Almost 5 Yr Old Not Potty Trained Still!

[providerandmomof4]

I had a similar dcb. I don't think his parents were trying at home. Just putting him in pullups and then wanting me to tackle the issue. I finally had enough because neither him or his brother (age 3) were potty trained and having at least three accidents a piece each day. I sent home a letter requiring them both to be in pull ups daily and that I would still regularly take them to potty but will no longer let them wear undies until they can have at least three days with dry pullups and no poop accidents. It was mentally and physically exhausting. The older boy would pee his pants 20 mins after a potty break. The poop accidents were just a big ol mess that I was no longer going to deal with...for my sanity and for hygienic issues. I had them for another 4 months with no progress. They ended up moving out of town a few months ago and I wonder if they are still trying to halfheartedly potty train them.....

[BABYLUVER21]

I WOULD tell Mom he will remain in pull-ups at your house. If she wants him in undies, she needs to do that on her own time. It is not your responsibility to train a 5 year old. I certainly wouldn't be cleaning up that mess day in and day out. Put it on Mom. I wouldn't be surprised if he is pull-ups at home, for her convenience and she expects YOU to deal with it.

This child MUST be evaluated by a medical professional. This is NOT normal and I suspect there is either an underlying medical issue OR Mom is being really lax with him.

I would tell her he has to have a medical eval before he can return.

I agree with Crystal on telling the mom to do a medical evaluation.

Side note: I had a 5yo dcb that was not PT. I tried my best. Even his 2yo SISTER was PT.

Let's say the things he did during my trying to get him PT was HORRIBLE! One day this FIVE year old who HAD to have known this was NOT ok, smeared poop everywhere while in the bathroom! It was even in his HAIR. Now, I did not usually follow the kids in bathroom. If they were doing #2 I'd ask if they needed help. He said "No" and I started smelling poop which tipped me off something was wrong. I had a permission slip to spank children from their parents (I wouldn't do the same things now, this was years and years ago) and while I never had to use this before, I definitely used it that day and spanked him, stuffed him in the shower fully clothed and made HIM clean HIMSELF and the floor (I just bleached it all up after but he realized this was NOT ok). He thought this was FUNNY until HE had to clean it up. This kid, nothing was wrong with him. Mom babied him and did not want him to PT for whatever reason, though she was MUCH harsher on the 2yo and made the 2yo very independent. With her son, she even clothed him and put his shoes on and jacket while the 2yo had to do it by herself! I told mom either she PT him over a weekend or he had to go. I could NOT have that crap (literally) happen again! Disgusting and I never took a child again that didn't have some sort of medical documentation of why he wasn't PT after 3 yo.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have never herd of this. Either he is being lazy or has a medical problem. Either way i would term since DCM doesn't seem to be worried. No one wants to be picking up on a 5 year old to change him. I'm still in shock that DCM doesn't think there is something wrong with this. What is she going to do when he goes to school in a couple of weeks.

Schools around here will allow children to attend in diapers or pull-ups. However, when they potty in them the child is sent to the nurse and the parent has to come change them.

[crazydaycarelady]

I would never put up with that! That kid would be cleaning himself up and the floor as well!

If he does not have a medical issue then there is a H~U~G~E parenting problem!

[Unregistered]

From the Parents Perspective

I would talk to the parents first. Find out what they are doing at home verses what you are doing at school. If this was my child, he would have been already taken to the doctor. Just be prepared to be fired if you say he has to be in pullups. Some kids have to learn in cloth pants period. Might do him some good to run around naked get used to being dry and then apply the pants. (worked on mine had a similar issue, got him used to dry then added the clothes now he hates wet.)

My issue is I have a kid I feel I can say safely potty trained at home in underwear but at school he refuses to poop on the potty and they have put him back in diapers and given up. They If they put him in cloth he would get the hint faster, since they refuse based on claims they can't which I do not believe) He regressed at school and is now going to the toilet but not quite getting his pants and diaper off to do it. I am in the process of waiting to get him back into his old school because part of the problem is the program anyhow the all or nothing approach. The only way he gets it is cloth that loosely fits. Which the new school will allow in training pant style. I think if the parents are willing to clean up the cloth cooperate or loose a job. Mind you mine has never pooped on the potty wearing a diaper. When he does it he is completely dressed in underwear alone, naked, absolutely no diapers. He likes his privacy too.

