I No Longer Watch My Grandkids :(

[Unregistered]

I need opinions here! Ive been watching my 4 year old granddaughter her whole life. I now have her 8 month old brother. My granddaughter is loud, mean and throws screaming fits if she doesnt get what she wants. Yes shes like this at home too. Well i had a bad day the other day and i sent my daughter a text telling her how i can hardly take it anymore and she needs to work with her. For instance, before mom came here to pick up, I warned my gd not to throw a fit when its time to clean up herrrr mess. Well she did as usual. Screaming crying convulsion like fits! So my daughter cleaned up her mess! I told my daughter she needs to "stop that"! Ive neverrr complained about every little detail of my gd because I know my daughter would get an attitude about it. My daughter never responded to my text and didnt even mention it at pick up. then when she got home, she sent me a text basically telling me she is putting my gd into a preschool but i can still watch the baby. Before this, she did enroll her for 2 days a week then after my text she enrolled her for 4 days. This preschool is charging her over 50$ a day. I watch my grandkids for pennies! So I told her she should seek alternate care for the baby as well. What if he does something wrong and i complain??? im not risking it. Im beside myself. I feel like its a slap in the face to pull my granddaughter out of here because I complained ONCE! I am sooo mad and sooo upset about this situation! My daughter and I are very close but my granddaughter is out of control! She is super smart! More advanced than any of my dc kids. She knows she's being bad! Shes a bully to the other kids, shes just mean How would u feel? Im so done! Ive had a hard time keeping this dc going but kept on it so my daughter wouldnt be without a sitter! Now the kids are gone..Im ready to close it all down!

[crazydaycarelady]

You complained about your granddaughter and your daughter found a solution. Personally, I think you took it a step too far when you told her to send the baby elsewhere also.

[canadiancare]

I am sorry you are feeling slighted and taken advantage of. If you can manage it maybe this is a perfect time to retire and enjoy your grandchildren in a more informal manner.

I hope to be able to help my kids out with care but I don't want to feel that I can't speak up.

[mom2many]

I have had several dcks over the years start coming to me after they'd been watched by their grandma. In one instance, the grandma actually approached me at the kids school asking if I could watch her grandson. She was tired of being the "babysitter" and wanted to be just "grandma" again.

Kids act differently with parents and it is too bad that she was acting so poorly for you too.

I am a new grandma and want to spend every single second that I can with my granddaughter, so I cannot imagine reaching this point. I would be devastated.

Hopefully with this change, you can establish a more positive relationship with your grand kids and relish and enjoy the fun aspects of being a grandma again!

[MyAngels]

You complained about your granddaughter and your daughter found a solution. Personally, I think you took it a step too far when you told her to send the baby elsewhere also.

Just from the info in your post, I agree with this. It sounds like your daughter is just trying to find a workable way to help you in this situation.

I watch my gdd as well and I know it can be tough sometimes to remember that, although you have a ton more experience with kids in general, your dd is her mother and at the end of the day you have to respect her decisions regarding her children.

[Unregistered]

I think it was good of you to tell her not to clean up the mess and that you fed up with her behavior. Sounds like the girl is needing more discipline at home and the Mom needs to know. I would have kept watching the 8 month old and if she gets offended by anything else stop watching him. Sorry you are going thru a hard time.

[cheerfuldom]

It sounds like your grand daughter would do better at preschool. There would be no relationship involved that may hinder her progress. Why not support your daughter's decision and see if this works? this should be about what is best for this child, not what does or does not hurt your feelings. I agree that it was low of you to refuse to care for your grand son. Your daughter is the mom, this is her decision. It didnt sound like you wanted to take care of your grand daughter anymore anyways so I dont understand why you are upset.

[LK5kids]

Sorry....loooooong post! But I have been through this to some degree too!

I quit a great job that i had worked at for 14 yrs and had enough raises that I could never get to that pay scale again for my granddaughter/daughter because I was so worried about the very sweet provider who cared for my granddaughter but took tons of kids and lots of them were infants and toddlers!

There were a few other reasons I quit too, but this put me over the edge!

My granddaughter had just turned two. This was in Dec. 2012. She was so horrible for me and I am no push over, wishy washy grandma! She would melt down, scratch me, kick and scream at the slightest provacation and also bang her head on the door and trash my bedroom during naptime, etc. by May my daughter knew my granddaughter was on probation and wouldn't be coming back in the fall if things didn't change.

My daughter is off summers(a teacher) and they would come to visit this summer during child care hours, there would be a melt down and out the door they woud have to go. It was to the point that I didn't think she could come back.

My granddaughter would say, "We get kicked out again?". My daughter is a firm and consistent disciplinarian, but she was 2 yrs od and maybe it's too hard to share your grandma with a group....I don't know! All I know it wasn't working.

We worked on it all summer and my granddaughter knew she wouldn't be able to come back if she didn't listen when here.

Well she started back two days this week & is doing awesome! I hope it stays this way.

I don't think you need to feel bad about your granddaughter going elsewhere! There is no reason for that kind of behavior and your daughter needs to back you up!

