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Summer started off with my whiner SA kid complaining about my daughter and another SAer who are being "mean" to her. The girls are all friends, live near eachother and go to the same school. If you remember he said she felt peer pressured to do things she didn't want to do. He indicated in a passive aggressive way about peer pressure and bullies and girls being 'catty' etc without actually coming out and calling my child and the other child that directly. Totally rubbed me the wrong way. This child is the princess at home. She whines and gets what she wants. Not used to not getting her own way and if a playmate doesn't do what she wants she cries to Daddy. My daughter hates going to her house as a playdate for this reason. She prefers her to come here cause I don't put up with that. So.....
My solution was to tell the kids that they were not to ask her directly to do things. This way she was not "forced" to do anything. To word it like "Hey lets go ride bikes!" and whomever goes, goes. Then I had a talk with the SA child about using her voice and if she doesn't tell the kids what she wants or tell me what she wants then we don't know and she can't really complain if she goes ahead and does things and everyone thinks it is what she wants to do.
That lasted about a week and then, after a day of swimming in the pool, she comes in and cries and says MY daughter is forcing her to swim and she didn't want to. So....my daughter forced her to put on a swim suit, walk outside, drug her by her heel over the ladder into the pool and demanded she smile and laugh and have fun or else? I even took pics of her laughing that day in the pool. I was mad. Told her to remove her swimsuit and she was done swimming. That the choices she makes are hers alone and she is not going to blame others. An hour later she is back in the swimsuit and running out after the kids. I openly stopped her and said "You understand YOU are making this choice and you will not blame anyone else for the choice you make?!" and she said yes. I get a talking to from dad the next day. Yes I did. Child whines. I tell him the reality.
So move to yesterday........SA child is quiet all day. She brought a blanket and stuffy from home (she is 8 BTW) and sits on the porch wrapped in the blanket, holding the stuffy and not playing. She says she is tired and cold. Ok. Well it is VBS week for her and late nights. I check on her several times she says the same thing. Finally after a bit she gets up and goes and plays. Sometimes it is with the girls and sometimes it was with a SA boy I have here. Fine. She would play with the boy and then find the girls later. And the day cycled like that. Nothing to report. Fairly quiet. I mention to dad about her being tired and what occurred just so he knew and concurred it was the late nights etc. As dad and I are talking the SA girls and this child are on the front lawn doing cart wheels and laughing. She gets in the car with the window down and yells bye and laughing. Asks for a hug from them, etc. Goes down the road yelling 'Bye" and laughing out the window. Now let me point out, this family lives in my development. It is a small 1/4 mile circle. I watch them go till I can't see them anymore as she is yelling bye and we go back inside. He drives around the circle and back into my drive. About a min. Comes marching up.....
His daughter is in tears. Says the girls were mean to her today. That they wouldn't talk to her and left her out of things! It IS after all "my daughter" he says and he is upset that she is crying. I point out that I find it really odd she was just laughing and smiling and now she is CRYING? Wow. Fast don't ya think? Ya well she is clearly upset. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to see her upset. And the girls need to include her in and stop. That she doesn't say anything here cause she is ' to scared to'. Scared of what??! I think it is more an attention thing and she doesn't say anything to ME cause there is nothing to say. She knows I don't put up with this stuff. Afraid my tush! If she is afraid to voice her needs or tell me that she is upset, then she should look for a place where she isn't afraid!
Ok....so you itch that they force her to do things and now you are itching cause they are 'excluding' her. I explained the rules and told him that if she feels left out it is of her own making.This is the dad who told me I should tell the kids not to go in the pool if she didn't want to go in cause he didn't want her to feel left out. Not happening! I am not going to tell the kids that they must spend the day doing what this child wants! She doesn't want to do what everyone else is doing...fine. Do something else. But I am not going to tell all the children to cater to just her! I am sorry. I understand this child has the princess syndrome but that isn't done here.