So the basic message is if you refuse to work with the parents and terminate them, they may turn around and terminate you as well for your antics. That is what I am doing with mine as soon as his school opens up a new spot for him.

[LysesKids]

I WOULD tell Mom he will remain in pull-ups at your house. If she wants him in undies, she needs to do that on her own time. It is not your responsibility to train a 5 year old. I certainly wouldn't be cleaning up that mess day in and day out. Put it on Mom. I wouldn't be surprised if he is pull-ups at home, for her convenience and she expects YOU to deal with it.

This child MUST be evaluated by a medical professional. This is NOT normal and I suspect there is either an underlying medical issue OR Mom is being really lax with him.



I would tell her he has to have a medical eval before he can return.

... my step son was abused and had issues which I understood, but even in a special kindergarten class they required pull ups.

[daycarediva]

I would talk to the parents first. Find out what they are doing at home verses what you are doing at school. If this was my child, he would have been already taken to the doctor. Just be prepared to be fired if you say he has to be in pullups. Some kids have to learn in cloth pants period. Might do him some good to run around naked get used to being dry and then apply the pants. (worked on mine had a similar issue, got him used to dry then added the clothes now he hates wet.)

My issue is I have a kid I feel I can say safely potty trained at home in underwear but at school he refuses to poop on the potty and they have put him back in diapers and given up. They If they put him in cloth he would get the hint faster, since they refuse based on claims they can't which I do not believe) He regressed at school and is now going to the toilet but not quite getting his pants and diaper off to do it. I am in the process of waiting to get him back into his old school because part of the problem is the program anyhow the all or nothing approach. The only way he gets it is cloth that loosely fits. Which the new school will allow in training pant style. I think if the parents are willing to clean up the cloth cooperate or loose a job. Mind you mine has never pooped on the potty wearing a diaper. When he does it he is completely dressed in underwear alone, naked, absolutely no diapers. He likes his privacy too.

So the basic message is if you refuse to work with the parents and terminate them, they may turn around and terminate you as well for your antics. That is what I am doing with mine as soon as his school opens up a new spot for him.

This is an old thread.

The child OP was writing about was 5 years old. I have NEVER had a child not trained at that age without a serious developmental disability. Your child wouldn't even be admitted to my program if he wasn't fully trained at that age.

It is not my job to clean up urine/feces from walls, floors, and seating areas because a non trained child comes without proper protection. It IS a safety and sanitary issue for every other child in group care.

IMHO- if a child is trained, they are trained regardless of what they are wearing.

[Unregistered]

I would talk to the parents first. Find out what they are doing at home verses what you are doing at school. If this was my child, he would have been already taken to the doctor. Just be prepared to be fired if you say he has to be in pullups. Some kids have to learn in cloth pants period.

No, no, no, nope.

Might do him some good to run around naked get used to being dry and then apply the pants. (worked on mine had a similar issue, got him used to dry then added the clothes now he hates wet.)

In school/daycare? Are you kidding me???!!

My issue is I have a kid I feel I can say safely potty trained at home in underwear but at school he refuses to poop on the potty and they have put him back in diapers and given up. They If they put him in cloth he would get the hint faster, since they refuse based on claims they can't which I do not believe) He regressed at school and is now going to the toilet but not quite getting his pants and diaper off to do it. I am in the process of waiting to get him back into his old school because part of the problem is the program anyhow the all or nothing approach. The only way he gets it is cloth that loosely fits. Which the new school will allow in training pant style. I think if the parents are willing to clean up the cloth cooperate or loose a job. Mind you mine has never pooped on the potty wearing a diaper. When he does it he is completely dressed in underwear alone, naked, absolutely no diapers. He likes his privacy too.

So the basic message is if you refuse to work with the parents and terminate them, they may turn around and terminate you as well for your antics. That is what I am doing with mine as soon as his school opens up a new spot for him.

Wow.