I know I can't and won't put up with it. You should not have to walk on pins and needles. You don't owe child care to your daughter. She should be thankful and bend over backwards to help with this situation.

I think the dynamics are tricky. It may be better for your relationship with your granddaughter if you you don't offer care for her. Spend outside time with her.

My daughter and granddaughter both know it will be bye bye if she takes a turn for the worse. She's only two, but knows the $h!+ has hit the fan in this situation and G Ma isn't putting up with it again!

Good luck.....take care of yourself. You really need to think of yourself and be able to enjoy your life. Life is too short to care wild, disrespectful grandkids!

[Blackcat31]

I agree with the fact that you asked your DD to find alternate care for your grandson.

If your DD is not willing to work with you in controlling your granddaughter's behavior, then I wouldn't be willing to be the care provider for either child.

I don't see it as mean, but view it as a parent who is turning a blind eye to the negative behaviors her child is having and not at all addressing the fact that her child is in need of some assistance.

Take the family ties out of this situation and I am pretty confident that most providers would have said no way would they continue to care for the baby when the parent is in denial about older child's behavior and is refusing to even acknowledge or discuss alternatives and/or methods of dealing with this.

I think it may just be time for the caregiver to go back to being just grandma and not the child care provider.

If you and your DD are as close as you say, I think a good sit down discussion about this may be in order.

[itlw8]

I also keep grandkids they do know school time is different from grandma time but they are a handful

If you only stayed open for them enjoy grandma time and find a different job you enjoy. sounds like the women in your family act before thinking. So just say I am sorry I blew up but maybe you are right . I would love to just be grandma and not childcare . I love you and your children.

[CedarCreek]

I also agree with you asking her to find alternate care for your grandson too.

Sometimes, its just not best to mix work and family.

[Crystal]

I agree with the fact that you asked your DD to find alternate care for your grandson.

If your DD is not willing to work with you in controlling your granddaughter's behavior, then I wouldn't be willing to be the care provider for either child.

I don't see it as mean, but view it as a parent who is turning a blind eye to the negative behaviors her child is having and not at all addressing the fact that her child is in need of some assistance.

Take the family ties out of this situation and I am pretty confident that most providers would have said no way would they continue to care for the baby when the parent is in denial about older child's behavior and is refusing to even acknowledge or discuss alternatives and/or methods of dealing with this. Yup, no doubt about it.

I think it may just be time for the caregiver to go back to being just grandma and not the child care provider.

If you and your DD are as close as you say, I think a good sit down discussion about this may be in order.

[nannyde]

Just take a break and run less kids for a while.

Your daughter will NOT give up near free daycare over your words. She will be back very soon with a story of how the new center or provider either abused or neglected her kids. That's the words she will need to get you back into caring for them. She may also throw in a story of how the kids cried for you or wouldn't eat, sleep, play without you. She may add that they cried when getting out of bed because they just want to go to grannies house.

SOME version of that will hit your ears here real soon. She will rope you back in and show you TONS of gratitude and give you lots of sweet words on how she didn't appreciate you like she should have.

Once she gets you locked back in it will take three days and you guys will carry on as if it never happened in the first place. Within two weeks you will be right back to how you feel today.

That's the free granny cycle. If you want out of it do NOT take the kids back. Just tell Mommy that you have confidence that she will find the perfect day care and you are very happy to know she now gets what you have done for her. It's time to be granny granny not daycare granny.

Now she may threaten to never let you see kids again if you don't do as she wishes. Just tell her that that is sad but she is mommy and she knows best.

Time to just be granny and time for a BIG time break of not caring for the kids. That means no evenings, weekends, or daycare. When the kids are with you Mommy is there to care for them.

[Unregistered]

I agree with the fact that you asked your DD to find alternate care for your grandson.

If your DD is not willing to work with you in controlling your granddaughter's behavior, then I wouldn't be willing to be the care provider for either child.

I don't see it as mean, but view it as a parent who is turning a blind eye to the negative behaviors her child is having and not at all addressing the fact that her child is in need of some assistance.

Take the family ties out of this situation and I am pretty confident that most providers would have said no way would they continue to care for the baby when the parent is in denial about older child's behavior and is refusing to even acknowledge or discuss alternatives and/or methods of dealing with this.

I think it may just be time for the caregiver to go back to being just grandma and not the child care provider.

If you and your DD are as close as you say, I think a good sit down discussion about this may be in order.

AMEN!

I agree with all of this. Enjoy your time with your DCK's without the grandbaby ruining things by her behavior and enjoy being a grandma to your grandbaby once in awhile but not every day anymore!

[sharlan]

I am the only provider my grandkids (5, 6, 7, 17) have ever been with. My 5 & 7 yo grandkids' other grandparents do watch them one day a week though. That just started this past year

Family dynamics or not, I would not tolerate that behavior. My grandkids have the same rules as everyone else, or they're out the door. My daughters either follow the program or they find other daycare. I may provide free daycare, but I am not a doormat to be take advantage of or disrespected in my home.

IMHO, you and your daughter need a break. If you don't have enough kids, shut down the daycare and get a "real" job. (That was a joke.)