The other SA kids are now complaining about her to me. All she says is "I don't want to do that' and they are telling me they are tired of hearing it. So walk away. You don't have to listen to that. You ask her to do something, she says she doesn't want to, so find something/someone else to do things with. How long do they have to put up with that and keep asking? Well her dad says he doesn't want her excluded out. How do I work THAT one? I mean really!
This child has placed a complaint against every single SA child here at some point in time or another. Every single one. AND against my 20 yr old son who she says was mean to her when they were playing hide and seek one day (meanwhile she was laughing and squealing and having a blast) I mean, doesn't dad kinda see a pattern here? No one else has issues. No one else complains. Just this child.
I want to tell her she is shadowing me tomorrow when she comes. That, since I cannot hear and see everything, then she will have to be near me so I can make sure everything is 'ok'. Yes. More a form of punishment and I know she will go home and whine to dad about it too. But seriously, if I cannot see and you feel there is an issue then you will have to be where I can see. My littles dont ride bikes or swim in the pool. So.......... But I know that will come back to bite me in the butt cause she will certainly voice her displeasure to dad.
Yes....before its mentioned....I would love to term. Yes it has come to mind. I do not feel this child is allowing herself to fit in and making the divide greater by her own actions and that of her father. I am tired of dad coming and talking for her. Like yesterday...why did you not bring her out of the car? Instead you come up and talk for her. Again. I mean come on! She won't do it cause she knows I will not be as compliant as daddy. She even asked him not to come back and say something. Hum. Wonder why
BUT....I do not term at this time because it is a friend and these girls have to go to school together. Terming won't make this go away completely. It only changes the times it happens here. So I am looking for suggestions on what to do at this point. How to handle it. Or should I leave it as it is and move on and let the SA child work it out? I am concerned that if he comes on my door step one more time, I might not be so professional. This isn't just about my business. This is about my daughter. I don't tell you that your daughter is a whine bag. But you have no issue coming and placing complaints about my daughter (excluding the other kids here) and saying she is catty and a bully in so many words. Its getting old. Its getting annoying and I am trying to be the better person. One can only be pushed so far though.
Ideas?
My solution was to tell the kids that they were not to ask her directly to do things. This way she was not "forced" to do anything. To word it like "Hey lets go ride bikes!" and whomever goes, goes. Then I had a talk with the SA child about using her voice and if she doesn't tell the kids what she wants or tell me what she wants then we don't know and she can't really complain if she goes ahead and does things and everyone thinks it is what she wants to do.
That lasted about a week and then, after a day of swimming in the pool, she comes in and cries and says MY daughter is forcing her to swim and she didn't want to. So....my daughter forced her to put on a swim suit, walk outside, drug her by her heel over the ladder into the pool and demanded she smile and laugh and have fun or else? I even took pics of her laughing that day in the pool. I was mad. Told her to remove her swimsuit and she was done swimming. That the choices she makes are hers alone and she is not going to blame others. An hour later she is back in the swimsuit and running out after the kids. I openly stopped her and said "You understand YOU are making this choice and you will not blame anyone else for the choice you make?!" and she said yes. I get a talking to from dad the next day. Yes I did. Child whines. I tell him the reality.
So move to yesterday........SA child is quiet all day. She brought a blanket and stuffy from home (she is 8 BTW) and sits on the porch wrapped in the blanket, holding the stuffy and not playing. She says she is tired and cold. Ok. Well it is VBS week for her and late nights. I check on her several times she says the same thing. Finally after a bit she gets up and goes and plays. Sometimes it is with the girls and sometimes it was with a SA boy I have here. Fine. She would play with the boy and then find the girls later. And the day cycled like that. Nothing to report. Fairly quiet. I mention to dad about her being tired and what occurred just so he knew and concurred it was the late nights etc. As dad and I are talking the SA girls and this child are on the front lawn doing cart wheels and laughing. She gets in the car with the window down and yells bye and laughing. Asks for a hug from them, etc. Goes down the road yelling 'Bye" and laughing out the window. Now let me point out, this family lives in my development. It is a small 1/4 mile circle. I watch them go till I can't see them anymore as she is yelling bye and we go back inside. He drives around the circle and back into my drive. About a min. Comes marching up.....
