relationship as a Mom and grandma. The babysitter relationship doesn't work so stop doing it.

[Laurel]

It certainly does look like both mother and daughter are having tantrums.

Does your granddaughter act so horribly when you have her there alone or with her brother? I mean during 'grandmother' time when the daycare kiddies aren't there?

Just curious.

Laurel

[missy]

I feel for your situation, it must be terribly upsetting.
But....
As in nearly every relationship, whether it's mother-daughter, husband-wife, etc., the problem seems to be COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION! I know you said you are bff's but I think reeeeal communication about your grandkids was limited. You tried to be tough and keep it to yourself, I totally get that. But I think you kept it bottled up inside and then blew up about it. Your bad...but we ALL do it in ANY relationship. So I say just **** it up and be the stronger one and apologize for overreacting and work on actually effectively communicating to your daughter about her child. She values your opinion I am certain, you just need to bring it up maturely and rationally and not in the heat of the moment when you are likely to overreact! I would have done exactly what your daughter did if I thought my mom saw my child as a burden rather than her darling granddaughter.

Good luck to you, and I hope it all works out for the best for all of you:-)