The majority of people on this website are Childcare Center or In-Home providers who own their own business. Just like any business, they have rules and regulations to follow, which means YOU as the parent need to be aware of what those rules are and follow them as well.

Some rules and regulations are state mandated and some are owner created. When signing their contract, you are agreeing to all these policies.
You are paying for a service. You can choose to stop using that service, just like you can with swimming lessons, karate, gymnastics, etc. But to suggest that this provider will get "fired" for not bending to the parents wishes is ludicrous.

YOU are not their employer. YOU are their customer. Yes, communication is important when it comes to a healthy working relationship. But as an in-home or center customer, you are essentially buying a particular service not an a-la-carte service. You don't get to change the terms of the service to fit your wishes.

IMHO, how you approach potty training at home really has no bearing on what can and should happen at daycare.
Most providers require a pull up to protect the environment. Even most cloth training UNDERWEAR (not diapers) won't protect the environment from frequent accidents.

So bottom line, if it's important to you to find a provider whose SERVICE includes no pull ups, then that's YOUR responsibility to look for that type of service. It's not the provider who needs to change their policies or "be fired".

[nannyde]

I would talk to the parents first. Find out what they are doing at home verses what you are doing at school. If this was my child, he would have been already taken to the doctor. Just be prepared to be fired if you say he has to be in pullups. Some kids have to learn in cloth pants period. Might do him some good to run around naked get used to being dry and then apply the pants. (worked on mine had a similar issue, got him used to dry then added the clothes now he hates wet.)

My issue is I have a kid I feel I can say safely potty trained at home in underwear but at school he refuses to poop on the potty and they have put him back in diapers and given up. They If they put him in cloth he would get the hint faster, since they refuse based on claims they can't which I do not believe) He regressed at school and is now going to the toilet but not quite getting his pants and diaper off to do it. I am in the process of waiting to get him back into his old school because part of the problem is the program anyhow the all or nothing approach. The only way he gets it is cloth that loosely fits. Which the new school will allow in training pant style. I think if the parents are willing to clean up the cloth cooperate or loose a job. Mind you mine has never pooped on the potty wearing a diaper. When he does it he is completely dressed in underwear alone, naked, absolutely no diapers. He likes his privacy too.

So the basic message is if you refuse to work with the parents and terminate them, they may turn around and terminate you as well for your antics. That is what I am doing with mine as soon as his school opens up a new spot for him.

Terminate for my antics?

Oh Lawdy.

You can come up with any special special combination of the potty training stars aligning that work for your snowflake to get him to go on the potty. It doesn't matter to us what works best or what you think works.

Here's what works...

Two weeks accident free before child is in underwear and he must say he has to go potty BEFORE he has to go. If he has any "accidents" the two weeks start over... he goes back in diapers.

You have nothing to say about what my policy is other than you pay for the slot or you don't. As long as you give me my contracted notice and pay up my accrued vacation before you move on to browner pastures... I don't give a flip of what your kid needs to be successful.

At my house we do what protects my belongings and time. Your kid is just one kid who came along with a mon who had her own plan for what went on his bottom before he was trained.

Nuttin new there.

Next..... and believe me NEXT will have the same boundaries and rules.

[Unregistered]

Sexually abused

I am VERY surprised nobody has brought up the fact that this boy could very well be being sexually abused!
I know this is very old but I hope anyone who reads this thread has that in their minds. Many children who have accidents a lot, or aren't potty trained by an older age do so because they are being touched and can't tell their parents, so they regress. I am sorry but a few replies were simply rude and NOBODY seemed to even think about this! I would be more inclined to call cps than just kick him out of class!

[Former Teacher]

I am VERY surprised nobody has brought up the fact that this boy could very well be being sexually abused!
I know this is very old but I hope anyone who reads this thread has that in their minds. Many children who have accidents a lot, or aren't potty trained by an older age do so because they are being touched and can't tell their parents, so they regress. I am sorry but a few replies were simply rude and NOBODY seemed to even think about this! I would be more inclined to call cps than just kick him out of class!

This is why several of the responses say that they require a MEDICAL diagnoses

And you're right. This is an old thread. That little boy is a teenager now.