His daughter is in tears. Says the girls were mean to her today. That they wouldn't talk to her and left her out of things! It IS after all "my daughter" he says and he is upset that she is crying. I point out that I find it really odd she was just laughing and smiling and now she is CRYING? Wow. Fast don't ya think? Ya well she is clearly upset. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to see her upset. And the girls need to include her in and stop. That she doesn't say anything here cause she is ' to scared to'. Scared of what??! I think it is more an attention thing and she doesn't say anything to ME cause there is nothing to say. She knows I don't put up with this stuff. Afraid my tush! If she is afraid to voice her needs or tell me that she is upset, then she should look for a place where she isn't afraid!
Ok....so you itch that they force her to do things and now you are itching cause they are 'excluding' her. I explained the rules and told him that if she feels left out it is of her own making.This is the dad who told me I should tell the kids not to go in the pool if she didn't want to go in cause he didn't want her to feel left out. Not happening! I am not going to tell the kids that they must spend the day doing what this child wants! She doesn't want to do what everyone else is doing...fine. Do something else. But I am not going to tell all the children to cater to just her! I am sorry. I understand this child has the princess syndrome but that isn't done here.
The other SA kids are now complaining about her to me. All she says is "I don't want to do that' and they are telling me they are tired of hearing it. So walk away. You don't have to listen to that. You ask her to do something, she says she doesn't want to, so find something/someone else to do things with. How long do they have to put up with that and keep asking? Well her dad says he doesn't want her excluded out. How do I work THAT one? I mean really!
This child has placed a complaint against every single SA child here at some point in time or another. Every single one. AND against my 20 yr old son who she says was mean to her when they were playing hide and seek one day (meanwhile she was laughing and squealing and having a blast) I mean, doesn't dad kinda see a pattern here? No one else has issues. No one else complains. Just this child.
I want to tell her she is shadowing me tomorrow when she comes. That, since I cannot hear and see everything, then she will have to be near me so I can make sure everything is 'ok'. Yes. More a form of punishment and I know she will go home and whine to dad about it too. But seriously, if I cannot see and you feel there is an issue then you will have to be where I can see. My littles dont ride bikes or swim in the pool. So.......... But I know that will come back to bite me in the butt cause she will certainly voice her displeasure to dad.
Yes....before its mentioned....I would love to term. Yes it has come to mind. I do not feel this child is allowing herself to fit in and making the divide greater by her own actions and that of her father. I am tired of dad coming and talking for her. Like yesterday...why did you not bring her out of the car? Instead you come up and talk for her. Again. I mean come on! She won't do it cause she knows I will not be as compliant as daddy. She even asked him not to come back and say something. Hum. Wonder why
BUT....I do not term at this time because it is a friend and these girls have to go to school together. Terming won't make this go away completely. It only changes the times it happens here. So I am looking for suggestions on what to do at this point. How to handle it. Or should I leave it as it is and move on and let the SA child work it out? I am concerned that if he comes on my door step one more time, I might not be so professional. This isn't just about my business. This is about my daughter. I don't tell you that your daughter is a whine bag. But you have no issue coming and placing complaints about my daughter (excluding the other kids here) and saying she is catty and a bully in so many words. Its getting old. Its getting annoying and I am trying to be the better person. One can only be pushed so far though. Ideas?
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) There were also issues with the parents taking her word for everything without ever addressing the issues. The straw that broke the camels back was when she told my younger daughter that she wished I was dead - all because I couldn't legally allow them to play in the woods behind my house. 
Absolutely! It is absurd to let this go on any longer. How stressful for you and how stressful for those little girls.
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